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-Whispers of Fate 水龙吟 ep. 30
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Do you ever think about how for most of the show Zhao Yuanzhou's attitude towards Li Lun can be summed up as him thinking something like "you brought this upon yourself. It deeply saddens me and tears me apart to see you fall down so hard, but you cannot change what you did so now it is your fate and your responsibility to accept the consequences and your karma. And no I absolutely do not have conflicting emotions about this that make it harder to accept your eventual, permanent demise and disappearance from this world" and how that doesn't reflect his actual feelings towards Li Lun at all.
Do you ever think about how he spends the near entirety of the show convincing himself that what he feels for the guy is bone-crushing disappointment and blame for how unrepentant Li Lun acts about his sins and for his unwillingness to grow, but then in a complete unmasking of the scorn he wears like a shield all along, he pleads for Li Lun's life to be spared. And how in doing that he contradicts the only belief that keeps him going—that an unforgivable sin must be repaid with a willing sacrifice, and a great evil be slain for the greater good.
In offering Li Lun a choice (take the primordial root, spare the innocent child) he's making the willing choice to step away from evil the condition upon which hinges Li Lun's salvation. But he doesn't offer himself the same second chance. Does he really, actually believe in accepting your karma and making amends then, or is that just self-harm masked as righteousness?
Is Li Lun just the unfortunate stand-in for Zhao Yuanzhou's self-hatred?
No, no, get this, it makes so much sense. He wants Li Lun to live and to redeem himself, and yet he can't bring himself to offer the root, aka said condition for Li Lun's salvation. He's about to, goes there to have that conversation, and then he just. Freezes entirely. In that moment, Li Lun's crimes against humans are entangled and undistinguishable from his own in his mind. Quite tellingly, he's unable to admit he never condemned Li Lun, but what he always, always blamed was the devastating effect of letting malicious energy take control of you. And that's 100% projection. It's not about Li Lun at all.
In loving Li Lun openly despite his sin, without pretense and without outright blame, he'd implicitly admit he is himself loveable. and that's such an impossible thing for him to grapple with, he prefers dressing it up as condemnation.
The fact that he wanted to offer Li Lun a choice shows he's capable of separating Li Lun from the amorphous evil of his actions. Yet to know that, and to be the one offering that forgiveness are two different beasts for him. He doesn't stop Wen Xiao from extending the peace offering in his place; he just can't do it himself. And that, too, is not about Li Lun at all. Zhao Yuanzhou can't give himself relief from his self-imposed damnation. And if in the process ZYZ lets LL believe he is unworthy of that compassion, then that too is his "karma". Li Lun's hatred in response to this is part of Zhao Yuanzhou's self-punishment. It validates his self-contempt. He is unforgivable, thus he should be hated. He's evil, thus he should not get the chance to do better and strive for happiness or fulfillment
I think I won't get over them easily xD
zafora has a skill for insults its perfection
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Like Hey Hi what if we were friends or lovers or soulmates for literally thousands of years. What if we grew up and grew strong and grew together. What if we pledged our lives to protect our home together. What if I find my people, the ones I swore to protect, being tortured and I go a little off the rails (for pretty understandable reasons tbh). What if you stand against me in that moment? And you abandon me and help lock me away when you know freedom is something I long for. What if I emerge 8 years later (literally a drop of time in their story) and you've moved on and have surrounded yourself with humans. The Enemy. And they don't deserve to be your friends and they don't deserve to be your enemies. And I don't really want to be your enemy either, but you've chosen a side and so have I, and by god I am Going To Be Your Something. If I cannot be your best friend then I must be your greatest enemy.
What if the success of my plan involves your death, and the acquisition of your inner core, but somehow you always manage to emerge more or less unscathed. What if I corrupt your best friend. What if I do it because he's your best friend. Because I want someone to understand how lonely it is to love you. To be loved by you and then be abandoned. What if every time you pick them over me, there's a part of me screaming "I was your friend too! Where was this undying loyalty when I needed it?" ....and what if you plead with him to spare me. what if you find a way. what If I steal one of your friends from you and I kill another and I hurt you and you still save me. What if you cradle what is left of my soul in your hands and you take me home where it is safe. Where I can grow again. What if you are so unwilling to lose me entirely that you are willing to betray the people that I have hurt in saving me. What if you are ready to wait a hundred years so we can meet again, without blood or fire between us. What if I throw it all away. What if I take that hope and that life and that freedom that I've strived for and I throw it away to save you. Because you need help. Because I can help. Because what is the point? In gathering the strength to live again if you wont be there? What if I give the heart of my power to the man who stands beside you, shoulder to shoulder, where I was for a thousand years? What If I give whatever was left to me afterwards to you, because you've made yourself powerless and I cannot stand it. So I will give you the strength to survive this, and him the strength to protect you, and I will use my last breath to honor the oath that we made, when we were young, and strong, and together. Tell me: If I have been your friend, and your enemy, and your partner, If I have brought you grief, and joy, and devotion, If I have hurt you and been hurt by you, If I have saved you and been saved by you, If I have lived thousands of years by your side and in my death I have given the heart of me to the man you call your soulmate; Tell me: Is enough of you mine that I might rest easy, now?
Selten Glücklich aber oft in den Top 🔟 @canocostello
didn't talk about this enough. OKAYYY BOYFRIENDS!
