#lovebones

No wonder, she was so successfully involved in the intuitive enhancement of the universal translator, whatever that was exactly.

Hope and Uhura had tried to explain it to him several times, and he could certainly appreciate its usefulness, especially when encountering new species whose language might not even be based on actual words. But he just didn’t see how it could work.

They’d compared it to him knowing what was wrong with his patients before they even said a word, just by observing them, reading their faces, their body language, and so on. And when he’d pointed out that he’d had years of experience to get there, Uhura had immediately refuted that by reminding him how many aliens he’d already helped, even though he hadn’t had the first idea about them.

That, admittedly, was true. He’d surprised himself more than once in that regard. But at the end of the day, the universal translator was still a machine. And in his book, that just didn’t go together with intuition or empathy.

Cobbler, stick to your last, he thought contemplatively, and safely leave the universal translator and its further development to the experts.

********************

Towards the end of Alpha shift, there was a lull in the constant stream of people coming to sickbay for more or less urgent medical attention, and McCoy, Chapel and Hope sat around the doctor’s desk, nibbling on some delicious biscuits a grateful patient had left them earlier.

“How can you be so happy all the time?” Chapel wanted to know, looking enquiringly at Hope. “You are so balanced and well-adjusted. And so full of energy. I’m jealous! What’s your secret?”

Hope laughed and took a moment to think about it, while McCoy gazed at her with interest, often having wondered the same thing.

“I do a lot of yoga,” she finally explained.  “A little every day. Breathing exercises, too. But basically, I think, it’s a matter of attitude. I want to be happy, so I am!”

“Just like that, huh? So easy,” Chapel scoffed, clearly not satisfied with Hope’s explanation.

“Well, what else can I say, Christine?” Hope chuckled, shrugging helplessly at McCoy. “I try to appreciate the good things in life. There are plenty, at least in mine, and they clearly outweigh the less pleasant ones. Besides, dwelling on the bad stuff helps no one. Least of all me. I don’t want anything to spoil the happiness in my life.”

“But don’t you ever get annoyed or upset or anything?” Christine questioned.

“Of course, I do!” Hope laughed. “I’m not a saint! But I try to deal with it as quickly as possible and then just let it go. I believe in the law of attraction. You attract what you send out into the universe. If you expect bad things to happen, they eventually will. So, I endeavour to keep my thinking positive, and it usually works. It’s all about good vibrations!”

Nurse Chapel seemed impressed, and even though McCoy was not really inclined towards the esoteric or supernatural, he respected Hope’s belief and even gave it some thought. The way she explained it didn’t lack a certain logic. But real or not, it certainly seemed to work for her, and that was all that really mattered.

********************

That evening, long after his shift had officially ended and there was still no end of dealing with all the bureaucratic stuff in sight, McCoy had developed an annoying headache. He was rubbing his temples and just about to take a painkiller out of his desk drawer, when Hope stopped him.

“Don’t! There’s no need for drugs, Doctor! I can help you with a tension headache.”

“You can?” McCoy spun around, surprised that she was still there. “How? Are you going to kiss it better?” he asked wryly, immediately regretting his cheek when he saw her blush furiously.

But then again, he rather liked the way she blushed over silly little comments like this. It was adorable, how she couldn’t help it, even though she knew he was just teasing her.

“Not quite what I had in mind, Doctor, but I can always give it a try, if you’d prefer that method,” she quipped, smiling sweetly at him.

“You spend too much time with Spock,” McCoy grumbled. “You already sound just like him.”

But secretly, he was impressed. She was learning to give as good as she got. He liked that. Just as he liked her sense of humour in general. She was great fun to be with. She was great – full stop.

But before he could get carried away by the image of this lovely girl kissing away his headache, he put on a more serious face again and asked her what she’d really had in mind. His headache had almost vanished already, simply by her soothing presence, but the physician in him was curious as to what she was suggesting instead of ‘drugs’, as she’d called it.

“Lean back, close your eyes and relax,” she ordered.

Now it was his turn to glance at her warily, which she acknowledged with a satisfied grin.

“No kissing, Doctor, I promise,” she giggled, a warm and cheerful sound that delighted McCoy every time he heard it.

Then, thinking that the no-kissing promise was almost a shame, he leaned back in his chair and relaxed.

Hope stood behind him and touched gentle hands to his temples, cool fingers massaging in circular motion. And even though he’d already been feeling much better before, he could now feel all the tension ebbing away. He relaxed completely into her tender touch and felt invigorating energy flooding him. It was an immensely pleasant feeling, as if all her kindness and positivity was pouring into him, relieving him of any pain he might have been feeling. The sensation was so strong that, for a fleeting moment, he was afraid he was somehow draining her.

An involuntary sigh of contentment and wellbeing escaped him as he opened his eyes again. And when Hope took away her hands, smiling enquiringly at him, he was relieved to see that she was her usual energetic self and didn’t seem drained at all.

“Unbelievable,” he blinked, shaking his head in amazement, “It’s completely gone! That’s amazing! Where did you learn that?”

“It’s …” she hesitated slightly, a faint shadow crossing her face, gone again so quickly that he might have imagined it, “just something a friend taught me. I’m glad it worked.”

“You can work your magic on me again anytime, my dear!” McCoy smiled at her gratefully, hoping that she would, since he had enjoyed the connection very much.

“If your headaches are a regular thing, maybe you should go to the gym to loosen up more often?” Hope suggested.

“You might have a point there, young lady,” the doctor conceded. “With all that’s been going on in sickbay lately, I haven’t made much time for exercise.”

“I’m headed to the gym right now! Why not come with me? Otherwise you’ll just put it off again,” she smiled at him encouragingly.

How could I resist such a charming invitation? he thought, revelling in a feeling of lightheartedness brought on by her beaming smile, then nodded, turned off his computer, and followed her out of sickbay.

********************

A few minutes later, McCoy joined her in the gym, where she was already doing some yoga exercises with a group of people. As always, she looked gorgeous in her gym suit, and with the touch of her gentle fingers still fresh in his mind, it took the doctor some effort to keep his thoughts on the straight and narrow.

His own not entirely platonic feelings, however, were completely forgotten the moment he overheard two young lieutenants from the biochemical lab shamelessly discuss Hope’s hot outfit. Outraged, McCoy swung around and glared at the two men who, unfortunately, couldn’t take a hint.

“Have some respect, you louts!” he bellowed, attracting the attention of the whole gym.

The two men looked at him, perplexed, but turned around and swiftly left anyway. Even though they hadn’t known the doctor to mind a little man talk up to now, they knew better than to cross their superior over something so trivial.

McCoy exhaled deeply in an attempt to regain his composure and turned back towards the yoga group. Hope shot him a questioning glance, but when he smilingly shook his head and raised his hand in an everything’s-just-dandy gesture, she quickly went back to focussing on her yoga.

Yoga, however, was not for him, he decided after he’d watched her a little longer. The way she moved and twisted around on the mat, he just couldn’t believe how flexible the human body was. Not to speak of her impressive ability to keep her balance, taking the most strangely tangled postures without as much as a wobble. No wonder, she was so balanced in her personality, too.

Remembering that he’d actually come here for some workout, he finally tore his eyes away from Hope and her yoga group, and made for the nearest treadmill.

Chapter 12

Ever since she'd so magically taken away his headache, Hope had taken to giving McCoy gentle massages whenever she saw him hunched over his desk, tense with worry or fatigue. It was life-transforming, his headaches all but gone. Not to speak of what the touch of her tender hands to his head, neck and shoulders did for his soul.

As CMO, he was used to looking after everybody else, but it felt so good to just let go, relax and be taken care of once in a while. He'd even stooped to pretending being tense once or twice, if it had been too long, craving the warmth and vigour that filled his body and soul by her simply standing close behind him.

He didn't feel too guilty about that, though, because, however giving she was, he sensed that she, too, enjoyed these moments. While she soothed away his worries and frustrations, she also drew strength from their physical contact, which he’d often draw out by gently placing his hands over hers to give them a grateful squeeze, before she pulled them away.

He knew that underneath her mature and confident personality, she was hiding the tender soul of a very young woman, a girl really, desperately in need of warmth and affection. And this was another perfect way for him to get her a little of that.

********************

Right now, however, McCoy was anything but relaxed. In fact, he was so tense, he was afraid he was going to snap any minute. Feeling his blood-pressure rise to new heights, nearly popping the pulsing vein in his jaw, he gripped the handles of the treadmill he was currently maltreating so hard, his knuckles went white.

Next to him, Scotty was puffing away at a steady pace, and he could sense the Chief Engineer’s bewildered gaze on his face.

“Who rattled your cage, laddie?” Scotty couldn’t help asking after a while. “Got a problem with Hope and Chekov dancing together?”

McCoy didn’t take his eyes off said pair, practicing on the far side of the gym, wincing every time Chekov lifted Hope off the floor.

“They can dance all they like,” he muttered through clenched teeth, “but this has nothing to do with dancing. Rock’n’Roll is acrobatics, and it’s suicidal!”

“Well, there sure is a lot of jumping and throwing and summersaulting involved, but it’s splendid to watch, and they certainly know what they’re doing.”

“I’m happy, you’re enjoying the show, Scotty, but as for me, it’ll give me a heart-attack any moment now.”

“Ach, don’t be such a sourpuss, Doctor!” Scott laughed, slowing down his treadmill to catch his breath. “Let them enjoy what they’re obviously so good at.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” McCoy rounded on him, thinking about Hope’s brittle bones and what a fall from that height could do to them, then nearly falling off the treadmill himself, as he watched Hope throwing herself over Chekov’s shoulder, dive head first towards the deck, only to have Chekov grab her by the hands and pull her up again through his spread legs in the nick of time.

“And you’re not the one who has to patch her back together again, if something happens,” he finished in a hiss.

Scotty just looked at the doctor, flabbergasted. He was used to the doctor fretting and railing all the time, of course, but this level of agitation over nothing was a new high, even for him.

“Sorry, Scotty, but I can’t watch this any longer,” McCoy growled, hit the stop button of his treadmill hard with his fist, and, with a last angry scowl in the direction of Hope and Chekov, stomped out of the gym, leaving a baffled Scotty behind.

********************

Chekov watched Dr. McCoy leave the gym in a huff and wondered what he’d done to make the doctor throw him such furious glances. Up to now, he’d always felt that McCoy rather enjoyed their little dancing shows.

He didn’t want to let that spoil his evening, though, and quickly turned his eyes and thoughts back to the woman of his dreams. He was in heaven. As always when she was so close to him. Dancing with her, holding her, was the highlight of his evenings. They made a great pair.

And as much as he enjoyed every kind of dance with her, Rock’n’Roll was special. The way he could lift her slight form around, her lithe body rolling across his chest and shoulders and back so excitingly, sent hot shivers down his spine.

And the way their movements blended together with perfect timing, her trust in him to catch her just in time, were absolutely thrilling. Not even Salsa could top that.

But they didn’t just dance together. Chekov relished every minute he spent with Hope. She was so much fun, so interesting to talk to, and simply the most adorable woman he’d ever met. He would sit through the dullest film again anytime, just to be close to her. There were certainly worse things than watching ‘Dirty Dancing’, right?

They often met in the mess – and mostly not by chance, either, but she didn’t have to know that – and had breakfast or dinner together. And sometimes, he would still go to sickbay at lunchtime, where he could be sure of Dr. McCoy’s support. Always worried about Hope losing weight, the doctor didn’t miss a chance to order her on a lunchbreak.

The only fly in the ointment was that she kept emphasising how much like a brother he was to her. That irked. But one could still hope, no?

Chapter 13

Sulu had the conn on nightshift, when the Enterprise received urgent orders to set course for one of the newest planets to the Federation.

Four diplomats, who had spent the better part of the last three months there, had been kidnapped by members of the resistance, who just couldn’t accept that their government had finally joined the Federation and wanted to blackmail them into leaving again. The diplomats’ five children had been left behind, and the Enterprise was supposed to pick them up and take them to the nearest starbase.

Given the seriousness of the matter, Sulu had notified the First Officer right away, and was not surprised to see Spock enter the bridge, closely followed by the captain, mere minutes later.

Swiftly taking the centre seat, Kirk had the communications officer on duty open a channel to the planet’s government, and had a long conference with the local governor. The diplomats’ lives were not in danger, the governor assured him, but since they couldn’t be sure how long the negotiations would take, he thought that the children – all humans – would be safer and better taken care of back with their own species.

A little while later, the captain, Spock and a still yawning McCoy had a meeting in Kirk’s quarters to establish the best way of proceeding.

“The children must be terribly afraid and traumatised,” McCoy stated the obvious, his face full of compassion after he’d been filled in on the full story.

“That’s why I need you and your team to take care of them. You’ll know how to give them the psychological support they’ll need.”

“Of course, Jim,” McCoy nodded, his face lined with a mixture of sadness and rage. “I think I’ll put Hope in charge of taking care of them. I can’t think of anyone better suited to the task. I’ll prep her first thing tomorrow morning and ask her to meet the children in the transporter room.”

“Won’t you be there, too?” Kirk asked a little worried.

“No, Jim,” the doctor smiled at him. “Believe me, Hope, security and the transporter operator will be more than enough. They’re only little, and they’re scared. Too many strangers waiting for them would just frighten them more.”

Kirk looked at McCoy and nodded. That made sense. Now, more than ever, he was glad that the Enterprise had such a kind-hearted and compassionate CMO. The children would be in good hands.

********************

Jenny was appalled when McCoy filled her and her colleagues in on the facts of their current mission the next morning, her face mirroring the doctor’s emotions exactly.

They arranged for one of the bigger guest quarters to be turned into child-friendly accommodations, setting up a direct intercom line to Jenny’s quarters and a communicator she was going to carry on her at all times.

When the children arrived on the Enterprise, seeing this bunch of terrified, pale-faced kids standing on shaky legs on the transporter platform, almost broke Jenny’s heart. But knowing that tearful pity would do nothing to help them, she put on her most cheerful smile, asked them to step off the platform and squatted down to warmly welcome each of them individually.

Then she took them to their quarters to get them settled, memorising their names on the way, and trying to make them feel at ease, asking all about their favourite foods, animals, stories, anything she could think of to take their minds off the scary situation they were in.

By the time everyone had chosen a place to sleep, the first smiles had appeared on the kids’ faces, and when she asked if anyone would like a hug, because she suddenly felt very much like hugging, she was happy to see them eagerly taking her up on the offer. All but one. Ella, the eldest, was still looking at her a little warily, but Jenny noticed that she, too, had stepped closer, and just gave her a beaming smile and a wink.

********************

The next stop was sickbay, where Dr. McCoy was already waiting for them, needing to give them a medical check-up. But even though the doctor was as warm and gentle as she’d ever seen him, the sterile surroundings clearly scared the children.

Jenny cheerfully introduced them to the CMO, trying to make them comfortable around him, but when he smilingly asked, “Right, who wants to go first?” they just huddled together and avoided his gaze.

Seeing that he could really do with a little help there, she quickly yelled, “Me, Doctor! Please, can I go first?” and eagerly started towards the biobed.

McCoy chuckled and, grateful for her support, played along. He liked how he could always count on Hope to save the day with some whimsical idea. She was resourceful, he had to give her that.

With a big affectionate grin on his face he grabbed her around the waist with both hands and easily lifted her onto the biobed, where he pretended to check her, making a big show of tickling her ears and neck with his scanner.

Watching her have so much fun with the doctor, the children forgot all about being afraid and eagerly demanded their turn at being examined, McCoy of course taking great care to keep up the tickling and fun throughout the complete check-up.

Watching the probably noisiest physical ever, Jenny beamed when the doctor, between patients, gave her a wink and a thumbs-up mouthing “Thank you!”

She was glad she’d had this idea to make the children more comfortable around sickbay. And she’d rather enjoyed her own ‘examination’, too, always relishing being close to the doctor. The way he always looked after her, along with the gentle touch of his hands, which he ever so often casually bestowed upon her, never failed to make her feel wonderfully cared for.

He knew next to nothing about her, of course. Couldn’t know that there was no one else to care about her. But then, maybe, she thought, being the kind and compassionate man he was, he just somehow sensed what she needed.

She could have watched the doctor like this all day, her heart brimming over at his gentle and affectionate way with the children. He was so sweet with them, and she could tell that the kids enjoyed his attention immensely.

McCoy, in turn, was enjoying himself thoroughly, too. He loved the way the children had taken to him, wanting them to feel safe and cared for. Loved the way they let him examine them so trustingly.

And, if he was honest, he also liked how Hope watched them, her sweet face so full of love and tenderness for the children. What a great team they made, he thought fondly, smiling at the memory of the ‘check-up show’ they had put on for the children earlier.

********************

That evening, after his shift had ended, McCoy went to the children’s quarters to look in on them and found them singing ‘Five Little Monkeys’, one of Joanna’s favourite songs when she was little.

Apart from her cheerful personality and loving way with the kids, Hope had turned out to be a true well of children’s songs, games and stories, and McCoy was happy to have been right in assigning her to be the children’s official caretaker.

He stopped in the doorway and smilingly watched the children jumping around on the biggest bed like mad. They hadn't noticed him yet, but when towards the end of the song they all chanted, “Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,” he ventured farther into the room and shouted at the top of his voice, “Put those monkeys back in bed!”

They all came bounding towards him, jumping up at him like eager puppies and dragged him over to the bed, where they fell into a giggling heap around Hope, and he joined in their tickle fight.

McCoy was very relieved to see the children so cheerful. They seemed to be okay, considering. Having fun despite the circumstances. And it was all Hope’s doing. He gave her a sidelong glance. Her hair had come a little undone, and she looked adorable.

He felt an intense surge of gratitude and affection for her, and thankfully, she didn’t seem to mind that she probably got even more tickled and cuddled by him than the children.

Afterwards, he stayed to help her put the children to bed, monitoring trips to the bathroom and teeth being cleaned, the air filled with warm affection and tenderness. He even stayed on to listen to her reading them a bedtime story. The way she read, putting on all kinds of different voices, quite obviously enjoying herself, too, you'd think she'd done this her whole life.

She really is a remarkable young lady, he thought fondly as the children, one after the other, fell asleep.

Hope quietly finished the story, and before they left the cabin, she brushed the softest good night kiss on each of their foreheads. McCoy’s heart was melting and he found that, at that moment, he felt surprisingly envious of the children.

********************

Having enjoyed the evening enormously, and wanting to keep her a little longer, McCoy asked Hope to join him for a nightcap coffee in the mess, where they continued to talk about the children.

He told her how great he thought she was with them, at which she blushed adorably, like she always did when he paid her a compliment. And she said how much she loved taking care of them, having realised that one of the things she really missed on the Enterprise were children.

“They’re all coping differently,” she went on, “but one of them, Cal, started to show rather aggressive behaviour. That’s why I thought a little action, like jumping on the bed, was a good idea.”

“It was a great idea,” he agreed, “I couldn’t have recommended anything better. They need to let off steam. And tickle fights are perfect, too. Give them the chance to work off their aggressions and get some cuddles at the same time.”

“My thoughts exactly, Doctor,” she smiled. “I’m trying to give them as many hugs and cuddles as I can, anyway, because I feel they really need a lot of tender love care.”

Just like you do, he found himself thinking affectionately, remembering how her eyes lit up with every little touch she received.

“What else can I do for them, Doctor?” she asked, drawing him back to the present. “Do I talk to them about the situation? Or had I better take their minds off it?”

He thought a little about it, touched by her deep concern for the children.

“I think you’re handling it perfectly fine, mostly taking their minds off thinking about their parents. But if they start to talk about them, take up the conversation. Be gentle but honest, don’t promise things it’s not in your power to keep. Try not to scare them more than necessary, of course, but don’t tell them everything will be alright, either. Just make it clear to them that, whatever happens, they will not be alone, they will be taken care of. And if you feel out of your depth, just take them in your arms – you were right about them needing a lot of TLC, then call me and I’ll take over.”

Jenny nodded, smiling gratefully at McCoy. As always, she found it immensely reassuring to have the kind and experienced doctor at her side. Sitting here, across from him now, nursing her coffee, Jenny felt completely at peace, regarding him with growing fondness. She’d long figured out, of course, that underneath his crusty shell lived the softest, kindest heart.

He’d been ever so gentle with the children, tenderly taking care of all their medical needs. But obviously a little at a loss how to entertain five to eight-year-olds, he had been perfectly happy to leave the playing and general taking care of them to her.

All the greater her surprise, when he’d so enthusiastically joined in the fun that evening. She’d enjoyed the warmth and affection he’d shown the children – and her – immensely. Being so close to him, his fingers gently tickling her, his hands so naturally caressing her, had left her wanting more.

And when they’d worked together to get the children ready for bed afterwards, she’d felt a new familiarity between them, which she found incredibly pleasant.

Chapter 14

The next afternoon, Jenny was playing ball games with the children in the gym, when five-year-old Marc fell and hurt his knee, immediately begging to have Dr. McCoy check his injury. After their Little-Monkey tickle fight the evening before, he had taken a real shine to the doctor.

Carefully checking the boy’s knee and finding it perfectly all right, Jenny realised that Marc was just looking for a chance to see the doctor again. And hoping McCoy wouldn’t mind, she decided to indulge him.

She left the other kids with Uhura and Chekov, who’d eagerly volunteered to help her entertain the children in their free time, although probably for different reasons, and took the boy down to sickbay.

There, Jenny winked at Christine and quickly explained that Marc’s knee needed Dr. McCoy’s personal attention, at which the nurse smiled knowingly and went to fetch the doctor from his office.

McCoy entered with a big smile on his face and, after exchanging a quick glance with Hope to make sure there was really nothing wrong with the boy, crouched down in front of Marc.

“All right, young man, I hear you hurt your knee?”

“Yes, Doctor,” the boy smiled shyly, “I fell catching a ball, but I didn’t cry!”

“Is that true?” McCoy made a very impressed face and looked at Hope as if for confirmation.

“Yes, Doctor,” she nodded, smiling. “Marc here is a very brave boy.”

“And my team won, too!” Marc piped up.

“I see!” McCoy could hardly hide his amusement this time. “So, you’re a really good player, as well. Congratulations!”

Straightening up, he gently hoisted the boy up onto a biobed and started to carefully probe his knee with his hands.

“Does that hurt?” he asked, softly squeezing a little here and there, at which the boy shook his head and started to giggle.

“No, Doctor, it just tickles!”

“Oh, does it now?” McCoy said, feigning surprise and squeezing a little more, making the boy giggle again.

Then, glancing sidelong at Hope, he suggested, “I think you’ll need to have an ice cream with your friends now, and your knee will be as good as new. What’s your favourite flavour?”

“Strawberry!” Marc’s reply was instant, delighted at the prospect of ice-cream.

“That’s perfect,” McCoy said with a straight face, “because chocolate or lemon just wouldn’t have done.”

Hearing Chapel’s and Hope’s muffled guffaws next to him, he ruffled Marc’s hair affectionately and was just about to lift the boy back down, when the latter launched himself at the surprised doctor and wound his little arms tightly around McCoy’s neck.

“Thank you, Doctor!”

Quickly recovering from his surprise, McCoy hugged the boy tightly to his chest for a few moments, then drew back a little and said, “Know what, son? Why don’t you come back tomorrow afternoon, so I can check your knee again? Just to make sure?”

“I will, Doctor,” Marc promised solemnly, and McCoy was touched to see the boy’s eyes light up at the thought. Jenny, who had watched the scene with rapt attention, felt her heart melt at the doctor’s kindness and Marc’s delight. Sometimes, she was thrown by all the warmth and kindness she experienced on the Enterprise. It really was a special ship with a very special crew, and she was forever grateful to be here.

When McCoy had released Marc from his embrace and gently put him back down on the floor, she threw the doctor a warm glance, which he returned just as warmly. Then she took the beaming boy’s hand and led him out of sickbay. McCoy watched them leave with a warm feeling in his heart. The little boy’s trusting affection had deeply moved him. Those were such sweet children, they deserved a happy and carefree childhood. He’d really like to give their parents’ kidnappers a piece of his mind.

Christine suddenly appearing at his side startled him out of his thoughts.

“I didn’t know you had such a great way with children! Always thought they’d be scared of a grouchy doctor like you,” she teased. “But that little one really seemed to like you.”

“Don’t act so surprised, nurse,” McCoy grumbled, “You know my bedside manner is faultless. I’m always a great hit with my patients – big or small.”

Nurse Chapel just snorted at that and turned back to her work.

********************

That evening, after Jenny had put the children to bed, she was delighted to find McCoy waiting for her outside the children’s quarters.

“It was so quiet inside, I thought you’d be out any minute,” he smiled. “Care to have coffee with me again?”

“Of course, Doctor!” Jenny beamed, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.

She’d really enjoyed their conversation over coffee the evening before. Being around the doctor always made her feel so good.

When they were seated at a table in the mess, Jenny glanced at McCoy over her mug and smiled.

“You were brilliant today, Doctor, thank you! Marc really adores you. He wouldn’t talk about anything else but you all evening, telling everyone that he’s going back to sickbay for another check-up tomorrow. You really made his day!”

“Well, he’s a cute little boy,” McCoy shrugged, a little embarrassed by her praise, then grinned mischievously, raising an enquiring eyebrow at her, “I hope his knee isn’t giving him too much trouble?”

Jenny laughed, regarding him fondly.

“You’re a very kind man, Doctor. Children can sense that. Marc feels safe with you. Can’t say I blame him, I always feel safe with you,” she added softly.

McCoy looked up from his coffee, deeply touched by her words. Where most other people saw a difficult and cantankerous man, she seemed to see only kindness.

Clearing his throat, he reached out and, for a moment, gently cupped her face in his hand. It was only the lightest touch, but so tender that Jenny thought her heart would burst.

“You sure know how to flatter an old man, Dr. Hope,” McCoy chuckled as he pulled his hand away again.

Then he continued more seriously, “But we’ll have to be careful. Sweet as the children are, we mustn’t let them get too attached to us, or they’ll have a hard time leaving again next week.”

“You’re right, Doctor,” Jenny nodded, grateful, as always, for the doctor’s prudence, then sighed, “but that’s not an easy feat. There’s a very fine line between making them feel cared for and getting them too attached.”

“True, but if there’s anyone who can accomplish that, it’s you, my dear.”

His voice was soft, his eyes on her even softer, making his gaze feel like a gentle caress.

“Thank you for your trust, Doctor,” Jenny replied, looking a little doubtful.

“Anytime, my dear,” McCoy smiled. “And while we’re here, do me a favour and have something to eat with your coffee. You’ve lost weight again. And impeccable as you are in looking after the children, you obviously need someone else to look after you.”

Jenny grinned at him sheepishly. She knew a rebuke when she heard one, but seeing the doctor looking out for her like that still sent a warm glow to her heart.  

********************

Joining Hope and the children before bedtime whenever his shift allowed it, had quickly become a much-loved routine for McCoy. Just like having that ‘debriefing coffee’ with her afterwards, when the kids were asleep. He would certainly miss that when the children were gone.

The evening before the Enterprise reached the starbase where the kids would be taken care of, he entered their quarters to the heart-warming sight of Hope with the children all huddled up against her on a big bed of mattresses, watching a film.

He’d had a rather busy day in sickbay thanks to Scotty and one of his ‘worst case’ drills in engineering, so he’d come here for a more positive end to his day, and this was exactly what he’d had in mind. A peaceful, loving scene.

Just as he was about to sit down next to the little group, eight-year-old Ella got up and went to sit in a corner all by herself. Hope immediately tried to untangle herself from the other children to go after her, but the doctor motioned for her to stay put, lifting a hand and mouthing, “I’ve got this!”

Then he went over to where Ella was sitting, squatted down next to her and put a gentle hand on her back. When she shrank away and shook her head, he sat down next to her on the floor, not touching.

Jenny watched the doctor quietly talk to the girl, who didn’t react at first, but then shook her head vigorously. His face so full of tenderness, it made Jenny’s heart flutter, and his eyes never leaving the girl’s face, McCoy kept talking until Ella started to cry and let herself be pulled into his lap. Wrapping her tightly in his arms and tenderly rocking the sobbing girl, he kept murmuring soothing words to her until her tears subsided again.

Jenny couldn’t hear what he was saying, but whatever it was, it had obviously worked. She watched, enthralled, as McCoy gently wiped away the last of Ella’s tears with his thumbs, then offered her a tissue, which he’d seemingly produced out of nowhere, waited for her to blow her nose, and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and smiled, and they both got up to rejoin the others.

McCoy sat down on the edge of a mattress with his back leaning against the bulkhead, and Ella quickly climbed into his lap again, nestling snugly into his arms, quite obviously feeling comfortable there.

Jenny’s heart melted at the sight, and she couldn’t help thinking how good it would feel to be right there in McCoy’s arms, being held so tightly and lovingly. Envying a little girl whose parents had been abducted was very wrong, of course. And yet...

Cradling Ella tenderly in his arms, McCoy had a hard time keeping his rage under control. Seeing how this adorable little girl’s sense of basic trust had been so cruelly corrupted and replaced with fearfulness and distrust, he was overcome with murderous feelings of hatred towards these thoughtless kidnappers.

It took a few minutes of conscious breathing, until he finally felt calm enough to meet Hope’s eyes again, certain that she’d watched them closely all the time.

If he hadn’t been so angry, he’d probably have basked in her attention, the realisation of how much he thrived on her approval a little unsettling at the back of his mind.

Finding Hope glancing questioningly at him, clearly concerned about Ella, he nodded reassuringly at her to let her know that the girl was all right.

But when she kept gazing at him holding Ella, he also saw the yearning in those soft brown eyes, wondering if she longed to be held like this, too. And feeling another surge of the by now familiar protective tenderness towards her, he wished there was a way for him to give her all the tender affection she so longed for.

Maybe that’s why she enjoyed dancing with Chekov so much, he mused. That definitely involved a lot of touching and holding. And even though his feelings for Hope were nothing but fatherly and platonic, the thought nagged a little at him.

*********************

It took longer than usual to get the children to sleep that evening, having to leave the Enterprise the next day making them a little anxious. But McCoy managed to put their minds at rest by telling them that he had a friend there, who was going to take care of them. That ‘friend’ was just an acquaintance, really, but he knew her to be kind and trustworthy. So, surely a little white lie was ok, if it took away some of the kids’ fear.

Hope smiled at him warmly when the children started to relax, and gave in to the request of a second bedtime story. It was their last evening aboard, after all.

A little later as well as a little more subdued than the days before, they found themselves sitting in the mess, nursing their coffees, and McCoy watched Hope absentmindedly stirring her mug, even though she’d put neither sugar nor milk in it.

“What was Ella so upset about, Doctor?” she broke the silence eventually.

Still simmering with rage, McCoy tried to choose his words carefully and hesitated just long enough to worry her.

“Something I did?” she asked quietly.

“No, not at all, my dear,” the doctor was quick to assure her. “She was just scared about tomorrow. And a little disappointed because you can’t come with them.”

“So it was my fault, after all,” Hope hung her head. “They got too attached to me. Exactly what you warned me about. I’m so sorry I let them down.”

“Don’t be, Hope,” McCoy reached across the table and put a gentle hand over hers. “It’s hardly your fault they like you, is it? You gave them love and security when they needed it most. They had a wonderful week because of you. It was unavoidable that they would be sad to have to leave again.”

She looked at him despondently, obviously not quite ready to forgive herself.

“So what did you tell her?”

“I told her that she was a lovely girl,” McCoy smiled, softly squeezing Hope’s hand, “and that everyone at the starbase was looking forward to having her and would like her just as much as we do. And then I asked her, if she thought my hugs were as good as yours.”

“They obviously were,” Hope chuckled, and McCoy was glad to see her cheering up again.

“Well, I honestly wouldn’t know, because she never said,” he grinned, “but at least she wasn’t complaining, either.”

They finished their coffee in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts, comfortable in each other’s presence. It was only when they got up to say good night, that they realised that the doctor’s hand was still resting on top of Hope’s.

Chapter 15

When the Children were gone, everything went back to normal. Hope spent most of her time in sickbay again, and McCoy couldn’t get enough of watching her interact with the patients. Her buoyant personality brightened sickbay no end, and the grown-up patients appreciated her infectious liveliness just as much as the children had.

They’d never talked about the ‘hand-incident’, as McCoy called it in his mind, after that evening, and he’d since convinced himself that it wasn’t really such a big deal at all. They’d grown closer during their time with the kids, she’d been upset, he’d wanted to comfort her, end of story.

Just another gentle touch, another opportunity to give her a little of the physical affection he knew she craved. That one had just lasted a little longer, so what? It had seemed like the most natural thing at the time, had, in fact, felt so right that he hadn’t even been aware he was still holding her hand.

And Hope hadn’t seemed embarrassed or uneasy, either. She could have pulled away anytime, after all. But when he’d stood up and let go of her hand, she’d just smiled at him in her sweet, affectionate way.

What he didn’t know, however, was that Jenny had enjoyed his soothing touch, his thumb absentmindedly drawing gentle circles on the back of her hand, so much that she’d been sitting completely still, afraid that if she moved, she’d startle him out of his thoughts and draw his attention back to his hand still protectively covering her smaller one. The contact had somehow been so intimate, yet felt so right, Jenny could have sat like that all night, savouring the warm and comforting feeling.

The evening had really worn her out – getting the overexcited children to sleep, covering up how sad she was to see them go again so soon, watching Ella in exactly the place she hadn’t even known she desperately wanted to be, and then learning that she’d got the kids too attached despite her endeavours to the contrary, had simply been too much.

But when the doctor had so tenderly reached for her hand, talking about love and security, it had felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A simple touch of his hand had taken away her pain, and Jenny had wanted to hang on to that wonderful feeling forever.

When he’d eventually pulled his hand off, Jenny had been incredibly relieved to find that the awkward moment she’d been half expecting, never happened. Instead, the doctor had acted as if they did this every day, smiling at her in his sweet, distinctive way, and giving her hand a final affectionate squeeze before finally letting go.  

********************

A couple of days later, Jenny was carrying her dinner tray across the mess, heading to where Sulu and Chekov were sitting, when she heard the captain’s voice calling her name. Surprised, she turned around and saw him beckoning her over to his table, where he was just having dinner with Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy.

“Dr. Hope! Why don’t you join us for dinner?” he smiled. “I haven’t yet had a chance to thank you for taking such good care of our recent young guests.”

Tilting her head in appreciation of his words, she put her tray down on the table and sat in the chair next to Mr. Spock, immediately regretting her choice of only salad for dinner, when she saw the doctor’s disapproving face.

“How often do I have to tell you to eat more than just a salad for dinner?” McCoy scolded her.

“Why do you never say that to me?” Kirk complained, grinning.

“I’m all for a healthy diet, Hope,” the doctor continued, with a warning glance towards Kirk, “but if you plan a career as a starship officer, you just can’t lose any more weight! I really don’t want to be a nuisance, but if I can’t trust you to look after yourself, I’ll have to supervise your eating habits. Meaning you’ll have to eat with me for the time being.”

Before Jenny could decide whether this was actually a good or a bad thing, the captain chortled, then laughed out loud.

“Bones, this is by far the worst chat-up line I’ve ever heard,” he scoffed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, while the corners of Spock’s mouth twitched almost unnoticeably, too.

“Very funny, Jim,” the doctor grumbled, “you’re hilarious!”

Jenny was surprised to see McCoy actually blush a little before turning back to her and putting on his sternest doctor-face.

“I really mean it, young lady,” he went on. “No more unsupervised dinners for at least a week. Until the scales show me what I want to see. And now, chop, chop, go back and get some meat and potatoes to go with your salad.”

Feeling like a naughty schoolgirl caught out by the headmaster, Jenny glanced at Kirk and Spock, who were both sitting straight-faced and very still, and obediently got up to do as she was told. McCoy could be really quite intimidating, if he wanted to be.

When they were done eating, Spock and the captain took off for a game of chess in one of the rec rooms, while McCoy asked her to stay for coffee. Jenny was more than happy to continue their tradition of ending the day with a comfortable chat over coffee, even now that the children were gone.

“Sorry for that earlier,” McCoy started the conversation with a nod in the direction of where Kirk had been sitting. “Jim just loves to embarrass me, he can’t help it. But he certainly didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Doctor, I know he likes to tease you. But he adores you. How long have you been friends with him?”

“Well, for quite a while now. We’ve certainly been through a lot together already.”

“I really like him, I think he’s great,” Jenny said, sounding almost a little surprised. “And so very different from what I expected a starship captain to be like.”

“He certainly is,” McCoy smiled fondly. “He’s one of a kind. Keeps me on my toes, mind you, with all his harebrained ideas and the risks he takes. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. In fact, I’d probably even grow more of an ulcer, if I couldn’t be around to patch him back together every single time he goes and does something stupid.”

Jenny smiled at McCoy’s display of loyalty. There was certainly no better friend to have than the doctor.

“You know, when Admiral Dakunia first told me that I was allowed aboard the Enterprise, I never thought I’d even get a chance to talk to the captain, let alone have the occasional dinner with him.”

“Yeah, Jim wants to know everyone in his crew, wants to really get to know people. That’s how he sees command. To lead, and not just to rule.”

“He’s really awesome.”

“Of course, he is. Everybody aboard loves him.”

"I know! And it really surprised me at first. I somehow expected people to complain about him behind his back – as people usually do, seeing their boss as too demanding, or unfair, or whatever. But people here never do. They adore him and wouldn't put up with anyone talking badly of him. They'd go through fire for him."

"And a lot of them literally have,” McCoy chuckled wryly. “But yes, you’re completely right. That's the special thing about Jim and his ship."

"But what makes him so special? Why would people give their life for him?"

"That's very simple to answer, my dear. Because he would give his life for each of his people's. He asks a lot, but he gives a lot, too. And he'd never order anyone to do anything he wouldn't do himself."

********************

The days on the Enterprise seemed to go by so fast. There was always plenty to do, but McCoy and Hope still tried to find time for sharing a late-night coffee whenever their shifts allowed. Even though neither of them would openly admit it, they were more and more drawn to each other and treasured their easy conversations immensely.

One evening, McCoy even told her about his daughter Joanna, something he rarely talked about to anyone, even Jim. It was too hurtful a topic for him. But he found that he actually enjoyed talking to Hope about it. Enjoyed her listening so attentively to his tales of Joanna as a toddler, not judging or commenting on his divorce or the ensuing neglect of his parental duties.

On the contrary, she saw how badly he missed Joanna and even encouraged him to try and rebuild their relationship.

“Your problems were only with her mother, Doctor. And I get that it was difficult when she was little. But she’s almost grown up now, she understands things. You should just talk openly with her. She needs her father in her life. In fact, she has a right to have her father in her life. You’re a wonderful man, a renowned physician. She can be more than proud to have you as her father.”

McCoy was deeply touched by Hope’s fervent speech and that she should care so much about him and a girl she didn’t even know. And, of course, she was right, too. He really should make more of an effort to become closer to Joanna again. He’d been so hurt by how things had ended with her mother, by months and years of not being allowed to see his daughter, or, sometimes, even talk to her, he guessed he’d just started to accept it as the way it was.

For so long, he’d had to be content with birthdays, graduations, maybe even the odd weekend, grateful for every little chance to see his girl. And seeing her become more and more of a stranger over the years. That had hurt the most. But Hope was right! He’d been so caught up in his pain, his sorrow, he’d never even thought of doing something about it now that she was no longer a child under her mother’s influence.

Well, he’d definitely start doing something about it now. And he couldn’t be grateful enough that Hope had pointed it out to him. It was incredible in what ways this woman kept changing his life.

********************

Jenny saw the doctor in a different light after that conversation. Maybe that's why she felt so comfortable with him, so safe, so taken care of. He had a daughter nearly the same age. And he was a very proud and doting father, the love for his little girl shining from his eyes with every word, every story he told about her. Once he’d started, he couldn’t stop talking about her. It had been heart-warming.

To think that there was a young woman out there who had a wonderful, loving father like McCoy and might not even realise what she was missing. Jenny just had to make sure that the doctor really did start to make an effort now. His daughter surely deserved to have him in her life again, to get more from him than the occasional birthday or Christmas card.

So, after that evening, Jenny kept making little comments on how proud Joanna would be, or how lucky Joanna was to have such a wonderful/kind/gentle/brilliant father. She never stopped pestering McCoy, although she liked to think of it as inspiring him, until he finally sent a message to Joanna. And another one. And then regular ones, turning into real-time conversations, whenever he got the chance.

Jenny was really happy to see him become a regular part of his daughter’s life again, to see the love and the joy in his eyes whenever he told her about any of Joanna’s news.

And she was deeply moved to find a message from Joanna herself on her computer, one evening, simply saying “Thank you for looking after my dad!”

Chapter 16

McCoy was in high spirits. His staff was already gossiping about possible reasons for his ever-improving mood, as word got around that he actually smiled at people who brought him reports or requests to sign. Even he was aware that it got harder and harder to keep up his cranky image.

Incredible, he thought to himself, shaking his head in wonder, his eyes repeatedly darting over to where Hope was busy disinfecting and restocking hypos. There were no recent casualties, he was talking to Joanna on a regular basis, and he’d even adopted Hope’s habit of humming to herself while doing desk work.

Life can be really good, he realised, and happily started on the next report.

It was very quiet in sickbay when he finally shut down his screen and tidied his desk. Unbelievably, there were no patients, and McCoy assumed that everybody else had already left. He got up and went over to lock up the cabinets, softly singing one of his favourite classical country songs.

Just when he started on the chorus, a second voice joined in. He whipped around, startled, and came almost face to face with Hope, who laughingly gestured for him to keep singing. They finished the chorus together, and McCoy was thrilled to find that they made a pretty good duet. Her normally crystal-clear voice was strong, yet somehow suitably husky for the song.

Of course, she’d be the perfect country singer on top of everything else!

“You know that song?” he asked incredulously when they’d finished. “I was pretty sure I was the only country music lover aboard.”

“Faith Hill and Tim McGraw,” she smiled wistfully. “My favourite Nashville couple.”

“I don’t believe it!”

“I didn’t know you were into classical country music, either. Let alone that you have such a great singing voice. You should join our ensemble! Uhura’s not really a fan, but I’d love to do a few country classics for a change. If we get on it right away, you could be the star of our Christmas gig! Are you in?”

“Oh, no, no,” McCoy shook his head and laughed, raising his hands in defence, “I’m not much of a performer. But I’m very good audience. What other kinds of music do you like?”

“Well, I’m a sucker for the really old stuff. From Bach and Mozart to Pop and Rock. And country music, of course, as you now know. You?”

“Pretty much the same, we seem to be kindred spirits in music,” he smiled at her. “I have quite a good collection, actually. We could do a music and drinks evening in my office some time.”

“I’d like that,” Hope beamed at him, a strange feeling of excitement gripping her stomach at the idea of spending some time alone with him.

********************

Christmas was approaching fast, and with the crew being mostly Terran, it was always a big event. Not necessarily a religious one, but mostly about having a party and presents.

With all the smaller department parties going on, Hope and Uhura’s band was fully booked, leaving them not much time for other activities. But the two women didn’t mind. Singing and making music was the best recreation for them, anyway, and the lads they played with were a lot of fun.

The only one not happy at all with the situation was Chekov, because for him, of course, that meant no dance practice with Jenny. To compensate, and being quite popular really, he managed to get invited to most of the parties, for then only to mope about in some corner and give the male members of the band the evil eye.

The main event, however, was going to be the big, ship-wide party on actual Christmas Day. A big fake fir tree had already been put up and decorated in the great assembly hall, and Hope had learned that it was customary for the senior officers to hand out the presents that had arrived on the Enterprise from family and friends and were stored all around the big tree.

Although certainly a nice tradition, Jenny’s first thought was about the crew members who might not receive anything and feel left out. And, of course, being Jenny, a plan began to form in her head immediately. She’d ask Pavel to help her with it. That would keep him busy and happy.

Chekov, of course, didn’t have to be asked twice, and spent the next couple of days putting together a collection of little Christmas presents. So, on Christmas Eve, having volunteered for the late shift, Jenny spent a quiet evening in sickbay wrapping and labelling small presents with Pavel.

That’s how McCoy found them, when he came over after the senior officers’ Christmas Eve dinner with some non-alcoholic punch for his staff on night duty.

“Who are these for?” he asked, looking over Hope’s shoulder and watching her write ‘Santa sends his love’ on the card.

“We don’t know yet, Doctor!” Chekov grinned, then, seeing the doctor’s puzzled expression, cheerfully added, “We’ll find out tomorrow.”

“OK,” McCoy drawled, clearly not understanding any of it, but prepared to let it go, when Hope smiled at him reassuringly.

“You’ll see, Doctor. All for a good cause, though.”

********************

On Christmas Day, after the band had accompanied the crew in their ambitious rendition of a number of popular Christmas songs, it was time for the presents.

Hope positioned herself close to the tree, armed with part of the now beautifully wrapped gifts. Seeing her standing there with her arms full, McCoy beckoned her closer, holding out his hands to take the presents off her.

But she just shook her head, pointing out one of the still blank name tags to him, mouthing, “Not yet!”

And as he looked around and found Chekov and the young men from Hope’s band each standing close to one of the other senior officers, holding a bunch of similarly wrapped presents, it finally dawned on him what they were doing. The thought made him feel all warm and soft inside, and he gazed at Hope with endless tenderness. Sometimes, he just couldn’t help but wonder, if she was for real.

Sure enough, when all the other gifts were gone, Hope’s little presents had magically appeared under the tree, each now neatly labelled with a name on it. By the time he was done distributing those, too, the band was already back on stage, getting ready to rock as soon as his fellow officers had finished as well.

When the music started again, McCoy grabbed a glass of punch off a tray and went over to where Jim, Spock and Scotty were standing around Chekov and Uhura, talking animatedly.

“I know that this has been a tradition on the Enterprise since long before I was in command,” Jim sighed, “but there was always someone left after the last gift was gone, and I hated that.”

“Exactly,” Uhura nodded. “And it wasn’t about not getting a gift, either. It was about being exposed as someone obviously without friends or family, that was so humiliating. Even though your presents might just have arrived late, which is not unheard of in the midst of nowhere out here in space.”

“That’s why Jenny came up with this plan!” Chekov explained proudly.

Uhura nearly spluttered her drink when Kirk deadpanned, “Do they not come up with plans in Russia anymore?”

And Scotty couldn’t help but add, “Ach, Captain, who needs inventions from Russia as long as there’s still Hope?”  

Chekov sighed good-naturedly, a long-suffering grin spreading across his face, as everybody around him just cracked up. Everyone but McCoy, he noticed, who gave him a fond smile and a sympathetic pat on the back instead.

“You did well, Chekov,” he smiled approvingly. “That was an excellent idea. You and Hope have just made some of your crew mates really happy!”

Chapter 17

With Christmas and all the extra gigs involved over, Jenny could finally make more time for Pavel and their dancing sessions again, and Chekov was back to his happy self at last. To make up for lost time, he also made a point of having at least one meal per day with her, and she was all right with that.

He was really sweet, always making her laugh, and he had been a great help with the Christmas presents, after all. Chekov was definitely one of the good guys. Besides, he was always happy to finish her meals for her, if she once again couldn’t manage to eat everything McCoy had put on her dietary card.

Usually, she’d scan the mess thoroughly before quickly swapping Chekov’s empty tray for her own. That evening, however, she’d obviously been careless, and had failed to notice the doctor sneaking up on her, making her jerk and nearly topple her glass when his booming voice suddenly sounded right behind her.

“What do you think you’re doing, young lady?” he rumbled, sounding genuinely pissed off.

Jenny froze. She knew, of course, that the doctor was just worried about her, and had, admittedly, put a lot of thought into her nutritional plan. But that didn’t give him the right to yell at her like that, did it? It wasn’t as if she’d committed a crime.

She just didn’t need that much food. It all tasted pretty much the same, anyway. She ate when she was hungry, and she was really comfortable the way she was. She certainly didn’t need scales to tell her how healthy, strong, or energetic she felt.  

Taking in her defiant expression, McCoy relented a little and even managed a weak smile.

“I’m not doing this for fun, Hope,” he sighed, “you really need to take this more seriously.”

“I know, Doctor,” she conceded, “but I just can’t force down all this food. Please, believe me, it’ll just make me sick. And that would be really counterproductive.”

Looking defeated, McCoy sat down heavily in the chair across from her.

“You make me sound like a bully,” he grimaced, “when I’m really just trying to look out for you.”

“I know that, too, Doctor, and I’m sorry.”

Hope smiled at him ruefully, and McCoy had to laugh at her puppy-dog face.

“All right. Maybe we can think of something tastier, less healthy. There’s got to be something you actually like! What about chocolate?”

Hope looked at him, frowning and shaking her head.

“No. Chocolate’s not the same anymore, either,” she began and then stopped abruptly, as if realising she’d just said something wrong.

“Not the same anymore?” McCoy and Chekov echoed in unison.

But seeing her face fall and not wanting to upset her any further, the doctor decided to let it slide for the moment, got up again and left her and Chekov to finish their dinner in peace.

********************

Running into her again on the observation deck later that evening, he knew he’d been forgiven when she came up to him carrying two mugs of coffee and settled down comfortably on the couch next to him without even asking. Kicking off her boots and curling her legs underneath her, she turned to face him and proudly pulled a little bag of nuts out of her pocket.

“See, Doctor?” she grinned impishly, opening the bag and putting it down on the little table in front of them. “I’m really going out of my way here to make you happy.”

“Atta girl,” he chuckled his approval, grateful for the opportunity to take their earlier conversation back up.

“Talking about food, what was that about chocolate not being the same anymore?” he asked casually, watching her closely over the rim of his coffee mug.

It was an innocent enough question, and he was surprised to see Hope hesitating, almost looking cornered.

"I just meant I used to like it, but now I'm not that keen on it anymore," she said cagily, making it sound more like a question.

With a pang of conscience, McCoy realised that, apart from what was written in her file, he really knew very little about her. Sure, he knew what music, films or literature she liked, that she was a gifted singer and dancer, what sports she was into, little things like that. And, of course, he knew what a thoughtful, caring person she was.

But after all their time working together, all their cosy chats over coffee in the evenings, he still had no idea where she came from, how she’d grown up, or what her family was like. She just never talked about herself or her past, and to his great shame, he’d never even really noticed before.

"I'm curious,” he tried the direct approach. “You know practically everything there is to know about me, while I know hardly anything about you. Tell me a little about yourself, Hope. Why did you become a linguist? What made you join Starfleet? What about your family? They must be awfully proud of you!"

Her reaction caught him completely off guard. Her eyes filling with sudden tears, Hope quickly turned away, on the verge of losing her composure for a moment.

McCoy was stumped. Wishing he could take back the words that had so obviously hurt her, all he could do was run a comforting hand gently up and down her arm.

"I'm so sorry, dear, I didn’t mean to upset you. You don't have to talk about any of this, if you don't want to."

Recovering almost instantly, Hope turned back towards him, smiling and blinking away a few unshed tears.

"It's all right, Doctor, I’m sorry. It's just, I don't have a family," she explained almost matter-of-factly, then quickly changed the subject before McCoy, who was still processing what he’d just heard, could say or ask anything else.

And recognising the hurt still clearly visible in her eyes, the doctor just went along.  

Chapter 18

After Hope had dropped the bombshell about not having a family, she started babbling, chatting away merrily about all sorts of things from Scotty’s latest invention to Sulu’s newest floral experiment. As if she hadn’t just revealed one of the probably saddest aspects of her life.

And while McCoy could see what she was doing, he was only half listening to her chitchat. Still reeling from the news, his mind was working overtime connecting the dots, as a lot of things suddenly fell into place.  

Like why her medical issues had not been treated properly. Or why contributing to the tight-knit community that constituted the crew of the Enterprise was so important to her.

Maybe it was also the reason why she seemed so mature for her age. The way she talked, the way she treated people, her sense of duty, her thoughtfulness, her empathy. If it weren’t for her young face and endless vitality, he could easily forget about their age difference when they were together.

It certainly explained why bringing Joanna back into his life had mattered so much to her, and why she’d put her heart in making the ambassadors’ children feel loved and cared for. Not to forget about why she relished every act of kindness, every little touch, every physical contact so much. Even though she tried so hard to conceal it.

His heart broke a little at the thought, and he had a hard time refraining from taking her in his arms or even just touching her cheek. Normally, he would have grabbed the chance, any excuse for a gentle touch. But seeing her determination to keep up her happy façade, and guessing that inside she was just hanging on by a thread, he was afraid that any expression of kindness right now might undo her.

********************

Even later, when he was already lying in bed, his mind was still whirring, his thoughts circling around Hope incessantly. He looked at her with different eyes now. The cheerfulness, the happiness, were certainly in her nature, which was a good thing as it helped her cope where others might despair.

Yet, it also helped her prevent others from discovering that she, too, had issues. She’d even tricked him! And she’d made a good job of it, too. He was ashamed to admit that he'd never really considered the possibility of her being unhappy or facing problems of her own up till now.

Today, however, he’d seen another, troubled side of her. A side he’d already seen glimpses of during her physical when she’d first come aboard the Enterprise, but which he’d mistakenly attributed to her simply being nervous about being on a starship for the first time.

But the way she’d reacted to his simply mentioning her family today, if only for one careless moment, had convinced him that there was more to it than just that. And he was going to find out what it was. Even though she obviously didn’t want him to. But right now, he felt like he’d somehow failed her, and he wouldn’t let that happen again. He’d pay closer attention from now on.

********************

Jenny was pacing the tiny space of her quarters, trying to calm her nerves. Her mind replaying the day’s conversations with the doctor over and over again, as she tried to remember her exact words.

She’d slipped up before, but never that badly. Usually, she managed to cover up her mistakes as jokes or slips of the tongue. It always worked with Chekov and the others. Even with Uhura, who wasn’t easily fooled.

But today she’d blown it, she was sure of that. The doctor hadn’t bought her feeble excuse about chocolate. He’d become suspicious. Or rather worried. Especially after her accidentally giving away that she had no family. She’d really tried hard to avoid situations like that. But his mentioning her family had been so unexpected, the pain of missing them too intense.

Of course, they’d be proud of her! And so glad to see how far she’d come, how happy she was.

She’d seen the shock on the doctor’s face, as well as the compassion, the kindness. And it had taken every ounce of her strength to keep from just throwing herself in his arms and letting him comfort her, as she knew he would have. But then he’d have asked questions, would have wanted to know every little detail, and she couldn’t have that.

All she could do was pretend that she was fine, and hope that he’d let the matter drop. She was under no illusion that he might not have noticed her distress, but she sincerely hoped that he would respect her wish not to talk about it.

It had been so much easier with her friends at the Academy. She hadn’t been as close to them as she was to her friends here on the Enterprise. It was getting increasingly harder to keep her secret from the people she cared about and who cared about her.

But Starfleet had been very clear about the dangers of people finding out and had prohibited her from telling anyone. She’d agreed to those orders. Only now she wasn’t so sure she could do it much longer.

********************

Desperate for some caffeine and conversation after a long morning of deskwork in his office, McCoy grabbed a coffee in the mess and went over to join Uhura and Hope for lunch at their table.

However, seeing that they were deep in conversation, he decided not to intrude and quietly sat down at the table next to them. They were discussing linguistics, totally engrossed in the topic, and McCoy could not but smile as he overheard them talking so passionately.

“Intuitive enhancement is such an interesting area of linguistics,” Uhura enthused, “and so important, too! All the misunderstandings that can be avoided if the translator gets the meaning across rather than the wording.”

“Oh yes, Nyota, and think of all the words that are just impossible to translate, because they don’t have an equivalent in other languages,” Hope agreed. “And I’m not even talking about xeno-linguistics. There are plenty of examples just looking at different Earth tongues.”

Uhura nodded thoughtfully as Hope went on, “Take the German word ‘geborgen’, for example. There’s a myriad of nuances to this word, impossible to translate into just one single word of standard.”

“It basically means ‘secure’, doesn’t it?” Uhura asked, intrigued, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Basically, yes. But that’s just a little part of it, really. It’s more of a feeling, actually. It means to feel secure, sure, but also loved and accepted, safe and protected, comfortable and at home. It’s the feeling children have when they are in their parents’ arms. Or what partners feel, when they are in a stable and loving relationship.”

“I never knew your native language was German,” Uhura looked at Hope in surprise.

“Well, I have Austrian ancestry,” Hope quickly explained.

By now, McCoy was listening intently, slowly spinning his coffee mug around in his hands. He was extremely touched by Hope’s passionate explanation of everything the word ‘geborgen’ embraced. And he knew it wasn’t just a random example, either. It held deep meaning for her. Something she really longed for.

What a beautiful word! he thought, and found that he absolutely wanted her to feel that way.

Chapter 19

Still glowing from his ‘linguistic lunchbreak’, and hoping to squeeze in a quiet word about Hope with Kirk, McCoy went up to the bridge for a look at a huge, unknown rocklike something that Spock had just recently discovered in their path and was currently drooling over. In his restrained, Vulcan way, of course. But having known him for years, McCoy could always tell when Spock was really giddy with excitement.

So, obviously, could Jim, judging from the fond grin on his face, as he looked at his first officer’s back, hunched over his station, and listened to the constant stream of precisely expressed information.

McCoy’s amusement was short-lived though, as the rock suddenly started to glow, then expand, and finally simply vanished in a massive explosion, shaking the Enterprise like a tin can in its wake.

As soon as the doctor had picked himself up off the floor and made sure that the bridge crew was unharmed, he hurried back to sickbay for a busy afternoon, all thoughts of Hope and her sorrows gone from his mind.

There were plenty of casualties, but luckily no really severe injuries. It still took three whole days to get all the patients out of sickbay again, and even longer for Scotty to restore the ship to its full functioning glory.

Three days of nothing but working at full stretch and then falling into bed, exhausted, for a couple of hours. Three days of working closely with Hope, grateful for her efficiency, and no time to exchange a single private word. Three days of quietly wondering, if she was all right.

When the pressure finally abated and the sickbay staff could relax again, the first thing McCoy did was ask her how she was, gazing at her long and meaningfully. But Hope just smiled at him and simply replied that all she needed was an extended yoga session and a good night’s sleep, deliberately referring only to the mad rush of the past few days. She was clearly not planning on opening up to him anytime soon.

After how their last evening on the observation deck had gone, and her obvious reluctance to acknowledge her unresolved hurt, McCoy was a little afraid that Hope might start to avoid him altogether. But between all her dancing and singing, he was happy to see that she still frequently made time for their evening chats.

And although he was certainly looking more closely now, he had to admit that she appeared to be perfectly all right. Vivacious, charming, happy to be alive. And brightening his and everybody else’s life simply by being there.

*********************

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Kirk asked, his tone amused, following McCoy’s gaze to where Chapel, Hope and Uhura were having breakfast together.

“Sorry, Jim,” McCoy returned his attention to him, “you were saying?”

“Actually, I wasn’t saying anything,” Kirk laughed. “There’d have been no use, anyway, seeing as our lovely Hope has you hypnotised once again. I could have choked and died right here in front of you, for all I know. You certainly wouldn’t have noticed.”

“Oh, cut the crap, Jim,” McCoy grumbled. “I was just checking on her diet. She isn’t very good at sticking to the plan, as we know.”

‘Keep your hair on, Bones!” Kirk grinned. “I’m just kidding. You’re entitled to a little romance in your life. Or a little heartache, as it seems you prefer that. You always put up with mine, after all.”

McCoy rolled his eyes at the captain and was just about to come up with a snarky reply, when he was momentarily distracted by Sulu approaching the ladies’ table holding some kind of flower that looked like a cross between a lollipop and a giant willow catkin in a lovely shade of purple. Presumably a new breed, judging from his proud face and his long, excited speech before finally giving the flower to Hope with a gallant little bow.

Kirk, who’d been watching the little scene, too, saw Hope beaming at Sulu delightedly, as she reverently took the flower from him, her eyes lighting up as she admired its beauty.

“I can certainly see, why you have a soft spot for her, Bones,” Kirk smiled at his friend. “Just watching her is heart-warming. She can be so happy about little things like this flower. And she always has a friendly smile, a word of comfort for everyone. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen her in a bad mood!”

“OK, now you’re exaggerating a little, Jim,” McCoy chuckled. “Like everybody else, Hope has her problems, too. She’s only more skilled at hiding them than most of us.”

“Well, nobody can be happy all the time, can they?” Kirk shrugged his shoulders. “We all have our bad days.”

“It’s more than that in her case,” McCoy was suddenly serious, “I’ve seen a sadness that goes deeper, something to do with her past.”

“What are you talking about, Bones?” Kirk was surprised. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Well,” the doctor began. “I was actually about to tell you just before that rock of Spock’s exploded.”

McCoy quickly filled Kirk in on what he’d found out and told him of his determination to get to the bottom of this.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the captain said, “but don’t you think that you’re exaggerating a little now? I mean, just look at her, she seems genuinely happy. In fact, thinking back to her first day aboard and how shy she was then, I’d say, if anything, she’s become more confident and happier since then.”

McCoy couldn’t object to that. Now that Kirk had mentioned it, he could definitely see how Hope had blossomed over the past few months.

Chapter 20

It was only two days later, that Kirk got to see for himself what the doctor had been talking about.

Unable to relax in his quarters, and hoping to unwind in more beautiful surroundings, he’d come to the arboretum late at night, fully expecting to be alone, when he saw Hope standing there. And for the short moment before she realised his presence, he saw this heartbreakingly sad and lost expression on her face.

But when he stepped to her side, and she turned around to face him, her trademark beaming smile was back in place.

“Hello, Captain,” she said softly, “I didn’t expect to meet another insomniac here.”

“Neither did I, Hope,” Kirk smiled at her. “I like to come here for some peace and quiet when I need to clear my mind.”

“I can leave,” she began, but Kirk quickly cut her off, shaking his head.

“Not at all, please stay!” he assured her, sitting down on an old-fashioned park bench and motioning for her to join him. “I’d like a little company.”

After sitting there in companionable silence for some time, Hope started to talk.

“Thank you for allowing me to come on the Enterprise, Captain. I really love to be on this ship. The legends about it are certainly true.”

“What legends?” Kirk wanted to know, always eager to hear his ship being praised.

“You know, about the crew, how skilled and competent everyone is, the team spirit, the respect you have for each other.”

“Why do you say ‘you’?” the captain interjected. “Don’t you feel part of our crew?”

“Well, I do feel very welcome here, Captain,” Hope replied, her eyes radiating nothing but happiness, “but I’m not really part of the crew, am I? I still have a lot to learn before being allowed to serve under a captain like you.”

“A captain like me?” he chuckled.

“You know what I mean,” she grinned, “famous, successful, legendary.”

Kirk just raised an amused eyebrow at her.

“Seriously! I always imagined a starship captain to be sort of aloof, distant. But you’re so approachable, so,” she tried to find the right word, “human. Everybody aboard adores you. They all trust you implicitly, like children would trust their father.”

Kirk was deeply touched by her words.

“And that’s exactly what makes the Enterprise so special,” he said, eyes shining with pride. “I appreciate and respect my crew, they appreciate and respect me. And I’m happy every time I’m reminded of it.”

Then, looking kindly at Hope, he continued, “But there’s no reason for you to feel like an outsider, Hope. No one on this ship is more or less important than anybody else. That’s the actual charm of the Enterprise, really. Everybody contributes in their own way, according to their strengths and abilities. Everyone has a special talent. I may be the captain, but I certainly couldn’t run the ship on my own.”

Hope looked at him, captivated, seeing that he really believed in everything he’d just said, and understanding that loyalty and respect were the key to the Enterprise’s success.

“You’re very kind to say that, Captain,” she smiled, “but seriously, what do I do to help run the ship? What’s my special talent?”

“You mean apart from being kind and caring and spreading happiness wherever you go?”

Hope’s eyes grew wide at his words, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

“Err, yes, actually,” she chuckled self-consciously, “I was thinking more in terms of things they teach at the Academy.”

“Just teasing,” Kirk grinned, “but I certainly don’t have to remind you that you’re a highly qualified linguist, do I?”

“No,” hope blushed again, “but that’s not been of much use on this mission, so far.”

“Maybe not yet,” Kirk admitted, “but then, we never know what we’re going to encounter out here in space. We need to be ready for anything. But let me tell you about your special talent now.”

Hope looked at him expectantly.

“You’ve repeatedly proven yourself capable of working outside your field of expertise. From helping out in engineering to actually working in sickbay.”

“My dabbling in engineering with Scotty kindly teaching me some basics hardly counts as work, Captain,” she made light of his praise. “That’s just me being curious.”

“Exactly,” Kirk laughed, satisfied to see her catching on to what he was saying. “You’re not only capable of doing various jobs, even more importantly, you're willing to do them. You've completed your Ph.D. in linguistics, and yet you work as an orderly in sickbay without complaining, because we need you there. And you don't always point out that you are actually overqualified, either. You’re not ashamed of doing something you’re still new at."

“But everybody would do this,” Hope was astonished.

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” the captain countered. “Not everybody would. But McCoy keeps telling me what a quick study you are, what an asset to his team. Besides, you really have this special gift to make people feel good. Even Mr. Spock has repeatedly stated that the general mood aboard has improved noticeably since your arrival. You’re a breath of fresh air on the Enterprise, Hope. So, you see, you're anything but dispensable."

Hope lowered her eyes bashfully at that.

"Your officers are shamelessly exaggerating, Captain! Especially Dr. McCoy has a far too high opinion of me. "

"McCoy is usually a really good judge of character."

Kirk tilted his head, then, remembering the doctor’s words, tried to find out more about her past, carefully avoiding any mention of her family in the process.

“But tell me, what’s your fascination with linguistics? What made you choose this field in the first place?”

“I think it started when I was still really young and impressed my English teacher with my glottal stop,” Hope began passionately, then broke off mid-sentence, a hint of alarm crossing her face.

“Your glottal stop?” Kirk echoed in bewilderment, failing to see the connection there.

“I’m so sorry, Captain, I’m not making sense anymore, I think I really need to get some sleep now.”

And just like that, Hope ended their conversation, and with a murmured, “Good night, Captain, it was really nice talking to you,” hurriedly left the arboretum.  

Baffled, Kirk stared after her for a few moments, then decided that Bones hadn’t been wrong, after all. There was definitely something in Hope’s past that she was embarrassed about. He’d talk to McCoy about it in the morning.

********************

“Have you got a minute, Jenny?” the harried-looking young ensign from engineering asked, looking first pleadingly at Hope, then apologetically at McCoy, who was frowning at her, pointedly looking at Hope’s still untouched lunch.

“Of course, Rita,” Hope said cordially, pushing back her chair to stand up and throwing the doctor an intense glance. “Anytime, like I said.”

McCoy subtly nodded his understanding, then followed the two women with his eyes, as Rita pulled Hope into the far corner of the mess for some privacy.

Looking at Hope’s abandoned meal slowly cooling down in front of him, he fondly thought about how she never hesitated for an instant, if someone asked for her help. He might have frowned at the interruption, but it was actually one of the things he liked most about her.

Watching her now, calmly talking to the agitated young woman, then giving her an encouraging hug before sending her on her way again, he felt a warmth spreading through his body that only ever Hope could evoke in him.

“You have advice and comfort for everyone, don’t you?” McCoy said fondly, when Hope returned and started on her lunch at last.

“Everyone but myself, it seems,” she sighed almost inaudibly and McCoy’s heart sank when he saw her face fall ever so slightly.

“What is it?” he asked concernedly, touching a gentle hand to her cheek.

She just shook her head, looking away.

“Something you’d like to talk over with someone?” he persisted, gently turning her face back towards him, only to feel his heart breaking as her lips decidedly said, “No,” even as her eyes clearly said, “Yes!”

Swallowing hard, and looking into her eyes intensely, he let his hand slide off her cheek and dropped it to her hand on the table, giving it a tight squeeze.

“If you ever want to talk, I’ll be there.”

Hope nodded her thanks almost imperceptibly, then pulled her hand away to finally finish her lunch.

********************

Knowing perfectly well how dangerously close she’d come to revealing too much to McCoy again over lunch, Jenny just couldn’t find the strength to keep away from him. With her emotions all over the place lately, she needed to be near him, longed for his soothing presence so badly.

Maybe it had to do with the anniversary of her grandmother’s death coming up, that had her feeling so melancholy recently. She’d absolutely adored her grandmother, who had died shortly after her 20th birthday, and she missed her cheerful personality and perceptive advice dearly.

Maybe she could talk to the doctor about her? That would be harmless enough, maybe even keep him off her back with other questions for a while. But then again, every mention of her past could lead to trouble. It was too risky, just not worth it.

So, having recovered at least some of her balance after a couple of relaxing yoga exercises, she made her way to the observation deck, counting on finding McCoy there and hoping to draw strength from his endless kindness towards her. And thankfully, he was already there when she entered, spotting her immediately and delightedly waving her over to where he was sitting.

Jenny got herself a coffee, then slumped onto the couch beside the doctor, seeing his affectionate smile and thinking there was no place she’d rather be at that moment.

Looking out at the stars, her thoughts returning to her granny, while she enjoyed the quiet and her coffee, Jenny suddenly became aware of McCoy studying her. Really studying her.

She was used to him checking up on her all the time. Had she eaten enough? Had she got enough sleep? That sort of thing. But this was different.

“What is it, Doctor?” she asked curiously.

McCoy exhaled noisily, then blinked, obviously thinking about how to phrase his next words.

“I wish I could just ease away your sorrows,” he said softly.

“What sorrows?” Hope asked, seemingly perplexed. “I couldn’t be happier!”

McCoy just kept looking at her, his gaze gentle and kind.

“I don’t know where this is coming from, Doctor,” she became flustered, “but I can assure you, there’s really no need to worry. Sometimes you worry too much.”

“I don’t worry, I observe,” was McCoy’s quiet reply, but, seeing that she wasn’t taking the bait, he let it go.

He didn’t want to spoil a cosy evening, and he felt that he had accomplished what he’d intended to. That’s to let her know that he didn’t buy her ‘I’m always happy’ act anymore and would be there, if she wanted to talk.

********************

Continue to: Chapters 21 - 30 Chapters 31 - 40 Chapters 41 - 50 Chapters 51 - 61

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