#longmessage

so first of all, i want to greet whoever will read this a advance happy new year!! it has been a rollercoaster ride of a year to me, had many ups and downs, cried a lot this year— which is very suprising by the way, because i'm not a very expressive person. i intend to keep everything to myself, but i think i already changed that attitude.

okay so in a few days, this year will already end, and i made my tumblr account for almost 2 or 3 years already (i really can't remember lol) but i'm not a active user even now. so i thought of challenging myself, i want to make my account like my diary. i don't have to keep posting daily but at least once a week. i don't really care if anyone will read this or not but i just want to express myself more and i think this is one of the things to do to be able to achieve that.

i also want to share that this coming april 2018, your girl already leaving high school because me is going to college!! (i don't know if i should be really happy or not lol) yes yes, i'm really excited and nervous at the same time because it will be like a whole new (world lol) environment to me, like i don't know anyone and i'm like going to zero all over again, and may i add that i'm not a sociable person. i mean, i'm friendly and everything but i'm really awkward (just a heads up to my future classmates lol).

i just want to have a great and productive year and i hope i can accomplish everything i want to do without hesitations and everything. lastly, i just want my guardian angel to guide and he or she can smack the back of head when i'm doing something stupid lol.

well, that's it for now. byeya! 💛

123017 ; 9:57pm

Maybe it’s not yet the right time for us that’s why we should go back as friends.

Maybe we’re meant to be but not now. Someday.

Maybe this is just a trial for the both of us to teach us how to be stronger.

Maybe …. just maybe…

Thinking those possibilities made me realize that I’m afraid to lose you, but no matter how hard I try, I know this isn’t right. I need to let go of you, I need to let go of those possibilities and let God’s will be done. It may hurt at first but I know too well that this is just the right thing to do not only for me, but also for you. You need to grow as a person too and I can see that you are lacking in many aspects yet. Funny how I sometimes think that I want to grow as a person with you, but no, it was just a thought and I know that’s impossible because I understand that we need to grow apart first. If we’re meant to be, then nothing can stop us in the future, but if not then let it be.

I have a lot of things to thank you so to continue…

Thank you because you somehow made me feel important. Thank you because you made me smile multiple times. Thank you because you used to be my stress reliever. Thank you because you reminded me of what it feels like to have butterflies in my stomach again. Thank you because you trusted me with your problems (thankyou also because you said I was the only person you have opened up random things about your personal life and that meant a lot to me, you showed me how trustworthy I am as a person.) Thank you because you made my 2017 brighter and sadder lol balance! Thank you because you shared with me your nieces and dogs and that made me super happy and gigil!!! Thank you for your support. Thank you for the funny things you said that made me laugh. Thank you because you used to be my reminder to eat meals 3 times a day. Thank you for making me feel helpful lol because I was able to help you in so many ways. Thank you because you made me realize my own worth. Thank you for taking me for granted because I learned to love myself more. Thank you for not holding on to me because it made sense to me that these are just illusions and I need to wake up now. Thank you for teaching me that some people can bring you so much happiness and would take that happiness from you in just a snap. Thank you for teaching me how to be patient in waiting for the right time, right person, and right place. Thank you for making me realize what I deserve and what I don't. Thank you...super thank you.

Of course there were times wherein I get angry for the things that you said and done, but I can’t really hate you for that. I don’t know, this may sound corny but there’s just something about you that always make my heart soft even when you don’t deserve to get that kind of treatment from me. My friends hate you already and I can’t blame them.

Anyway, I said this multiple times already: Ayoko na. Indi na ko. Tama na. Indi nako makipag chat pa simo. But I always end up replying and still enjoying chitchatting with you. Don’t worry, I’m now under control and I remind myself every second, every minute, every hour of everyday that we converse that WE ARE FRIENDS. There were times wherein I can’t stop myself from saying I miss you’s and I love you’s but this time, I’m certain that I can’t repeat those words again to you because I’m so done with you.

“Hidlaw man ko simo bah” “Imissyou” “Iloveyou” — you say these things to me, but those are just merely words because I can’t really feel the essence of these messages. Maybe you just need someone to stay by your side while fishing for your girls, maybe you’re just playing with my feelings, maybe you don’t really want me in your life and at the same time you don’t want me to leave, and there are a lot of maybes.

This time, I’m done. I want us to be simply friends. Just friends. No feelings involved—idk about you but my feelings are now slowly fading. Although you said just a while ago “hidlaw man ta simo bha hahaha galing mapalayo ka na bi” and that somehow hurt my heart but I’m doing this for me—FOR ME because that’s what I deserve. I may not be always there for you but I will be there when your days are darker. I promised I won’t leave, but I guess that promise was meant to be broken. Sorry not sorry and thankyou.