#lxstdiirection

[rped over discord between me and @infiniitefrequency's Agent Matilda Honey.]

"Matilda?" Sterling rarely called her by her first name, but they were both off the clock, after all. He felt it was time. This would likely be one of the most intimate weeks between them. He didn't think there was anyone else he would be sharing this with for a while.

Who else even was there to tell?

He adjusted the angle of his laptop so he was more in frame on the webcam and sighed when everything was all set up. "It doesn't look like there's anything I can do about them having been showing the footage. They said they'd cease and desist but the damage has already been done. I start watching the footage tomorrow."

Cup of tea in hand, Matilda was curled up in an oversized desk chair, shelves of books behind in her little corner. He looked tired already.

She took a sip as he spoke, eyebrows scrunching up in anger on his behalf, "I mean- aside from compelling a sorceror supreme to erase their memories … but ethically yeah, i see what you mean."

"How do you feel about that?"

Sterling had never seen Matilda's place but the scene behind her wasn't surprising in the least. It made him smile, actually. She was her genuine self in all she did and all she displayed.

"Ethically." Sterling nodded, a slight roll of his eyes. He scratched his nose with his thumb and sighed again. "They said when they acquired the footage I was a level 3. They weren't legally obligated to tell me because I didn't have a high enough clearance. The responsibility of telling me as I climbed the ranks... fell through the cracks. Level 3... They've had in this entire time, Honey. When I was struggling to remember what happened to me, when they made me write a report on it... they knew every detail." He looked up, not entirely believing the situation but at the same time... compartmentalization of intel.

"I feel fucking pissed off." Sterling kept his cool but a small crack etched itself in his armor at the admission. He truly was as exhausted as he looked. "At SHIELD, of course, but also at myself for understanding the reason behind it."

"Legally obligated-" she sniffed as if the words offended her, "Sometimes the government is just so ... the government." she took a sip of her tea, before shaking her head.

"Understanding and agreeing are two very different things. I understand why some people go on big old rampages, but doesn't mean I'd do it. It's hard. It's all just hard Sterling."

"The government needs to be so the government to function." Sterling said, as if reciting it from a manual. "I don't agree with a good many things SHIELD does but I understand why they do it. I have to. If I don't then I spiral like it's 2014 again. I get this, I just don't like it. I had a right to know. Maybe not see it, but to know they had it."

He reached off screen and took a sip of dark liquid from what looked like a whiskey glass.

"Thankfully it's just the AI departments, learning about androids gone rogue, and no other departments viewing it. The spread could have been far worse if they deemed the footage vital to other programs."

She wanted to argue with him, but that was for herself, it wasn't helping him, so she just shrugged non commitally.

Matilda leaned back in her chair, looking up at the ceiling a minute, before back at him, "Yeah … but that means there's other videos there too." she didn't want to have to say it, but she was a girl about facts, and the fact was- "If they have your footage, how many other agents or civilians have been victims that SHIELD rescued and procured footage to use as training?"

"I can only fight one battle at a time, Matilda. When this is done, I'll go back to fight more but for now… I gotta take this loss and move on. I'm sure they have multitudes of forbidden information we couldn't even dream of." His jaw tightened suddenly. "That… all got leaked in 2014… Fuck." He took long drink from his alcohol glass. "I need to make a few calls."

She hadn't thought of that. Matilda was one of the few who didn't really have secrets tied up in SHIELD. All her secrets were long ago back in California. But she understood the breach of privacy, and trust. He was burying it well, but she worried when he'd let it back out.

"Okay," she waved a hand, and a notepad floated into it casually, "So how soon after you get back will you be wanting to let out the emotions. I'm thinking rage room. I know I know shooting range or your little Inigo Montoya sword fighting, but I think you need to use a baseball bat and smash some computers."

"I think… I might take a vacation with my family." It was almost unheard of for Sterling to actually take a vacation. He took ONE for their honeymoon YEARS after they'd actually gotten married, but never with his daughter since she'd been born. "It's no secret I've been… stressed. It's been taking a toll on them too."

It was only natural to assume this didn't just stay at work. And home stress piled on top hadn't been treating him well.

"Rage rooms are great though. I took Chen for New Years once." Yes, nothing said clean slate like smashing things.

She raised her eyebrows, "You? Stressed? Unheard of."

She gave him a lopsided smile as she nodded, "I think a vacation is just what the doctor ordered. You should go all out. they say little kids don't remember stuff, but they're your memories too. Go big."

"Oh, I know. I'm the picture of calm. People don't realize how agitated I can get with how well I carry it." He emphasized those last words, Honey being privy to his pet peeve about them. He took another sip of his drink and placed it off screen once more. "I just hate the idea of leaving you again so soon after getting to the new office. You're doing great, by the way. Thank you so much for covering for me. I always know I can trust you to carry the whole department when I step away."

"Yeah yeah, you're a champagne tower just ready to collapse under the weight of it all." she tried to keep it light, she knew tomorrow would be bad, so at least tonight try and be whimsical.

"Hey. I have a specific set of skills, and it's office administration, and wrangling misfits. I think I almost have some of the newbies respect."

"THAT is more accurate." Sterling chuckled, trailing off as he rubbed his face with his hands. "I should let you go. I've got a bit more work to do before I can get to bed. I'll touch base with you again tomorrow night. Thanks for looking after me through this. You're a true friend."

She gave him a nod, before leaning in slightly to the camera, “Don’t overdo it. Stay hydrated, eat something simple for breakfast in case it makes you ill, and take breaks. Take. Breaks.”

"Or breaks will take me." Sterling was happy to have someone looking after him. Usually he was the mom friend taking care of everyone else. He was glad he decided to trust Honey with this. She was going to see him at a pretty vulnerable point. He hoped she was ready for that.

“S.T.A.K.E.” He read it out loud, making a face.

“They are running out of shit that starts with S. SHIELD, SWORD, SPEAR. What other department acronyms do they have?”

Oh, you sweet summer child.

Curious, Clay stepped forward to try and pass through the door but found himself not only unable to enter but overcome with a searing pain that caused him to flicker out of existence for a moment and stumble away from the door.

“FUCK -EVERY- DUCK, OW! Goddamn Winchester. JESUS! Bullshit...”

The door rattled on its hinges as he kicked at it twice in frustration.

@lxstdiirection @agentphilcollins​ @agecfmiracles​ @specialagentace​ @agentshepard​ @eye-spied​

“Alright, look alive, people.” 

It was how Sterling usually started the IA meetings and not much had changed since he took over as head of department. Well, a lot had changed. More than the team even knew. Sterling took a moment to look down at the file in his hand and scratch his forehead with his thumbnail before continuing. He’d been stretched pretty thin since November of last year. He blamed himself for a lot of what had gone wrong with the Abstractionss case but he was doing his best to keep morale up in the department. 

“Quick update on Agent Germaine Shepherd’s condition. We think we are nearing an end to that particular chapter and hoping he will be back at work soon. Everyone be sure to give him a warm welcome upon his return. If anyone would like to chip in on the welcome back gift, that would be appreciated. Antique teapots aren’t cheap.”

“Physicals and psych evaluations are coming up and I expect every single one of you to be in attendance, on time, and completed without a fuss. Everyone here should know the importance of mental health and fortitude and if this job is weighing on you in an unhealthy way we need to know so we can take action to keep everyone healthy and safe. The same goes for me as well and I am a big supporter of these evaluations. I wish they happened more often, to be honest. If I hear one of you has skipped either evaluation you will be suspended without pay and you will not be allowed to work again until that evaluation is completed. There will be no leniency on this matter.” 

"I'd like to apologize in advance for the construction that will be happening around the office end of next month. They will be updating our security measures to include..." Sterling furrowed his brow at the file in his hand, flipping to the next page then flipping back. "Ghosts and supernatural entities. Salt in the doors. Lead lining. Silver doorknobs. The whole shebang." He tucked the file under his arm and continued a bit more confidently. "The S.T.A.K.E. department is moving their HQ from New Jersey and this base will now serve as host. Agent Morgan has requested certain departments get authorization for the changes to further protect our facilities from unseen and unknown threats. Naturally we are one of the first to get approval as most Intel is passed through here at some point. That and I did the paperwork for it two weeks ago for early approval. There’s also room in the budget for each of you to receive one piece of inconspicuous silver jewelry, either a watch, a ring, or a bracelet, to test for shifters and other beings weakened or harmed by silver. If you already have one and would prefer not to add more, that’s fine. As someone who was once framed for assault by a shifter, I highly recommend." Sterling held up his hand to show his silver wedding ring. 

“Last announcement, I will be taking off the entire month of December this year and possibly the next two following months for personal leave. Normally Agent Honey would be my natural replacement but since the leave of absence is... extensive we will be looking into the best possible long term replacement. Whether that will be Agent Honey or if Administration feels the need to step in and suggest a higher level agent take the reins, perhaps someone from another department or base, is yet to be decided. Either way, I assure you, you will be in good hands. I will also be taking next Tuesday off for a doctor's appointment. Agent Honey will be covering for me then. You can also reach me by cell phone for emergencies but I assure you she can handle anything you will need. She is more than capable.”

Honey had become a closely trusted ally and friend in these last year since they started at this base. He trusted her to run things while he was away. He trusted her with the news of his child, and he trusted her with his life. He and Agent Honey had been through a lot together. More than most people would think just by looking at the two of them, mild mannered desk agents that they were.

As Matilda came in for her shift she found her desk covered in confetti, a BIRTHDAY GIRL sash laid on the back of her chair, a balloon tied to her monitor, and a few small gifts stacked in front of her keyboard. 

Most of them were books, of course. 2 were on Intelligence Analysis and one was a children’s book because he knew she loved those. It was a pop up book called The Museum of Unnatural History. He’d had it as a child and he’d always found it quite charming. He wasn’t sure if that was the kind of children’s book she liked but he had a feeling she really just liked them all regardless. The other, non book gift, was a funko pop figure of Jane Austen holding a copy of Pride and Prejudice. 

‘I thought these books might come in handy when you’re running the place in my stead. Thanks for always having my back. You are an amazing friend and I hope you have a wonderful birthday. - E’

In the break room was a cake that was, CLEARLY, for her. 

Sterling had asked Pen over when Chen was out at work rebuilding the home using the old hydra warehouse. He visited often on his days off as sort of therapy, seeing the place where he was tortured slowly gutted and turned into something beautiful and pure, but today he wanted the place to himself. Today he wanted to tell Pen what he had been dealing with. 

“Thanks for coming but... I gotta come clean. I didn’t invite you over to teach me to bake scones. Though, in reality it is a nice bonus. I... have something to tell you.” 

With everything that Sterling had been dealing with lately it honestly could have been anything. He’d been wrestling with Abstractionss, reeling over Josh’s betrayal, Germaine was out of commission, exposure therapy was hitting harder lately, and all of no doubt was taking a visible toll on Sterling he was sure Pen had noticed. 

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"August 20th, 2012." He said without a moment's hesitation, even throwing in the day. The date was burned so deep into his mind he actually rubbed his forehead as if recalling the memory lit the fires anew.

"I believe it was Agents Coulson, Morgan, Ellis, and Winchester... I think that's all. The actual memory of it is a little fuzzy but I've read the report so many times I should be sure by now.

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