#lostallhope

#heartbroken #physicallysick #shaking #sobbing #worried #horrified #lostallhope #howtotellmykids #whattotellmydaughter #wtfamerica

Till next time tumblr

I suck as a person and I am probably going to drive this amazing marriage right into the trash because I am so angry and the only direction I seem to throw that anger is directly at him. I know he is making plans to help me be positive and get out of my own head but right now I don't see anything positive and the words "five year survival rate" keep running through my brain. Five years... five years... five years of medical treatments and check ups and ugly. Five years that if I didn't have my amazing spawn and my wonderful husband.... honestly I would probably just give back to the bank because I don't want them. I am tired, I am angry and I am tired and this isn't what he signed up for. He isn't even 30. He should not be dealing with this. I honestly hate myself right now. In this moment I despise everything I am made of and I just want to quit.