#lithro!stiles

What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)

lithromantic, though he generally just say aro because otherwise he ends up giving a lecture on arospec terminology to whatever unsuspecting allo asked the question and he really doesn’t have the time or the patience to do that every time

How proud of being arospec are they?

he’s working towards being proud. hasn’t managed it quite yet, but it’s getting better. he wants to be.

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

he still primarily thinks of himself as bi, to be honest, and doesn’t usually think to include the aro part when he does the intro. mostly because, functionally speaking, the aro part only affects his love life so much. it’s much more relevant to him personally and his view/understanding of himself than it is to anyone else.

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

Stiles hesitates to come out to people a lot of the time for fear of the reaction. he’s seen how much shit “microlabels” get, much less arospec microlabels, and he’s not quite secure enough in it to feel like he can field attacks. it’s safer and better for his mental health if he just keeps it close to the vest for now.

he does tell his friends. it was Scott who actually suggested that he might be on the aromantic spectrum, a few years into college when it became obvious to him that the pattern Stiles had going in his relationships was really starting to bother him.

every relationship fizzled out within a few weeks, no matter how moon-eyed and excited about it Stiles had been at the start. he always just....stopped feeling that way, even when nothing about the relationship itself had changed and his partner hadn’t done anything wrong. it was such a consistent thing and it made Stiles feel like something was wrong with him.

he was distressed enough that he latched onto Scott’s gentle suggestion with both hands, did all the research he could, and came out of that weekend with a label that sent relief crashing through him like a tidal wave, even though a part of him kept insisting it was ridiculous and stupid and couldn’t possibly be a real identity.

it took another ten months for Stiles to convince himself of it enough to actually come out to his friend group. he’s glad he did because their support and affirmation have been invaluable to him.

he still hasn’t come out to his dad, though. not because he really honestly thinks his dad would have a problem with it, but because his dad’s opinion matters more to him than anything else and even the slimmest possibility of rejection is devastating, even in his imagination.

anxiety is a bitch. he’s working on it.

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

romance-favorable, for sure. Stiles likes being a relationship. he likes doing romancey things with people, he likes making his partners feel loved, he likes being the focus of someone’s affection. that’s why it was so distressing to him that he kept falling out of love with people so quickly.

before his identity crisis, he would break always things off because wasn’t it unfair to keep the relationship going when his feelings had changed? it took him a long time to realize that, no, it really wasn’t. that it’s okay to be in a romantic relationship with someone without actually being romantically in love with them. if the relationship is good and they both like being in it, why change anything?

he still feels like a fraud sometimes, or like he’s lying to his partner even though he’s talked with them about all of this stuff and they’re fully in the know, but he takes it one day at a time. he reminds himself over and over again that his love is no less valuable because it’s not romantic in nature, and that being in a relationship doesn’t make him any less arospec. wanting or having a romantic partner doesn’t invalidate the identity that he so desperately needed to find and accept.

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

it’s everywhere, man. people who don’t have stable long-term relationships are flighty or immature or afraid of commitment or any number of other pejorative things, and men who like sex more than romance are just monsters according to some people.

Stiles hears it all from himself/his anxiety more than he does directly from other people, but then again, he’s not particularly vocal about his arospec (yet) either. this is part of why. he gets enough shit for being bi, he doesn’t want to throw an even more maligned identity into the mix before he feels like he can handle it.

How do they show their arospec pride?

he’s got some aro pride stuff, mostly gifts from Scott and Lydia. a green beanie that he sometimes panics and claims is slytherin pride instead even though he’s a ravenclaw. he’s got some yellow/orange mittens that weren’t actually intended as lithro pride merch, but make him feel good to wear. he’s got both flags up on his bedroom wall.

he’s lowkey glad the lithro flag/colors aren’t very well-known or recognizable, cuz it means he can have the buttons on his backpack without anybody recognizing them.

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

he’s a bit more comfortable talking about amatonormativity in the general sense than he is applying it to himself. he’s gotten into a number of debates on the topic with various people, and if those people aren’t being actively shitty, he’ll slip it into the convo that he’s arospec so they know he knows what he’s talking about.

if there’s one thing Stiles is really good, it’s arguing, lol. he can argue all day long, and he’s got miles of info and stats to back it up because the only thing he’s better at than arguing is researching.

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

he didn’t question so much as doubt. years of doubting his own feelings meant that by the time he found he label, he was quick to snatch it up. that doesn’t mean he’s fully comfortable with it yet, but the sheer amount of relief finding the term gave him means he can’t just pretend it doesn’t apply to him at him. he’s working on it. he’ll get there.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

he’s about as comfortable with a qpr as he is romantic relationships. he wouldn’t mind being in a qpr, but he really does enjoy romantic stuff.

Final thoughts?

i’m very fond of this headcanon and, yes, it is some more projecting on my part, but mostly in the sense of Stiles with Lydia. Stiles crushing so hard for so long on someone who was essentially unattainable because that was safer than having to actually commit to dating someone in real life. and then when he did actually start dating her, it just sort of.....fizzled out, with no fanfare whatsoever. because once his feelings were reciprocated, they faded. and boy does that feeling suck.

i can get behind it. i’m much more inclined toward an aro!Stiles headcanon than i am an ace!headcanon at least, and honestly i’m most inclined toward a lithromantic!Stiles.

of course I’M lithromantic, so it’s entirely possible that there’s an element of projecting (as there is with a lot of sexuality headcanons, let’s be real here), but i’ve converted a few people to this headcanon so it can’t be entirely in my head :P

but so lithromanticism is an arospec orientations where you feel romantic attraction until it’s reciprocated, at which point the attraction goes away. which would explain why Stiles was so hung up on Lydia for so long, but then almost as soon as they had their big romantic true love moment, they just sort of.........disappeared? like, they got together with such fanfare, and then petered out and are barely mentioned again, with no strong indication that they’re happily together but also no distress over them not being together or not being happy, and it’s just such a non-emotional thing, like they’re not invested anymore

and that feels very lithro. Stalia did the same sort of quiet dissolution eventually. they just kinda stopped being a thing without much focus on it, like it’s not a big deal anymore when usually relationships get more emotional (whether positively or negatively) as they go on.

and i did the same “crush on one unattainable person for years and years” thing that Stiles did, and by now i’m 3/4 convinced that it was a self defense mechanism against having to actually risk getting into a real relationship.

so anyway, i can totally see Stiles as aromantic in one form or fashion, and as lithromantic especially. he really seemed to want to be in a relationship, but the relationships we actually see him in both fizzle out and that’s a very relatable aro thing, especially before you realize you’re aro.

because sometimes you idealize what a romantic relationship is or should be or looks like it might be, and then you get in one and realize it’s not actually something that appeals to you. everyone around you seems to love it so you feel like you should want or enjoy that, so you pursue it aggressively and maybe stay in the relationship longer than you actually want to because you have no legit-feeling reason to break up with them?? (i spent a solid 4 months avoiding my boyfriend because i didn’t want to hurt his feelings but i also didn’t want to spend time with him anymore, it was a bad idea all around)

i can see Stiles as the type of person to generally like being in a relationship in the lowkey kind of way? like, having someone to come home to every day, having that closeness and intimacy. but only if it’s lowkey. if there’s drama then it’s not worth it anymore. it’s not his number one priority and love doesn’t conquer all and datemate isn’t more important than friends or family or work or supernatural bullshit. Stiles gets tired of all the effort that goes into the usual dating scene and mating dance bullshit, gives up on it, and finds that he’s usually happier that way, even if he’s single for years at a time.

Stiles views on romance: it’s nice sometimes, but like, it’s not all that and a bag of chips