wicked

i can feel my own heartbeat while laying in bed at

night. i used to not be able to. everything i see is a

blur. i cant focus on one thing anymore. i spend my

nights crying with my face pressed into my mattress.

i hold my stomach because i feel you there the most.

perhaps its the lack of food.

ii. nobody told me this would be so hard.

i was expected to get over you right away, but i cant.

i tried filling your missing spot with boys who do not

matter to me and its not working. i cant talk about

you without getting shit for it and maybe its my fault.

i’ve learned to keep my mouth shut.

iii. the thought of me disappearing sounds nice.

i’ve come to realize my name is ghosty for a reason

because i have a habit of vanishing when i get bad

again. nothing sounds nicer than trashing all of the

friendships i’ve worked so hard on fixing that still

aren’t enough. each comment is a slap to the face.

iv. i used to want to run away with you and i still do.

if i hadn’t ruined things, maybe we’d be somewhere

else right now. somewhere we can breathe. away

from our mothers we always talked shit about. i

know you made fun of your ex for saying this but its

a valid point.

v. my heart will always be yours.

you’ll remain the boy who finally made me feel

something after years of being numb and shutting

people out. i promise i tried and maybe thats where i

went wrong.

vi. i finally deleted your playlist the other day.

however, each song that plays still reminds me of

you. i found a new song that makes me cry every

time it plays yet i still play it.

vii. i don’t know how to get over you.

nothing i do is enough. the distractions will stop

sooner or later and ill be stuck again. i try so hard

every night not to call or text you and cry to you. i