#lumien

Lumien, daughter of shadow

Lumien's reference has been revealed, sparse as it may be.

"I heard that there was an incident during training today."

His father's inquiry caught Lumien off-guard at the dinner table. He stopped half-way through cutting a piece from his steak and looked up.

"A-ah, yes, in a way," he admittedly meekly. "It was a misunderstanding, however."

"You came to the barracks all muddy and Valencian punched someone due to a misunderstanding?" Malanieux interjected, raising an eyebrow.

Lumien turned his attention back to his plate, unable to face the questioning looks from his brother, father or mother. "Y-yes. He... he didn't really mean it - Valencian, I mean, or Grigoric..."

He wanted to find some explanation or excuse to dissuade his family from continuing the conversation, but words failed him, and he ended up trailing off. He could feel his dread rising along with the embarrassment.

His mother sighed.

"That boy is too brash for his own good... Maybe I need to have a word with my sister," she said before pouring herself another glass of water. "At this rate, what talent your cousin Valencian may have will be offset by his attitude, perhaps amongst other things."

Lumien's knife let out a nasty sound as it scraped against his plate by accident.

How can you say that? He is only trying to stand up for others and himself. And he is talented. Much more talented than I am.

The protest burned on his tongue, but he swallowed it nevertheless.

"He is not that bad. He is just... a bit impulsive, at times. A-and I went to apologize to Grigoric afterwards," he said instead. "And... and the rest of the training went well. We even had some... some visitors from the Fane who held a small lecture about the Elementals."

Lumien hoped that the change in topic would lead to a more pleasant dinner conversation - or, if that wasn't possible, have the discussion fade out altogether.

"Was Eloiniel one of them?" Malanieux asked rather neutrally.

The faint smile Lumien gave him ended up being quite short-lived. Malanieux simply nodded in return, but his parents' dubiousness was too evident to ignore.

"It's good that they promote cooperation between the novice conjurers and the guild, but..." Though his mother didn't finish her sentence, Lumien could fill the holes by reading the look on her face.

"Lumien, I know that Eloiniel is your friend," his father began, "and has been formally accepted as a conjurer trainee. Still, you have to consider that she is a Dusk--"

Another screech of metal against ceramic.

Don't. She is my friend, and she is doing her best and trying to be accepted. You are a protector of this forest; how can you be so callous towards some of its inhabitants?

"Please don't," was all Lumien managed to vocalize of his thoughts. His voice, however, was surprisingly sharp.

Silence fell onto the dining room, and for a moment, nobody seemed to move. Then everyone except Lumien slowly continued their meals in what felt like awkwardly quiet mood. He stared at his plate for a bit longer and then excused himself, withdrawing into his room.

They never spoke of the dinner incident again, but remembering it still makes Lumien feel an odd tinge of emotion which is both unnatural and a bit unsettling to him: anger.

(You said ‘all’, so here you go - long post ahead!)

“As much as I hate some things, losing them completely could be dangerous if it lead to careless or complacency, like uncertainty or old memories. I’m not sure if there’s anything I’d want to get rid of.”

“...actually, scrap that. If I could seal away any single thing, I’d do that to Ifrit. Or the primals in general. They deserve to be sent to the seventh hell and never be seen again.”

“Is emptiness a feeling? If so, I would seal away that. Sometimes it feels as if my feelings had already been sealed away in part, and I would do almost anything to break free of that uncertain numbness.”

“One thing which I would never see, feel or use again...? I think I would choose my worries... ah, no, my anxiety. Losing all concern could make me unkind and that would be awful, but... I wish my heart wouldn’t get gripped by such dread so often.”

“I would seal away my magic. I don’t think that it can ultimately be used for anything good.”

“Hm, I’m not sure if there is anything in my personal life which I would like to seal away - and more general-level concepts like poverty or greed are complex and rooted in many things, which would probably mean that they can’t be eradicated without further actions.”

“I suppose I wish I could seal away my family’s expectations of carrying the less savoury parts of their legacy, but I have more or less accepted my role. I will do my best not to pass it onto the next generations - and will likely succeed, as I have no intention of having children of my own.”

“Sayin’ ‘all the fishbacks’ wouldn’t probably be allowed, aye? I don’t care fer ‘em, but I guess could do with their slimy scaly god-primal, too. Ain’t a lot of La Nosceans who wouldn’t wish fer that, I reckon.”

“Saying ‘nah’ would probably be more in line with my personality, but you know what? I wouldn’t mind if I could seal away my memories of Cartenau. If I needed to remember that I was there, others could just say “oh, G’ilas, you were there too!” and then I could go “oh, I guess I really was!...”

“... and I could do without the pain.”

“Give me a way to seal away betrayal, and I’d do almost anything. Seeing your own parents give you up for some bloody stupid heretic crap? I don’t need that, and I especially don’t need to remember how it felt.”

“I don’t know. Tears? Frustration? No: even though I wish people’s actions and words wouldn’t get under my skin so often, both of those have their time and place. I feel like everything - or at least more or less everything - in my life has been there for a reason, even though all of it has hardly been pleasant. That’s why I don’t think I would wish to seal anything away.”

“I would seal away my headaches, which distract me and prevent me from doing my duties. I am aware that they might be a warning sign and something which should be heeded...”

I decided to answer this for several characters because I got inspired: the answers aren’t very NSFW, but I hid them behind a readmore just in case due to the topic (and because I ended up getting long-winded).

From a mostly OOC/player point of view, Lumien having a poor proprioception and therefore being clumsy has been a kind of “what were you even thinking” headcanon.

I’ve had a lot of second thoughts about it, and nowadays it has been at least somewhat faded out: he is still clumsy, particularly when he is nervous or unsure (ergo quite often...), but he is also able to avoid mistakes and incidents if he can focus. This is partly due to not wanting his clumsiness to take too much attention (or prevent him for succeeding in anything he does) and partly because of feedback I’ve received.

For a mixture of IC / OOC “what were you even thinking”, I headcanon that Lumien eventually couldn’t bear the shame or embarrassment of living up to what others wanted of him and ran away, taking an airship to Ul’dah and not letting anyone know where he went. 

The thing is, I’m not sure how many commoners have access to airships nowadays, as headcanons seem to vary. His parents might have an airship pass and his Cartenau veteran brother Malanieux definitely has one, but I’m not sure if Lumien would have one and how easily he could get one. Oops. Hopefully he didn’t have to steal the pass.