#lupusfidelis

I feel it welling up inside and Robert Smith lied

Boys do cry and with blood tears in my eyes 

I’m an Anne Rice Novel come to life. 

I can’t hide the monster anymore 

The vampire queen stirred in her sleep, her dreams giving her no peace. There was a man whose face she could never see. It was always him though, always the same person. Some nights the dreams were simple, sunlit picnics, walks through the woods, whispered words in front of a warm fire. Others were more carnal, fingers ghosting over flushed skin, lips hovering over twitching muscles, tongues darting bravely between mouths. 

One can only feel desolate for so long 

Until one starts to change 

Into something the mirror doesn’t recognize

I metamorphose 

There were other dreams though, ones that plagued the woman relentlessly. The man and she were happy, they had children; a raven haired boy and a golden haired girl. They were happy. That dream always ended in screaming and blood, right before she would bolt into uneasy consciousness. Her skin would be covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Upon inspection she would find she had been crying in her sleep. It was too much some days, causing her to postpone court; or cancel it all together. 

The darkness has been biding it’s time

To claim it’s latest victim

Fresh meat for carnal desire.

To become, what I became: I viewed the sun for the last time

There was yet another dream, one she could easily identify as a memory. This of a different man, whose fingers were not warm and gentle, they were cold and uncaring. These fingers would rip her clothes from her body and pin her to the forest floor, and no matter how she struggled and fought he would not budge. He would take her, over and over again; until she lost track of the hours and minutes. When his rutting hips ceased their damnable movements, he did much worse. Teeth sunk into pale neck flesh, rending muscle from tendon. Crimson would flow out to meet him and eagerly he would lap the vital liquid. On the verge of death he mocked her letting only the smallest amount of his blood drop into her mouth; it was enough to damn her for eternity. 

Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?

Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim’s blood?

So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips, crimson and red

My heart is dead and so are you.

Now she, not he who had violated her; was ruler. She had taken the crown, that was her birthright, from him. Just as he had taken her life from her, she had relieved him of his. Now the only unresolved part of her life was who she had been. With his last breath her sire confessed to taking her memories from her. Is that what those dreams were? Memories trying ti resurface? It mattered not. 

And it pulses through, the desire to change

The desire to deconstruct all of my past failings

But where to begin, because when you live in sin it’s hard to look at saints

Without them reflecting your jet black aura back at you

Court was promisingly slow that day. Most of her people were well behaved, wishing to live out their eternities in solitude. There was an occasional youngling who required scolding, though that was a normal enough occurrence. The throne she sat upon had been constructed for her coronation. Black wrought iron twisted in vines to surround deep red velvet cushioning. It was not comfortable, and that was the point; no ruler should ever sit comfortably.

And all I have is hope, my inner burn’s not fading

I’ll wipe the blood from my chin and get on with my day.

And all I have is hope and all I need is time.

To bury in pine under six feet of time; the lies I told me about myself.

Marie was just about to call court to close when a new case was brought before her. The guards brought a person bound in chains before her, their head hung low. Her eyebrow quirked in in a silent question; her adviser shrugged. With a roll of her eyes she dismissed the guards. “And what,” she started circling the men. “Brings you before me today?”

Claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails

I won’t lose hope, I won’t give in.

Just live and breathe try not to die again

Geri sighed.  He realized now that he had been quite unkind in his assumptions of the vampire.  He didn’t quite know how to remedy this but he would have to do his best if he wanted to sleep well tonight.  ”Please understand lady Marie.  I am ignorant of your people.  I assumed things that may not have been true.  Do not take my thoughts to heart.”  He phrased it as eloquently as he could put it.  He would not apologize for thinking though.  That was just something he could not do.

It’s my muse’s wedding day —— to the wrong person. Your muse tries to stop it.