#listpoem

The list poem was fun to write but I went through the four phases of writing multiple times. When I first sat down to prewrite, I had a poem about teachers in mind. I jotted down the many hats that teachers wear and thought I was ready.

I started writing my draft and hated where it was going so I walked away from the poem until the next day. 

When I returned to my notebook, I was convinced that a list about my son had to be the way to go. I started thinking about some of the many things that he was.... an explorer... a comedian/prankster.... an open the door for you gentleman... a lovable ray of sunshine....

As my list grew, I still wasn’t happy with it. I wasn’t convinced that I could capture how much my son meant to me and the many things that I felt like he was. It was weird as I didn’t feel qualified enough to write a list poem about the most important person to me. I didn’t feel like it would be good enough.

So after balling up papers and scribbling out words, I had a conversation with a coworker about all of the things on my plate. We discussed the added struggle of being a single parent and she started telling me to give myself some compassion because in addition to being in school and teaching full time that as a single mother, I had to be a nurse, nurturer, mother, father, etc. The moment she listed about 5 things, I said “Wait! That’s it! That’s it!” She thought I was crazy because she had no idea about my assignment. I told her I would be back and ran to my classroom to finish my list. I completed my rough draft the next day and revised it before submitting. 

This poem cause me to think as an artist instead of just as a student completing an assignment. I cherished the outcome and feared not portraying my muse appropriately.

Links for images:

https://www.boredteachers.com/humor/many-hats-a-teacher-wears

https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/401460-spongebob-time-cards

I am dangerously optimistic.

I am often late without any excuses.

I am a motormouth. I am good in small doses.

I am forgetting why I entered a room, and I am leaving it again.

I am aware of how much time I am taking.

I am pacing.

I am aware of how much time I have wasted,

I am forgetting to eat.

I am finding forgotten produce in the fridge.

I am full up on theme tunes and drunk on jingles.

I am shouting spoonerisms at you whilst you speak.

I am the fun in dysfunction and the pulse in impulsive.

I am a novelty - a silly goose.

I am trying to be palatable, chill, loose.

I am taking Elvanse during the day.

I am taking Nytol at night, I am turning them to the side so the N is a Zed.

I am unsure if I am alright, I am still restless in bed.

I am overwhelmed by to-do lists with no idea where to begin.

I am drowning in post it notes, alarms and doom bins.

I am trying to convince myself that I am worth anything,

I am firing on all cylinders. I am a shot of espresso.

I am a morale booster, until I burn out.

I am the colleague you pray doesn’t quit because it ‘just won’t be the same without.'

I am a bad listener and compulsive speaker.

I am the biggest energy in the room I forget I entered.

I am a social butterfly that's constantly drained of social energy.

I am forgetting to keep in contact with friends and family.

I am trying to take control of my life, again, and again.

I am a self-sabotaging mid-twenties shoplifter.

I am mortified.

I am venting my problems to the security guard, who wants to go home to his wife.

I am let go without even a warning.

I am not in control of my life.

I am now understanding my preteen Kleptomania.

I am finding it ironic that I am a Dyspraxic Libra.

I am the master of nothing, jack of some trades, if I get really good as soon as I partake.

I am unable to stop verbally digging my own grave.

I am frequently mislaying my shovels and spades.

I am working on my sense of direction.

I am confused by patterns and bad at estimation.

I am frequently caught off guard by my own menstruation.

I am underprepared for most situations.

I am bad at being early - unless I avoid sleep.

I am jealous of androids and their electric sheep.

I am forgetting about the existence of automatic payments, and subscriptions, and clear pay installments.

I am overspending.

I am overdrawn.

I am over the mourning of what I could have been.

I am over sharing to build self-esteem.

I am avoiding negative coping mechanisms.

I am trying to remember positive affirmations.

I am bad at sitting still. I am bad at meditation.

I am listening to Ram Dass for inspiration.

…

I am loving kindness.

I am loving kindness.

I am loving kindness.

…

I am talking down to myself far less.

I am in therapy to unlearn and to address.

I am taking control of my impulses.

I am outsourcing control of my finances.

I am my biggest critic and toughest love.

I am not my failures. I am not my victories.

I am not my symptoms, and I am not my diagnosees.

I am giving myself credit because credit is overdue.