#lovedhimsomuch

I am saying good-bye. 

Good-bye to late night fights. The tears. The lies. Rolling over and hiding the screen. Waking up exhausted. Bad dreams. 

Good-bye to waiting all morning. Waiting to hear from you. Waiting to see what mood you will be in. Waiting to see whose fault it will be that the world is against you today. 

Good-bye to the waiting. and waiting. and waiting. And the fights about waiting. The fights about fights. 

Good-bye to everything being on your terms. Everything. 

Good-bye to being shut out when I have too much to say. Or anything to say. Or how about I just shut the fuck up?

Good-bye to the guilt, the confusion, the shame. The mistake I almost made.

Good-bye to the gas-lighting. The name calling. The stonewalling. The deflecting. The avoiding. The yelling. 

Good-bye to confiding in you just to have you use it against me. Just to kick me when I am down. Just to block me out so I am gone.

Good-bye to chasing you. Texting you. Calling you. Blocking, unblocking, and re-blocking you. 

Good-bye to plans never made. The pain I may have saved. The mistakes not fully engaged.

Good-bye to the tears I have cried. The confusion and not understanding why. 

Good-bye to whoever I thought I knew. Apparently he wasn’t you. 

Good-bye to the love I felt. The thoughts I had. The illusion I made.