#ltai

Strap yourselves in lads, this is gonna be a long one. So, you want to be an alloaro ally, but you don't know how to start or what to avoid. Lets talk about it.

This post is going to be split up into two sections. Allyship for Alloromantic Allosexuals (Alloallo's) and Allyship for Fellow Aspecs (Aroaces, Alloaces, Non-Sam Aces, etc). This is also going to be a relatively long post so just keep that in mind. Anyway, lets get started.

Allyship For Alloallo's

So, you're someone who isn't a part of the aspec community looking to be an alloaro ally? Epic, lets get you started on the right track! Being an alloaro ally is pretty easy once you break things down, so here are some base level tips for you to consider.

Acknowledge Our Terminology

Yes, we do have terminology that should be used more often when refering to us. Its common for people to use "Non-Asexual Aromantic" when refering only to alloaros, and while that term is more inclusive of other identities such as Non-Sam aro's, its important to be mindful of when you are using it. If you are refering to Non-Sam, Neu, and Alloaros, the term is fine. If you are refering to Alloaros specifically, its better to use Allosexual Aromantic.

Include Us In General Pride

The aspec community is part of the LGBT community, no matter what some people may think. What this means, is that you need to include us in general pride activism. Simply having the asexual flag on a pride post and not an aromantic flag is not enough. It would be even better if you mentioned alloaro's in general pride post. We are here, and we are a part of the community, so if you are going to advocate for pride you need to advocate for us.

Combat Alloarophobia

Alloaro's are not predatory. Alloaro's are not players. We aren't out to manipulate people into having sex with us, and the idea that sexual attraction devoid of romantic attraction is somehow impure or wrong is extremely alloarophobic. Fight back against any sort of suggestions that alloaros are immoral or dirty or harmful to other LGBT members for their sexual attraction.

Listen To Alloaro Voices

If an alloaro calls you out on something thats made them uncomfortable, don't bite back like its an attack. Listen to us, and work with us on the issue. You might have meant well, but caused a simple misunderstanding, in which case this will be a learning experience. Just because we voice our opinions on representation and issues in our community, doesn't mean we are directly attacking you over something.

Allyship For Fellow Aspecs

So, you're part of the aspec community but not alloaro? Maybe you're Asexual, Alloace specifically? Or Aroace? No matter what you identify as, the next few sections are a good basis for you to start on your track to proper alloaro allyship. Alright, lets get started shall we?

Recognize Aspec Community Attitudes

Lets get the big one out of the way first. If you are going to be an alloaro ally you need to acknowledge the fact that a predominantly sex negative attitude in the aspec community is harmful to us. It should never be assumed that any aspec identity is going to relate to sex negativity or sex repulsion. Its extremely alienating when this attitude is the norm in our community. The best way to address this is to stop ignoring it like it doesn't exist. A good way to do that, is the next suggestion.

Tag Sex Negative Language

Just like how sex mentions are tagged so that sex negative and sex repulsed aspecs can filter them out, sex negative language should also be tagged. Imagine for a second that you're in the shoes of an alloaro. Seeing post after post about how sex is "gross" or bad can really start to make you feel like your attraction is invalid in your own community. Being able to filter out those kinds of discussions would greatly benifit alloaros who don't need to be constantly told that what they feel is somehow wrong or filthy.

Combat Predatory Claims

Just like with above, posts claiming that alloaro's are predatory or that anyone who feels sexual attraction is predatory are extremely harmful. Whenever you get the chance, combat those attitudes. If you see a post talking about how allosexuals are predatory or esspecially about how having alloaros in aspec spaces might be "uncomfortable" for aces or other aspecs, speak out against it immediately.

Include Us In Your Activitism

This seems obvious right? Well, unfortunately despite this being pretty straightforward, its not very common. Lets make this clear. If you are going to make a post about aromantic activism, you need to include alloaros. If you are going to make a post about aspec activism, you need to include alloaros. This doesn't just mean mentioning us either. It is not enough to have a mention of alloaros delivered by lets say, an aroace. You need to actively include us in your planning and leadership if you plan on advocating for us. End of story.

Acknowledge The Differences In Our Issues

If you are going to make a post about aromantic erasure in the community, make note of the differences between aroace and alloaro erasure. There are BIG differences between the two and its far to common to see other aspecs assume that general aromantic erasure is representative of all aromantic identities. If you are unsure of the differences, you can find out by ->

Meeting Us Halfway

Separate conversations Same energy

The company as a whole, for whatever positivity and greater good they give, is not an OK place to be

It sucks a whole lot

This is the wrestling world I grew up in and to see it be so tone-deaf and detrimental to the greater good is so disheartening

My daddy who raised me on wrestling would not like this, I know it

But a small, gross, desperate, part of me continues to hope for a change and better world for professional wrestling on a big scale

This is the first post of a series I hope to bring out from the results of the Alloaro Community Survey I posted. After reading all the entries individually, I've created a line of up posts that will come out every few days to touch on some of the topics I pulled from the results! I hope you enjoy, no romo losers 😎🍍💚

Part One: Alloaro's In Aspec Spaces

I think we should start this off with a quick clarification of the word Aspec for those who do not know. Aspec stands for both the Ascespec and Arospec communities. Its an umbrella term, for discussing both communities who themselves are seperate. With that clarified, the data I got from the survey was both shocking and not. One of the only complaints alloaro's had about the Aspec community was its imbalance in representation. So, let's talk about it.

One of the most well known and outspoken parts of the Aspec community is that of Asexuals and Acespecs. I will admit, before I came out as aromantic, I had no clue aromantic people existed and thought the extent of it was Asexual. The majority voice in the community is on the acespectrum and it shows in the balance of media and resources. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with Asexual Representation. In fact, I am extremely proud of how far this community has come. However, there is a heavy imbalance we need to address.

I want you to think for a moment, through the eyes of a questioning aromantic. You know for certain you are not asexual, but you've always struggled with the idea of romance and romantic attraction so, based off a tip from a friend you look towards the aspec community for help. What you see, does not reaffirm your worries and doubts. Most of the content is asexual, or aroace, and you cannot seem to identify with half the experiences people are talking about. Discouraged, you walk away, still struggling inside.

Do you see where the problem is now? For a community made supposedly for the benefit of both spectrums, there is s massive lean towards one experience and one voice, asexuality. Either through aces or aroaces. This needs to be addressed, and here is how:

Create Spaces For Discussion

Many alloaro's feel as if they can't discuss their allosexuality within their own community, and that needs to be addressed. By creating spaces for alloaro's to discuss topics relating to sexual attraction as well as for questioning alloaro's to find resources, we can boost voices within the community.

Promote Alloaro Voices

There are plenty of accounts out there that touch on topics for alloaro's, but very few are ever featured in aspec community events or broadcasted out to the broader community. By raising awareness for these accounts and boosting them, we kill two birds with one stone. Alloaro representation in the aspec community, and the prominence for aces and aroaces to be the ones speaking on alloaro issues.

Include Alloaro's In Everyday Activism

And I mean truely include. Not just a single sentence or footnote at the bottom of your post, but at least some form of dedication to us thats equal to the effort put into ace activism. No, "You are valid" is not enough either. The sentiment is appreciated but we should not have to be told we are valid. We should feel validated in the community, which currently, we do not.

Its a common misconception that when it comes to alloaro's and seeking representation and community, we can simply go into allo spaces outside of the aspec community. This is not true, because outside of the aspec community and even in LGBTQ+ spaces the idea of sex without romantic attraction is highly stigmatized. Lets talk about it.

Allosexuality, am I right? It can be a key part of an alloaro's identity, or it can be a little background detail. No matter how an alloaro chooses to prioritize their attraction, it is highly important to remember that Allosexuality framed by Aromanticism is vastly different then Allosexuality and Alloromanticism. Due to this, having spaces for alloaro discussion is extremely important, esspecially for those who are questioning.

Unfortunately, there aren't many spaces for alloaro's in the aspec community to discuss their experiences and idenities. Which, paired with an unspoken caution around mentions of sex, makes it fairly difficult for alloaro's to express their identities at full. A solution to this problem would simply be to create alloaro spaces and shift the attitude of the community to allow for more informed discussions about sex and Allosexuality. However, there are a few arguments that get brought up on this topic that I'd like to discuss.

Allo Spaces Outside The Aspec Community

"If alloaro's need space to discuss allosexuality, why don't they look outside the aspec community?" Well, there a few reason for that. For one, outside of the community alloaro's are demonized for their lack of romantic attraction. Alloaro's are labeled as players and predators, and are often considered shallow for their lack of romantic attraction.

Another reason being the romantic coding of sexual actions. If you have sex with someone after a night out, or off the back of a consensual hook up, its almost expected that you carry on some sort of further interest in a relationship afterwards. When that doesn't happen, alloaro's are made to feel bad for using another person, or for "missed opportunities".

This also applies in a way to what I call the "Tindr/Grindr" argument. The idea that FWB and sex culture is representation for alloaro's. While some alloaro's may seek casual sex, the idea that society in any way praises us for it is absurd. There may be praise for sex and sexual attraction in society, but the moment you remove the possibility of romantic involvement that praise turns to scorn for being heartless and shallow.

Arophobia In LGBT Spaces

LGBT spaces in general are the next place alloaro's get suggested, however they are more often then not highly critical of aromanticism. A large part of culture in those spaces is "Love is Love" which itself is perfectly fine. Though, the fixation on love and romantic attraction isolates aromantics from these spaces.

Add in sexual attraction to the mix, and the isolation becomes antagonism. Alloaro's get labeled predatory in LGBT spaces for their lack of romantic attraction, and in some cases they aren't even considered as an LGBT identity (Which is a problem with the aspec community as a whole and gatekeeping, another topic for another day).

WHAT’S THIS?!? A new #ltai episode?!?!

That’s right, buds and bros. Your girls DK & Dani are recording a new show...all about this damn #covid19 situation. We’ve each got booze, we’ve each got electronics, and I think you can clearly see we’ve each got our own aesthetic. Coming soon to a platform near you: two semi-drunk chicks rant and rave and advise on things they -may- not have official authority ok but surprisingly have a lot of common-sense on.