#llilo

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Chapter 11

It wasn’t that Louis was mad at Liam.

No, Louis had no reason to be angry at Liam right now. He had already forgiven the man for everything that went down in the alps and Liam had nothing to do with Niall’s fall, therefore, Louis has no particular reason to be angry. 

But he is.

And maybe he’s just angry at the world right now, maybe he’s just a little upset because his fairytale adoption tale isn’t going to exact way he planned. Louis is an organized planner. He was the complete bridezilla before and during his wedding and he organized everything personally in their home to perfection. Borderline OCD and a bit over-zealous when it came to cleanliness, Louis was not happy with the way his life was tipping and turning. 

‘Niall is worth it.’ The father has to repeat because he knows it but he has to remember why he’s putting himself through the heartache and the hurt. Why he would rather die than be dragged away from this hospital room before Niall was capable of walking out of it himself. Louis Tomlinson was a father now. Still OCD, still a bit over zealous, but above all, a father. 

And Liam was lovely, really, but being cooped up in a depressing room that smells like stale death and sadness, there was bound to be a bit of tension. 

The door opens and closes and Louis jerks his head back to see his husband walking in. Looking away from his son yet tightening his hand around the much smaller one, he looks Liam up and down judgmentally. “Where have you been?” He snaps and Liam walks to Niall’s opposite side slowly. 

“Talking to that doctor who said he’d look over Niall’s head CT and MRI.” He says a bit glumly. “He said there are some things he wants to talk to us about.”

“Well, I’m not leaving the room unless Niall’s coming with me, so...” Louis bites back harshly and Liam bites his tongue to keep from snapping back. 

“I know.” He huffs. “That’s why he said he’d come in here to talk in a few minutes.” 

Louis rolls his eyes and lays his head back on the bed next to Niall’s prone arm. The nurse’s had taken the boy off of his sedatives earlier after the fathers were safe in his room. 

Liam gives his husband a disappointed look. “Louis, i don’t understand why you said you forgave me if you were going to continue acting like this.” He murmurs and Louis glares at him. 

“I’m sorry that I find it difficult to associate myself with the man who chose some skank over his own husband.” Louis barks and Liam raises his voice only a bit. 

“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about! Why forgive me if you aren’t really ready to forgive me?” Liam asks, shaking his head at his preposterous husband.

Louis stares back and feels his cold composure fade, tears filling his eyes. Because he knows. “I know.” He repeats. “I’m sorry, it’s just..” He trails off, not knowing how to articulate how he feels. 

“It’s hard, Louis, it’s too hard and I know that I’ve contributed to that hardship, but you have to remember that I’m feeling this too.” He mutters, grabbing Louis’ free hand with his own larger hand. “In fact, I think I’m the only one who really understands how you feel right now. Our baby is hurt, Louis, and sure we know he’s okay for now, but then there’s a whole bunch of other problems we have to tend to and we have no way in bloody hell that we can change whatever comes out of that doctor’s mouth. And it fucking sucks because it’s not our fault that our child got severely abused, but it’s now our responsibility to love him no matter what effects come out of that abuse. It’s our responsibility to love him despite his potential disabilities or injuries and make him understand that no matter what’s happened in his life before, we love him and that will never change.” Liam exhales deeply, trying his very best not to follow in Louis’ footsteps and start crying. 

He moves to where Louis is sitting on the other side of the bed and kneels in front of him, resting his hands on Louis’ knees. “That’s what we agreed to when we decided to adopt, yeah? We have a baby now, Louis, and you’ve been strong for him for a while now, and I know that. But for the rest of time, just let me be strong for the whole of us, yeah? I’ll be strong for us now.” Liam says, standing up and sitting on the edge of Niall’s bed, holding on to both one of Louis’ hands and Niall’s hand.

Louis simply nods, detracting his hand from Liam’s to wipe at his eyes with his left hand and rub his red-tinted nose hurriedly before they hear the doctor enter. “Still not awake?” The doctor asks, knowingly ignoring Louis’ emotional state. 

Liam nods, “They said it could be another hour.” He says lowly, and the doctor nods reassuringly. 

“Yes, even then, I could see him sleeping for a few more hours. His body has been under quite the amount stress today.” He chides with a soft smile. “But you two do know the true reason for why I’m here, yeah? Your little tike has been through quite a lot in his younger years and I’m afraid it may affect his older life in a few ways.” The doctor says and Liam’s hand is suddenly being squeezed extremely hard as Louis looks away from the neutral looking doctor. 

“For one, I would suggest a psychologist visit, because it seems to me that Niall may have severe separation anxiety, based off of his reaction after sugery--”

“What?” Liam blurts. “What reaction? No one told us of this?” He asks, standing up to his full height and furrowing his brows in an intimidating manner. 

The doctor looks confused and a bit appalled. “They didn’t tell you?” He asks with a venom that makes Liam think someone may be getting fired today. “That was a mistake. Someone was supposed to inform you.” Doctor Styne strokes the small bit of stubble on his chin. “No need to be worried, though. Niall simply woke up directly after surgery and had a panic attack. Luckily, we are trained professionals and got him on sedatives before he could do any real damage to himself. But he was extremely scared and upset. I didn’t hear any real words leave his mouth but there were several intelligible noises which is actually promising given his situation.” He rattles off and both of the fathers are having trouble keeping up.

“Wait- disregarding the panic attack for now- you’re saying that his noises are promising for...?” Louis asks, voice sounding gravely and rough.

“Promising for his ability to speak.” The doctor informs making both of the parent’s heart’s skip a bit. “Yes, it’s a good sign that he may be able to speak just as any child learns to, if not a bit slower.” The doctor has a small smile on his face as he remarks, “In fact, I would say that based off of his CT, you don’t have much to worry about in his brain, medically.” 

Liam and Louis both feel as if they could fly at this moment. One of their main concerns about Niall not being able to live his life as any other normal child based off of an idiotic thing that his past “caretakers” did was finally diminished. Yet, before the couple could breathe easy, the doctor continues his spiel on the head CT.

“Although there are some other concerns I do have.” He says grimly. “We have some... detailed pictures from his last visit here, I’m sure you know about it.” Doctor Styne brushes over the ‘bleach incident’ with a sick, disgusted look on his face. “And I’m a bit worried about the effects the.. substance may have had on his nervous system.” 

Liam and Louis’ whole flying feeling plummets to the ground with those few words. 

The doctor pulls a chair away from the wall and in front of the couple, as if they’re going to be talking for a while. He links his own two hands together and looks the parents in the eyes as he explains, “The nervous system is a scary thing, purely because it effects so many different parts of the body. Bleach can damage the system through digestion, inhalation, or sometimes even through skin contact. Obviously, these all have their own degrees of damage, but we aren’t entirely sure how much of any of these contacts Niall had. He have obvious skin contact and inhalation but..” He trails off, reading from the packed up file in his hands warily, “there’s no clear cut mention of digestion, so we can’t be sure until his later life.” 

“But, until then, there are many, many things we’ll need to look out for.” The doctor sighs, “Things like headaches, hormone disruption, chemical sensitivity...” The doctor looks at the father’s with sympathetic eyes as he discloses his last bit of information. “As well as depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.” 

Louis tightens his already steel grip on Liam’s hand as tears begin to reform in his eyes. Liam tightens his jaw and rubs at his temple wit his free hand. “So...” He tries, wincing as his voice cracks. “So you’re saying he’s already feeling the side affects from this? With his panic attack this morning?” 

The doctor shakes his head sadly. “There’s no way to know what really caused it, Mr. Tomlinson-Payne. It’s very possible that Niall has simply formed a strong bond with you both like many children and misses his parents. Or, seeing as he’s only known terrible demons as parents until you two showed up, so then it would make sense that the bond is even stronger. It’s not unusual for abused children to attach themselves to those who show them kindness.” Doctor Styne attempts, trying to make the couple see the brighter side but their faces look deadly. 

“My recommendation is to get a good psychologist and soon. I’d try an educational psychologist as well, just to see what they recommend for his schooling. Until then, how about you two try and get him to say some words, yeah?” He smiles charmingly and Louis tries to smile weakly back.

The doctor leaves, and Louis turns to Liam who’s still staring blankly at a wall.

“This isn’t a bad thing.” Louis says softly. Liam’s head shoots to glance at Louis questioningly. “Look, Li. You were right. We have Niall with us. He’s alive and aside from a few things... he’s healthy. “We don’t even know if he’ll suffer from those things and if he does... then we live with it. We get him help, we help him, and he’ll get through it. We’re going to get a psychologist and he’s going to learn how to talk and he’ll go to school and get the same opportunities as everybody else.” Louis says adamantly. “We’re not going to give up on him.” 

Liam shakes his head in agreement. “Of course we’re not. It’s just...” 

“Hard.” Louis finishes, leaning forward in his chair once more and laying his head onto the bed yet again. “I know.” 

The two parents sit in silence for a good bit, simply relishing in the short span of silence and peace as they knew for now, their baby was okay. Holding onto Niall’s hands tightly and subconsciously glancing over at one another subtly, it seemed that at least in this one moment, the Tomlinson-Payne family may be okay. 

The silence is broken by a door opening, and Louis turns, expecting to see the doctor entering once more. But it’s not.

His heart plummets into his stomach and his throat goes dry. How could he have forgotten? 

“Eleanor.” He breathes shakily, feeling the need to cry all over. 

The tidy-looking woman steps into the room warily, a worried look on her face. “Louis, Liam...” 

Liam stands, rubbing at his arm guiltily as he mutters. “Louis and I got a bit preoccupied and Niall fell. Woke up this morning and he was...” Liam gestured to the tiny, motionless boy on the cot next to him. 

Eleanor tried to give him a small smile. “I know my presence is the last thing you want right now, I understand. But the fact that Niall is back in the hospital just a month after you guys get him is not a good sign.” She explains calmly and Liam and Louis feel as if they’re about to implode. They were so worried about Niall’s injuries they hadn’t even begun to think what the adoption agency would think. 

“El...” Louis tries, voice cracking for what must’ve been the eighth time that day. 

She shakes her head. “I have faith in you both, guys. I don’t think either of you are hurting Niall, absolutely not. But any time that an adopted child is taken into a hospital due to an emergency within six months of adoption, the assigned agent is required to check out the situation. So I will have to talk to both of you, and Niall separately.” Eleanor remarks, sighing heavily as she sees the heartbroken looks on both of the father’s faces. “Although, I’m not sure how much good that’ll do...” She murmurs, trailing off. 

The agent attempts to rectify the situation, knowing how caring and loving these two were due to years of friendship and just seeing them in this hospital room, but Eleanor knows they won’t ever feel content until they’re positive that their baby is safe and sound and with them. “Listen, this won’t be a problem. As long as the story is true and Niall doesn’t say otherwise there isn’t any way that you’ll loose Niall. Just know that after this, you will be on the agencies’ radar. I understand that mistakes happen, especially to new parents, but in this particular situation, you two have to be as careful as ever.” She warns, as kindly as possible. Eleanor needed the boys to understand just how important this was while still ensuring them that if they kept Niall safe, they would never loose their child. 

Liam and Louis nod along to her rant, knowing just how serious this kind of problem could get. Louis looks away from the agent, unable to keep himself together in her presence. The brown eyed father takes charge, “Well, I highly doubt we’re going to have any time to be interrogated today. Our son hasn’t even woken up yet, do you think the questioning can wait until he’s back on his feet?” Liam spits vehemently and Eleanor nods meekly. 

“I will give you a call tomorrow to see how everything’s going.” The agent adds before walking out of the door quickly. 

Louis exhales deeply, wondering how things can get much worse from here. 

Liam sits back down rubbing at his face harshly with one hand. “It’s going to be okay.” He says quietly, trying to convince himself more than anything. 

He hears a tiny gasp and feels a gentle stir coming from the bed and he tilts his head up, eyes widening as he recognizes his baby rubbing at his own eyes softly. His lower lip quivers as he finally begins to uncover his eyes, but his physic completely changes as he recognizes the men in front of him. Instantly, the blue eyed blonde is attempting to crawl out of the huge bed and towards the fathers, but both of them shake their heads with pleading hands gesturing for him to stop. 

Due to the sudden action as well as what Niall saw as rejection, tiny tears begin to fill his eyes but Louis won’t allow it. He jumps towards Niall, somewhat clumsily yet incredibly carefully, and gathers the boy up into his arms. Liam follows in suit, sitting next to the pair and wrapping one arm around Louis and the other around his baby boy, and he squeezes both gently. Niall’s tears have disappeared and he’s smiling now, something the father’s have yet to really, really appreciate. Little hicks that must be giggles or maybe relieved sobs are leaving Niall’s mouth while Louis is openly crying all over the toddler himself. 

Sure, everything was going to shit, but at least they had this. For now, this would have to do. 

* * * * 

After another 12 hours, early Saturday morning, the little family is allowed to leave the hospital. Doctor Styne shakily hands Liam a few numbers written on a pad of paper, labeled “Recommended Psychologists.” Liam simply gave the man a forced smile and followed his husband who was clutching onto Niall with all of his might as he walked to their car. 

Easing Niall into the back seat was much more of a hassle than it usually is. He wouldn’t even let go of Louis until Liam was in the car, leaning his seat backward and cooing at the boy for a full ten minutes. After that, buckling Niall in and closing the door became the new issue. Niall burst into loud, shocking sobs when Louis suddenly closed the door and in turn, disappeared from his sight. Liam jumps at first, not expecting the boisterous reaction, whispering at Niall and attempting to hold the small boys arms. Louis scrambles to the other side of the car and gets in the back seat along with the blonde, who seems to calm a bit after seeing his “missing” father once more.

Liam then wastes no time driving home quickly. 

* * * *

They get the call late that afternoon. It’s nearly five when Liam’s phone blares his ringtone, making the snoozing blonde in Louis’ arms jump and sniffle a bit, but ultimately go back to resting as Liam kisses his forehead and walks to the other side of the room-- still in Niall’s sight.

“Hey Liam.” Eleanor greets with a soft tone and Liam almost feels bad for how rude he had been to her the day before. 

“Eleanor.” He greets warily, not bothering with pleasantries since they both know the reason for why she’s calling.

The agent sighs at his stand-offish attitude, understanding it nevertheless. “Of course, I’m calling to check in on Niall as well as the rest of you, how’s everyone?” 

“Niall’s doing brilliantly, and Lou is great too.” He answers hesitantly, not wanting to tell Eleanor just how much trouble they’ve had with Niall.

Niall was nearly inconsolable overtime one of the fathers left his immediate vision. No matter why the man was leaving, whether it be a bathroom break, a phone call, or anything of the sort, Niall’s big blue eyes would instantly swell with tears and the little tike would start babbling for the lone man, even if the other father was just by Niall’s side. 

So, they had little field trips, all of them together, going to every single task as a whole unit. When Liam had to take a wee, they all went to the bathroom together, when Louis made them lunch, once again, they all entered the kitchen together. Even as Niall was being changed, they went together. 

Being reunited with his giraffe as well as all of his other toys didn’t seem to excite Niall or fix whatever stint he was going through, and it was starting to worry both of the fathers. 

It was particularly the reason why Louis has stood off in the corner just an hour earlier calling up one of the psychologists that Doctor Styne had suggested, one that Louis had actually met before in his days as a daycare teacher. The familiar name eased the parents, and they got an impromptu appointment with the man in just a weeks time. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” Eleanor responds, breaking Liam out of his little trance. “Anyway, you know the other reason why I’m calling.” She says and the words hang heavy in the air as Liam refuses to say anything. “Right, well, what date would work best with you all? Within the week is recommended, within a month is required.” She rattles off as if she’s reading the words from a textbook. 

“We’re extremely busy this week.” Liam huffs, which was very true. Liam himself was going back to work on the Monday after the upcoming one and had a couple of parties occurring before he went back to work that he agreed to go to before he was granted his leave. Aside from that, winter was quickly approaching which meant the holiday season wasn’t far off. “But, you can come by tomorrow if that’s what you need.”

There’s a silence. “We actually need you guys to come here, to our facilities.” She explains and exhales deeply at the prolonged silence on the other side of the phone, “We have to have your answers on film with a few other professionals in the room.” 

Liam clenches his jaw. “Fine. What time do you need us?” He asks, a biting tone back in his voice. 

Eleanor replies lowly, “10 in the morning? That’s before his usual nap time, yes?” 

Liam nods as if she can see him through the phone. “Sure. But I’ll let you know that Niall has yet to let go of his papa since he got home from the hospital so I’m sure you guys will have a blast tearing him from the only safe haven he currently knows.” He spits, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head as he continues, “See you tomorrow.” And hangs up the phone. 

He tosses the cell phone onto the side table and sits back down next to Louis and Niall, whose still sleeping peacefully as he sucks on his dummy. 

“We’re going to have to go get questioned at the adoption agency at 10 tomorrow.” Liam tells his husband, shaking his head. “I don’t know how in the world they’re going to get Niall to separate from one of us willingly. And hell if I let any of those psychos hurt my baby.” He growls, still trying to keep his voice low. 

Louis closes his eyes. “This is a problem Liam.” He says, “I mean, I agree that we won’t let them hurt Niall, of course, but... we can’t even leave the room for two minutes without him bawling his eyes out.” Louis murmurs. 

“We’re going to that psychologist within five days. He’ll help.” Liam remarks encouragingly. “Worst comes to worst, Louis we’re just going to have to ween him off of our constant attention. Slowly of course, just, let him understand that just because he can’t see us doesn’t mean we’ve left him. We will get him through this.” Liam promises, grasping onto Louis’ hand and kissing the back of it sweetly. 

“We’ll get through this.” Louis repeats, allowing himself to believe it if just for the rest of the day. 

LONG CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR HOW LONG I HAVENT UPDATED WOOOOO!!!!! SHITS GOING DOWN YALL I ACTUALLY HAVE A PLAN FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE! 

I think I’ll be updating Arcadia before I write anything else but who knows