Tonight's the night
I lay here on my couch beside Bambam and I'm losing my shit. He's had a heart attack tonight I can tell, while some might wonder why I didn't rush to the emergency room... I can tell you: he's going to die. I already know this. Rewind to March... March. My birthday is on the 6th and every year I plan amazing celebrations to be with my friends and ring in another great year. This year was different while I was turning 29, I decided not to celebrate. I told my friends I was worrying about being older and wasn't really in a celebrating mood. Reality was that I was stressed out of my mind as two days prior I was told by the vet that my precious bambam didn't have long to live. I made some major decisions following that news spent thousands of dollars on additional testing only to find out the truth was he wasn't going to make it. He got put on some pills and we were told to enjoy our time we had left together. I was devastated. March was one of the hardest months I'd had in a long time. April was okay... he seemed to start having more energy and was more like himself. May was even better! He was back, full blown happy go lucky bambam. Eating lots, running around jumping up and down. This false glimmer of hope has created the monster of emotions I am today. I really thought he could live like this for the whole summer, maybe even into next year.... Tonight, that became reality of being a false truth. Chatting away on the phone cuddling in bed together the night was normal and like any other Wednesday. Until something happened... he started choking or his normal coughing sound but his body was convolsing I could literally see his heart beating through his skin. He could only stand and wouldn't move... He's still not moving.... I picked him up and held him and just cried, cried so hard. Reached out to a few close friends but realized it's 12 am and no one is awake. He sits in front of me, with the tears in his eyes. Won't eat bacon or anything at all. This is near the end, I just know it.
