#lustarion

What do I even say here? I mean, the obvious thing is that it’s genuinely gotten so hard to believe that we’ve been together for so long.

I fell for star from the second I saw him back in 2023. I think I’ve said that before. I’d harbored feelings for him for so, so long, though they mostly came in waves, but reached a constant peak in autumn of 2024, and I finally decided to bite the bullet and play the game in December. Before that, as my feelings developed, I knew I wanted to put him on my f/o list, but felt wayyyy too guilty to do it without playing the game first. I had already been losing my mind over him nightly, staying up late watching clips of his scenes, imagining myself with him, all sorts of silly things, and now… we’re here. Hell, this date isn’t even when I officially put him on the list, or even when I first mentioned him while he was a crush, or a secret f/o. This is the date I first played the game and met him. That was when I had already known I wanted him near me, and when I fell for him even deeper than I already had. It’s still so surreal to me that I’ve been so dedicated for this long. And, again, I have to thank you all for being so supportive when he shifted to being one of my mains. 

I wish I could say he did a lot for my life, though. I wish I could say he was more than just my partner, but maybe that’s all he needs to be. I don’t know. Saku did a lot for me by being the final push I needed to start auditioning for theater productions again, and helped improve my social life by doing so. Star’s just my love.

If I can be a bit melancholic for a moment, I wish he did as much for me as he does for other people. Every day, I hear stories of how he helped a girl realize her partner was abusive, or helped someone reckon with their own sexual trauma, give them confidence to come out, to open up about their own issues. For me, he’s just… someone I love. There are times where I feel like that’s bad, somehow. Like I’m not supposed to have access to him because he hasn’t provided anything for me other than comfort. And maybe I’m allowed to have that, but I shouldn’t be his partner, I’m entirely undeserving. 

But—and I sound like a broken record now—I don’t know. In just one short year, we've done so much. I’ve made new friends through him, created probably more than I ever have, and got way, way more annoying about vampires. And I’m very happy that it all happened. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to Star, and thanks to all of you for your support and friendship throughout all of this. Love you.

As for stuff about the art, I'd feel awful if I didn't disclose that I did use a base for the pose, it's by albanenechi. I needed this done pretty quick and don't trust myself with anatomy, so this was a lifesaver...<3

Event info

Taglist: @sarahs-malewives @romijuli @starrys-shipss @may-be-a-selfshipper @mrs-goemio @purpldawne @nulli-bug

Divider credit: Flowers lines

Also I was agonizing over a bg for too long not to include the ones I liked the most

The camp was rowdy for the first time in a while. Wyll had managed to engage Karlach in a sweeping dance, twirling her around as she laughed, while Lae’zel bit back a scowl. Minthara tended to her own matters as Halsin chuckled at the sight, refusing Wyll’s offer to join again and again as he made sure Scratch and the owlbear cub had gotten their food, while Jaehira sat idly by with a glass of wine, playfully heckling the performance. The radiance of the group cut through the deafening cries of the crickets and the dwindling chatter of the village of Rivington, the warm light of the city slowly dimming beyond their camp, leaving the light of the fire to illuminate the scene, alongside a few individual torches casting the scene in a warm, comforting glow— a stark contrast from the Shadow-Cursed Lands they had left behind mere days before, a symbol of their victory.

Though there were trials along the way—and still more to come—the fact that the camp had managed to find joy throughout all of this was astounding. And yet still, the joy radiating from the group was palpable, warmth and goodwill flowing through them as the night carried on.

Lucienne, however, lingered away from it all, sitting quietly at the edge of her tent, her brow furrowed, as she took another sip of wine. It had been a difficult day, to say the least, and she could use the solitude. Confronted with her past and the uncertain future, there was little else to do in her mind but drink the night away, pretending it might’ve all been a bad dream. Even so, the rest of the group found bliss among it all.

How lucky for them, she lamented, her fingers grasping to squeeze the cushion beneath her, the fabric taut under her grip.

She tilted the cup to take another drink, only for nothing to reach her tongue. Gods. It must be time to refill.

Ignoring the fuzziness in her head, Lucienne stood, crossing the camp to refill her goblet, though her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her partner’s voice.

“Nornyea nem thia arya,” he spoke, his voice softer than usual.

As Lucienne glanced over, she found Astarion approaching to sit beside Shadowheart in one of the small barns lent to them. From the looks of it, they seemed to be having a serious talk, Shadowheart’s attention rapt as he spoke.

“Galen a naka e yulda,” she replied, averting eye contact as she held back a mischievous smile.

Perhaps not? Lucienne lingered at the keg as the glass filled, listening keenly for any bit of Elvish she might have understood, if only she had been listening when her partner muttered to himself under his breath.

“Tulîdô, sanomë nessa an keth morë an ci,” Astarion ribbed, forcing Shadowheart into a fit of giggles.

Lucienne sighed, glancing up at the stars as she tried to concentrate on the words being said.

“Kwí sanomë eñaru,” Shadowheart resigned. “Kináîdô nem valin, yado, ubsan bhaalspawn-ma…” She sniggered, her head tilting slightly towards Lucienne.

Lucienne shot up at the loan word. That couldn't be, could it?

Astarion followed her gaze to where his partner filled her cup, his eyes wide. Had she really been…?

With her cup adequately filled with wine, Lucienne began to return to her private corner of the camp, only to find Astarion's eyes on her. She stiffened, averting her gaze as she shuffled back to her area, taking a small sip of the wine as Shadowheart’s voice faded into the distance.

Astarion’s brow furrowed as she retreated, clearly ashamed of herself. What had he done wrong? What could she have overheard? The conversation was entirely innocent, and yet…

“Astarion?” Shadowheart’s voice interrupted his train of thought, returning him back to Rivington’s soil.

“Hm? Sorry, I was, er, miles away. What was that?” He asked, glancing back to Shadowheart.

“You’ve seemed happier lately, given the circumstances. Are you sure our resident bhaalspawn doesn’t have something to do with it?” She teased, a smirk gracing her lips as another playful giggle threatened to spill.

“Nonsense, darling,” he bluffed, turning his nose up at the notion.

“Well, maybe a little,” he conceded, a small grin forming on his lips.

“Idô, gys sa salen,” he motioned at his now-empty glass. “Nin cólolante min tuldes nyata.”

Shadowheart nodded dismissively, a grateful smile gracing her lips as Astarion slinked away.

~~~

The night wore on, leaving Lucienne to stew in her thoughts.

They were talking about me, weren’t they? What were they saying? I must have misjudged Star again, of course he’d talk about me behind my back like that, the bastard…

She groaned as she took a hearty swig of the wine, hoping to the gods that she had misinterpreted something—that she was wrong—but she knew what she saw. Her close friend and her partner both talking about her, and laughing.

It hurt to think about, but it wasn’t unexpected. For every truth Astarion had told about himself and his feelings for her, another little white lie slipped through the cracks. Now that they had been together for so long, Lucienne thought she’d figured out how to spot them. The tilt of the head, the faux sultry look. The way he’d falter when she teased him back, before countering with something so painfully saccharine.

So why in the realms would he gossip about her like this? To Shadowheart, of all people?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a hiccup, the aftertaste of cheap alcohol returning to her breath. Shit.

Lucienne set the cup down, taking a stuffed toy into her arms, squeezing it forcefully as angry tears brimmed at her eyes. Maybe Sclertias was right. She should’ve killed him when she got the chance. There was no way he was being honest with her, even through all of the talks, the touch, the sex-

“Lu, darling? Are you alright?”

Lucienne shot up, snapping out of her spiral.

“Hm? Oh. Hello, Star,” she greeted, doing all she could to appear casual as she sat up, sliding over to accommodate him. “What happened to talking with the others?”

“It looks like they’re turning in for the night. We should likely do the same. After all, our work is far from over,” he explained, adjusting to sit properly beside her, resting his weight against the pole of her tent as he eyed her stiff behavior.

“…right.”

Lucienne leaned back, resting her weight on the heels of her hands as her eyes drifted to the sky once more. It was nice to see stars again, she thought, gazing at the twinkling points of light piercing through the indigo grey, a stark contrast to the endless void they’d left behind.

Still, the thought wouldn’t leave her be. It couldn’t be that he was still trying to manipulate her, could it? After all this time, he still thought she was naive and shortsighted? Lucienne’s brow furrowed, failing to be distracted by the view.

“Is that star giving you trouble, dear?” Astarion asked, invading on her brooding. “I’d be happy to strike it down if needed, you know,” he teased, casually resting his head on her shoulder. “Let me be the only star in your life and all.”

“Do you hate me?” Lucienne blurted, shattering the moment. Astarion shot up, his eyebrows raised in shock.

“I beg your pardon?” He asked, an offended squeak making its way into his tone. “Do you hate me?” She repeated, never daring to look at him as hot tears prodded at the edges of her vision, a painful lump forming in her throat.

“When you were talking with Shadowheart in Elvish, I- I heard ‘Bhaalspawn,’ and she was laughing. Were you- oh, gods, were you making fun of me?”

Astarion hesitated, pursing his lips, his shoulders tense as anxious tears began to stream down Lucienne’s face.

“I won’t be mad if you are-” she continued, losing control as a thread of words unraveled itself, “Just- just tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll- hic- I’ll leave, you don’t have to hide it in Elv-”

“Darling, if I really wanted to insult you, I’d tell you pukta nornye and be done with it all,” he interrupted, unable to bear more of her drunken ramblings.

Astarion sighed, moving to lie down halfway inside of her tent, his head resting on her bedroll as he motioned for Lucienne to join him. She silently agreed, hesitantly crawling up to lie against him, her head resting on his chest. His skin was cold, almost more so than usual, yet it offered relief from the heat rising to her cheeks as her emotions broke free.

“Now listen, Lu, my love,” he murmured, his hand coming up to run through her hair, “nothing was said against you, alright? I don’t hate you. I can’t see why I would. If I did, your pretty little heart wouldn’t be beating, now would it?” He punctuated the sentiment with a scratch to her scalp.

“Or I wouldn’t be alive, I suppose, considering your prowess,” he continued. “Regardless, if I hated you, trust me, you’d know. You’d be hearing filliken or matnya hacca every other moment. But I never said that back there, and especially not about you.”

Astarion pressed a light kiss to her forehead, earning a soft sigh from Lucienne as the tears began to cease.

“Now isn’t the time for this, my love. You need some rest. You look awful.”

“I thought you said you didn’t hate me,” Lucienne teased weakly, her voice hoarse.

“And because I don’t hate you, I’m going to be honest with you. You look exhausted,” he returned, ruffling her hair slightly.

Lucienne groaned playfully, only to reluctantly settle into his hold, her body melting into his as fatigue consumed her body. Her weight grew heavy on Astarion’s torso, grounding him to the earth beneath him, and to the one he never thought he’d come to love so dearly.

“There we are. Good night, nín avae’ess,” he murmured, pressing a final kiss into her hair. “Yerin tye.”