"I am well aware," Helena says while digging through the rib cage of the cadaver in front of her. "And I have told Nathaniel - on multiple occasions - that this won't change unless we adapt the inclusion criteria. We have quite a bit of pleural fluid here. Ladle, please?" Addie needs a second to process that the last part was meant for Rudolph. Helena starts ladling some thin, red fluid directly from the corpse into a measuring jug that her assistant is holding up for her. Unbothered by her task, Helena continues. "So you will have to take it up with him. Again. It's his little pet project after all."

Addie can feel the bile rising in her throat, and she pulls her eyes away from that unpleasant view, focusing on her pad instead - or at least tries to. The sloshing noise of the fluid landing in the jug isn't exactly helping. "I assume you made suggestions already on how to modify the protocol?"

"Multiple times."

A few more ladles full of liquid splash into the jug. How much of it is there? "Could you put that together for me so I can talk him into it?"

"Of course." Helena hands the ladle back to Rudolph and grabs her scalpel, cutting around inside the body. Addie tries very hard not to look too closely. "Oh, that is quite the impressive cardiomegaly."

Helena lifts the heart out of the chest cavity and holds it up with both hands, her gloves bloody up to her wrists. "Adelaide, have you ever seen something like that?"

Rudolph whistles while taking it from her. "Wow, haven't had a behemoth like that in a while."

Addie glares at them both for a second before turning her attention back to her agenda, trying to find the next open item.

"990 grams," Rudolph states after sliding the heart into a metal tray and weighing it. "Not bad."

"Well, he was a large man," Helena says, digging around inside the open body again. It takes every bit of Addie's self-control not to gag at the squelching sounds. "I suspect his liver is also in the upper percentile, weight-wise."

"You're doing this to punish me, aren't you?" Addie suddenly snaps, gripping her pad hard.

Helena raises an eyebrow. "I told you, if you insist on your little project meeting today, this is the only way. I have three more bodies waiting next door that I need to finish as soon as possible," she explains with a shrug. With an innocent smile behind her face mask, she adds, "Besides, what reason would I have to punish you?"

Addie shakes her head and chuckles. Serves her right for trying to set Helena up on a date…

---

"Yeah," I shrug. "Definitely the best boss I ever had." Which isn't exactly a high bar, but still. I really like him as a person; we're on the same wavelength. I wouldn't call us friends, because he is my boss after all - but the lines are getting blurry, considering I'm dating his ex-wife, and they are still friends. So I guess work and private life are blending together a little by now.

She looks at me silently for another long moment, then she calmly asks, "Are you sleeping with him?"

I blink at her. "What?" That came so out of nowhere, she might as well have asked me if I can fly. That would be an equally random, ridiculous question.

"Are you?"

I stare at her, open-mouthed, still processing her words. "Am I sleeping with Amir?"

"Yes."

I'm attempting to make sense of what is happening here, and try to read her face. She doesn't look mad or anything; Addie never gets mad. It's a completely neutral facial expression - but there's this tiny line between her eyebrows she always gets when she's displeased.

I can feel the panic rise inside me, overwhelmed by this sudden mood shift. We were supposed to have a relaxed evening on the couch.

"Addie, what the hell?"

"Are you?" she repeats.

"No?! Of course not?! That's- how-," I stutter, at a loss for words. "What makes you even think that?"

She shrugs nonchalantly. "Well, you're apparently quite close, if you're texting after hours. And he is very handsome, so I can totally understand if you're attracted to him." She says this so casually, as if it wouldn't be a big deal if it were the case - which it isn't - but there's this subtle coldness swinging along in her voice that I've never heard from her before. It scares the hell out of me, and I swallow the lump in my throat. This is bad. I feel like I'm on thin ice, about to break, with no idea how to get off.

I take a deep breath, because I know freaking out will not help. "There's nothing going on between us."

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

"Because you're definitely his type, too," she continues, and by now, she sounds accusatory. "And maybe he fits better into your overall life plan. He'd be a great catch if you wanted to start a family."

Addie turns around, walking off toward the kitchen, and I scramble off the couch to follow. "Addie, what are you talking about, I don't-"

"And he's great in bed, too," she interrupts me. "Which you probably already know."

"I'm not sleeping with him!" I feel like I'm about to cry. This is so completely out of nowhere. I didn't even know she could be so jealous.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh, please."

"I'm not! Never have, never will!"

"Why not?" Addie snorts.

"Because I love you!" I blurt out, louder than I intended. We stare at each other in shock for a second, then I repeat, almost whispering, "I love you."

I didn't plan to say it, and certainly not like this. I never told her that before - I said how much I adore her, and how I'm falling for her, and how crazy I am about her. But not those words, because it seemed too early for it.

I mean it, though.

At least I managed to stop Addie's weird outburst with that, because she looks at me, equally baffled. Before I can stop myself, I quietly, desperately babble away. "I love you. I am already so madly, deeply, head-over-heels for you, and you're on my mind literally all the time, and I keep thinking how obvious and pathetic it must be, and that surely, you're going to get sick of this - of me - soon, because I basically sit there like a lovesick little puppy wagging my tail whenever I see you, and-" I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, trying not to cry. "I love you."

We look at each other silently for a long moment, then Addie takes a step toward me. "Fia…" Her voice is so much gentler all of a sudden.

"I'm not sleeping with him," I state. How can she even think that?

She pulls me into a soft kiss, and we lean our foreheads together, eyes closed. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "I don't know what has gotten into me." Another gentle kiss. "I'm sorry."

The tension inside me dissolves, and I doubt I've ever felt so relieved in my life. This sudden, out-of-nowhere fight really spooked me. I nuzzle my face into hers, inhaling her familiar scent for a second to ground myself.

"I love you too, by the way," Addie adds, stroking my cheek.

Stumped, I blink at her. "What?"

"Why do you think I'm so scared of you leaving me?"

I get lost in her eyes for a moment, trying to process her words, because it feels so unreal. It's ridiculous. She's this beautiful, charming, smart, funny, successful, amazing woman, and I am… me. Painfully average, never amounting to much, always drifting along. A failure.

She deserves the world. She deserves someone by her side who is just as marvelous and breathtaking and exceptional.

I have no idea how I could ever be enough for her, not even remotely. How I could ever truly be worthy of that affection she gives me.

But I sure as hell intend to try. If it kills me.

---

"Hey." I force a smile and glance at his name tag - 'Mickey' - wondering if this is his real name. I considered putting a fake one on mine for a moment, but then decided against it.

"First time?" Mickey asks.

"Yeah," I confirm with a grimace. "You?"

"Yeah."

We small-talk for a few minutes, then Clyde, the group leader, ushers us all to the chairs standing in a circle. He welcomes the new attendees, emphasizing how glad he is that we're here, and that every contribution is very much appreciated. Also, we are all "so brave" to be here.

I scoot around on the hard wooden chair to find a comfortable position while being regaled by one of the members' stories about getting autopsied by 'her' scientist. Most of the others listen intently, nodding along.

"Vivisection," I finally murmur under my breath.

Mickey leans over a little. "What?"

"Well, if she's not dead, it's not an autopsy," I explain, whispering. "It's a vivisection." I got schooled on the difference myself not too long ago, even though mine turned out to be 'just' a hypnosis-induced hallucination, and Helena didn't actually cut me open. Seemed pretty real in that moment, though.

Mickey chuckles, then we join in to half-heartedly applaud the vivisected woman and her account.

Next, group leader Clyde gives a boring, endless talk about our legal rights as scientific test subjects, then he pivots to how most of us are too emotionally entangled with our scientists, making the whole thing a lot more complicated.

"So the first step of getting out of a toxic relationship like this is," Clyde lectures, "you have to want to get out."

"This is bullshit," I whisper to myself with an eyeroll - judging by the way he now looks at me, apparently not quietly enough. Blushing, I scramble to apologize. "Sorry, I didn't mean… sorry."

"No, please." Clyde gives me a forced smile. "We're all about open communication here. Speak your mind."

"It's just…" I gnaw on my lip, trying to find the right words. "I don't see why the goal has to be to get away. I mean, I'm sure it's different for every one of us, but I don't want to leave. I love her. And she's really smart and doing important work, so it's nice to play a part, right? Help with scientific progress? And like, I don't even mind the experiments. Mostly. Well, the plant monster was maybe a little extreme, but…" I frown at the memory for a second, then kick my brain back into focusing on the present. "And I know she'd never actually let anything serious happen to me! But I just would like to get asked beforehand, y'know? Instead of suddenly waking up from getting drugged again, strapped to a table, her looming over me menacingly, eyeing my naked body, and…" I clear my throat, feeling myself blush. "Anyway. I don't think 'getting out' has to be the ultimate end goal. Instead, we could maybe focus on how to achieve a more equal relationship, right? How to approach a consent discussion and things like that?" Getting self-conscious about my spontaneous little speech, I make a face. "Sorry, didn't mean to butt in like that."

Clyde stares at me with a deep frown, but before he can say anything, Mickey suddenly starts applauding, and a few of the others hesitantly join in.

"Thank you," Clyde notes, squinting at my name tag, "…Fia. That is a very valid point for discussion." He gives me another forced smile and looks into the group. "Now, who's next?"

I sink into my chair, a little embarrassed, when the guy with the third eye talks about how his scientist is still trying to clone him, unsuccessfully so far, and how it's messing with his mind, because he thinks he's about to be replaced, and he has mixed feelings about that.

A few accounts later, we reach the last program point - Clyde leading a guided meditation to strengthen our root chakra, so we can better endure whatever is to come.

I'd rather get locked in with the plant monster again, if I'm being honest.

Mickey elbows me. "Wanna get out of here?" he whispers, and I nod promptly. The hell is a root chakra anyway?

Outside, Mickey lights a cigarette. "Well, that sure was… something," he states with a chuckle.

Peeling off my name tag, I laugh. "Sure was."

"You wanna get a coffee together?"

I probably should decline, it's pretty late in the evening, and I don't even know the guy - but maybe this experience has forged a strange bond between us already. "Yeah sure, why not."

While we're walking toward the coffee shop across the street, Mickey glances at me. "Okay, but I just have to ask - this is a sex thing for you, right?"

Stumped, I blink at him. "What, no?! It's not- it's not a sex thing!" I stammer at this sudden intrusive question, feeling myself blush. "…well, not exclusively a sex thing…"

---

further recommended reading, very explicit: the vivisection, the plant monster

"Fringe files?"

"You see, my dear old mentor was of the opinion that the pursuit of knowledge is never a waste of time, no matter how ridiculous an idea might seem on the surface. So, occasionally, he indulged in some rather far-out endeavors. 'Fringe science'. Pseudoscience, if you want to be less generous."

Curious, I look at her. "Like what?"

"Oh, things like telepathy, mind control, parallel universes…" Helena shrugs.

"Seriously?"

She holds up the folder in her hands. "Necromancy…"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, I mean 'late-stage resuscitation'," she reads out loud with a chuckle and leafs through the pages. "Seems like he was trying to find out how far you can push the time frame of reviving a human body. Looks a bit questionable." She shakes her head, seemingly amused by the whole thing.

"I thought he was some kind of genius, and not that… weird."

Of course I heard the stories about Nathaniel Westmoreland, one of the greatest minds of his generation, the pinnacle of rationality. I also know how ruthless and cruel he could be in the name of science, so to picture him being involved in this random hocus-pocus feels very strange.

"Well, sometimes genius and insanity are a lot closer together than one might like to admit," Helena says. "Fortunately, he usually dropped these ideas rather quickly when they turned out to be unfeasible. He kept all his notes, though, boxes and boxes full of them. And occasionally, he even found some inspiration in them later." She smiles at the folder in her hand, a smile I'd almost call fondly. A rare sight.

"So, I assume I shouldn't throw them away?"

"No. Leave them here, I'll put them with the rest." Helena drops the file back into the box. "You'll never know when you need some… unorthodox ideas."

"I can digitize them for you, so they're not so unwieldy," I offer.

"No need, I'll keep them like this. But thank you."

I can't help but tease her a little. "You're not turning all mad scientist on me now, are you?"

She raises an eyebrow, the corners of her mouth twitching. "If you get sassy, I'll see what I can find in these to make you behave. Maybe I'll repurpose one of the mind control experiments."

"Yes, Sir. I'll keep that in mind," I reply with a grin, before leaving her alone with a box full of weirdness. Hopefully, it doesn't inspire her too much.

---

now where might these come in handy one day...

I chuckle and carefully start to unwrap the little box, curious what I will find, while Addie watches me intently. When I click open the lid, my eyes fall on a ring - a very pretty ring, with a big green stone delicately set between some smaller diamonds.

"Marry me?" Addie softly asks.

Mouth agape, I stare at the ring. "What?"

"Marry me - please?"

I am trying to process what is happening here, because surely, Addie didn't just ask what I think she asked, right?

We've been together for less than a year, I moved in with her two months ago, and every single day, I fall more and more in love with her. But part of me still thinks this isn't more than a casual fling for her, a fun little distraction with a woman half her age, and it will end soon, because how could it not? She's the most breathtaking human being I have ever met, and so, so far out of my league. It's incomprehensible that this could be for real.

And yet - since the day we decided to be an actual, official couple, she has always been upfront about us. She has taken me along to so many of her social events, be it some important work dinner, or a casual evening with friends. And every single time, she has introduced me as her girlfriend, proudly so, giving me butterflies in my stomach. And every single time, it made me nervous, because I don't want to disappoint her. It feels like being Addie's girlfriend comes with certain expectations, because she's so amazing, so I always end up entirely too self-conscious about not making an ass of myself, to not embarrass her somehow. Otherwise, she might reconsider this relationship.

But maybe this is all in my head, my own stupid anxiety brain taking up too much space.

She's serious about this. About us. About me.

Marry me.

"Darling, are you okay?" she asks, nuzzling into the back of my neck.

I have no idea how long I simply stared at the ring, but this wakes me from my stupor. "Yes," I murmur, then I can't help but laugh in disbelief. I turn around, looking at Addie. "And yes! Yes."

She needs a second to process my answer, then she gives me that radiant smile of hers and takes my face into her hands, pulling me into a long kiss.

I lean my forehead against hers, still completely in awe. "You actually want to marry me?"

"Of course I do. I love you."

"I love you." Gazing into her eyes, I shake my head. "Holy shit. We're getting married."

"We are," she grins, grabbing the box from the counter, and puts the ring on my finger.

"Wow," I murmur, staring at it.

"You like it? I was trying to find something not too flashy, because I know you're not big on jewelry, but I thought this one matches your eyes so well."

"It's beautiful." Fuck, that must have cost a fortune. Immediately makes me nervous, because what if I lose it?

Addie pulls me into another kiss, then she glances at the clock. "But now we should probably get ready for work." Right, work. Almost forgot the real world out there over being the happiest girl alive.

She strokes my cheek, silently smiling at me for a long moment. "What?" I ask, a little self-conscious about being stared at.

She wiggles her eyebrows at me. "Future Mrs. Rhodes."

"Oh, I really like the sound of that," I laugh. "A lot. Especially when you say it." Right. Of course I am going to take on her name, that's not even a question. It's not like I'm particularly attached to my last name. But Fia Rhodes? Yeah, I can get used to that.

"And tonight, we can talk about the wedding," Addie states, almost a little giddy at that prospect.

I'd totally run off to the courthouse with her, get married right now. Of course that's not happening - knowing her, this is going to be a huge thing. She probably has it planned halfway through already. I don't care about a big wedding, but it's important to her, so I will definitely indulge my fiancée. Anything for her.

Future Mrs. Rhodes. Holy shit.

---