#lmltfic

          “ you know-- ” they’d been quiet for a while, fingers interlocked over his chest. the comfortable quiet had almost lulled him into sleep, something that at one point in his life had seemed next to impossible, but now, with her beside him, was as routine as breathing. now he broke that silence, a content smile on his face. “ i don’t think i’ve ever been happier in my entire life. ”

( a letter of farewell left as a gift for nova from ontari before her departure to finland )

my dearest, nova, it took quite a while for me to write this, as a result of why it has been left as the final going away note. i trust you’ll understand that this is not meant in any way to have insulted you, but rather an attempt to prevent any of this to be interpreted as a wish for us to cause a divide even deeper than that which has already been established between us and keep at bay any sort of tragedy hat could be a result of an outbreak between us. after everything that’s happened between us in the last two months this feels like something that i think is important for me to get out before i depart and begin my life away from our family ( though i do understand that to you i am no longer considered family, you are still considered a brother to me ). knowing you this letter is one that probably will be discarded of rather quickly before the contents are even read, me having become a rather large pain in your ass is something i had never anticipated, but i urge you ( if you have made it this far in the letter ) to please continue to read this if not for yourself or for me, but for our family. i do not wish for tension between us even if our ending cannot be one of friendship and kinship. alas, now i have distracted myself and must return tot he task at hand ---- writing my thoughts is something that should be refrained to actual speaking conversations. where to begin. in my attempt to keep things short i will simply start with this: that i do love you. it’s a rather selfish final note to leave with you dearest, and i understand if you would rather tare up this letter at this moment and propel it straight to the edge of a lighter. and it makes me feel a little better, to be able to tell you that one last time. but it is the only sentiment i feel towards you, no matter the circumstance i have put us in, and before we end all conversation between us, i feel like it was something necessary to be said. you always have a place with me, even if i no longer have one at your side. it’s tragic knowing we’ll probably never be able to fix what i’ve broken between us, the thought causes aches to run through red veins every morning when i wake. it pains me to know that your life will go on rather unaffected by my presence in it, but there is no greater joy to me ( well with the exception of sven ) than to know that you are happy and smiling wherever you are, even if it is not a family picture that includes me. but it’s the path i chose, and i hold no regrets for it, i stand by every action, and meant every word at the time they were spoken. there is nothing i would take back and i truly hope you feel the same brother. despite this, however, i thought it would be important to inform you of how much i loved you. but i don’t know how. there is no extent of words and metaphors that can be used in order for me to have the capacity to explain the importance of your presence in my life. and while i do not wish for you to feel pity, as i am not deserving of such emotion nor have any need for it being rather content with how my life has turned out already so instead, i’ve ended this short note with i love you and i’m sorry as they are the only words i know how to say to you at this time. i hope you can accept them as final words of parting, though we may see each other at annual dinners i doubt we’ll have much to say to one another then. goodbye brother. it’s been a wild ride.

               ❛     get in,   looser.   we’re going for BRUNCH.     ❜