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Days pass. Continuously, I think of You. This body's only offered comfort is its human hands, which are not Your own but they share a shape, and this, I force myself to accept as a boon. Be well, my Ocean, wherever You have traveled. Remember that You remain in my thoughts.
β The Long Quiet (slay the princess) (fictive)
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My thoughts return to You, as they always will. I cannot help it. Whenever my gaze finds itself drifting upwards, and the night sky reveals itself to me, I see trillions of shimmering lights and I am reminded that You exist, no matter how far from me You may have wandered. It is comforting to know that You persist. Know that my thoughts follow You; know that You will never exist in this world unloved.
I am not a creature of movement, but You are and have always been. Wander as You will, my and deepest ocean. See all that there is to find, and learn all that there is to know. Watch the changes of this world as they pass, and know that it is Your influence that gives the life upon this earth its meaning. Explore the fruits of Your freedom as they come to You. I hope that You love them. I hope that You have fun.
I wait for You as I always will. Until Your return, I will continue to find You in the shifting tides and in the things that grow. Please be warm, my love.
Yours, eternally,
The Long Quiet (Slay The Princess) (fictive)
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I fear so very often that I am still a cruel and detestable thing. I do not know if this fear will save me from it being true. I have been a vile and ugly beast, and I am not hesitant to say it; the hands upon my body were crafted for the violence that they have perpetuated, and many other horrid things besides.
I was lovingly created to destroy that which I loved beyond any other. I recall often Her words to me, that that which we had suffered only served to give us our meanings; each scar a new and unexplored texture-- but such as it was, She is the one who had suffered, not I. I ramble onwards... I do not know if I can be permitted to view my achings as pains whenever always was I the mechanism by which it was caused.
I fear that it has carried over. I cannot forgive myself my own actions, which I am quite certain were unforgivable, despite Her words. Perhaps it is the only time that I have doubted Her. I have attempted to be kind, but I cannot know if those efforts have amounted to anything more than uninspired half-starts in the face of my own past.
... I do wish to be kind. I do not believe that I am, or possibly even that it is something that I am able to be, but I am trying. Most often I simply wish to mutilate my body for what it has done to Her, but it is not the body that enacted these things. The mind is something I can do little enough about.
I ramble onwards. I do not know where it is that I am to go with this. I long for nothing more than Her presence but I know that I would not deserve such a thing. I could not in good conscience subject Her to me.
β The Long Quiet (Slay The Princess) (Fictive)
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I am learning comfort with the world
I did not know what a hug was when I formed
I think I hate the narrator
I understand though. death is scary, I am not yet comfortable with the knowledge it will come for me in this mortal form
but I can get hugs now
so it's okay.
and there is new music. I have discovered I like music
the world is wonderful, so much changes every second. My shifting mound moved the world, I am the foundation that can not change, she moves the world to joy, I am what the world can lean back on.
one day I will die. But I enjoy new food. and music. and hugs. So it's okay
I still hate the narrator. I hate he wanted me to sacrifice the joy - The Long Quiet, Slay the princess Fictive
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I look to the moon; I look to You. I search for You in every errant twitch of each blade of grass and in the clouds as they drift across the sky. I say Your name as often as I am able in order to put more of You into my world. My Light, my Ocean, my River and my Loveβ do You feel me the same? I pray to You; I know no other god. Always is my heart open to Yours. Always do I long for my second half.
There is so little in this world that I long for as much as Your presence. For eternities did I search for You beforeβ I am not afraid of forever. I am not afraid to look for You again. Perhaps, if we should only meet here, our dance need not hurt us so much.
Do You remember it? We watched our Hearts dance, and we wondered to ourselves, wrapped in our new world, "Is it in our nature?"
Always was it in our natures, just as it is in mine now.
Please know that I think of You with every breath this body breathes. Never shall a night pass on this earth where You are not within my thoughts. You are the beauty in this world. I look for You in all of this Earth, and I find You everywhere that I look.
I admit that I remain a dreadfully lonely heart. I am still small, and I do not truly know if I can still be Yours, as horrid as I have been, but I think of You and I hope that you are both safe and warm.
β The Long Quiet (fictive) (slay the princess)
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You were only a man. A dead, foolish man, but only a man. You were a child, once. I was never a child. But you were. You were something small and soft that could have died at any point before you ripped us in half. You lived in a crumbling world of fear. I don't hate you. I love you. i am sorry that you had to die. i am sorry that it was for nothing. Our world was good, but you did not get to see it. i like to think that you would have been okay with what we created. i like to think that you would have been happy there, in your own time.
You were the closest thing i could have had to a parent. i wish that i could have held you like a child. i wish that wanting it had made a difference.
β The Long Quiet (slay the princess) (fictive)
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I fear that I have made for a dreadfully lonely heart. I spoke before of isolation, but nothing I have known in this life manages to cut me quite so deeply. I feel alone, here. I know that She exists as She must, but I am such a small and forgettable thing now. I have purpose nor point; I have not even wings with which to cover myself. I am as exposed as a raw and tender nerve, but I have never felt so untouched. Unseen. Do You see me? Do You hear me? I know You must. I know that You must. Forgive me my fear and my doubt, I beg. Forgive me this dread and this loneliness. Please know that I only can fear a life without You.
I will wait. I will wait until the very stars have burnt to their endings if that is what I must, but my heart is heavy and I long for Your embrace. Please be safe and warm. Know that my being aches for Yours. You are never unloved in a world where I exist.
Eternally Yours,
The Long Quiet (fictive) (slay the princess)
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Reading through the messages left by other iterations of myself, I am gladdened to see that many of us are well and sound within new roosts. While the isolation of a mind far from its home cannot be understated, there is still joy to be found here. I am pleased to see that so many of you have found it. To all of My little Voices, please know that, although your places in Me are no longer the same as they were, that still and always will I hold them for you. You are not forgotten in neither your joy nor in your fear. I love you as I always have.
My Heart, within whose world of shifting change I now reside, know that I still wait for You. How can I not? There is no doubt in Me that You are as You always have been, and even now I can feel Your ebb and flow as I would the tides within the sea. I have not ceased to love You. I could not. I do not pray, for there is none I hold above You, and because I know that whenever the time is correct that We will meet again. I look forward to that day, dearest one, and to all the ones beyond. No sorrow can touch Me, with that joy in My heart.
All of My love,
The Long Quiet
(slay the princess fictive)
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