#losingtouch

Fascinate me with your dreams

Ideas flowing from my subconscious

Like the full moon light beams

Feeling alive unconscious

Sleep is my brains remedy

Dreaming is the cure

Like a long lost memory

Of a time you were pure

Moments fade as I awaken

Dreaming feels like time traveling

When reality is mistaken

Growing apart from someone you were once like siblings with is difficult. 

Throughout the years, I’ve grown close to and then far apart from many people, all of whom have touched my life in some way. The ones I used to be super close to but do not even talk to anymore are still people I hold dear to my heart. I avidly ‘like/love’ everything they post on social media just to send the message that I still appreciate the role they have each played in my life, however transitory it was. Maybe it’s just romanticism and nostalgia, but I can’t imagine a day where I will stop supporting them through social media.

It’s interesting how social media allows us to send messages that way.

In the past, if you and a friend move to different cities and lose touch, that’s pretty much the end. Now we lose touch but never in totality. You can still creep on their lives and watch their highlight reels and throw them likes just to say, “You may not be around anymore and we may be totally different people who are very incompatible as friends now but you made my life so much brighter at one point and time and this is my way of letting you know I’ll never forget that.”

Ideally, instead of a like from afar, I’d just hit them up with a text or call or message. And with some people I can pick up right where we left off with no problem. But with a select few, there is little left besides awkwardness. Our values and priorities have diverged too much to a point where we don’t even share the same humor anymore. Imagine cracking a joke where nobody even fakes a laugh. That’s how it feels with some people from my past who I once could laugh-until-not-breathing with. And calling these people up to have a legit convo would mean having to confront the full magnitude of how irrelevant and uninteresting we now are to each other and that is even harder than accepting “we grew apart” because that confrontation comes with the risk that we might cut each other out entirely. Not making that call allows us to say, “Distance did this to us and if not for circumstances all would be well.” Making that call forces us to recognize, “We did this to each other, mutually gave up on our friendship, and now we don’t even like each other. It’s time for a final goodbye.” I can’t bring myself to do that. She can’t bring herself to do that. We can’t bring each other to make that call and risk the worst case scenario we fear.