#log2

08/02/21

They decided to cancel lunch plans today… But I can still get dinner leftovers! Titus is bound to accidentally leave the food out.. There’s this really good salad they have that Twig gets a lot as a side dish..

Titus and Twig are gonna watch a cool movie tonight! And there just so happens to be a shelf right above the entrance to the living room, that has a hole in its wall! Hehe!

I don’t know what the movie’s about.. but it’s called Ant-Man! That sounds pretty weird.. but also cool!

Been working on handling a lot- desensitization to feet/nails being done. He’s gotten really good at it and is a quick learner! I keep him in my lap and do them since that’s easiest for me in terms of positioning haha. He gets brushed/combed every day since puppy fluff is coming out little by little and I want him used to grooming as well. He’s due for another bath here soon.

Working on offering chin into hand for bite examination- speaking of- someone is starting to lose teeth! Began to work on “step up” which will translate into body awareness eventually. Also playing with “shake”, “roll over” and “sit pretty” for fun and he’s catching onto all nicely. Continuing to work on focus, not jumping onto me, heel foundations, etc.

Well. I’ve fucked up.

Let’s go to a jungle planet, I thought. It’ll be fun, I thought. Warm weather, twin suns-- I could treat it like a tropical vacation! Land, tan, drink a piña colada, pilfer something shiny to trade with the Hekk for ship parts… what could go wrong?

As it turns out, the answer is plenty. Plenty.

It started with my landing brakes. Now, for those unfamiliar with such high-brow technical jargon, landing brakes are the bits on a spacecraft that allow it to stop plummeting toward the surface of a planet, before it hits the ground. They’re really quite helpful--vital, one might say--and so when mine went up in literal smoke approximately 500 feet from the ground, I did what any good and dignified explorer would do: scream like a panicked goat.

I know, I’m two for two-- my second case of Highly Controlled Plummeting in as many planets. Since it keeps happening, I’ve decided to turn it into an acronym: HCP. If you want to pronounce it, just hiccup.

Anyway, I’m still alive to deliver you this peppy monologue thanks to the fortuitous arrangement of my crash site’s topography-- if you’ve ever heard of the ancient mobile game “Flappy Bird”, you’ll be able to picture fairly well what happened. I belly-slid down the side of a very steep mountain, through a valley, and up the slope of a neighboring hill. My momentum carried me into the air, where I hung for a moment like the first star in a dusk-bruised sky... and then I toppled into a lake of green ooze.

Now, you may be thinking: “That’s great, oh Magnificent Explorer, but I thought you said this was a jungle planet. How was your ship not instantly dashed against a tree, and your guts flung like toilet paper over its branches?”

First of all, ew. That’s super graphic. I’m kind of worried about you, honestly. If you need a therapist, I can recommend a few dozen. 

Second of all, let me explain something about my ship: it’s an L-14-66N. It was built to be shat out of a larger ship, land on the surface of a planet, blast rocks into smaller rocks with its shooty shooty laser beams, and collect the goods with its Doc Ock robot arms before running back to mommy. The laser guns jut straight out of the front of the ship, and can generate enough heat to cut through solid metal. They can also, as it turns out, carve an L-14-66N-sized path through alien vegetation, if the big red button is pressed with enough panicked fervor.

So now I’m sitting on top of my smoking ship as it sinks, staring at my own mile-long smoking skid mark, and wondering whether alien trees feel pain.

I think I’ll check back in a bit. For now, I need to figure out how to get my ship back to dry land and out of this… goop.

Fun.

━━━━━━━━━━

peises: I know I can't do muc)( now but I )(ope you're alrig)(t!

2twopiid: iit'2 fiine. you don't have two worry about me, iit'2 dumb.

peises: I don't t)(ink I understand muc)( but I'm s)(ore it's not dumb. 38P peises: Do you want to glub about it?

2twopiid: iidk, iit'2 ju2t that ii wa2 pretty 2ure ii wa2 done wiith all thii2 guiilt, or liike guiilt by a22ociiatiion, or whatever fucked up 2emii-uniiver2al alternate fuckery emotiion2 thii2 kiind of 2hiit iinvolve2. but ii gue22 iit doe2n't take a whole lot two undo the work ii put iintwo gettiing over my fuckiing 2elf.

peises: W)(at are you guilty about? 38O

2twopiid: let'2 ju2t 2ay ii wa2 tangentiially re2pon2iible for a death (2he ii2 fiine now), and a2 iit turn2 out, ii am not the only 2ollux re2pon2iible who wa2 u2ed a2 a twol for murder.

peises: You never told me t)(is. I mean, you s)(ouldn't eel guilty if s)(e's okay now and it wasn't completely your fault. 38( )(ow long ago did t)(is )(appen??

2twopiid: iit wa2 a long tiime ago. ii wa2 5 2weep2 almo2t 6. ii don't actwoally remember the actual event at all, but ii know iit happened. 2twopiid: ii diidn't tell you cau2e ii diidn't want two giive you a rea2on two thiink le22 of me.

peises: You just told me you were a kid! I won't t)(ink less of you because of somet)(ing t)(at )(appened w)(en you weren't able to make c)(oices for yours)(ellf.

2twopiid: ok, but who 2ay2 you won't thiink le22 of me for my iinabiiliity two get over iit, even though 2he ii2 fiine iin my tiimeliine.

peises: M-E! I would say t)(at. Do you t)(ink MURD-----ER is somet)(ing you get over in a few sweeps? peises: T)(ere are t)(ings I still get upset aboat, do you t)(ink less of me?

2twopiid: of cour2e ii don't wtf.

peises: But you some)(ow cannot apply t)(at to yourself! 38( peises: I eel more bad for you t)(an anyt)(ing because I can't kelp you or conc)(vince you otterwise.

2twopiid: ii don't want you two have two feel bad for me. ii don't want two be re2pon2iible for you feeliing anythiing that ii2n't good.

peises: It doesn't always )(ave to be aboat me, eit)(er- it's not dumb to eel t)(ings!! I like you because of w)(o you are now, and it doesn't matter to me w)(at )(appened w)(en you were itty bitty.

2twopiid: ii thiink iit ii2 2ometiime2 pretty dumb two feel certaiin thiing2. and who ii am now ii2 a re2ult of the bad 2hiit that happened two me. ii would probably be le22 terriible and fucked up iif none of that 2tuff ever happened, and maybe iit would make more 2en2e that you liike me iif ii wa2 fundamentally a diifferent per2on.

peises: You're not making any sense!! 38( peises: I told you I like you for you and I just wis)( you could get t)(at, genuinely!

2twopiid: ii'm not 2ayiing you 2houldn't, ii'm ju2t 2ayiing ii am not a2 good of a per2on a2 ii thiink you beliieve ii am.

peises: 38'(

2twopiid: are you really cryiing? becau2e iif you are ii wiill back off. ii'm tryiing two explaiin my2elf not be an a22hole.

peises: I am not but I am also not far from it! It's just frustrating. 38(

2twopiid: ok. ii'm 2orry. iit'2 ju2t. iidk, you 2aiid ii wa2n't makiing 2en2e, but iif you 2pend any tiime thiinkiing about iit, none of thii2 really doe2. what you could po22iibly 2ee iin me that ii2 worth all thii2 bull2hiit ii2 a my2tery! ii ju2t really don't get iit.

peises: I don't want you to conc)(stantly question w)(at I sea in you! I still am going to fig)(t for you but I am starting to doubt t)(ings. 38(! peises: I feel )(-ELPL-ESS.

2twopiid: you have doubt2?

peises: I want to )(elp you but you s)(ould let me if t)(is is going to work! peises: W)(at do you want to do??

2twopiid: ii don't know. ii want thii2 two work, but ii am not the be2t at lettiing good thiing2 2tay that way.

peises: Maybe we s)(ould take a s)(ort break until I get back. 38P peises: I t)(ink we s)(ould t)(ink about t)(ings!

2twopiid: ii2 that what you want two do? 2twopiid: when are you comiing back?

peises: I'm not sure. A mont)( or two, maybe, but it reely depends on w)(en -Eridan )(as seen enoug)( of -Eart)(! peises: Maybe we can try to find a little peace alone and we can work it out w)(en t)(e tide comes. 38(

2twopiid: ii2 that really what you want?

peises: It's not w)(at I want but it's w)(at I t)(ink will at least keep us going, even if it is later. W)(at do you want?

2twopiid: iidk, ii want a lot of thiing2. ii want two not ruiin thii2. ii want two feel liike ii de2erve haviing you iin my liife. ii want whatever ii2 goiing two make thii2 work long-term. iif you genuiinely thiink takiing a break ii2 goiing two be good for u2, ii don't really want two do that but ii wiill becau2e ii do love you, and liike ii 2aiid, ii want whatever ii2 goiing two make thii2 work.

peises: Maybe just a few days or weeks, t)(en? It can't )(urt us, rig)(t?? I don't want to just call it quits. 38(

2twopiid: why don't we ju2t 2tart wiith a few day2, and iif you 2tiill thiink a longer break ii2 a good iidea, we can talk about iit then. ii feel liike makiing the decii2iion whiile we are up2et ii2 maybe not the be2t iidea.

peises: T)(at works for me. 38* peises: I mean, I want t)(ings to be okay! I reely do.

2twopiid: 2o do ii.

peises: It just mig)(t take some tide, you know? P)(-EW, okay.

2twopiid: yeah.ii'm 2orry.

peises: Don't be! I t)(ink t)(ings will be better after. peises: I still LOV-E you.

Nov 4, 2020

Outdoor focus, mark/rewarding for coming back to a (kinda sloppy but still a puppy) heel position while on a long lead. Giving him the freedom to choose instead of constantly just hitting the end of a 6 ft leash. Began groundwork for stay. Indoors did handling- brushing/combing, shaving paw pads for the first time, then socialization with the vacuum. Went well! He would rather play with a toy and wasn’t bothered. That evening had him on the bed to work on just snuggling and relaxing while not chomping everything in sight.

Nov 7, 2020

Baby vest came in the mail! (Thank you @fragile-milkbones 💛) Right away he shoved his head into it- likely figured it was similar to putting his collar on? Idk he’s a smart little dude! I’ll take it and he was great with it on. No gear shyness. Just played a bit outside with it to give positive associations and let him run around and make sure he wasn’t acting weird with it on. Went well!

Nov 8, 2020

Did more work with LLW/heel- outdoors since it was somehow 70° in northern MI in November?? Socialization to kids running past, people walking by and barking dogs. Click/treat for focus on me and pets for being calm. Partner helped me with restrained recall to built a strong recall in the future- he loved that! Introduced him to the kong wobbler for part of his dinner.

Nov, 9 2020

Did some training the other day! We went to Lowe’s to work on heeling, focus, stay and doing all that with distractions. Obe was great and was willing to walk on the carts and on wood for more texture/confidence work. He was a little distracted towards the end so I decided to head home and end it on a good note. ⁣

He also ugly oh my god djdhdhd I love it

Today we went to the dog park to get some energy out and socialize. Obe was SUPER happy to play and run around. He charmed everyone with his gazelle run. After that we went to PetSmart to do some training. He was really good. We’ve been just working on new environments and such. He’s getting better and focusing on me and not being too worried about everything going on.

Met some people then went back into focus on me. We worked on heeling, focus, sit and down. Started some work on stay in a new environment. He did really well. Towards the end of the trip he got startled by some cans falling and let out a couple barks (totally understandable) but he was redirected and calmed down quickly! I really love how quickly he recovers from things.