#lost-n-stereo

And then you get frustrated because she starts up her avoidance tactics again.

You tell her to stop. She doesn't; your irritation mounts. But you're not irritated because she's making fun of you. No. That's all normal for you. You're irritated because you know she's using her mockery to avoid what is going on here: that she likes you. 

There's something different in the way she says Ranger Rick and Huckleberry, things that never bothered you. It's frantic, it's frightened, it's brutal and insulting and mockery for the first time instead of teasing because she wants to stop you from figuring out the truth. She mocks you because she's trying to run. She's trying to run from what is going on. She's trying to hide what she knows she feels.

You're asking for her to stop and just be serious. She chooses to ignore it. And when she starts to 'ha'… You snap.

You grab her face in your hands, tangling your fingers in her hair, and you pull her close as she gasps. You gaze into those shocked blue eyes, her body tense and trembling the slightest bit, her mouth ajar in surprise.

You want to tell her to shut the fuck up. To just talk to you. To stop being so damn difficult. You know she's lying through her teeth and you've had it with her stubborn streak. But whatever words you have for her die in your throat.

You're mesmerized; you almost can't breathe. Because you can see it in her eyes. That same terrified look you know you have. The one that tells you she's unbelievably scared. That she doesn't know what's going on with you two. Just like you don't know what's going on with you two.

You're both totally out of control. You both don't know what it all means. But you can see something else in her gaze. Something that makes goosebumps rise on your skin, and your heart race. Something that makes you lose coherent thought. Something that makes you caress her cheeks softly. That makes you lean in, your gaze trained on those perfect lips.

It's just you and her in this little world by the cracking fire. You and her without any pretenses. Without any restrictions. Without any people to hold you back. Any other relationships to hold you back. Nothing to hold you back.

And all you want to do is kiss her. But you don't. Because suddenly you're terrified.

Because suddenly you realize that this isn't just some random girl you can just kiss and everything will be fine and figured out. This is Maya. And the repercussions of your kiss could ruin what you haven't had a chance to build yet.

Here is Texas in a nutshell (AKA one big Lucaya fanfic HOT DAMN): 

The gang goes to Texas, Maya realizes she could lose Lucas, Riley realizes Maya likes Lucas, Riley grows scared and mentally becomes a schemer

Riley adamantly and unrelentingly pushes Maya to reveal her feelings for Lucas and pushes Lucas to Maya to "give them a chance" even to the point of pretending she doesn't have feelings for Lucas, Lucas and Maya both are hesitant, don't want to think or try, but once they start talking, things heat up, Lucas and Maya almost kiss and have a moment where they realize just how much they might like each other

Lucas and Maya realize how terrifying it is that they could really grow to love each other deeply and profoundly (mind you, they are 14 and don't really understand it so this feeling will manifest itself in their "date" as awkwardness), Lucas "succeeds" with "Tombstone" where he failed with "Judy" [also a parallel to show that the past has been forgiven and forgotten and now it's time to move on to the future; as well as a parallel to show that Lucas was a "boy" in a "boyish" relationship that wasn't particularly serious, but now he is a "man" and he is pursuing a more serious relationship]

Lucas and Maya go out to test the waters of their new found burgeoning relationship and surprisingly their romantic connection still works despite their awkwardness, Riley is upset that it does but ultimately decides to try to get over it as best as she can, TBC (because this fanfic is only on the damn prologue!)

Make no mistake, I feel Lucaya was kind of "rushed" in some small way too, but honestly, I can't really think of something that could have been done better for Lucaya's love arc in Texas III. It played out realistically and right to me. *shrugs* 

Think about it this way; there are some things that could have been way worse like Lucas and Maya being able to chill and hang out normally after the charged tension that is lingering between them. If they were able to act normally, that would have been a sign that their almost kiss did not affect them properly and a clear sign that perhaps they do not have romantic connections.

They should be messed up and awkward over the almost kiss. Because they're still wondering what it would be like to actually kiss each other and it's making them both sweaty palmed and nervous and awkward. 

But this episode was not about LUCAYA. It was about Riley and the repercussions of her actions in Texas. So of course we didn't get a "proper" Lucaya resolution. That will come later when a shipping episode comes to play again, I suppose.

When Riley figured out that Maya liked Lucas, the cogs turned in her head. Perhaps it wasn't malicious in nature. Perhaps it was desperation on her part because she was terrified of losing Lucas to Maya, knowing deep down in her heart that he thought Maya a beauty, he already looked at Maya in a way that he never looked at Riley. That he chose Mayaville over Rileytown once before. Who's to say it wouldn't happen again?

I think she panicked. Riley tried to act like Maya in the episodes. She tried to be more like Maya and act like Maya, in my opinion, in hopes of making Lucas even more attracted to her (Riley). Because Riley is influenced a lot by her emotions. In this case, jealousy, so she tried to adopt the characteristics that she believes attract Lucas to Maya, when in reality, it's more than just the teasing game and the nicknames and the banter and physicality between Lucas and Maya.

She forced Maya's confession, forced them to talk, forced them to come to terms with their relationship because she did not expect Lucas to have romantic feelings for Maya, seeing as how he seemed adamant originally to continue his unofficial thing with Riley.

Her plan did not go as expected, because what resulted in her meddling was a realization by Lucas that his feelings for Maya were more profound and were reciprocated. That he really is interested romantically in Maya and no longer has to suppress his want for Maya. That he has a chance with Maya. That he's comfortable with Maya in the very physical way they behave, teasing and banter and touches because it's Maya who does it. [THE MAYA EFFECT.] 

When Maya poured the smoothie on him, he took it and even grinned like an adorable dork. When Maya kicked his butt and was like 'me now', Lucas was basically like 'yes dear' and happily went along and sat down (HE'S ALREADY WHIPPED AS FUCK AND THEY HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED DATING FOR REAL! LOL MAYA HAS HIM TWIRLED AROUND HER PINKY FINGER). Versus Riley punching him playfully and he stopped that shit right quick or showed displeasure.

And here's where things get rough for Riley: I think she probably didn't realize she never was the first choice. She was the second. And that ties back into the "Maya saw him first" thing. Though I don't find that as concrete as evidence, in this case, it really is. Maya intrigued him first and she captured his interest and I think from day one, he has been attracted to her no nonsense, jaded, slightly rebellious, sure of who she is personality. He wanted to get to know her better. But she never opened up to him so he didn't think he had a chance. And the key thing here is he settled and got used to the idea that he's supposed to be with Riley because that's just the way things were.

All of them just got used to things the way they were. So this change barreled out of nowhere and knocked everyone flat on their butts. (Except Zay lol. He called it).

But like [Riley’s] half thought out plan in GM Master Plan, she didn't read the situation completely clearly as she should have and it backfired on her. Which is why she does not see part III coming. Which is why when Maya tells her something happened between her and Lucas, she assumes the worst and gets scared and her assumption in this case turns out to be right. 

Which is why seeing Lucas so enamoured I guess, so tied to, so something with Maya scares the shit out of her. Because now she sees that by stepping back, she nailed the coffin in her relationship with Lucas. Now she regrets stepping back. Now she wants him back, but when she's at Topanga's and realizes that Lucas rejects the brother idea after he mentions his talk with Auggie, she thinks she can get him back. She gets hopeful that maybe he will ask her to continue their relationship. She even asks him what he sees them as almost desperately. 

But seeing Maya tell Lucas "Me now" and seeing Lucas turn around and go back to her like the whipped as fuck puppy dog he is, Riley realizes that to him, even if he doesn't see them as bro/sis, he doesn't see them as romantic either.

Riley's understanding was probably that Lucas might like Maya for what she does, so she decided to try to change her own behaviour to be more similar to what Maya does: trying to hit him playfully, calling him names, acting all physical with him. 

But what she doesn't realize is that the essence of Lucaya comes from his innate desire for and attraction to Maya from the get go that he had been suppressing for years, while ultimately settling for who he thought he should just go with because she liked him and he liked her so a relationship would probably work. Right? (WRONG LUCAS. BECAUSE ULTIMATELY YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED IN CARRYING ON ANY KIND OF REAL RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS WHY YOU WERE OKAY WITH BEING IN A PASSIVE UNOFFICIAL WEIRD THING. YOU SETTLED. BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO. YOU WANTED TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS AND CONQUER IT.)

That moment Lucaya shared was too intense and too profound and just too much everything to the point that when they got back, they were utterly scared and confused about what the hell had just happened between them because they didn't talk about it. They didn't discuss the loaded question "why did you pull away" which has a more complicated answer than you would think. Once the adrenaline rush and all the endorphins and dopamine and serotonin all whooshed away, they were left with the thing that caused those hormones to surge up in the first place: FEAR. Maya's fear that Lucas would figure out she liked him and Lucas experiencing the scariest moment of his life when he realized he had a chance with Maya. And fear breeds awkwardness and hesitation!

But they both recognize they like each other. They know that much. And even though they are confused as hell and uncertain, they recognize that they like each other and because of that they know they can start from there. They can grow from that feeling. That's how it starts.

(It's going to end in all consuming love. And then they'll get married and have cowboy and cowgirl babies and Pappy Joe will become Maya's Pappy Joe *coughBLATANTFORESHADOWINGcough* but I'm getting a little ahead of myself here).

I feel like everyone around them is also exacerbating things. Cory in the classroom, Maya and Lucas talking to the rest of the Matthews. Zay at Topanga's. Farkle at Topanga's.

Remember what Maya said to Zay. "You don't have to watch."

Because Lucas and Maya have something important they need to talk about (and to do actually. LOL they need to kiss, though they don't realize it), but they can't do it with everyone around them and they don't know how to start so they're stuck in a limbo.

But it was a good awkward. A cute and sweet and endearing awkward. Not an uncomfortable awkward like Rucas. You know that because Lucas and Maya grinned at each other. You know that because they had asecond "date" thing. Within the same day. Like one time a day wasn't enough for them and they had to see each other's face again LOL. (Why are they so cute! I'm loving this side of Lucaya too! All stupid and clueless and scared and worried and lost and vulnerable.)

But remember, even before Texas III awkwardness came around, anytime something remotely romantic in nature happened between them they got nervous/restless/scared/awkward. This isn't new.

The 'blonde beauty' comment: Maya stares at Lucas; Lucas looks away awkwardly, mentally cursing out Zay in his mind.

'Did you just call me Lucas.' 'I've always known your name.': Slight awkward pause where she stares at Lucas a bit wide eyed before she responds. And then another beat of pause followed by 'I like us all very much' (WHICH WAS A LIE. YOU WERE TRYING TO SAY I LIKE LUCAS WAHAHAHAHAHA)

Creativity 'you're a great artist Maya': They fall silent and stare into each other's eyes and make a connection, but they don't really speak because it's also kind of a nervewracking/restless moment.

Maya points out Lucas is dancing with her: He stutters which is a clear indication of being nervous/a little awkward for him

After Lucas stops Maya from attacking Farkle: Maya stares at him a little nervous/and silent/and slightly awkward and doesn't know what to say really because the touch actually affected her.

When Lucas fucked up and talked about her homelife: He was trying to console her from a place of love. He's basically trying to say 'I need you in my life, Maya', which is difficult for him to say because at this point, he thinks Maya would find it a strange thing for him to say and he stumbles over his words and accidentally insults and offends her and it's just a trainwreck of awkwardness. He flounders over his words because he doesn't know how to say the aforementioned without revealing some internal feelings.

My point is, when it comes to anything in their feelings being addressed or brought out into the open, they get weird and awkward because they're both scared and don't know how to deal with them. Lucas because he's positive Maya doesn't see him as anything but a ranger rick doofy cowboy. Maya because she let go of Lucas and she is sure his only feelings are for Riley. 

So anytime the two of them slip up and reveal even a little of what they feel for each other (which would jarr the status quo pretty monumentally, as you can see happened in Texas) they cover it up poorly, it gets lost in translation, they get quiet, they get awkward. They've always been like that. We're just seeing the purest most basic form in Texas III.

Which brings me to my main point: their awkwardness is not because they cannot connect romantically, their awkwardness stems from uncertainty and fear because they are unsure how to proceed from here. He almost kissed her. Okay, should they finish up the kiss? Should they try dating first and then kissing? Should they be a couple before they kiss? Overlying theme and connection here is the kiss that did not happen.

And I have no doubt that's all that's on their minds.

Lucaya's awkward date was because they're both scared to mess this up because they like each other so much. They're stupid lovestruck puppy babies plus they both are probably thinking about the kiss that never was and I'm sure they both want it to happen. I am convinced that if Lucas finished up what he started and kissed Maya, that kiss wouldn't be weighing on their minds and they would probably have a release of this tension.