#linebyline

…Early day 3. This is actually still day 2 but I’m bored and I want to procrastinate doing laundry.

Back to Scene 1! Hajime finally finished his CHKDSK run and figured out his memory sector isn’t completely fucked!

{Scene 1 Extended - Prologue, Beach. An albino octopus, and more protag pacifiers. (20:00)}

Nagito:"Hey, are you sure you’re okay?"

You never asked Hajime, nor did he answer you. Why are you saying it like you’re double-checking?

Hajime: "…Leave me alone."

Wow, way to be an asshat, Hajime! You just tumbled for dramatic effect and someone who suddenly regained his braincells realised that implies you’re in bad condition! You’re like a kid that threw a tantrum and is now sitting in a corner sulking when you fainted and they were kind enough to watch over you.

Are you mad because you can’t attend Hope’s Peak?

Nagito: "There’s no way I can leave someone alone when they look that pale…"

Looks like they reversed the lobotomy. Was that classroom scene before a fever dream? Should’ve been one. 

Either way, is paleness Hajime’s default skin or is his personality colour-changing to match his Ramune-soiled bedsheets? And Nagito seems to be genuinely concerned for his health. At least right now it's not complete 'protag needs to be bottle-fed exposition' like before.

But if I had self-respect I'd already be gone. And we all know Nagito has none of that.

And Hajime ignores him again. Wow, you sure are a sunny personality!

Hajime: "…"

Hajime: (White sandy beach… Crystal blue ocean…)

Oh no he’s running the startup script from before again… And doing more redundancy.

Hajime: (The sun’s rays beaming down on me…)

I hope you get a tan because that’d be the only thing that could make you attractive enough to vaguely warrant the later harem.

Hajime: (This soft, tropical wind brushing my skin.)

This island has PALM TREES, SEAGULLS, SAND AND HIBISCI, OF COURSE IT’S TROPICAL! 

The ‘tropical’ in this already is implied and tells us nothing. No ocean salt on his lips, no, heat warbling off the sand, no nothing.

Hajime: (I… definitely don’t know what’s going on.)

We elaborated on that before. At this point, you’re a pet urchin washed up on Chandler Beach. Are your sneakers burning yet or did you get sand into them? That'll sure remind you this isn't a joke.

Hajime: (I was supposed to attend Hope’s Peak Academy. Why did this…?)

I called it lmao. And no, Hajime, you wouldn’t be able to enter the main building after 2016 because the anime decided the Reserve course has a separate building and destroy continuity!

Hajime: (Why… am I here at a place like this?)

Hey Nagito, can you talk please? I’m stuck in the monologue of this perpetually oblivious urchin otherwise. Hajime’s also ignoring you in favour of his tragic underdog yammering and wasting your time. Not to mention he’s suddenly rude after he was a wallflower for most of the classroom mayhem.

Hajime: "That rabbit thing said we’re… on a tropical island."

*yawn* You sure are perceptive, Hajime! Let me just fall asleep on my desk.

Nagito: "…Yeah, you’re right."

I can read two options out of this 1) Nagito wants to be polite even if Hajime is stupid, or 2) redundancy.

Hajime retreats into himself again! Maybe I should reframe him as a mollusc or a hermit crab. The latter sounds really compelling because he sure is setting himself up to be left behind!

Hajime: "…"

Hajime: (I have no idea what’s going on.)

Seriously, who in the editing team went over this and said ‘wow,  that’s a compelling protagonist’! So far, I only see why you’d feel superior to him because the bar is in the Mariana Trench.

Hajime: (That’s the only thing I can say with absolute certainty.)

Oh, you forgot your name? Can I give you a new one? I’d call you Larry for sport.

*Meta controls explanation I don’t care about cuz' I’m watching the walkthrough*

Hajime: *selects monitor* (Why is there a monitor in a place like this? The screen is blank… What is this being used for?)

When you click on Nagito before investigating everything else, Hajime goes ‘I should first understand the situation I’m in’.

Hajime, there’s nothing to understand except that you’re slow and pretty dense, now hurry up before you get red like a crab thrown into boiling water unless the Neo World Program gives you unlimited UV protection preloaded into your Student handbook.

This is the actual day 3 of doing this analysis. I’ve slept more. Time for more hermit crab side-running in the story!

Nagito: "Well, it’s a waste of time to think about it. Best not to worry!"

This is the same person that constantly worries whether his luck kills people and runs self-depreciation in his kernel like it’s SELinux? No it isn’t, shut the fuck up.

Hajime… excuse me, Larry: (What’s with this guy…? How can he be so calm in a situation like this?)

Because I overestimated the narrative and assumed they’d given up on giving you pacifier characters but apparently Nagito was the victim.

And if they would have asked for basic comprehension and continuity he’d be just as wound-up as you are. Cmon Larry do some stretches! You must’ve been standing for quite a while!

Oh and also, he isn’t calm, he’s lobotomised. Don’t take him seriously.  I don’t take you seriously either but you demand that.

Larry: (…Maybe he’s just a chill guy.)

That’s a side-effect of bad plot syndrome. Did you know smarter people get depressed easier?

*selects ocean*

Larry: (The crystal clear, shining blue sea… It’s perfect for a tropical island..)

Someone fucked up the ellipses again. I told you no one likes those. Are you reaching your limit on noise ammo for the later trial?

Either way… Perfect? How do you know? Have you ever seen other beaches? Or did you read it from the pamphlet they beamed into your brain?

Larry: (Just what is going on here?)

We had that before. You have the object permanence of a newborn and even that one recognises when they’re with their parents.

Larry: (I never wanted anything like this at all…)

…Are you sulking about being far from Hope’s Peak AGAIN? Bro seriously, you got a free (if suspicious) trip to a tropical island and are crying about it? Ungrateful. I’d drink and eat fresh coconuts until I’d be sick.

Nagito: "So, how are you feeling? Are you calmed down now?"

Larry might’ve infected you with stupidity so I’ve got to say I’m in a terrible mood.

Nagito: "Um… I understand your confusion after everything that’s happened."

No, not after everything that’s happened. Larry’s always confused. He’s probably powered by a hamster wheel but said hamster prefers to sleep or got yeeted out of it so hard they died.

And you’re implying you understand the situation. Did you ask Togami?

Nagito: "But, why don’t we start with an introduction?"

Oh yes, after laying on the blistering sand for god knows how long, I sure want to stand in the scorching heat, no water, no food, no nothing. Nagito, you SUNBURN EASY, get your vampire ass into the next building. Then again you're masochistic. You gonna turn that into a tangent about how the sun hates you, too?

Larry: "Introduction…?"

If your parents didn’t already buy you a dictionary, I’d get you one, my treat. How did you pass Elementary school? By stabbing your supervisors with your ahoge?

Nagito: "…I’m Nagito Komaeda. Nice to meet you."

Currently, you’re not Nagito and I’m suspicious of anything you say. Did he get infected by the Liar disease at the beginning of the game? Because that’s the only in-universe explanation I can find for his character shifting like river houses during floodings.

Ah yes, spinny logo, Lucky Student, I get it. NEXT.

Nagito: "Ah, along with my introduction… I guess I’ll also tell you about my talent so you know why Hope’s Peak Academy chose me."

Ok, I think he was unlobotomised again. Only normal Nagito would pick talent and Hope’s Peak as a conversation starter with someone he just met. I’m guessing it’s gonna cycle through all the characters out of obligation, but in this case it’s in-character.

Nagito: "Well, even if I tell you, in my case, it’s a pretty disappointing talent…"

You know what’s disappointing? That the game spoiled it for me already so your line lost the tension it could’ve had.

Larry: "A disappointing talent…? What do you mean?"

He clearly communicated he’s gonna tell you in the next line. Surprise Larry, talents can be disappointing. Imagine if you had a talent as a motorcyclist in a family of bakers. That click?

Nagito: "I’m lucky."

…Which was inferred by the spinny logo before. God this game is a waste of time.

Larry: "What are you talking about?"

If you cared about the school as much as you claim you’d know there’s a Lucky Student in every class since the school has existed. But that enforces it’s just a status symbol to you.

Nagito: "It’s not a joke or anything… That’s my actual talent."

Characters hate to take others’ words upfront, huh. Everything is taken as a joke.

I like Nagito’s softened text lines. It’s similar to what he’s doing in the Japanese version. And then there’s Bryce Papenbrook’s voice work which I have a problem with in this game. Can you tell I obsessed about this exploded soap for eight years?

Beautiful Ruin has been playing since Larry woke up. They’re trying so hard to make this chill when their setup ruins it for anyone who has two braincells. Oh and I wanted to go back to Usami’s Theme… a sec.

…They’re spoiling Monokuma. I’m crying and laughing. During the first scene on the beach the theme that’s played is called ‘Mr. Monokuma’s Practical Lesson’. Good to know Usami never had any merit beyond a red herring, but that'd be too generous. If they'd taken her seriously she'd have her own theme at least. She's just narrative padding... or stuffing. The plot feels like they wanted to make a red velvet plushie, forgot they had just two handful of good cotton and used moldy textile shredding to fill it in. Did no one QC this? Who allowed this to release? Most importantly, WHY'D IT GET SO POPULAR?!

Nagito: "I’m the (Ultimate) SHSL Lucky Student… At least, that’s what I’m called anyway."

Ok, this taps into him not believing that his luck is a talent because it is awful. Mood.

More on Bryce, he killed it in Another Episode as Servant, so I assume it must have been bad direction in SDR2. It’s still annoying because it shelves Nagito straight into a ‘hope nutcase’ box and everyone’s still harping on about bagel jokes. Has everyone forgotten he eats toast… like a shoujo anime lead, actually…

Please wash this out of my head.

Larry: "(Ultimate) SHSL Lucky Student?"

Where’s my screwdriver so I can rewind Larry’s brain tape?

Nagito: "Through a country-wide lottery, apparently only one ordinary student is selected at random to attend..."

…Which is what Hajime should’ve said both to elevate his character and the worldbuilding, but he needs to be babied constantly.

Nagito: "…Hope’s Peak Academy as the (Ultimate) SHSL Lucky Student."

This line needs to overflow into another textbox and I hate it. I needed to go back to read this properly. Most people will click through it so fast it’s negligible though.

Nagito: "And that lucky winner just so happened to be me."

"Just so happened", you know you’re a walking disaster but you’re good at downplaying it. I don’t blame you. You’ve seen some shit.

Notice how I’m taking him up-front? Because there’s some personality in there. And he’ll be there for most of the game.

I’ll have to be super careful though. I made my own personality documentation for him that I inferred through the game, which means I have an analysis bias. So a) this analysis reinforces that it’s rock-solid or b) I correct it and you’ll all benefit from it later. You’re welcome. I've already got to squeeze it around the lobotomy just seconds ago, but I'd take it as that Nagito seems like a chill guy if you were to meet him on the street... or on a school trip, that the game plays as 'relaxing'. Makes sense for someone this traumatised and sockpuppeted by a... god? Spirit? Curse? 

Has anyone in the universe ever nailed down what 'Luck' is? How did they get it into Kamukura in DR3? Did they do some kind of kegare ritual to get the gods angry or injected him with omamori extract?

Larry: (Chosen by a lottery… Is that really okay?)

…Did YOU apply for the lottery? Because you should have unless you’re a trust fund baby that’s got money in excess. Also you sure seem to be questioning the ‘easy’ way. Are you upset you needed to pay your way in and this mf didn’t?

Larry: (I mean… is luck even a real talent in the first place?)

You should’ve asked the (Ultimate) SHSL Hall Monitor. Being a teacher’s pet and yelling at people for running all your life doesn’t seem fun or talented, just stuck-up. 

This sentence is a poster for filler adjectives. The ‘real’ in ‘real talent’ devalues the ‘talent, because why’d you say it’s real? Any unreal talents out there you know of?

Larry: (…How strange.)

I’m surprised how you survived to high school, Larry. You feel like if you were dropped somewhere and received directions, you’d err over half the globe before reaching your destination. And you’d turn into a pig if tossed into cold water. However, you don't get the mercy of being OP and somewhat attractive... Come to think of it I still have to settle a score with THAT annoyance of an anime. Akane is an asshole that’s painted as endearing Tsundere.

Nagito: "Your face looks… troubled."

For one, why ‘your face’ specifically? Saying ‘You look… troubled.’ would’ve flowed better. For two, Nagito, you’re like a voluntary helper reminding someone with permanent brain damage that they wanted to put that puzzle piece there.

Larry: "Oh, no… I’m not troubled or anything."

LIARRRRR

Nagito: "No, it’s fine. I have mixed feelings about this, too."

Nagito calls out his bullshit and patches out the awkward lie with some empathy… I wished we had a better protagonist.

Nagito: "I never thought an average, talentless high school student like me would ever enter Hope’s Peak Academy…"

Oh, SELinux kicked in and got to the surface. Good, good. 

Nagito: "At first… I declined. I told them I didn’t deserve it. But they told me they really wanted me to attend."

This is excellent show-off for his self hatred and how little he values his talent… and himself, really. He’s average, talentless, despairing. Him, in an Academy of Hope? Nah, even if it’s his biggest dream. And then he gave in… I think it was because they told him because they wanted to research it. Which makes sense because the Kamukura Project needed it.

DING DING DING!

Nagito: "Apparently this so-called luck of mine is a talent that even the school doesn’t fully understand…"

And by extension, the writers of this world. Interesting he frames it as a recontextualisation. What did he call his luck before Hope’s Peak? A curse?

Nagito: "To research it, the school picks the (Ultimate) SHSL Lucky Student every year through an annual lottery."

If they’re still researching it after decades of this school’s existence, good luck figuring it out until the sun burns out.

(Edit: They somehow figured it out when creating Kamukura but never elaborated on the mechanics. I’m guessing luck is their magic narrative convenience button, explaining it would require them to abide by the rules.)

Nagito:"Hope’s Peak Academy is amazing if they can actually research something as vague as "luck".

…The guy with ‘boku’ pronouns, a black storm of self hatred and dementia has less ellipses than Larry. Is that a protagonist privilege?

Ok, Nagito. I’m gonna give you a sea animal too. An octopus, pretty smart, good at adapting to situations, AND THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO PULL LARRY OUT OF HIS SHELL. I get a strong feeling he’ll be the biggest, if not only voice of reason in this cast. Now, DON’T DISAPPOINT ME. But I’ll probably never need to roast you about it sooo… just in case?

Nagito: "Well, thanks to that luck, a guy like me was able to attend Hope’s Peak Academy, so for that I’m grateful…"

…That makes it sound like it was the first good thing you got out of your luck.

On the UI - did you know the beta had an FM radio in the top right corner that was replaced by the guitar? I loved that. Even now I think that more of a retro overlay/washed out photo texture would’ve kicked the ‘tropical/holiday’ feel into second gear.

Nagito: "But on the other hand… I feel a little out of place here."

Notice how Larry just… absorbs what he’s saying and never contributes? That’ll be important later.

But yep, on point, he feels like an imposter because to him, luck is not a talent. I’m impressed it stayed consistent for this long.

Nagito: "Ah, sorry. I have a bad habit of viewing most things through a pessimistic lens."

Yeah, cuz his luck never lets him rest. Even good luck ends in a tragedy waiting room. Still… you should be WAY MORE SKEPTICAL ABOUT THE CAMERAS. Watch that never happen because it went against someone’s interests during production. Because technically, his luck could 'accidentally' snipe a camera with a coconut and Usami would be none the wiser. Bonus level if even Usami can't fix it.

Nagito: "Um, yeah, I guess that’s it for my introduction."

Nothing to say here.

Larry: (Hmm… Nagito Komaeda, huh…)

Oh, did you realise his name is also a lame meta joke because that’s apparently this game series' pre-order bait and switch? Nagito Komaeda transliterates into ‘Makoto Naegi da’ which is ‘I’m Makoto Naegi’ and then they forget about it. It’s an absolutely obscure name and I’m sure they pulled the kanji out of nowhere. When does the trailer 'foreshadowing' ever pay off?

Larry: (He doesn’t seem like the most reliable guy, but he doesn’t strike to me as a bad person either.)

You’re projecting. At least you’re doing something though. Why do you call the guy who waited for you to bumble around on the beach and rate palm trees unreliable? Nagito’s got more patience than me.

Nagito: "Now then, it’s your turn."

*Larry.exe crashed, please ask a system administrator for help*

Larry: "Yeah… I’m Hajime Hinata."

No, you’re Larry. You’re being inconsistent again.

Nagito: "Then, let me ask you a question: what is your (Ultimate talent) Super High School Level Title?"

It’s SHSL Trust Fund Kid, but that’s been done in THH already so he’s not special.

Larry: "Um, I… I… I…"

Larry: (I opened my mouth but the words would not form. I felt my thoughts stalling in my head.)

This analogy is ass again. If you have retrograde amnesia that’s heavily implied in Larry that’d be like reaching into a shelf where your favourite cup sits and feeling strange emptiness. It’s usually caused by trauma to the brain. The other option is repressed memory because the idea that Larry is a normie was too traumatic for him, which would be like hitting a wall that’s bouncing back. The ‘I felt’ is redundant. ‘My thoughts stalled.’ would be crisp and to the point.

Larry: (As if I opened a book expecting to find words, and instead found blank pages.)

I don’t know about you, but I like my metaphor better. It's more personal. I think there's uneasier things in this word than blank books... Like... finding your favourite pencil under a chair you vacuumed under for four years to where you thought it warped into another dimension and respawned here. Idk, maybe it had its fun time in Minecraft.

DAY 3 END (24:31). I don’t want to stay up for that long again, but I’m pretty happy! I was worried that I was just projecting personality on Nagito but his consistency is a glimmer of… hope. Watch me choke on that because this is DanganRonpa and they can’t go two seconds without it later.

Day 11! The end of the prologue comes closer and closer. I might do a counter of stupidity, summary or a full-on review of it when I finish so both you and I keep a score on what the game tries to push aside and handwave in hopes we’ll forget about it. Then I’ll write a sample script both to add insult to injury and show how it’s done.

Last time, we went to the ranch where Usami did a balls joke and turned a chicken into a cow to demonstrate her powers, like she mixed up Magical Girls with Disney's Fairy Godmother. We talked to Hiyoko, who is so little of a Nihon-Buyo she mixes kimono items of different formality that makes her look like a cosplayer and was clearly made to be the favorite of pedos with a humiliation kink. As always, Larry does not see the ants on the floor she's making explode. We need to find glasses for him - maybe Rocketpunch sells those.

We moved on to Akane, who didn't remember Monmen like a normal person with sixteen classmates on her first day and the asshole has the nerve to guilt-trip her about it. For once, Nagito, so freshly christened Monmen his hair's still wet, supplied us with that she's a freestyle...gymnast, athlete? The game can't decide on one and reveals that she trains herself on improv without a coach. Larry thought of it as being self-absorbed like the glowing example of self-awareness he is. After some more lines of her body because this game can't help itself and me begging it to crush both of these idiots heads, they move and whine about going to the bridge to the Central island, which Larry is  suspicious of for the same reason as of his survival instinct, which is none. I spent the vaccum figuring out that the plants aren't regional and 'tropical island' signal props. 

In the park, they reveled in tone whiplash for a second that Meta voice interrupted to bother us about the paddi- ahem, LEVEL UP FEATURE, that involves running and interacting with everything to level up your tamagotchi and increase skill slots. 

What's next after it shut up? A fat, arrogant scion that insists winning the sperm lottery is a talent and asks Larry about his talent for plot like he'd care about it. With all the hope fragments*** together, Usami pops up on her wall-mounted brick TV and instructs us to shuffle over to the beach because she cannot be assed to teleport this time. Ooops, it's drama time (TM)! After demanding reports for the sights we already went through to get introduced to everyone, Byakuya demeans us for not knowing the most 'serious truth' that takes 12 lines plus whatever interaction with the other flickering lightbulbs you bothered with.

The truth is a story for a real island, that Jabberwock Island is a beautiful island paradise with a central island surrounded by five other ones that each have holy animals. Which doesn't matter. The holy animals explain nothing about the Monobeasts. He refuses to explain more as he's finished his job of waving the biggest Death flag for himself in the history of gayming.

Everyone gets cheery again and Larry activates his signature move - Emotional Black Hole! GO LARRY! ***all the first Hope fragments of each character.

We're at 1:07:34!

Larry: "We’re all here to attend Hope’s Peak Academy, right? But we’re all living on an island like this instead…"

Larry is the dumbest societal drone I can think of. Oh nooo! He wants all the downsides of school like performance pressure, imposter syndrome, drinking two cans of Red Bull at 2 .a.m. just to finish research on a paper about all the world’s variety’s of urchins while having an existential crisis for a sorry letter that shows him how much his teachers like him! What’s the alternative? Chilling at the beach, surfing, sleeping in, hanging out with other people... How terrifying!

[Scene 14 - Prologue, Beach. Larry gets talked out of having agency. (01:07:34) ]

Larry: "No matter what, it’s completely weird!"

Awww, he’s posing everyone else as weird. Didn’t I tell you to hold out on the projectium?

Gundham: "Why don’t you stop talking for a while? Go cool your head off or something."

WORD Gundham. You’re still good to me.

Larry: "…Eh?"

NEXT.

Teruteru: "P-Plus even if we wanted to leave, there’s no way we can…"

More angst… Can you decide on a mood for two sentences?? NEXT.

Kazuichi: "There’s no ship, and the planes are just for show…"

NEXT.

Peko: "From what I’ve discovered, there’s no way to contact the outside world, either."

Which they only pulled out now for extra drama. NEXT.

Peko: "In conclusion…it would be impossible to call for help."

1) Why would you want to be helped when you’re not in danger and everything is supposed to point to chill times, 2) ASK USAMI.

Akane: "Then, why don’t we just swim home?"

Why are you still here then, Akane? This sounds dumb but i’ts totally doable if she says it… which is nuts by the way. DR superpowers go go go! …See Aoi’s brother. If you're going to argue about distance, they're most likely in Polynesia, which means they can find land with a compass and a map from Rocketpunch.

Mikan: "There’s no way we can swim that far…!"

Not you, obviously!

Nekomaru: "SHOW SOME SPIRIT!!"

NEXT.

Mahiru: "I’m telling you, that’s impossible!"

TELL AOI’S BROTHER IN AE THAT. THAT MOTHERFUCKER WOULD'VE SWAM FOR THE MAIN LAND IF HE DIDN'T GO KABOOM.

Larry: "Th-Then… what if we cut down some trees and made a raft…?"

Larry is thirsting for the grind so hard he’d paddle around for days on the Pacific ocean on a raft and hope someone rescues him.

Usami: "Nuh-uh! You can’t do that! That’s the biggest of no-nos!"

Were you even planning on coming around for your presents or did the mention of breaking your rules get you moving? That was for plot too, by the way. Again, where the fuck were you until now?

Usami: "Please recall the guidelines of this school trip!"

Yes yes, ‘prosperous nature’ PR speak. NEXT.

Usami: "Litterning is not allowed. Let us coexist with this island’s bountiful nature in mutual prosperity."

Like we ignored it when Kazuichi’s intro pushed it into our faces. NEXT.

Usami: "Got it? I want everyone to get along and live peacefully on this beautiful tropical island."

It’d be most peaceful without you here. How about you try to get along with Teruteru for a shining example?

Larry: "Wh-What’s with these rules? Who cares about that…!"

I don’t know. Like keeping pigs from tossing their cigs in all sorts of gaps and spaces and then say it’s the street cleaners’ problem? Though it’s dumb without concrete measures for punishment.

Byakuya: "Stop. This rabbit seems to be rather finicky about these so-called rules."

I’m going to start calling you ‘Meta mouthpiece’ if you keep parroting their ’tell-don’t-show’ attempts of scaring us into compliance. Come on, cut down a tree. Let’s see what the punishment is. Let Larry do it if he’s so desperate!

Byakuya: "Based on that, what if your actions place everyone here in danger?"

From a Magical Girl plush bunny? If she had any of the empathy she claimed to have she’d only punish the rulebreaker. If you’re scared of her, Monmen should know taking away her stick leaves her powerless from her magic trick at the Ranch. Akane could easily do it if you buy her something to eat.

Usami: "Th-The word "danger" is a bit much! I wouldn’t do something like that!"

…Is this more Monokuma telegraphing? Thanks, I hate it. COME ON LARRY. CUT DOWN A TREE.

Monmen: "Hajime… I understand how you feel, but you need to calm down a little, okay?"

It’s Larry, no, no one understand why Larry wants to be more miserable. You are therapising him right now because him being consistent in being stupid would threaten the rule framework the writers were too lazy to think up punishments for. It’s like they started with writing the Killing game and slapped on the prologue afterwards.

Mikan: "F-For now… as long as we don’t do anything weird, it seems there is no danger…"

Note on ‘for now’ for more angst. You were being weird before when Monmen gave you a pass to force your help on everyone in Rocketpunch, so I’m definitely counting you as a source of danger.

Chiaki: "And as long as we gather the Hope Fragments, we’ll be able to get off this island soon."

NEXT.

Larry: "Y-You’re all just gonna believe that…?"

If Usami had any other plan you’d either be dead or suffering already.

Byakuya: "There’s no other choice but to believe… for now, that is."

Even if she was lying, I’m sure someone would pass by a formerly inhabited island at least once every few months and you could send a rescue signal.

Larry: "…"

[Scene 15 - Prologue, Beach. Where's my sponsorblocker? (01:09:02)]

Ibuki: "Anyway, Usami! What’s this present you mentioned in your announcement earlier?"

Now they flicked the switch back to ‘chill, easygoing atmosphere’ so they forget about what Larry was trying to do and that there was no integrity or payoff.

Usami: "Ah, that’s right! Well, of course I didn’t forget…"

BULLSHIT, if the presents were that important to you you’d have shown up on the beach before anyone could’ve assembled! You just came here for rule policing and dangling the narrative carrot!

Usami: "Love! Love! This is it!"

It’s an Usami keychain. You remember what I said about narcissism?

Usami: "Don’t be upset! I’ve prepared one for you all, so don’t worry!"

You’re running an ad campagn for yourself and dressing it up as a present. It’s like if your friend gave you an image of themselves as a birthday present. Ego-stroking, minimum effort and reminds you of how ‘great’ they are.

Monmen: "…"

Mood. I got a free sample mousepad from a friend as birthday present once. Same feeling.

Monmen: "What is this…?"

It’s an Usami keychain. Are you blind too or is this a metaphorical question?

Usami: "Pfft, teehee! It’s an Usami Strap!"

NEXT.

Usami: "If you squeeze the tummy, it talks."

Why’d I want to hear you talk when you’re gone?

Usami: "I’m Usami…Magical Miracle Girl * Usami. I’m an itty bitty girl who’s sweet like milk!"

No, I'm tired of this shit. Is Usami also pedo bait? The game wants her to be the cute plush bunny with a toddler voice and a magical girl bib and talk about her innocence constantly, but she is a TEACHER, makes 'accidental' DIRTY JOKES and is NARCISSISTIC as all fuck. Was Hiyoko not enough??

Usami: "Isn’t it cute? Love! Love!"

As cute as you are, which is not.

Byakuya: "…What a waste of time."

Says the dramatic plot enabler when they’re allowed to.

Ibuki: "Man, and I got my hopes up, too…"

You expected a good present from someone that gaslighted you about your stay on the island and only shows up when it threatens their authority or ego?

Teruteru: "I’m ashamed I even had my hopes up!"

NEXT.

Chiaki: "Really? I think it’s pretty cute. Especially how the ears look like a rabbit’s…"

More infantilisation showcasing. Do you remember Chiaki doesn’t know where milk comes from? Her and Usami are made of the same material.

Usami: "Well, Usami does mean ‘rabbit,’ you know!"

NEXT.

Larry: (Regardless, a large number of Usami Straps ended up on the beach anyway…)

Are you guys sure you’re Japanese? You’d smiled and thanked her, taken it to the Hotel and then dumped it into a trashcan there. I know you're tuned to take your garbage home most of the time.

Larry: (As I figured, after everybody received their strap, they just tossed them on the beach.)

Everyone figured out already, Larry. Again, are you SURE you guys are Japanese?

Usami: "Hey! You can’t taint nature with trash!"

Then you shouldn’t hand out trash to begin with. This scene is also a distraction to pretend there’s a story.

Ibuki: "See? Even you think they’re trash!"

Yeah, cool setup, very funny, NEXT.

Larry: (Usami sadly picked up the straps and looked at us with a lonely expression on her face.)

Oh, game, are you trying to guilt trip me again? Good luck. Maybe you shouldn’t have made your teacher a dumb ‘kid’.

Usami: "Ugh… And I even prepared one more present, too, but now I don’t wanna give it to you bad kids…"

No ‘I’m sorry, maybe I should have thought of what you liked more’ but guilt-tripping and withholding because you refused to stroke her ego again.

Peko: "Hm? You have something else?"

NEXT.

Usami: "Well, compared to the Usami Strap, it’s not that big of a deal…"

More narcissism, more marketing. If it’s not that big of a deal to you, it’s better for the characters.

Usami: "Basically, I’ve prepared a motive for everyone."

…The ‘motive’ is highlighted. More red herring and hinting towards Monokuma with no payoff. The strap was to ‘pay off’ the shock of this line. No, get fucked.

Larry: "A motive…?"

Ah yes, they switched back to the ‘doom and gloom’ atmosphere. NEXT.

Usami: "That’s right. A motive for everyone to get along."

…See what I mean? You worry for a moment and then it slaps you in the face and laughs at you for believing it.

Usami: "We’ve come all this way to a tropical island, so I thought it’d be great to do something island-themed."

An island is a piece of land surrounded by ocean. Iceland is an island, Japan is an island, Jabberwock Island is… an archipelago. Speaking of dumb naming. How would you pull any theming from that?

Akane: "Like what? Are you thinkin’ of throwin’ a big party or somethin’?"

As I said, island… is so vague pulling party from it is pretense. Why would someone like Usami would put effort into making you all happy?

Usami: "Coooorrect!"

AN ISLAND IS NOT A THEME. ‘Hawaii’ would be a theme, ‘Japan’ would be a theme, the rest is delusion.

Sonia: "Is it a festival? Or maybe a miniature shrine? How wonderful!"

Why does the princess that knows 30 languages fluently ask whether a party means it involves a miniature shrine? You guys thought Akane was a bimbo? Breaking news, Sonia also is, but with a ‘brightness’ filter and some extra glitter.

Teruteru: "Excuse me, Miss Sonia…"

Maybe we should involve an island where people get sacrificed to the gods for a party so we can burn him in the bonfire.

Teruteru: "My loins are still full of poison, and I’d appreciate it if you could suck it out with your mouth."

Usami, are you still convinced we can all get along? I’m going to throw you into the fire with him.

Monmen: "Knock it off, Teruteru!"

FINALLY, you say something reasonable. How about you shred Usami for the unreasonable demands of interacting with this time bomb?

Sonia: "Oh, your tenderloins? You betcha."

I’m retitling you to ‘SHSL Sparkly Bimbo’.

Monmen: "Just ignore him, Sonia!"

NO, TELL HER WHAT HE’S TRYING TO DO SO SHE UNDERSTANDS. That’s the same way people refuse to hold bullies accountable by shaming their victims for paying attention to them! Excuse me that I have functioning eyes and emotions!

Ibuki: "If we’re talking about fun parties on a tropical island, maybe it should be a barbeque or something?"

God fucking hell I hate whoever wrote this. You are inserting sexual harassment in for ‘flavour’ and then pivoting away like it’s just fun banter! YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE CREATED HIM TO BEGIN WITH.

Why is this game so obsessed with hammering home the ’tropical island’ vibe? Is it because there’s nothing else about it to talk about? No culture, no backstory, no hints at what people here used to do? Of course it is! We know this game is allergic of specificity, accountability and depth!

Mahiru: "Ah, a campfire sounds fun, too."

Usami never said what kind of party it was going to be. You’re just adding padding. NEXT.

Hiyoko: "Let’s find a hoop snake and kill it!"

You’ve already got a snake in your group that you can target.

Kazuichi: "Is looking for one not enough for you!?"

NEXT.

Usami: "It seems everyone has different ideas, but if we’re gonna be at the ocean, then first…"

*shows bags*

Usami: "Tadaaa! This is what it’s all about!"

WHAT’S INSIDE THE BAGS? NEXT.

Monmen: "A swimming bag?"

No idea, what matters is what’s inside, and I’m gonna say it before they drag on, SWIMSUITS! Once again, Usami does the absolute minimum. I wouldn’t consider a dive into the sea a ‘party’. Thanks for misleading the player, both you and Spikey. 

Why are swimsuits so special, huh? Couldn’t you get those from Rocketpunch Market? Did someone need their fetish satisfied?

Usami: "Coooorrect! Love! Love!"

You are the worst, Usami. It’s even worse that the game tries to paint it as special. In Chapter 2, they even get prettier swimsuits and bikinis, which you could have done here by letting everyone try on some pieces in Rocketpunch! Were you too lazy to design swimsuits for everyone because you weren’t aroused by it? The players don’t even know you can get them from the market until then!

Kazuichi: "Whoaaaa! Then that means…"

NEXT.

Usami: "That’s right. I have swimsuits for everyone. Well, school swimsuits actually. I hope that’s okay."

‘Please reassure me for doing the minimum’. No it’s not Usami. Go away.

Larry: "A-Are you telling us to go swimming…? In a situation like this…?"

SHUT UP LARRY. NEXT.

Usami: "It’s not like I’m ordering you guys to swim or anything. It’s just, if you wanna go swimming, you can…"

Nice try framing her as sympathetic here. If you were to order them to swim, it’d finally show off how much of a pathetic tyrant she is and make Larry look unreasonable… Which he’s been ever since he met Monmen.

Larry: "Th-There’s no way I’m going swimming!"

We know you like to be miserable, you sad crab. NEXT.

Larry: "There’s no way anyone would be so thoughtless as to go swimming in a situation like this…"

Making everyone else miserable and swimming across the ocean for school is thoughtful though. Yeah right.

Ibuki: "YAAAHHHOOOOOO!"

NEXT.

Larry: "Eh?"

NEXT.

Kazuichi: "Aw yeah! That’s what I’m talking about! With weather this nice, there’s no way I’m gonna pass on swimming!"

You did when you stayed at the airport. But it’d have made all of you look sociopathic to leave Larry on the beach in the scorching sun on his own and messed up the carefully assorted tutorial!

Teruteru: "I agree!"

Please drown.

Teruteru: "Even my loins agree! See?"

We should cut them off! Where’s the cleaver?

Sonia: "Your tenderloins? I understand!"

…She has half the IQ of Akane, and this is gross and moronic. Recycling the dialogue is cheap too.

Monmen: "S-Seriously, don’t try to understand!"

SHE SHOULD. TELL HER IF YOU ARE TRYING TO BE USEFUL.

Mahiru: "How long has it been since I last swam in the sea?"

You should be nagging everyone to apply sunscreen.

Nekomaru: "Allllllll riiiiiight! Let’s go change!!!"

NEXT.

Larry: (Those of us who were excited to go swimming went to get their swimsuits from Usami…)

NEXT.

Larry: (…and ran straight to the hotel to change.)

Why not their cottages? They have their faces plastered on the postboxes!? They ‘re trying so hard to make the hotel look important when it’s an elevated restaurant with a reception and lobby tacked on.

Monmen: "What are you going ot do, Hajime?"

It’s Larry. He’ll sulk again.

Larry: "…"

Exactly.

Monmen: "I understand how you feel, and I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do…"

No one understands. 

Monmen used Therapise! Larry’s ‘Black Hole’ ability drained its energy! It has no effect…

Monmen: "But if you feel up for it, I’d be happy if you came along too."

You have neither self-respect nor boundaries, which would be in-character if it didn’t blatantly serve this emotional Giga drain, killjoy and crybaby. I’d have a million more words to insult him because he’s just that insufferable. Just dump him, you dingus.

Larry: (After he said that, Nagito ran over to the hotel as well.)

How can you see that? The hotel grounds are in an enclosed space? How are you blind to ants but can pinpoint people entering the hotel like you got an X-ray installed?

Larry: "…"

I want to yeet three people in this cast into the sun already and their deaths would immediately make the narrative better. Guess whom?

[Scene 16 - Prologue, Beach. Larry a la two icepicks behind his eyelids. (01:12:03)]

Larry: (There is no danger on this island…)

If you’re reflecting now, I don’t care.

Larry: (There is nothing tragic waiting to happen on this island.)

Should I dye your hair red so your character design reflects you putting up red herrings like it’s an Olympic sport?

Larry: (Is that really true?)

NEXT.

Larry: (If so…)

NEXT.

Larry: (Am I actually…wrong?)

Ah, I see what you’re trying to do. You’re loosening up the most ‘skeptical’ character (actually just delusional and whiny) and make him accept the premise without foreshadowing so the players think it’s fine. Then you crash down with Monokuma… Honestly, suck it.

Byakuya: "Hmph."

Why is this idiot not swimming?

*selects Saionji*

Larry: "You’re not going to swim?"

Why are you surprised? I thought that was the most reasonable thing to do in your eyes!

Hiyoko: "Nah, it’s more fun to step on the crabs walking on the beach!"

…Make my sun counter four. 

Larry: "I-I see…"

NEXT.

They can select the characters now and talk to them. More padding. This is the silence before the storm when I’m smelling the clarity in the air five kilometers ahead.

*selects Akane*

Larry: (So, it looks like she’s staying, too… That’s unexpected. She seems more like the active type.)

No shit. NEXT.

Larry: "Hey, you’re not gonna swim?"

Again, did you conveniently forget you’d guilt someone into staying in your little bubble of sulk and misery?

Akane: "Hm? Of course I am, why?"

Ah I remember this. They go for fanservice, but are too cowardly to pull through.

Larry: "Then why didn’t you go with the others to change?"

More setup…

Akane: "I don’t need to change. All I gotta do is take off my clothes."

If only this game had the balls for it. They hint, hint, hint, but it’s gotta stay at 16+ rating, you guys! Can’t lose the audience that doesn’t understand how terrible Teruteru is! Let her be bold, she has a bomb body and owns it.

Larry: "No, what about your swimsuit?"

NEXT.

Akane: "There’s no way I’m gonna wear somethin’ as embarrassin’ as a school swimsuit."

…Why is it embarassing? I get the full skin thing but juxtaposing it with something so common is just making her look dumb. 

Larry: (She’s just…wrong about so many things.)

Sniffing projectium again?

Akane: "Soooo, let’s hurry and swim!"

Go Akane! Go!

Larry: (With those words, Akane quickly began taking off her…whoa, hey!)

She just told you what she was gonna do. Not her fault you have shit comprehension skills across the board.

Usami: "Hey there! Shameful behavior like that is a no-no! If you’re going to swim, you gotta wear a swimsuit!"

…Why is she telling that to a muscle-packed athlete/gymnast who could crush her into moon dust? Does she have any survival instincts? Why is it shameful? You’re leeching off people for approval, I’d consider that way worse than a girl not giving a shit about your arbitrary standards of what's appropriate.

Akane: "Tch! What a pain!"

Word, Akane. You’re one of the few characters with agency in this game.

Usami: "Phew…! Phew…!"

Now you should have a stroke and free us of the misery you are.

*selects Usami*

Usami: "Huh? You’re not gonna swim, Hajime?"

It’s Larry. You told him he was fine not swimming three minutes ago, so why’re you asking?

Larry: "…"

Ah, they’re trying to ‘build’ him towards changing his mind. Once again, I don’t care.

Usami: "Mmmm… How can I get you to believe me…"

YOU. SAID. IT’S. FINE.

Larry: (There’s no way…I can believe her…)

NEXT.

Usami: "Ah! Speaking of which, everyone has returned!"

…Show me the sprites instead of telling me?

Larry: (As Usami said that, I turned around and…)

This is a setup for the fanservice CGI and so you can avoid drawing swimsuit sprites.

Larry: (I saw a group of people wearing swimsuits jumping into the ocean and shouting with joy.)

Called it. 'Group of people’? Seriously? They’re your CLASSMATES.

*shows Swimsuit CGI*

…Your ass would’ve looked nicer if you didn’t show it for me to get sexualised for attention, Mikan. Why’s Monmen so normal? He should be skin and bones. You know what'd have been sexy, consensual and in-character? Akane showing off her own bod. I'm an aesthete. If she's pretty and confident in herself, I'm digging it.

Kazuichi: "YAAAAAHOOOOOO!"

Most of these lines are me counting the letters twice because my OCD brain won’t shut up. NEXT.

Mikan: "Yaaaay! The sea!"

NEXT.

Sonia: "Aaah, the water is so cool. It feels great!"

NEXT.

Ibuki: "Uah! Too salty! This water’s too salty! It’s not going easy on me!"

DUMB. NEXT.

Teruteru: "Heeeey, I got some suntan lotion from the supermarket. Would anyone like a rub down?"

I’m gonna shove it down your throat.

Nekomaru: "Oh! You’re quite considerate! Now then, will you apply it right away?"

…I’m having a Z fighting moment here. On one hand, Teruteru is being creepy, but Nekomaru is getting an advantage out of it while subverting his plan? I still want him dead. 

Teruteru: "Eh? Rubbing lotion on a muscular man…?"

Nevermind. This is good because of Nidai being in on it, not because of Teruteru.

Teruteru: "All right, no problem! My tastes are pretty open, you know!"

…Because no one likes you.

Mahiru: "You seem a little *too* open… Like you’re covering too many bases by yourself."

What the fuck is that line? I don’t understand it. Either way, you’re not calling him out on what he tried to do to Sonia when it’s convenient.

Teruteru: "Mmhmhm… I’ll make sure to slather you with lots and lots of oil."

NEXT NEXT NEXT.

Nekomaru: "Wh-What is this feeling of intense bloodlust!?"

It’s feeling violated. Come on, act out on it. Now you’ve got all the reason to.

*camera pans back to beach*

Larry: (It feels like a resort… There’s no other way to describe it.)

There is. You chose the most vague description possible just to fill space. What does a dip in the ocean have to do with a resort? It’s a thing with all beaches that are warm enough. Would you say the same thing about a beach on Sicily or Okinawa? Yes? Then shut up.

Larry: (Seeing the other students having all this fun…)

They’ve had it before too. Talking of selective focus. NEXT.

Larry: "I-I…"

He’s caving. I’m caving your head in soon.

Usami: "Yep yep! I’m very happy."

NEXT.

Usami: "Everyone seems to be getting along with each other, so I’m very happy."

NEXT.

Usami: "I thought this would be hard until everyone got used to this, but they’re all acting like (Ultimates) SHSLs!"

It was hard because the plot demanded everyone stand around and be introduced and oscillating in whatever emotional direction they had to instead of making them embrace the situation and go swimming by themselves straight away! Like Kazuichi would’ve done if the planes had been gone and he’d have been allowed to be a solid character.

Just what the fuck does being SHSLs have to do with this? They’re having fun? Is having fun reserved for the elite? Maybe, in the capitalist hellscape your job culture is.

Usami: "Let’s keep up the pace and all do our best to peacefully enjoy this heart-throbbing school trip!"

Teruteru fucked with the peace just now, and you cannot reconcile ‘peaceful’ with ‘heart-throbbing’. You’d also never act on the latter because that’d mean the characters romance around and get into relationships, which is reserved by the protagonist in Free Time Events and Island mode.

Larry: "…"

NEXT.

Larry: (What’s this feeling of alienation? I can’t really put it into words.)

It’s called FOMO, something this game is excellent at. It only comes up now because they decided you should feel it.

…Hey, why isn’t Chiaki swimming? Is it because showing off her boobs in Chapter 2 hits harder when she plays hard to get first? Why are these characters on the beach, still? It’s hot af. Retreat to somewhere cool.

Larry: "Am I really…wrong about all this?"

NEXT.

Larry: "…"

Note I’m not against whitespace, just padding. NEXT.

Larry: "Fine."

You’re saying it like it’s an obligation you have to cross of your list. Which, seen from a character standpoint, is one from the writers to you. NEXT.

Larry: "I just gotta do it, right?"

NEXT.

Larry: "Then…I’ll do it!"

NEXT.

Larry: "That’s right, I’ll do it!"

NEXT.

Usami: "Hajime? Did something happen?"

He’s getting possessed by the writers to override his personality.

Larry: "Hey! Hand me one of those swimsuits!"

NEXT.

Larry: (Jeez, I can’t believe I was the only one worrying! I feel like an idiot!)

You were worrying consistently, the others randomly. Doesn’t make you the only one, and don’t pretend otherwise.

Larry: (I don’t care anymore! I’m gonna go for it!)

NEXT.

Larry: (I’m gonna seriously enjoy myself and have fun!)

Do they realise they’re eroding the only personality and consistency this crab had? He’s a whiny being and I hate him for it and drags everything down, but a throughline is a throughline.

Larry: "Heeeey you guys! Don’t forget about me!"

…I need a fat cup of gunpowder tea.

Larry: "Hey hey! Wait for me! Let me join in the fun!"

I can smell the storm approaching. This is so they can flip the mood at its highest. The school trip until now was meaningless. Monmen would hate being in it conceptually...at least my Monmen would.

Oh, this is the first time they’re giving Larry voiced lines after his introduction, of course they’re story-based.

Larry: "…Wait, huh?"

NEXT.

Larry: (Suddenly…the sky grew cloudy…) 

No shit. I can see it on screen. Your forced optimism will be the death of all of us.

Larry: "Huh?"

NEXT.

Larry: "What is this!?"

The sky got cloudy because you went off the rails. NEXT.

*camera pans to beach*

Larry: "What’s happening…? These strange clouds… This doesn’t look natural at all!…!"

After being surprised by the obvious multiple times, you’re suddenly a meteorologist? This is tell-don’t-show when you could have just said ‘it’s not normal for the sky to turn dark so quickly’. There. I fixed it.

Usami: "Eh? Huh…?"

You gonna bail now?

Larry: "Hey, what’s going on?"

Judging by how intimidated she is, it’s either terrible or she has no idea.

Larry: "What did you do!? This is obviously not right! It was sunny just a few minutes ago!"

Oh NOW he suspects her for her magical powers after how many times he was in denial about them? Absolute tomfoolery.

Usami: "Wha…wha-wha-wha…"

NEXT.

Usami: "Wh-What is this!?"

So she has no idea. Incompetent as always.

Larry: "…Huh?"

NEXT.

Usami: "I didn’t do anything… What is all this…?"

NEXT.

Usami: "There’s no way! Something like this shouldn’t be happening!"

It clearly is. NEXT.

Larry: (…And at that exact moment.)

Moooore tell-don’t-show. Everyone knows the sound and voice.

Larry: (Just when it seemed like this couldn’t get more confusing, it suddenly happened.)

You can highlight ‘it’ all you want. Still padding. NEXT.

[Scene 17 - Prologue, Beach. Monoboomer is scheming calling! (01:15:43)]

*camera pans to monitor*

Monokuma: "Ahh, ahh…! Mike check! Mike check!"

NEXT.

Monokuma: "Ah, ah! Ah, ah! Can you hear me, can you hear me?"

This makes him sound like a boomer who’s asking why the phone is so quiet when they’re holding it away from their face. Those two lines were pinpricks to the half-filled balloon of narrative tension you got to until now and it's pfff'd out of existence. You fucked up.

*scary theme kicks in*

Larry: (That voice was so laidback and so gleeful that it seemed out of place.)

…You're describing Monmen? Why is being laidback and gleeful out of place all of a sudden? Good to know that logic is irrelevant even when Monokuma pops up.

Larry: (But, it was different than Usami’s…)

Her voice is also laidback and gleeful. We just heard it was different from Usami’s. NEXT.

Larry: (As if an endless storm of malice could be felt raging behind that laidback voice…)

More tell-don’t-show that desperately tries to salvage what the intro is too stupid to show.

Larry: (The moment I felt it, my body shuddered.)

Are mic checks from your uncle giving you PTSD now? Lame.

Monokuma: "Puhuhu… Surprised? You were totally surprised!"

— the writing team reassured itself. Breaking news, I wasn’t.

Monokuma: "…Riiiight?"

Now they’re fishing for approval. What losers.

Monokuma: "Now then, sorry to keep you all waiting for so long. Let’s leave all this worthless entertainment behind…"

You’re parroting the writers again that are apologising for the prologue existing. All of it was padding, not entertainment. Make up your mind. I'm sorry for anyone that had a part in voicing or doing art for this game because the writers don't believe in your passion and that your performance was strong enough to hold on its own.

Monokuma: "It’s time for the main attraction! You guys better hustle over to Jabberwock Park!"

Again, the writers telling you the Killing game you were waiting for is here. Why would the characters hustle over at all? Everything’s ominous and they’re teenagers.

Usami: "Could it be? This voice…!"

How do you know Monokuma’s voice? He showed up out of the blue for the programmers of the Neo World Program and you’re hardly knowledgable on anything.

Usami: "I-If this is… Oh, this is very bad. I gotta do something…"

This is the first time you’re thinking about being useful when the narrative demands Monokuma look cool.

Usami: "It’s all up to me!"

You’ve given me no reason to care so far, so I still don’t care.

Larry: "H-Hey! Wait!"

There she goes again without explaining anything. More withholding information!

Byakuya: "It seems that… was an unusual occurence…"

NEXT.

Chiaki: "It’s best if…we go, too…"

Why? To save Usami? That’d make protecting you harder for her and disregard her sacrifice. To keep the tourist train going? Obviously.

Chiaki: "Jabberwock Park, was it? Let’s hurry."

*Chiaki leaves*

Shut up, Chiaki. NEXT.

Akane: "H-Hey! Wait!"

*Akane leaves*

STAY HERE YOU NUGGET

Larry: "B-But what about everyone who’s swimming?"

They gotta go change and hurry up because no one wants swimsuits in an epic showdown and they don’t have swimsuit sprites.

Byakuya: "There’s no time to wait for them to change. I have a bad feeling about this."

They’re running towards the danger like a startled horse. Which’d imply some emotional logic, but horses are less intelligent than donkeys. They’re stubborn cuz they know what they want and stay put when danger approaches before killing themselves and others.

Byakuya: "I’ll head over first."

Yeah, everyone’s a plot NPC now. Moving on.

Fuyuhiko: "Shit, just what the hell is going on…?"

NEXT.

Fuyuhiko: "I’ll be really pissed off if it’s something fucking stupid!"

Sure it is when the sky grows cloudy for it. This is the intro to a supervillain showdown and you’re treating it like a performance of Kasperle.

Larry: (What is this…? What the hell is going on…?)

NEXT.

Larry: "O-Okay… Jabberwock Park…right?"

NEXT.

*camera pans back*

*selects Hiyoko*

Hiyoko: "Boooo! There’s just too many Mr. Crabs!"

Ah, a Spongebob reference. You’d be Plankton.

Hiyoko: "Fiiiine, I’ll just step on them later."

Your calm right now tells me that you’re a socio- or psychopath. There’s no emotion in you except cruelty.

Larry: (You crabs better run while you still can…!)

How about you throw her into the sea too? Would resolve the problem instantly. Or untie her obi. Ez peaz she’d never leave her cottage again.

Eeeend of Day 11, (01:17:28) ! That was a long one! I’m getting tired again and I’m disappointed that the setup of the villain is fumbled by more tell-don’t-show, creative insecurity and mascot mouthpiecing. However, why am I expecting anything when I’ve waded through over an hour of the same tired tactics? I suppose I’m either naive or too baffled to believe these failures hold up to the very end when this game was this popular. Was all of that hype just projection? 

It’s Day 9! I’ve spent a few hours decluttering my laptop and streamlining my workflow for writing. My original note app, Zoho Notebook, pissed me off because when you have long documents or a lot of notes, it tries to compete with a honey trail into my warm milk for slowness. It seems all note apps cannot agree on streamlining experiences for their users. Features get ommitted with updates and never come back, export and import options vary widely, basic features like tags and folders aren’t commonplace and if you’re super lucky, the dev decided batch select was optional.

…Just like they thought structure and personality was optional in this game. I guess people never change.

Either way, let’s get into it! Who’s our next victim after yesterday’s moral deprivation?! If you're coming back, we met Nekomaru, Peko, Sonia and Teruteru. Nekomaru is the author-designated dumbass that I like more than his flagship big-brains because he's loud and laid-back. Peko is a red flag with a sword and emotional constipation, Sonia is so hollow she exists as a harassment joke punchline though a sponsorship for Princess Vibes Cosmetics and the fitting nothingspeak, and Teruteru is the arbiter of said punchline only black-white background ghosts laugh about. Also he's the encapsulation of the game's failures. If he made it through you know the trash compactor in production wasn't firing.

We're at 54:18!

exits hotel site

enters Usami Corral

[Scene 10 - Prologue, Ranch. Magical Girlfailure mode to body horror. (54:48)]

Nagito: "This looks like a ranch."

Is it your turn to quote the obvious now? Really though… what is it now, a corral or a ranch? I can see a farmhouse there too. A corral is technically part of a ranch. For a corral it’s sparsely lived in. That chicken either has the time of its life or needs therapy for touch starvation.

Larry: "…Though there aren’t many animals around."

I beat you to it again Larry. NEXT.

Usami appears

Usami: "Aww…you found it out!"

Yes Usami, we have eyes. Do you just have buttons or what is that supposed to mean? Did you pull a deal with an other mother?

Oh and now there’s an extra animal. No corral without bunnies! …Unless you're in Watership Down.

Larry: "You again! Seriously, where do you keep appearing from!?"

From nowhere, Larry. If you flicked the reset button up there maybe you’d realise she teleported. However, you’re in denial every time you could ask an unconventional question or have a logical thought.

Usami: "I can show up anywhere, anytime! The system allows me to appear anywhere on the island!"

One, Usami is dumber than Hajime, two, the blatant worldbuilding ‘hint’ in this would leave a mark on my forehead if I facepalmed as hard as I rolled my eyes. It’s like breaking a hole into the Sistine Chapel with a truck and calling it art.

Usami: "It’s all thanks to this handy-dandy Magic Stick!"

Wow, really? Her powers are tied to her Magic Stick? Everyone and their mother knows most Magical Girls only transform with their magic item, so why do you look like you’re already transformed??

Someone at Spikey based Usami off their vague childhood memories of Sailor Moon and Pretty Cure and threw them in the blender at max speed so all we get is runny pink sludge.

Not to mention that this is foreshadowing for when Monokuma beats her up. He cracks her stick and her conviction with it. Alter Ego, or whoever the fuck at Future Foundation programmed this rollercoaster, why did you give the supervisor of this program an accessory to access her powers instead of loading them straight into her?

I only have one answer for that, plot convenience. Makes Usami a nice punching bag and harmless to the wonky outline you needed to make work. Whatever sysadmin you pick, they'd fire before you breathed on the keyboard… Unless you're managing npm.

Larry: (Magic Stick, huh?… Is she talking about that toy she’s holding?)

You conveniently forgot she summoned sparkly hearts from it half an hour ago. And why is that your reference of a toy? Did your mom give you hers? Let me guess, you’ve never seen a Magical girl before, either.

Usami: "Hmmm…still, I am quite troubled…"

That there’s so little animals on the ranch? You have better things to worry about, like explaining to your students what the hell is going on. Or be sincere about being useless and go get milk for good. I'm sure Rocketpunch has a lot of it.

Usami: "A ranch without any moo-cows is like a soccer team without any balls."

Every time Usami makes a dirty joke I die inside. What is she now? A grown teacher? The butt of the joke? An innocent girl? I swear this game reeks of lazy compromise.

Nagito: "You might want to rephrase that…"

Moving on. Another cringe joke.

I started too late and I’m too tired to continue, which means Day 9 - END,(55:22). Let’s see how harshly they assassinate Usami tomorrow!

DAY 10! I am cranky like an old man and figured that I need to pace myself with screentime and set timers to do some stretches. I don’t want to become a shrimp and end up in someone’s fried rice at some point of my life! Maybe that chicken on Usami corral will though… or we’re going for oyakodon, because this game is as much of a cruel joke as the meal. Except the food tastes good. I am the final boss of runny eggs you’ll need to defeat. LET’S GOOOO

Usami: "All righty! Just leave it to me and my handy-dandy Magic Stick!"

Ugh, her voice is just as terrible for her role as her personality. It’s like someone retained their mushy toddler-accent up into adulthood. She speaks words so softly I’d be surprised she could slot wooden blocks into the right holes.

Usami: "Bibidi Bobidi! Bibidi Bobidi!"

What are you now? Sailor Moon or a Disney godmother? At least the dramatic chanting of Anglicised attack names is on point for the Magical Girl (and Shounen, I’ll happily offend everyone by saying it’s Magical Boy) tropes.

Usami: "Bibidibibidi! Bobidibobidi!"

…And when are we seeing your new form?

Usami: "Bu! Turn into a moo-cow!"

Ah, it’s gonna be the chicken’s new form.

Larry: "…BWHAAAAAAAAA-!?"

This is the only time you couldn’t get away with compartmentalising shit. Do they bother bringing up Usami’s magic outside of bonking Monobeats later?

I wonder how the chicken’s feeling in its new body. Why isn’t it panicking? Is it too dumb? I'd be distressed too if someone body swapped me into something larger, less mobile that needs to walk on all fours.

You really didn't take into account its headspace, Usami, did you?

…Not like you do, ever.

Usami: "Harumph! A huge success!"

You just had to whip out your wand and chant the holy spells of glitter dust. Why do you phrase it like it was a huge achievement?

You could’ve made a friend for the cow at least. Use that toucan next if you pull things through to the end.

Usami poofs

Larry: "Wh-What was all that just now…?"

Exactly what I saw. Usami turned Miss Karaage into Miss Wagyu. The udders aren’t coloured for some reason. This time you’re excused for thinking you’re hallucinating.

Larry: "A-A chicken…changed into…a cow!?"

NEXT.

Nagito: "Nah, it’s probably some sort of trick or illusion. I bet it was set up before we got here."

Says the idiot that had a meteorite crash into the exact plane his parents were on. How high is the likelihood of that? SSR Gacha banner first-try? Winning the lottery three times? Getting lightning to strike you?

Nagito: "She was probably trying to make us happy, but…I guess it had the opposite effect on you, Hajime."

It’s Larry. I swapped in Hajime during the first introduction at the beach and you didn’t notice yet. Not that I'm surprised. Now where the hell do you read that from? Usami admitted herself that she wanted a cow on the ranch and back on the beach, she was gaslighting you and withholding information. Is the invisible prompter whispering the subtext in your ear?

That was probably to stroke her ego again… As swinging as stick is hardly remarkable for most magicians.

Larry: (…A trick? An illusion?)

NEXT.

Larry: (W-Well, if you think rationally, it makes sense…)

Implying what you just thought about this trick was irrational. Yes, she uses magic! Maybe it should've started dawning on you when she made the classroom collapse!

Either way, congratulations! This is the first time you react to magic like a human being.

Shame it will last for this scene only.

Larry: (A chicken can’t just change into a cow. Messing with living things like that is just not cool, you know?)

You’re throwing shade on every beasttamer, necromancer and summoner in the existence of games. You will be recruited as ‘Larry, the Sorry Soul of a Dead Sea Urchin’ that has 5 HP but is so prickly no one wants to hit it. But yes, I agree that Usami doing that was as empathetic as a baseball bat to the noggin.

…Especially since I know that cow’s gonna see Nekomaru’s fists and end up at the party as murder weapon concealment. A cow has one of the important roles of this game!

[Scene 11 - Prologue, Ranch. Japanese VS. Japan nerd, GO! (56:14)]

selects Banana child

Hiyoko: "Squish! Squish!"

Ah yes, the Nihon Buyo redux.

Larry: (What’s this kid doing?)

Do you have working eyes or is that a metaphorical question?

Larry: (She’s sitting down and she keeps pressing her finger onto the floor with all her strength.)

Larry is short-sighted and blind to trails of ants.

Larry: "Um, are you okay? I haven’t introduced myself, right?"

Mentally? Good question. NEXT.

Larry: "My name is Hajime Hinata…"

NEXT.

Hiyoko: "Hmmm?"

You heard me. NEXT.

Hiyoko: "I’m Hiyoko Saionji."

TIME! Fastest introduction so far. Now we wait for it to get ruined.

SPINNN, SPINN SPINN, sorry, I hypnotised you with my spinning top.

We’ve got another Americanisation AND a fuckup of danganronpa.wiki.

The (Ultimate) SHSL Traditional Dancer angle ignores that this is a Japanese game and makes you assume whatever country stepdance you saw when you visited Texas. danganronpa.wiki is even worse by translating it as ‘Classical Dancer’. When I think of classical dance, I think of waltzing to a piano ensemble. That’s why specificity is essential.

The original text would be translated into ‘SHSL Nihon Buyo Dancer/Japanese Dancer’. Nihon Buyo, which translates to ‘Japanese dance’ is a subtype of Japanese dance (blame the natives, they called it that confusingly) originally derived from kabuki and is a separate categorisation from noh and odori. It’s refined and supposed to be performed for entertainment on a stage.

Of course, what you can barely call nods towards that will be Hiyoko being too spoiled to tie her obi…which I can do, and I'm an idiot and has one stage performance with Ibuki with a static CGI in Chapter 3. Then Mikan ties her obi in front like that of a good ol’ oiran during her murder. I guess you can die stylishly at least.

Her design is also a failure. She looks like kimono-wearing blonde Nr. 6 and I’m still trying to figure out whether she’s wearing a furisode or a normal-length sleeve kimono.

…It’s a tsukesage. Semi-formal. Pattern on the lower hem. Anything more casual would be symmetrically patterned. Don't look at me for yukata, some look like komon, some like short-sleeve furisode and most like a black shibori fashion disaster that melts my eyes.

I have to correct myself. Even the native traditions get mugged for the aesthetic flash reel of Spike Chunsoft.

Hiyoko: "Squish! Squish!"

What can I say? Her voice matches her face. DId you know Larry collects her underwear too? Yep, I wanted to be sure you keep that in mind.

Larry: (She hasn’t stopped pressing her finger onto the floor… Seriously, what’s she doing?)

Seriously, you can’t see the ants? You’re bad at seeing things so maybe we should look for glasses for you.

Larry: (And her appearance and voice are so young… I can’t believe she’s actually a high school student.)

Do they mention why she looks like this, ever? Nutritional deprivation? Excessive training and thus a delay in development from stress? I’m throwing these things out there when I’m sure Spikey skimmed over it and went ‘this is fine’.

Seriously though, why is she a loli? Why did you need one?

Nagito: "Hiyoko’s talent has made her known as the (Ultimate) Traditional Dancer."

I did my research better than you, Nagito. Rough times.

Nagito: "As a rookie, the Japanese dance industry expects a lot from her. She’s already performed overseas many times."

Then she’s not a rookie, and why does the dance industry expect so much from her? NEXT.

Nagito: "It seems her performances are popular among young audiences, which is rare in the Japanese dance industry."

This makes my head ache. Why would set tradition suddenly be interesting to a younger audience? Did they pay good money for marketing or do they specialise in the more modern shin-buyo? But that'd mean her tradition is less then a hundred years old because shin-buyo was created during the Taisho era (1912–1926). But hey, modern kimono pretend they're ages old when their convoluted seasonal, formality and fabric rules came in with profit maximisation. Whatever, no thought put into this.

Nagito: "Well, then again, her fans are mostly men."

Why are these girls’ talents seen from the focus of men? If you’ll excuse me, I’ll throw up on you.

Larry: (It’s probably because she looks so young… Her fans probably all have the same niche or something.)

The niche is called pedophilia. Call it for what it is, you moron. If the writers try to soften it one more time I’m going to serve them on brown rice sprinkled with responsibility avoidance sesame.

If you have lead in her nastiness with sexual abuse the same way Kotoko in AE did, she'd be a better character. I might do an analysis of AE later too, but if my memory serves me correct she had the throughline of a messed up kid with hypersexuality as a coping mechanism and everyone was too busy getting offended and uncomfortable. But that’d shoo away your audience! Oh nooo!

The cutting off her clothes part was awful though, no front.

(Future Muku: Good luck getting me to do that after the Servant analysis. No.)

Achievement unlocked: Spikey doesn’t give a shit!

Hiyoko: "Squish! Squish!"

NEXT.

Larry: "Hey, what exactly are you doing?"

You should’ve asked this two internal monologues ago.

Hiyoko: "Hmmm? I’m squishing!"

MORE PADDING. NEXT.

Larry: "Squishing what?"

NEXT.

Hiyoko: "Mr. Ant, of course. I’m squishing lots of Mr. Ants."

How did her grandma let her get away with being an asshole? Why are you squishing ants? It’s gross to have their remains on your fingers. This is supposed to be an heiress to a generations-old dancing tradition. Or whatever her grandma fabricated up for her to believe it's prestigious if it's shin-buyo.

Larry: "Come again?"

It’s canon, Larry is blind. NEXT.

Hiyoko: "Hehe… If you squish their tummies just right, it makes this awesome sound."

Proof? Does anyone have merciless toddlers and can verify what she’s saying? I thought kids usually play with beetles or rainworms.

Hiyoko: "Wanna do it together!?"

Her dialogue says ‘Onii’, which is big brother. Welcome to lolicore.

Larry: "H-Hell no!"

Ah yes, is this the type of princess you imagined when you said Sonia was unusually approachable?

Hiyoko: "Aww, okay."

She sounds like she’s disappointed.

Hiyoko:"Hmph, you wuss…"

Loli + humiliation? Very creative. Very questionable. I’d have preferred if only Mahiru did it because she looks of age.

Larry: "Th-This kid… her attitude doesn’t match her appearance at all."

No shit. NEXT.

Obtained Hope Fragment

Cool, we got trivia on traditional art, kimono, gender dynamics and pedophilia courtesy of me instead of character insight! Courtesy of a salty dweeb who put more work into their one DR OC than these guys into the game.

selects Akane

Akane: "Heeeey! Who’re you dudes?"

Achievement unlocked: Collective amnesia

Larry: "It’s nice to finally meet you… I’m Hajime Hinata."

I forgot to wipe your name partition when I swapped in Larry, huh. You sound like you were matched up for a political marriage and fell in love with Akane's selfie so hard you travelled across the globe to meet her.

Akane: "Gotcha… And who’s this other dude?"

It’s Larry, occasionally lobotomised instead of always.

Nagito: "…Huh? Haven’t we already met?"

Why do you only mention that with Akane? What about Mikan, Sonia, Mahiru, anyone that never acknowledges you had introduced yourself before?

Ah right, to make her look dense when all of you are.

Akane: "Oh, haha! I’m so sorry!"

Nagito, you’ve gone into protagonist range for so long the mediocrity rubbed off on you.

Akane: "I pretty much suck at rememberin’ names, and I’ve met so many interestin’ characters today."

We’re playing her as dumb straight away, but honestly, how’d you remember the names of 16 people you met in the course of an hour? You’d need a bunch of repetition to let it stick. She’s being honest about what she thinks of her classmates… albeit just so vaguely that they might as well not exist.

Thankfully for me, and unfortunately for the last legs the plot is standing on, Akane admits that everyone got introduced to each other too and they conveniently don’t mention them. Lack of a storyboard go brrrrr.

Nagito: "I’m Nagito Komaeda. If you can, please don’t forget my name again…"

Thanks for the guilt-tripping, Nagito. JUST TELL HER YOUR NAME YOU ASSHOLE.

Akane: "Yo! The name’s Akane Owari! Nice to meetcha!"

…Is she wearing a bra? With how women are treated in this game, she’s bare beneath it. I’m surprised one can’t see her nipples. Girls can decide not to wear them, I just don't see why they couldn't bother with more than the most barebones uniform and cleavage.

SPINN SPINN SPINN, oh I threw my frisbee in the tree.

This one is confusing because I don’t remember much about Akane except fighting and some parkour. Her Japanese title would translate to ‘Gymnastics Club’ in which ‘gymnastics’ can mean artistic gymnastics or normal gymnastics. Either way, the 'club' meaning was removed once again. I’ll stick with the normal gymnastics for this.

All in all, "SHSL Gymnastics Club Member" is right. Good job on that one, danganronpa.wiki.

Nagito: "Akane is known as the (Ultimate) SHSL Gymnast, and an all-around super athlete."

Then why isn’t she called the SHSL Athlete? I’m not going to pretend I know jack about the sports industry because I die when I do two situps.

Nagito: "Rumor has it she’s a wild troublmaker, but her athletic ability is off the charts."

Another boring wikipedia recital and you avoiding specifics on what medals she won or competitions she entered.

Nagito: "However, her basics and fundamentals are all over the place, so her gymnastic routines are mostly improvised."

This is the first time specificity served a character and it’s in one I was expecting it least in. Good job, Akane.

Nagito: "If she’s in her groove, she performs splendidly. but if she’s not, she loses interest and switches it up."

This right there is potential for a character arc, though I’d love to know why she’s so stop-and-go. You could say that’s just impulse, but that's what usually gives you a flat character that only focuses on survival. Which reminds me she’s lived on the streets… That’s actually a really solid character. You need to improvise when you can get mugged randomly.

…However, Japan allegedly has a low crime rate, so why does her backstory sound like she’s from Brazil? Not that it matters, again. They won't put that into the game, and I won't pretend they did either.

Larry: (How self-centered… No matter how you cut it, she definitely sounds like a troublemaker…)

For WHAT, Larry? You’ve been clinging to the shirt hem of Nagito for most of this prologue and were ruining people’s fun because you want to go to Hope’s Peak. Stop snorting the projectium and copium. Akane’s at least got agency of her own and coaches herself. That's more than you've been doing for over half an hour.

God, my image of you tanks and tanks. We must be at the core of the Earth now. If this were Minecraft, you'd have mysteriously managed to blast past bedrock.

Larry: (Even so, she’s called the (Ultimate) SHSL Gymnast for a reason, so her performances must be amazing to see…)

No she isn’t. I hereby give Akane permission to crush Larry’s head like a watermelon. Though it’ll likely moreso give in like a rotting coconut.

Larry: (I…can’t visualise her as a normal high school student. I mean, she’s got the physique of an Olympic athlete.)

Is she a GYMNAST or an ATHLETE? Pick one Spikey. You can very much visualise her as one, I don't know what part of your noise filter breaks from her wearing a school uniform. Getting jacked doesn’t mean you have to skip school and go brawling with boryokudan in Shibuya in sukeban uniforms. …Noted redesign idea.

Or maybe you could touch on xenophobia for her skin colour because it shows in everything in Japan. See region-locks, Japan-only content and events, licensing issues and people being too prudish to let you access their MikuMikuDance model without an obsure password from nikonikodouga. The Japanese tried to make the Koreans look like idiots with a xenophobic manga in the past already. They can be goddamn glad I’m so fascinated by their culture.

Obtained Hope Fragment

Wow! It ended on a remark on her body! What. A. Game.

Nagito: "Huh? Don’t tell me you…"

Nagito. No.

Nagito: "Oh, I get it! So, you have a thing for sexy bodies, huh?"

Akane, crush both of their heads please. I'm feeling bloodlust.

Larry: "You’re being really loud… I know you’re doing this on purpose."

If this was supposed to be funny, I'd prefer haemorrhoids.

leaves Usami Corral

selects bridge to Central Island

Nagito: "Hajime… It looks like if we go across this bridge, we can reach another island not far from here."

This is why modern gaming is shit. Everyone’s sense of discovery and wonder is undermined when you get things explained to you five times.

Larry: "Is it…safe?"

I’ll figure it out once a plank breaks and you take a dive. Please do.

Why would you doubt the construction of the bridge anyway? Did you see any rot or broken wood? Probably not. The only other option is to multiply and march over it in sync so the vibrations destroy it.

Nagito: "That’s what we’re going to find out, right?"

DON’T REWARD HIM FOR HIS PARANOIA YOU NUT.

Larry: (If it’s not safe when we get there, then what will you do…?)

Run? Like any smart person? …Wait.

What exactly are you scared about at this point? Did you get Irukandji syndrome and a sudden sense of doom out of the blue? It's all whine whine whine scary whine louder and then get cheered up by Nagito.

selects bridge to second Island

Larry: (I see a bridge in the distance but it looks like there’s a gate blocking it.)

In the distance? The gate and bridge start right in front of you.

Oh, there’s frangipani. Let’s see if the vegetation grows in in their approximate location or they tacked on generic tropical flowers (TM) for flavour!

Of course they did. These two flowers I’m guessing are Hibiscus x rosa sinensis and Plumeria alba, which are native to Polynesia and the Karribean respectively. They’re both used as ornamental shrubs, so you can’t tell whether they grow natively on Jabberwock or were put there for the ‘tropical feeling’ shorthand.

It’s fascinating how different the species can look, a thousand times cooler than whatever these two narrative disappointments are doing. Look up Hibiscus schizopetalus or insularis, shizopetalus specifically looks like a red spider lily and a hibiscus had a dramatically frilly baby. That was a brief Wikipedia skim, by the way.

Nagito: "It looks like there’s another island on the other side of the bride, but it seems we can’t cross it."

Typo, and yes, the reticle already told me that. NEXT.

Larry: "Yeah, that seems to be the case."

NEXT.

selects Jabberwock Park

WE PASSED AN HOUR OF PLAYTIME BABYYYYY

Larry: "So…this is a park…"

Haven’t seen one before, either? What are you, a test tube experiment that lived inside till age 15?

Nagito: "A park surrounded by the ocean…"

Please let a tsunami hit it. NEXT.

Nagito: "Hmm, it feels so nice."

WHAT feels so nice? The breeze? The warmth? The sunburn you’ve got to have already? Or is a mosquito sucking the life out of you?

Larry: (Such a laidback attitude.)

No, you call that terminal room-temperature IQ. The ambient temp on this island is higher than both of your brain cells combined. SHUT UP ALREADY LARRY. We get it, you’re trying to ruin everyone’s fun again… Do you ever get tired?

Larry: (But…if weren’t in a situation like this, I’d probably be enjoying some lazy sunbathing myself.)

…You are surrounded by trees and Nagito is supposedly doing some sunbathing? I called your bitter whining. Cry harder.

Larry: (‘If’ being the key word.)

NEXT.

Meta voice: (How are your introductions going? I’d like to inform you about another feature.)

They’re going garbage, thanks for asking! Why didn’t you tell me about the feature before?? Is it so special you needed to save it up for later?

Meta voice: (You may have already noticed, but you have a level assigned to you.)

…Which you could’ve explained to me with the Tamagotchi, either way, both are padding.

Meta voice: (It’s displayed on the top right corner of your screen.)

No shit, it’s been bothering me constantly.

Meta voice: (Your level increases by performing various actions, such as walking, examining and talking to others.)

This is your way to get people motivated to play through this slog of a game. You know what’d have been more fun? Making the characters and world engaging.

Meta voice: (Every time you level up, you will become stronger than you were before.)

Why should I believe you?

Meta voice: (The number of skills you can equip will also increase, so please try your hardest to level up often.)

… So you’re gacha-baiting me into wasting my time to get my full powers. The slot expansion would be unneccessary if you had fun trial mechanics and a well-tuned difficulty that'd require me to be smart about the ones I choose, but apparently putting work into making a GAME fun instead of being condescending is beyond your comprehension!

selects ??? (Byakuya)

[Scene 12 - Prologue, Central Island. No Larry, being rich is not a talent. (01:00:47)]

Byakuya: "…What do you want?"

I want to create a time rift and go to the alternative universe where this story is made with care.

Larry: (Th-This guy’s presence is overwhelming. He doesn’t seem very approachable…)

That’s because his first and only love was the backmost table in his neighborhood KFC.

Larry: (Even his body is overwhelming.)

NEXT.

Nagito: "Ah, Byakuya… Have time for a small introduction?"

He needs to. He too is subservient to the plot tourist train that decided he’d be out on the edges of the resort for no reason, just so we see everything.

Byakuya: "…Introduction?"

You’ve introduced yourself to all the others, why're you surprised now? NEXT.

Nagito: "C’mon, Hajime."

Still Larry. What’re you gonna do? Give him a dog treat afterwards if he behaves?

Larry: "Um, hello. My name is Hajime Hinata."

No it isn’t. NEXT.

Byakuya: "…"

NEXT.

Byakuya: "My name is Byakuya Togami…"

NEXT.

SPINN SPINN SPINN, I’m a rottisserie chicken!!

danganronpa.fandom fucked up again on the Japanese translation! They translated it as ‘SHSL Heir’ when it’s ‘SHSL Son of a noble/distingished family’ that makes it half a headache to translate. After a little research, the best word for it would be ‘SHSL Scion’. Calling him the Ultimate Affluent Progeny isn’t wrong, it just focuses on his wealth more than his family history.

Byakuya: "…I’m done. That’s it, right?"

FINALLY! Someone with common sense!

Byakuya: "Back off."

I like your no-bullshit attitude. Let’s see for how long.

Larry: (I-I can tell…this guy is thumbling his nose at me…)

Maybe you guys should’ve made a sprite for that instead of telling me!

Nagito: "Well, I suppose that’s Byakuya for you…"

How do you know? You met him before, right? Too much work to mention that beforehand, I suppose…

Larry: "What do you mean?"

You can see he’s being snobby. NEXT.

Nagito (whom I’m mixing up with Larry too often now): "That guy is particularly special, even by (Ultimate) SHSL standards…"

By being a rich kid? Talented my ass.

Nagito: "He’s next in line to inherit his family’s massive financial conglomerate."

II’m waiting for the part where you explain how this is a talent.

Nagito: "He’s already begun managing the business operations, and his net worth is, well, enormous."

What business operations? What’s his net worth? By Larry’s measure of enormous, Noragami’s filled coin bottle would be a fuckton of money when it’s like… 5 euros!

Nagito: "It’s completely accurate to call him the (Ultimate) SHSL Affluent Progeny. He’s the epitome of ‘exceptional.’"

…Because he has exceptional money? NEXT.

Larry: (That’s like… a manga origin story…)

What manga do you read? Most origin stories I know of are about random Japanese guys with average stats across the board getting OP abilities handed to them because the writer needed their dopamine kick while crouching over their business desk and working overtime for the fifth time that week. You're one of these characters.

Byakuya: "You there, Hajime, was it…?"

It’s Larry. NEXT.

Larry:"Eh?"

Oh please, dignify us more with your useless reactions! NEXT.

Byakuya: "Tell me…why did Hope’s Peak Academy choose you?"

Hope’s Peak is a joke to his conglomerate. What’s the point of this except showing off Larry’s amnesia?

Byakuya: "What is your (ultimate) SHSL talent?"

Typo and CALLED IT AGAIN.

Larry: "Um… Th-The thing is…"

The thing is that you’re the same as him, just more pathetic and more wasteful!

Larry: "I honestly can’t remember."

Cut the ‘honestly’. Either way, NEXT.

Byakuya: "You don’t remember…?"

Waaa waaa waaa, plot exposition when the story never gives us an explanation why Larry lost his memory about what he is.

Nagito: "Apparently he lost his memory due to shock… He can’t really remember much."

…Or the reason makes him look pathetic, because imagine being so fragile that not going to your favourite school gets you dissociative amnesia! He can remember plenty. He remembered the hermit crab, he remembered being accepted by Hope’s Peak, he remembers his name, etc. just not his talent. Which is the only thing that keeps him from realising he’s delusional and needs to grow as a person. It's the (Ultimate) SHSL Protagonist Pacifier!

Byakuya: "Hmph, how foolish."

I just said that. You lost my respect for plot enabling too.

Byakuya: "…"

NEXT.

Larry:"Um…"

YOU’RE DONE. GET LOST. NEXT.

Byakuya: "…I do believe we have finished talking. How much longer do you intend to stand there?"

For as long as I decide to. You don’t tell me what to do. Either way, is this all introductions?

Byakuya: "Move along! That’s the only thing you skinny types are good at, it seems."

It has to do with personal integrity, not with how greasy my corpse would be after simmering in the oven for three hours.

Nagito: "Let’s just leave, Hajime…"

If you call him Hajime one more time I’m giving you a different name too. You’re telling him what to do again, by the way. Poor Larry wouldn’t survive without you! Give him some CPR next because he might forget how to breathe.

Larry: "Yeah, sure thing…"

NEXT.

Larry: (His build and that overwhelming aura of refinement just pushes people away…)

NEXT.

Larry: (Is this what it means to be the (Ultimate) SHSL Affluent Progeny…?)

It means that he won the lottery of life. NEXT.

Obtained Hope Fragment

For what? Showing off how fragile the foundation of this story is?

Ding dong, bing bong

Is bonding class over now? I’d rather have an existential crisis over XY coordinates because they make sense eventually.

Larry: "Was that a school bell just now…?"

NEXT.

[Scene 13 - Prologue, Central Island & Beach. Mystery bait and fishing pole for sale! (01:02:29)]

Nagito: "Hajime. Look at that monitor over there."

It’s Larry…I’m calling you Monmen. Despite my biggest efforts to give you a more stupid name, my best idea was naming you after Japanese Cottonee. At least that won’t ruin the Pokemon for me and it has about as much density as your brain cells.

screen turns on, shows Usami in chair

Usami: "Congratulations everyone!"

This is the first time she congratulated others instead of herself.

Usami: "It appears that everyone has finished collecting the Hope Fragments!"

If we finished, the School trip would be over. You should say ‘the first Hope Fragments’.

Also, what’s with the random color on the words? Is it trying to inject meaning or distract from that there isn’t any?

Usami: "I’m… sniff …I’m so happy…"

You’re as touched as a parent about their toddler walking for the first time which is… weirdly touching until you remember what she did until now.

That video quality is shit. Is your Netflix buffering again because the build wasn’t approved for 4K material?

Usami: "Sooo…I’ve prepared a present for everyone that’ll make you all veeeeery happy!"

Spoiler: It won’t. It’s more narcissism.

Usami: "I apologize for the trouble, but please gather at the beach!"

You can teleport, Usami. If it troubled you so much you’d just give it to every single one in person. Is that too much work?

Usami: "Tee hee hee! May shining hope be with you all!"

…Is Hope the Force? Or Aura? Can Usami learn Aura sphere? No, scrub that out of my brain please. Where's my CIF bottle?

Monmen: "She said to meet at the beach…"

Much better. You’re named as ridiculously as you act for being Larry’s crutch.

Larry: "I-Is that going to be okay…? I’m starting to have a bad feeling about this."

NEXT.

Monmen: "Thinking won’t solve anything. We can do that after we go to the beach."

In this game, it doesn’t. Good catch, Monmen!

Larry: "Is that precaution really enough?"

…How much harder are they gonna red herring Usami? At this point the RGB color space is out of bounds.

Larry: (To be honest, I’m really worried…but it would look bad if I was the only one who didn’t go.)

They’re trying to frame it as a virtue when Larry just wants to look good despite being a deadweight. I’d have been very interested if he’d gone without Monmen by his side. Go Monmen! Therapise Larry!

leaves Jabberwock Park

enters First Island

enters Beach

Byakuya: "You guys are the last to arrive. What are you dilly-dallying for?"

Larry needed a therapy moment with his emotional support plush. Can I ask you back why you hurried for the beach? Based on everything we know from her so far, why’d you trust her to give you something worth your time?

Everyone’s like likes lining up for Kinder Eggs from the guy in the white van beside the school entrance.

Monmen: "Sorry to keep you all waiting."

You’re apologizing on Larry’s behalf again…

Byakuya: "Well, it’s all right…"

Why are you torching us for being late? Why isn’t Mahiru, our queen of nag, doing it?

Byakuya: "More importantly, this is our only chance to talk between ourselves before that rabbit returns."

She can watch you over the cameras, you muppet. Of course, acknowledging that would be too weird when Hiyoko exists!

Hiyoko: "Kyahaha! Let’s talk!"

Speak of the devil. Talk about what? The weather? No one seems to sweat because of the heat and you'd be boiling in your three layers of silk, rookie mistake to wear fucking hitoe with a nagajuban on a tropical island, where's your usumono?

Byakuya: "Now then, let me hear your initial impresions of this island."

Why? Wasn’t this supposed to be a chill school trip? Man, plot paranoia ruins everything.

Peko: "I happened to notice numerous blocked off bridges on the central island…"

Oh, it’s for more redundancy. NEXT.

Ibuki: "Oh, those are there so everybody doesn’t get lost!"

Then Usami should’ve said that FROM THE BEGINNING. You’re all still NPCs.

Ibuki: "I tried to cross one of them and that rabbit showed up and told me, so I’m telling the truth!"

It’s only the truth if the rabbit tells the truth, but Usami’s too dumb to lie. This is tell-don’t-show again and trying to retroactively explain the gates to drip-feed the islands later.

Peko: "So we don’t get lost…? Is this island really so big?"

Why do you have ellipses Peko? You’re supposed to be the cool type that knows what they’re saying. Besides, the correct term would be ‘archipelago’. You saw the island you’re on already.

Kazuichi: "But if you look at it in depth, it’s just a normal island, right? It’s got a resort and everything!"

"Normal" implies you thought it wasn’t normal. More paranoia…

Kazuichi: "Well, not that I’ve ever been to a resort before, but…"

If you had been, you’d have realised this resort has as barebones of accomodation and entertainment as an average Kroatian motel.

Hiyoko: "Also, there’s a biiiiig ranch!"

NEXT.

Mikan: "Um… there’s also a large supermarket, too… It looks like it stocks everything from food to living amenities."

I didn’t see the living amenities last time I visited. Where’s your inferiority complex? NEXT.

Mahiru: "The hotel was really nice, too. It’d be great if we can stay there."

Again, the hotel is a glorified restaurant. NEXT.

Sonia: "The restaurant inside the hotel was also very nice. It seemed to cater to a more plebeian taste."

That’s a euphemism for ‘it’s touristy and low quality’. NEXT.

Teruteru: "Can you guys listen to what I wanna say, too?"

Oh no, not again… Can this guy just get bitten by a venomous snake and die instantly? JUST SAY IT.

Teruteru: "I… found something very important on this island."

Whatever you say is as important as the two-week-old lint in Larry's bellybutton.

Teruteru: "Girls! Very, very cute girls! Aha! All over the place!"

NEXT NEXT NEXT.

Ibuki: "Grooooooss! I’m getting goosebumps!"

Now tie him to a rock and toss him into the ocean.

Byakuya: "All of you are fools… I can’t believe nobody has mentioned the most serious truth."

The most serious truth is highlighed in a desperate attempt for mystery. If we didn’t realise it it probably was a) unimportant or b) serves to advance the plot in an artificial way.

Chiaki: "…The most serious truth?"

More padding. NEXT.

Byakuya: "If no one here realised it, you’re all bigger fools than I thought."

Are you a stand-in for the creators of this game? You’re condescending and dragging out the playtime.

Fuyuhiko: "What did you say, you fat bastard? Don’t be talkin’ all big and shit!"

NEXT.

Byakuya: "Small dogs shouldn’t bark so loud."

SAY IT ALREADY YOU MORON

Larry: (The most serious truth?)

Larry: (What does he mean?)

What he means is to think about something pointless so you engage in this game with your brain and get hooked. It even zooms out so you can select everyone else and experience even worse padding!

selects Byakuya

Larry: "Hey, what’s the most serious truth?"

NEXT.

Larry: "Did… did you find out something about this island?"

Is that why Kazuichi flagged it as ‘normal’? Man, this is tiring.

Byakuya: "…"

SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT

Byakuya: "Have you all gone to the park that’s across the bridge?"

NEXT.

Larry: "The park with that weird bronze statue of all those creepy animals, right?"

The game only wants to be specific about the statue to pull mystery beats out of its ass. NEXT.

Byakuya: "When I saw it, I remembered a story I’d heard before."

…So it is pointless.

Byakuya: "There’s an island in the Pacific Ocean, a beautiful island paradise where summer never ends…"

Monmen was on the Galapagos islands. He should know. But then there SHOULDN’T BE FRANGIPANI NOR HIBISCI X ROSA SINENSIS HERE. Why would that be a story?? People clearly used to live here and the technology is modern??

Byakuya: "It consists of a central island surrounded by five different islands…"

NEXT.

Byakuya: "It’s also said that five holy animals symbolize each of those surrounding islands."

I’m betting my tea-scorched butt this was added retroactively for the Monobeasts. The statue has no other function.

Larry: "Eh…?"

NEXT.

Byakuya: "That island’s name is…"

I don’t care. It doesn’t matter except for plot.

Byakuya: "Jabberwock Island."

This game should gift me a Mega pack of Yubari melons and a life's supply of mochiko for how much patience I have with it.

Monmen: "Could this island be…?"

NEXT.

Larry: "Jabberwock Island?"

Kodaka likes to pull elements from nowhere, this time it was Alice in Wonderland! At least mine have narrative function! NEXT.

Larry: "Is that… the name of this island?"

NEXT.

Byakuya: "Still, there is something on my mind."

NEXT.

Byakuya: "In fact, according to what I’ve heard, Jabberwock Island is already…"

Oh, I thought it was just a story? Why’s it got real stakes now?

Byakuya: "…"

NEXT

Byakuya: "…Never mind."

Translation: ‘You wish I’d respect your time. I’ll pull it up when it’s narratively convenient.’

Nekomaru: "Hold it right there! That’s a rather incomplete story you’ve told us."

Once again, Nekomaru is more logical than Byakuya. Imagine failing your job so hard the supposed meathead is more competent than the rest of the grey brain matter around him four times in a big scene. First three in the classroom, him dismantling Byakuya's worries about the perpetrator, figuring out why they couldn't leave, testing the door, and NOW saying Byakuya is bullshitting.

Byakuya: "No need to shout. I’ll let you know once I obtain more information."

This is the biggest ‘I’m gonna die first’ red flag to flag the flags and is an excellent showoff of the whole game - hold back pointless 'information', reinstate when convenient and to keep players in the loop, or abandon because it wasn’t interesting anymore. Like, y’know. THE FLOATING DOOR AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS GAME.

Akane: "Meh, I don’t care what this island’s called. Nikoniko Island or Papua Island or whatever…"

Why is it always the ‘dumb’ characters that echo what I’m saying? Is it because no one takes them seriously enough to include them on the tourist train?

Akane: "Doesn’t change the fact that we all gotta live here, right?"

…Exactly what I’m saying.

Oh, I didn’t realise the music changed. I was too busy walling off from getting manipulated to hear it.

It was ‘Despair Syndrome (2)’ an eerie, tense track and now it’s right back to ‘Beautiful Ruin -Summer Salt-‘.

Ibuki: "Living together on this tropical island sure is exciiiiting! I’m super looking forward to it!"

…Judging by what? What exciting things did you do so far?

Kazuichi: "Right on! This ain’t a bad school at all!"

Do you mean the school or the school trip? If it’s the first, it’s an Elite school everyone knows?! If the second, no one cares because you change your mind every two seconds.

By the way, where the fuck is Usami? Is she having a tea party while Byakuya was busy being emotionally constipated?

Larry: "H-Hey? You guys?"

MONMEN! LARRY WANTS TO RUIN THE MOOD AGAIN!

Hiyoko: "Hmm, I like this island too!"

You will not specify why.

Hiyoko: "…Can’t say the same about the rest of you cretins."

Cool, who likes getting stepped on here? Monmen, what about you? You need a moment of self-hatred to get you back in shape?

Teruteru: "Huh? Did I hear something?"

Yes you did, and your ego is so big that I understand why they only managed to shove pity for you in retroactively. You’re just that shit of a character, concept, person.

Mahiru: "I’m still worried, but I don’t feel as worried as I did earlier…"

Where were you when you were supposed to call out Byakuya’s bullshit? I thought you were the grounded one??

Mahiru: "Yeah, since there’s no danger or inconvenience, I feel like this won’t be a problem!"

…The eternity of plot angst, blocked bridges, being far from home and having a dumb teacher would have a word with you. This sounds like the writers reassuring themselves and the players that everything’s fine!

Larry: "Hey, listen to what you guys are saying. We need to stay calm and think about this…!"

Think about what? Being miserable like you? See, you need Monmen to stay functional and even then you smear it everywhere you go. That’s what a terrible person does. Even if you're consistent, you're still like a toddler who wouldn't have the rainbow lollipop they saw at a market stall, threw a tantrum and now everyone else needs to tolerate their screaming.

Day 10 END (1:07:34). It’s getting late so I should stop for today. This was a blast for me because I got an energy surge and the padding is so blatant and manipulative that my ‘thick skull stoicism mode’ activated where I get extra suspicious of bullshit. Seems to have worked out.

This game has near zero substance and it’s easier to pinpoint knowing industry patterns like gacha of which this game has a lot of mechanisms.

It has flair over substance (Komatsuzaki art style, retro, flashy colours), rewards for wasting your time (level ups, tamagotchi, ability slots, Hope Fragments, Monomono Yashine) to make it look like you’re doing something cuz your dopamine centres keep firing, the minimum viable scaffolding (Usami = Monokuma, Nagito = Makoto, the floating door, winks at THH, pre-order story bait) cranked up so hard the shine overpowers your thinking… and tell don’t show, a.k.a being condescending and gaslighting in writing form. It's like a narcissist. Even the new Dangan Ronpa 2x2 announcement had it aplenty! They re-recorded ALL FUCKING VOICE LINES because they don't respect the time of their voice actors, our money or anyone's integrity, just flash and potential buyers. Maybe Spikey should've put more effort into writing a proper story than fuck with our brains that a bad story is good!

The only thing that's missing is the part where I can pay to finish the game faster! Where are the lootboxes? Why isn't this free-to-play?! Oh, I just realised they made a Gacha game later, Summer Camp… Sorry guys SDR2 is the original!

I got to Master rank in Pokemon Unite without spending money because I understand that baiting your players with quick rolls via free items you get daily or via events makes them want to return to that baseline of euphoria, so they start spending. I didn't out of sheer spite and because I had lots of free time.

IT’S DAY 8 BABYYY!  We made it through seven days of this madness! Today, I was reminded of why lactose-intolerant people drink milk. You want things most when you can't have them. I’m sensitive to nuts. I just downed half a packet of pistachios, predictably got brain fog and now I hate myself. I'll probably do it again anyway because I have the memory span of a fruit fly, at latest when I see discounted chestnuts.

They're best a day after roasting because you run the risk of burning yourself peeling them directly out of the oven. Hot they taste and feel like flour in the mouth. To get the outside to separate from the core, score the shell so it can split when roasted and soak them for a few hours. Preheat your oven to 200 degrees Celsius and roast them for around 15 - 20 minutes or when the shells cracked open and the inside is tender. Poke in a fork to check!

Now that we've made ourselves independent of every roasted chestnut vendor in existence, let's go and do the rest of the cast like chestnuts! Score, roast and split them to harvest the best bits!

Last time, we introduced ourselves to Mikan, who unravelled the riveting skill of making me uncomfortable by stammering, being more socially inept than Larry, and draining our energy by making us manage her feelings. Ibuki then cranked out the quirky like a competition on becoming the next glitter bomb mascot and we went onward to Hotel Mirai that Larry immediately glazes as being 'grand' despite being the type of restaurant you can wear a t-shirt and bermuda shorts in. The Meta voice comes to pester us with more UX smalltalk and we move onward to Fuyuhiko, Mahiru and Nekomaru who can be summarised as an angry Gangsta pomeranian, the judgemental aunt that only comes to family parties because your grandparents want to be polite, and a buff dude that you drink beer with on a construction site. Did I mention Mahiru being judgmental? I know I did, I'm just preparing you for her to get worse.

We're at 45:43, Scene 8!

Larry: "Um-Um… I’m Hajime Hinata!"

No, you’re Larry, and you’re talking like your stereotypical Uke, the smooth face and stick figure inclusive. But if you’re the Uke, who’s the Seme? 

Exactly, Nekomaru is. Bring on the fusion of all things unholy - Yaoi and a Bara in a single meal! You thought you knew sexual dimorphism? Doesn't apply to them! Bring on your special hands-on training and you'll land straight on the home page of nhentai!

Nekomaru: "Noooooo! You can be louder than that! Do it again!"

Larry, pull out your Shounen power-up, narrate about friendship or something! All normies and doormats unlock their hidden potential when they get nostalgic enough at the last second.

Larry: "My name is Hajime Hinata! Pleased to make your acquaintance!"

It’s Larry. Now you’re on the same level of confidence as Nagito. Try harder.

Nekomaru: "I AM NEKOMARU NIDAI! Don’t forget it, even if you go to hell!"

Oh I’m going to hell for making these jokes and I will carve your name into the Devil’s throne after I outsmarted him and sit on it cross-legged while eating crackers. If he comes back, he'll need to deal with the crumbs. Which means it will be forever MINE.

Nekomaru: "I am the (Ultimate) SHSL Team Manager, NEKOMARU NIDAI!!!"

Nagito isn’t reading from Wikipedia for once. GOOD. I LIKE YOU.

Larry: "Y-You don’t need to repeat your name so much. I won’t forget it…"

Oh shit I was so into the bit I didn't notice. Lots of padding, but also lots of personality. And it’s impressive you’re calling out people for it when you run a loop on every fifth line of dialogue!

Nekomaru: "Gah-hahaha! I agree to your terms!"

Was that supposed to make him look dense? Nah, didn’t work for me.

Larry: (H-He sure is boisterous… It’s not just his voice, his whole body seems loud.)

No shit, bro is jacked like he hits the Gym for fun.

Nagito: "Nekomaru Nidai is known as the (Ultimate) SHSL Team Manager."

I'm stealing your Airpods. Out of us two, I need the noise cancelling more.

Larry: "The (Ultimate) SHSL… Team Manager?"

NEXT.

Larry: "So he’s not on a team, he just manages one?"

NEXT.

Nagito: "He’s not just a team manager… After all, he’s an (Ultimate) SHSL."

Whether he's an SHSL doesn't suddenly make him better at his job or your explanations worth a penny. Unless you reveal to me that he works in construction, because he looks like he’d put together a house in a week and then ask you for a beer in exchange for the workout.

Nagito: "He’s traveled to numerous towns and played an active role in various sports clubs managing their teams."

Wowsies, Team Managers do that! Incidentally, I also know English enough to understand what words mean.

Nagito: "For instance, he led some High school rugby team full of delinquents to victory in the national play-offs…"

FINALLY! A SPECIFIC STORY! Which means Nekomaru is the DR version of Great Teacher Onizuka.

Nagito: "He also rescued a baseball club on the verge of being shut down, and led them to national victory as well…"

Would be nice to get more specifics on what trouble the club had except being bad. This is a bit more basic.

Nagito: "Rumor has it he’s even training that famous Japanese pitcher who plays in the American League."

…If you’d given the pitcher a name, I’d have been very happy. But if it’s rumor, that means that pitcher has a problem if Nekomaru’s here with you.

Larry: (I-If that’s all true, he totally deserves to be called the (Ultimate) SHSL Team Manager, but…)

No shit Larry, what problem do you have now? Are you gonna ask how old Nekomaru is? Because I have the same question! 

Nekomaru: "Gah-hahaha!"

Nagito, has anyone told you it’s rude to keep a person standing there while the other two talk about them? I'd have preferred if Nekomaru told us.

Larry: (But… with a build like this, he’d be better off playing on a team instead of managing it.)

No shit, Larry. Is it ever mentioned why he’s so ripped? I know Fuyuhiko and Nekomaru swapped designs during development, it’s just disorienting for someone with a heart disease.

Obtained Hope Fragment

I’d go out and have a drink with you, Nekomaru.

*selects Hotel Lobby*

Employ emergency measures! I know what’s coming! Keep calm, keep calm, KEEP CALM.

Nagito: "Yeah…Even the inside of this place looks grand, too."

About as grand as the outside, which looks like the shoestring Motel restaurant you arrive to after your tank ran out in the middle of Texas. You have either shit taste or never seen a luxurious hotel, and both options are out of character. Your parents were rich, my guy. What is there that makes it grand? The five palm pots? The red carpet on the stairs? The dark wood?

Larry: "If this was really a normal school trip, I’d be smiling by now…"

If you were a reasonable person, you would stop being a killjoy.

Larry: "But…why are we the only ones in this hotel?"

We just saw Peko and Chiaki. Does Rocketpunch offer contact lenses?

Nagito: "It’s an uninhabited island, it can’t be helped."

You. Are. Not. Alone.

Larry: (For an uninhabited island, this hotel looks pretty well kept, and it seems electricity won’t be an issue…)

Yes, because Usami can probably speed clean everything with her magical powers like a Balkan grandma. Reviving plants not included in the Budget plan.

Also, how can you tell electricity won’t be an issue? Did you see any power plant on this island?

Larry: (What in the world is going on with this island…?)

If you compartmentalised it, Hope’s Peak wanted to flex and rented the whole archipelago for two months so you could be here. However, they’d never have gotten away with this poor room service and guide. Or they're nearing IPO and planning a rugpull.

*selects Peko*

Peko: "…State your business."

Ok, so she kept the dictionary… I want to redesign you beacause my eyes hurt from the red in your design. If it’s meant to murder them though, good job!!

Larry: "Well, I just want to introduce myself. Is that all right with you…?"

He’s asking like he’s waiting for her to burst forth and maul him. 

Peko: "An introduction…"

NEXT.

Peko: "Understood, I don’t mind."

"I don’t mind". Yeah, same Peko, we all pretend we tolerate Larry because the alternative is pushing him out on the Pacific Ocean on a raft and Usami prevented that.

Larry: "I’m Hajime Hinata. Nice to meet you."

No you aren’t. Why are you suddenly comfortable to initiate conversion with someone who looks like the lovechild of a rattlesnake and a bat in human form? I swear not even your confidence is consistent. What should I call you now? Lance? 

Peko: "My name is Peko Pekoyama. It is nice to meet you, too."

You should spend  time with Nagito because you’ve got the rigidity of a military officer with arthritis. You in posture, Nagito in thought patterns.

SPINNN, SPINN, SPINN, oh wait I’m the USB stick in your jacket pocket. In the washing machine.

We have another mixup by NIS this time. Jisho doesn’t have the Japanese word of her talent saved, but Wikipedia does! Her Japanese-translated talent would be 'SHSL Kendo Practitioner/Kendoist'. The American version is ’Swordswoman’ which has worlds between in subtext. Kendo is a martial art focused on mastering the sword and one’s mind like a ritual passage. In Peko’s case, the (Ultimate) SHSL Swordswoman just reduces her to a red flag woman that can wear lipstick and debone you like a fish with her sword.

Nagito: "This dignified-looking woman is known as the (Ultimate) SHSL Swordswoman."

The spinny logo just told me that. Shame you can’t see it. Dignified? That's a diplomatic way to say emotionally constipated.

Nagito: "It’s hard to believe someone with a cute name like Peko Pekoyama could be so skilled with a blade."

What does Peko even mean? And what do you mean it’s cute?

…’Pekopeko’ means 'starved', 'bowing repeatedly', 'being servile'. 

This is the equivalent of Disney’s Maleficent, or Medusa, or whatever skrunkly cartoon villain they put in to stop the happy end. Golly, I wonder what her role or personality is like! If that's cute to you, I'm wondering what you'd call a hamster.

Nagito: "I’ve heard she’s a kendo master and most adult men don’t even stand a chance against her."

Is Nagito apologising for not knowing everything the writers handwaving worldbuilding and research? Because it sure seems like it. This guy would’ve gone on the Dark Web for this kind of info and recite it like Louis Rossmann does with MacBook model numbers until he realises someone's getting uncomfortable. Then we'd know he hardly leaves the house.

(Edit: Future Muku here. It is pre-emptive dismissal. They won't ever do worldbuilding OR research. Louis Rossmann does.) 

Larry: (Well, there’s definitely something up with her… Her eyes are really intense.)

You hate to use your brain, don’t you, Larry?

Peko: "If what that rabbit said is true, we are expected to live together on this island."

Instead of giving us a little about your Kendo practice routine, your life or your preferences, you're playing the Mahiru game of lecturing us?

Larry: "Yeah, you’re right…"

NEXT.

Peko: "It is necessary for men and women who live together to respect each other. Don’t try anything inappropriate…"

Oh you didn't need to say that. If he’d touched you, a snipped finger would’ve done it as a warning. The rules say anything but extreme violence, a.k.a murder, will do!

…This is sexism, by the way. I get women in Japan have it rough with all their hush-hush keeping your face society and the laws for it, especially when you’ve got narcissists on your hands. On the other hand, it makes every man look like a horndog that can’t keep it in their pants.

Peko: "I would prefer… not to kill anyone."

Eh, it’ll be fine if you clean up after yourself instead of letting them get away… Oh, this is excellent setup for Chapter 2! I can strike this line in big, fat, red marker and write ‘PEKO HAS HER OWN AGENCY = NOT A TOOL' right above it.

Larry: "Kill…? Isn’t that sword on your back made of bamboo?"

A lot of strikes can become deadly if done strongly enough in the right places. Uppercuts, strikes at the spine, strikes at the head...

Peko: "Though it may seem impossible to kill someone with this, a misaimed blow can be fatal."

NEXT.

Peko: "Well, an aimed blow can be fatal, too…"

No shit. NEXT.

Larry: "…"

*Mii Channel Theme plays*

Larry: (…I’ll keep that in mind.)

You were thinking of touching her? Then again, you creep on Mahiru and Hiyoko on a bonus scene, so that's not new for you. Wow, my respect for you flew too close to the sun and got atomized into an alternate universe.

*Obtained Hope Fragment*

…It’s Gamer body pillow time.

*selects Chiaki*

Chiaki: "…"

…

Larry: (There’s some girl playing an arcade game, and she looks completely absorbed by it…)

"Some girl", like you’ve not seen her before on the beach. Now you just look, vaguely comment and refuse to look at her score or her game. You have the curiosity of a tree stump.

Chiaki: "…"

…

Nagito: "Hajime, you haven’t properly introduced yourself to her either, right?"

NEXT.

Larry: "Y-Yeah… you’re right…"

Do you guys have the memory capacity of a chicken? I think they can only remember 12 faces.

Larry: (She seems really focused on her game, but I guess I should try to talk to her.)

LARRY. WHAT IS SHE PLAYING.

Imagine if we could select the tables and play PAC-MAN or Galaga! That’d have been a fun little reference! But noooooooooo.

Larry: "Um, excuse me? I’d like to introduce myself…"

It’s always the same. ‘You seem to like games? What’s your name? What do you do?’ would be fun if she ever were to answer.

Chiaki: "…"

*Megalomania plays*

Nagito: "…Hey, Chiaki?"

Chiaki: "Oh, sorry… I must’ve been… a little too focused on my game…"

Oh REALLY? Must have not been attentive enough for the past two times!

Nagito: "A little…? Are you sure about that?"

He calls her out and her compulsion will never inconvenience anyone again.

Chiaki: "Let’s see… Oh, right, introductions. Got it."

You run on the same clock speed as Larry.

Chiaki: "…"

I’m happy it’s ellipses so I don’t have to care. I guess they had to stretch the script to 32 hours of playtime.

Chiaki: "I’m Chiaki Nanami, the (Ultimate) SHSL Gamer. Video games are my hobby, and I’m a fan of all genres."

We’ve had this in Larry’s introduction already. THAT’S NOT HOW PEOPLE WORK. You’ve got to have ONE genre you like the most. What you have is a genre you’re shit at, and it’s only to make you look like someone's degenerate fantasy- Dating Sims!

Her voice sounds like her head is on an infinite home base ping loop. Perfect.

Chiaki: "…"

NEXT.

Chiaki: "Nice to meet you."

I wished I wouldn't have. You’ve got the same loading speed as Pokemon Scarlet and Violet and SC/VI might even be faster now… if they bothered to fix that trashfire.

SPINNN, SPINNN, SPINNN, this time I’m your earbuds, bzzzzzt. You wanna get an electric shock?

SHSL Gaymer is gaymer. Moving on.

Larry: "I’m Hajime Hinata. Nice to meet you, too…"

Larry, you constantly forget your name. NEXT.

Chiaki: "…"

NEXT.

Chiaki: "…"

Chiaki: "Yeah, totally."

Chiaki and Larry are perfect for each other. On the meta… Kodaka thought this was his ideal woman? A slow, conventionally cute character that is in a ‘mens’ domain’ and barely understands what they’re doing? 

You know what they’re doing? Blowing money on Graphics cards instead of holding companies accountable for optimisation and getting angry at feminists for censorship that comes from church lunatics. That she has Konami code and Galaga references built in is pure Millenial energy. I'd know. The Konami code prevented me from flashing my homebrewed Wii's NAND because the Millenials that created it decided you need a GameCube controller for it in 2025! Not that that would've helped it, it was a dirty sensor lens but a working Wii is a working Wii.

Larry: "It seems like this conversation is going rather slow…"

NEXT.

Nagito: "Well, she is gaming right now…"

Rude??

Chiaki: "It’s more like…"

More like what? That your Beta haircut was better?

Chiaki: "…"

Chiaki: "I’m the kind of person who has to gather my thoughts before I can start talking."

So you ARE buffering. Gathering your thoughts is necessary when you are struggling with a language or focusing on wording yourself clearly. You do neither. Shut up.

Chiaki: "Like, I can’t talk that well unless I’ve already prepared everything I want to say in my head…"

NEXT.

Chiaki: "Especially when I’m meeting new people… Well, if I get used to them, I can usually talk a little faster."

Buffering reduced by indexing, I see.

Larry: (…She’s still focused on her game, and she hasn’t looked at me at all…)

They could’ve made this a prime way to show off her life as the NEET she probably is. Wait, she's not a NEET, she's supposed to sell FuRyu bunny suit figurines.

Larry: (She may be the (Ultimate) SHSL Gamer but how can she play video games at a time like this…?)

Seems she can play them right in front of you easy. Because a) she figured out you’re boring, b) no one is crying about the school trip as much as you or c) the game is more interesting than you. I’ll take all of them!

Chiaki: "Yaaaawn…"

She’s drooling. Spikey, do you find that cute? I find it gross.

Chiaki: "…I’m sleepy."

You’re drooling more. Stay away from me. If they'd bothered, you'd have shown off how shit your sleeping schedule is, instead you can't do the basic work of keeping your mouth closed that toddlers learn by age 1.

*Obtained Hope Fragment*

Wow, what a display of personality! I can’t wait until after the prologue to see her roast everyone by how terrible they are in Tetris!

...I wish. Better luck next time!

{Scene 9 - Prologue, Hotel Lobby. Guide on enabling a predator, by Spike Chunsoft. (50:09)}

*selects restaurant*

Oh no. Nonononono.

Larry: "So… this is the hotel restaurant."

Which is furnished like someone donated all their living room chairs and tables, then added a few plants. LAAAAME.

Nagito: "It’s enormous. We could easily hold a banquet here. It kind of has this tropical, open country feeling."

Because it is open. Will be fun during rainstorms. Out of spite, I will count all the chairs and tables to figure out whether you’re bullshitting again.

…22 chairs, 7 tables. My school's cafeteria was double that size. Shut up Nagito.

Why is there a shield that says ‘7th Island’?

Larry: "…Open? Even though we’re stuck on this island?"

He was describing the restaurant, not your sulking.

Nagito: "Are we really stuck here?"

Depends on how you see it, Larry definitely thinks that.

Larry: "What else could it be…?"

Larry, this is the umphteenth time you’ve tried to ruin someone’s chill so you can get back to being a tinfoil-hatted little bitch that is sooo enlightened about how the earth is flat. Shut up and stay quiet.

Nagito: "…"

Mood, wouldn’t want to answer him, either.

Nagito: "Oh well…let’s finish introducing ourselves first."

Good that you ignored his whining and moved on. This is the first smart decision you’ve made in ten minutes.

Nagito: "Look, there are two people talking over there."

‘People’? You should call them by name, talent, anything.

Teruteru: "That’s right… I’m having a hard time because it’s full of poison. It really sucks."

Are you a pufferfish? You seem to tick all the boxes appearance-wise. I’d want to stay far away from you.

Teruteru: "Speaking of which, it’d be great if you could use your mouth to suck it out…"

If I lose my pistachios because of you, I’ll rewrite your execution so you get triple-fried.

Sonia: "Poison…I see…"

The princess that knows over 30 languages and has been abducted before doesn’t know subtext or innuendos. How much glitter did these idiots snort while making her?

Larry: "H-Hey…do you guys have a moment?"

WHAT MOMENT? GET SONIA OUT OF THERE!

Teruteru: "Whoa… denied…"

You are the only reason I want to figure out whether human meat tastes like pig. I'll get my whetstone and cleaver ready and see what Chinese cooking video on Invidious speaks to me first. I've been eyeing Xiao Long Bao for a while now.

Larry: (Denied?)

…I’m gonna crack your worm-eaten walnut skull open to figure out what you have left in there.

Sonia: "Hello, it is nice to meet you."

Would be nicer if someone hadn’t tried to sexually coerce you just now.

Larry: "H-Hello… my name is Hajime Hinata. Nice to meet you too."

He went back to being a sad wisp of a boy again. Are there seed packets in the MonoMall machine for growing spines? Besides, why do you ignore what happened just now? Are you dumb? Or a coward? Or both? 

You're both.

Teruteru: "Why, hello there. You must be the new guy."

In what context? That he was the last one to arrive in the classroom?

Teruteru: "My name is Teruteru Hanamura. On the streets, I’m known as the (Ultimate) SHSL Cook…"

Implies you do street food. I’d have thrown you out of whatever restaurant you got into too.

Teruteru: "But could you guys call me the (Ultimate) SHSL Chef instead? It has more of a…big city-flavor to it, ya know?"

After that first scene, you can do whatever you want to redeem yourself as a character. One’s always remembered by extremes. This extreme was too extreme.

SPINNN, SPINN, PLEASE WASH AWAY MY SINS.

The Japanese version can be interpreted as Cook OR Chef, which are two different positions with different subcategories that Spikey probably also didn’t research. The Cook is the hustler, the Chef is the manager and creative head of the kitchen. That’s probably why Teruteru likes the latter better because it makes him look accomplished. Which means they’re close enough to pass.

Teruteru: "Mmhmhm, I hope we get along well."

Gentle reminder - Usami’s likely watching this. She’s happily complicit.

Sonia: "Oh, that reminds me, I have not properly introduced myself either. I am terribly sorry to keep you waiting!"

Whatever. Elaborate Royal PR speak. NEXT.

Sonia: "My name is Sonia Nevermind."

Hopefully, I’ll never have to keep you in mind for the rest of this game. Her voice is generic princess-coded, polite -masu suffixes. Good substitute for melatonin pills.

SPINN, SPINN, oh now my tiara got stuck. FUCK.

Princess is princess.

Sonia: "I am a foreign exchange student from a small European kingdom called Novoselic."

I couldn’t have guessed by your non-Japanese name! You exist because no one could be assed to research the Austro-Hungarian monarchies over here and made it all up! They could've done Maria Theresia, the Habsburgs in general, Great Britain and whatever two million aristocratic families down in Italy and up in Germany existed. I AM AUSTRIAN. I will spite you. My spite says FUCK YOU.

Sonia: "I may cause trouble here and there, but I hope we can get along well."

This is supposed to make her sound mishievious, which is image death for a royal. Her parents would lynch her for admitting that kind of thing. Monarchies stack as much PR as politicians or the populace mauls them. I maul them for the PR nothingspeak. We are not the same.

Larry: "S-Same here… I hope we can get along too."

The spaces after ellipses in this game are inconsistent too.

Larry: "White porcelain skin… Sparkling blue eyes… And her hair giltters like fields of wheat…"

You know that was the type of a very messed-up man in Germany, right? Most people there aren’t blonde.

Larry: "It’s like… she has this mysterious charm that I want to gaze at forever…"

Are we using magic as a crutch now? Why is being a ‘Princess’ a talent anyway? What do people think of when they hear of ‘Princess’?

Exactly. Opulent dresses, fancy names and sparkle and long hair. Which is all Sonia is.

Nagito: "Are you enchanged? Well, that probably can’t be helped. "

NO, DON’T PROTECT THE HANDWAVING.

Nagito: "She’s known as the (Ultimate) SHSL Princess, which means she’s actual royality."

And what distinguishes a princess from other people outside of her title? We don’t even know if she was voted in or born into it.

Larry: "The (Ultimate) SHSL Princess…?"

NEXT.

Larry: (Normally I’d be surprised to hear that, but…)

They wouldn’t have dared to make the SHSL Princess of Japanese descent as the imperial family would’ve personally shredded them for defamation and it’d be justified. I’d have felt bad for Mako Komuro if I showed up in this mess. In fact, I feel bad for every Princess this drags into the mud. Just because you outsource it to foreigner land doesn't make you immune to criticism, Kodaka.

Larry: (It’s not just her beauty, she’s just so graceful… I’m completely at ease even though she’s a real princess.)

Which implies you see princesses as haughty, vicious beings with a god complex. You watched too much anime, Larry.

Sonia: "Um, this may be rude of me to say, but… truthfully, I feel happy."

Why would you lead that by ‘this may be rude’? Have your parents not taught you how to choose words?

Larry: "Huh? What…are you happy about?"

About being lobotomised enough to be a sexual harassment joke prop.

Sonia: "In my home country, I…did not have a single friend my age whose standing in society matched my own."

That’s gonna be hard either way.  Why do you consider us friends after introductions? Do I need to hammer home that introducing yourself doesn’t mean we’re friends??

Sonia: "So, to be able to do something like this with everyone is a new experience for me…"

Everyone who? The whole class? Sadly, you’re forced to 1 on 1 interactions or CGIs because the devs decided that.

Sonia: "…I shall extol your virtues."

…Said no real person ever. What even is that word? It’s ‘praising’.

Larry: "‘Extol my virtues’…? Th-Thanks."

If I’ve never seen that word in my 14-year track record with writing and reading myself through books on sight, neither did you. Shut up Larry.

Larry: (What the…? I suddenly feel the urge to drop to one knee and bow.)

POV shit script decided that using magic as a stand-in for personality would make the writing less shit.

*Obtained Hope Fragment*

Sadly, I’ll see you again.

Teruteru: "H-Hey, you three, am I being left off the menu or something?"

Would anyone want you on the menu? I'd forward the vendor to the police.

Larry: "No… that’s not it…"

SAY IT LARRY. SAY. IT. SUCKER PUNCH HIM.

Nagito: "Oh Teruteru, it’s so like you to check out the restaurant first. As the (Ultimate) SHSL Chef, do you like it?"

Nagito, you’ve lost all of my respect too. You’re calling him as he asked? I’d call him a waiter if it meant he’d go away. Also, no shit, the cook checks the kitchen. Would be great if I saw said kitchen anywhere!

Teruteru: "Mmhmhh… I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested."

"I’m definitely interested", there, easier to read. But I'm not interested.

Teruteru: "And since I do not want to be a liar, then truthfully…"

NEXT.

Teruteru: "Yeah, I like it."

This could’ve been said in a sentence and we’d have been gone faster.

Teruteru: "Though I like the big-city flavor of my hometown, a country atmosphere like this is also splendid."

If you’re this hung-up on the big city, you’re likely very far from it.

Teruteru: "Mmhmhmhmhmhmh…"

Six hms. How about you make your dialogue interesting instead of peppering it in ellipses, long repeating syllables, hms, huhs and whatever white noise you decided players need?

Larry: "Hey, are you…?"

Are you what?? TELL ME LARRY. SPIT IT OUT.

Teruteru: "Refined? Cultured? Guilty as charged!"

If they tried to make him a suave pervert, you cannot reconcile those two things with each other. They're a disease in anime and nothing about Japanese culture justifies keeping them in for the 'funny'. They're not funny. It makes you look insane. AND LARRY, DON’T GIVE HIM AMMO.

Larry: "No, not that… You just don’t seem very worried, huh?"

Larry comes in to ruin the mood like the truck for an Isekai protagonist! I thought this couldn’t get worse!

Teruteru: "Worried? What’s there to worry about? Actually, I’m really happy."

NEXT.

Larry: "Happy? Why is that…?"

No. RUN.

Teruteru: "If I can get serious real quick…"

Ugh. By the time this is done, my forehead and table might be a red puddle from banging it on there too hard.

Teruteru: "I have a sneaking suspicion that Miss Peko is actually a bit of a freak, if you catch my meaning."

You did something to her? How do you still have all your fingers?? Now I understand why Peko said it. So the rot spreads…

Teruteru: "What do you think?"

NEXT.

Larry: "…What?"

NEXT.

Teruteru: "She’s probably wearing a black thong, too. What are your thoughts on that?"

Did the developers SERIOUSLY give her a black thong and made it a joke? I hate all of you. Thongs are the most uncomfortable pieces of scrap fabric they sell to you as underwear. They pull into your buttcrack, they constantly move and chafe and you can't even use sanitary pads because good luck getting any to stay in place. They’re not even pretty! Even going commando is prettier!

Teruteru: "Now then, shall we discuss this somewhere privately?"

Gross. This is worse than cleaning out after an exploded packet of meat.

Teruteru: "C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon!"

NEXT.

Larry: "…No thanks."

I'd have preferred if you went for it so I could be warned of your later depravities. Complacency and approval are the same tier of bad but one is more honest about what it is.

Teruteru: "Well, putting that aside for now… This might also seem unexpected to you, but…"

NEXT.

Teruteru: "I feel like Miss Sonia over there has a good chance of putting out."

This is a fever dream. Who in QA or PR office let you exist in this game??

Teruteru: "You see, everybody knows princesses are groomed to lack common sense, right?"

No?? How would they hold basic conversation and interact with others? Sonia’s just a dumbass because the writers decided she would be to enable your grossness!

Teruteru: "For example, I could tell her my ’loins’ are full of poison and ask her to suck it out…"

…What can I say to that? Whoever approved Teruteru, I hope moths eat all your clothes and you find maggots in all your food.

They even CHANGED THE THEME TO RE: 100 MILE FAST FOOD DASH. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING.

Larry: (Is that… why he was talking about poison earlier?)

No, of course a snake bit his dick and he was acting casual about dying soon! Apparently even the obvious isn't clear enough for you!

Sonia: "…Pardon me, what are you talking about?"

See? Dumbass. Like they're not standing right beside her. NEXT.

Teruteru: "We’ll discuss this later."

Try saying that to my Hello Kitty baseball bat. I'll add some nails for texture since you're begging to be fucked hard and painfully.

Nagito: "I’d better not see you try that again."

At attempt two. Nagito, and two million years later. You’re so stupid it hurts. I hope I can scrub this out of my brain.

Teruteru: "Anyway…when I fantasize about stuff like that, I can’t help but look forward to living on this island."

I can fantasize about how to get rid of you most effectively. Can Larry leave now? This game tanked to 3/10 just via him.

Teruteru: "When it comes to cooking and love, passion is the most important ingredient. Mmhmhmhmhm!"

Don’t you dare use the word ‘love’. It’s coercion and grooming. Fuck off.

Larry: (This guy seems… dangerous, but for a completely different reason.)

He SEEMS dangerous, Larry? I’m this close to flipping a table at you!

*Obtained Hope Fragment*

I hope moths also eat your clothes, Usami. You watched this happen and now you're giving me a participation trophy? Go fuck yourself.

*goes outside*

Yeah, right Larry. Touch some grass. Good luck thinking it’ll save you from the reputational suicide you committed up there.

END OF DAY 8, (54:18)

Day 7! No, I’m not a lunatic, why do you ask? I’m a researcher who had the compulsion to document every line of bullshit this work throws at me and it’s satisfying, exhilarating, exhausting and depressing all at once… Not because of good writing. Either way, I slept, I have a headache and strawberry tea ready in hopes that it’ll wash the grey mass in the backmost part of my brain clean. Now let’s see if Mikan stays this uncomfortable (likely) and if Larry has finally figured out resource allocation (sadly likelier than Nagito recovering from lobotomy).

We’re in Scene 7 (37:45)! 

Larry: "Don’t say something so morbid so naturally…"

If this was supposed to be a joke, it was just the same character-assassinating nonsense as during the classroom scene. Nagito, is the AC blowing so hard it scrambled your frontal lobe for a start? Seems to be pretty shaken up in there.

Mikan: "Heh heh, hehehehe…!"

Nagito, never do that again. You gave her a personally signed permission slip to be weird and force herself on you every second.

I appreciate she’s consistent. I just have a distaste towards this kind of character because she makes me uncomfortable. Split your tier list into ‘personal preference’ and ‘character concept/consistency’ because those two need to stay separate.

Mikan: "Ah! I-I’m sorry for laughing so suddenly!"

You always lose. Telling her off? She’ll get depressed. Reassuring her? Watch your mental health stat drain like you’re on antidepressants.

And my problem is that you laughed while blushing like you were imagining freaky shit. I left Ao3 for a reason.

Mikan: "I-It’s just… I can’t help it. I’m just so happy, I can’t remember the last time I made any friends..."

They just introduced yourself to you. If you knew others in your club, why aren’t those your friends by that metric?

I’m racking my brain about why she has the voice of a mouse outside of that she is dodgy and squirmish like one. Was that supposed to make her more appealing? That’s a turn off, tell that to all the vanilla hentai I ever watched. All the girls there sound like chipmunks. Imagine railing your date in a photo booth and she sounds like she used the helium ballon you bought for her at the festival to make herself sound like the dying squeak of a squirrel. Sexy, am I right?

Mikan: "Ah, not that you actually want to be friends with me! I’m soooo sorry I said something so… presumptuous!"

See? It might be subconscious but you feel compelled to agree, don’t you? DON’T.  ‘Mikan, we’re not friends, I’m gonna tell you when I want to be friends with you.’ And even if I were to do it and get uncomfortable, she'd make me feel bad for leaving. This is her counter spell against Shellra and Protesga. I'll call it Guilttripga.

Mikan: "I’ll do anything you say… Just… please don’t hate me…!"

Then stay away from me at a 5 meter radius. Sadly, I’m watching from Larry’s perspective so I’m forced to interact with you at the plot’s discretion.

Nagito: "Bullying a girl… Not cool, Hajime."

It’s Larry, and at this point you’re as bad as him. I get you’re oblivious to emotional blackmail as someone touch starved to your bones but it’s played for laughs and that’s as tasteful as McDonalds chicken. -15. I think I'll need to serve up a second portion of you. At this point I'm gonna get sick because now 'white knight jokes' and 'obliviousness to emotional blackmailing' are in the mix. It pains me to know I wrote a better version of you. And why do I get a feeling a girl in your life convinced you to do this shit? I'm assuming she's dead though.

However, that’d have required the writer/editor/whatever scripting person of this game to understand what they’re writing about. Much like for about anything in this prologue.

Larry: (Seriously, why does this keep happening?)

Because getting on the choo-choo railroad means you’ll get randomly knocked off a level of dignity when the people watching over you feel the need to force in their biases.

Mikan: "I’m sorry… I’m so, so, so sorry!"

…Can we leave now? I wished I had noise-cancelling headphones and I usually only get upset by train brakes screeching.

*obtained Hope Fragment*

…Honestly, fuck you Usami. You’re watching, aren’t you.

*selects Ibuki*

Ibuki: "Peeking, peeking…"

Why’re you saying you’re peeking? Are you looking around the corner? Unfortunately, Larry’s forced to look at you straight-up because side and 3/4 sprites were too much for this game.

Ibuki: "Oh haiiiiiiiiiii! Who’re you!?"

That’s 11 ‘i’s. You love making life miserable for your editors and translators, don’t you Spikey?

We met in the classroom. Does the communal amnesia extend to Larry’s existence now?

Larry: "U-Um… I’m Hajime Hinata…"

No, you’re Larry the Crab of the tone-deaf VN.

You also only told Mikan your first name.

Ibuki: "Hellooooo? Your tension is super low! Are you feeling all right?"

You don’t need to talk to me like we’re on a landline. If you’re talking about Larry’s blood pressure, it’s the opposite, actually. I’m surprised his blood vessels are still intact because I expected him to hose out blood from his nose like a fire hydrant by now.

…There’s spam cans on the shelf to the right. Is this Okinawa or Hawaii? This market is also depression. I thought this was a tourist destination, instead we got a German Aldi, but bigger and with an extra military utilitarian touch because personality is optional.

Ibuki: "Ah, that’s right! Introductions are a go-go!"

You made her oblivious for humor AGAIN and now you’re stretching out her padding too. Yes, Ibuki, if someone introduced themselves, you usually introduce yourself back.

Ibuki: "‘I,’ ‘Buki,’ ‘Mio,’ ‘Da!’ Put it together and what do you get? Ibuki Mioda!"

This is supposed to be funny and quirky and probably about the K-ON reference her name is, but the only thing it does is make it annoying to write. Yes, we have listening comprehension, Ibuki.

Spinny spin… Now let’s see what the translation censored this time!

(Ultimate) SHSL Musician VS SHSL Light Music Club Member.

…Are you allergic to the word ‘club’, NIS America? Any fear that it’s gonna be mixed up with partying by people who have an attention span of two seconds that your version of Hell’s Kitchen is for?

Ibuki: "All right, introductions are finished! More importantly, check out this bombtastic supermarket!"

We know introductions are finished because in this game, no one tells you about more than what we already know. Bombtastic is a terrible word choice when you could’ve just used ‘bombastic’ and it’d have flowed easier.

Ibuki: "They got hamburger, ramen noodles, chilli beans, bratwurst, pasta… Ooooh, melons!"

This is useless info. No one ever uses or remarks on what’s in the market to make food or get something to eat. It underlines Hajime’s ‘international waters’ line when that came out of the blue.

And then there’s the ‘melons’ innuendo. Ugh…

Ibuki: "Americans, Chinese, Mexicans, Germans, Italians… and even people from Yubari would shop here!"

Where’s the Chinese food then?! You didn’t mention anything Chinese. What’s Yubari?

I looked it up. It’s a Hokkaidoan town that sells a special melon variety called Yubari melons. This is the first smart reference I’ve heard. Sadly, I can’t see melons anywhere either so I don’t believe you.

Ibuki: "Man, I’m getting hellaaaaaa stoooked! I’m thirty-one flavors of stoked for all of this deliciousness!"

You don’t get to talk, Ibuki. I write up my own tarte ideas in my erotica until I drool because I’m too poor to go to France or get quality ingredients. This makes me want to drink more tea. I like how the sentence is written though. 31 flavours of stoked ties in with what she just said perfectly and gives some personality.

Ibuki: "And when I’m excited, I get hungry-mungry!"

Aaaand then this line makes her look like a child. Never mind they’ll forget she’d always have food ready when she’s excited.

Ibuki: "I-I don’t understand it myself…Why do I get hungry when I’m excited? Why do I get excited when I’m hungry?"

Another dumbass line. You get excited when you’re hungry? I get upset until I get food.

Ibuki: "Kyahaha, the human body sure is a mystery!"

…Another bad attempt at humor. NEXT.

Nagito: "Um… This energetic young lady is known as the Ultimate Musician…”

Now you need to play exposition piece again. Ibuki could’ve told him. Also why are you addressing her as a ‘lady’? That’s very polite for someone who foams at the mouth. When I hear lady I hear someone more… couth.

Nagito: "She used to play guitar in an all-girl band that was super popular with other high school girls.”

Her other band members are never mentioned in her Free Times, if I remember correctly. The ‘other girls’ implication gives it a lesbianism touch that of course will be bait.

Larry: (A super popular, all-girl, high school band…)

You phrase it to make it sound extra gay. I’m annoyed.

Larry: (That sounds familiar…)

Yes, because it looks like Ibuki is a K-ON reference. Shame. They looked at the engagement stats and forgot about adding some substance afterwards.

Nagito: "Due to creative differences, she left the band to pursue a solo career."

Ok, and that’s only mentioned briefly too. When will they pass over the exposition piece torch? Or is Nagito just going to keep narrating for everyone else?

Larry: "…Creative differences?"

NEXT.

Ibuki: "Are you interested?"

Does he look like it? I can’t tell because being able to see the protag’s face was introduced in Another Episode.

Larry: "Wah!? You could hear me!?"

OH TO CELEBI AND DIALGA AND BACK I WAS NEVER TOLD YOU WERE WHISPERING!

Maybe if they put care into giving you actual voice acting.

This is a mistake within five lines. No one proofread the original and if they did, it was half-conscious in an izakaya and smelling like sake while they racked up debt in otoro nigiri. They needed to shoehorn it in for the later trial!

Ibuki: "Duh! Ibuki’s a musician, after all!"

…I thought musicians usually get deaf easier? Why do you think they need IEMs and earplugs?

Ibuki: "Like Schubert, Bach, Edison, Van Gogh, Perez, and Senna… I, too, am an awesome musician!"

When you have to make your character dumb to make them funny your writing is shit guys.

Larry: "Oh, so you’re saying you have good hearing…"

NEXT.

Larry: "Wait, most of those people you mentioned weren’t musicians at all."

Larry is being surprisingly logical again. Watch it fall flat in the next line.

Ibuki: "Don’t sweat the details!”

Is that why your band members kicked you out? By running on vibes instead of work?

*obtained Hope Fragment*

I’m so close to pulling out a note and fix this script it physically hurts me.

*selects Cola shelf*

Larry: (That’s one big cola bottle…!)

One? There’s twelve. It’d give you diabetes before you can say ‘huh’ again.

Larry: (I bet you’d go flat before you could even finish drinking it.)

No shit. I was thinking about it.

*leaves Rocketpunch Market*

{Scene 8 - Prologue, Hotel Site. Insecurities galore! (40:08)}

*enters Hotel Site*

Larry: "Wow… this is a pretty nice hotel…!"

Why is it nice? Did someone need to praise the background artist in hopes it’d keep them going despite the terrible pay? For me it’s a minimalist nightmare. I can’t wait for 2x2’s hotel files so I can rip it out for my script rewrite.

Nagito: "The Hotel Mirai, huh? It looks like it’s named after the Japanese word for ‘future.’"

You could’ve let this be a cool trivia piece but of course overexplaining is a go.

Nagito: "When we were told to live on this island, I was worried we’d have to pitch a tent or something…”

Why? Do you think an island with monitors on palm trees would let you sleep on sand? He’s in survival guide mode again.

Nagito: "If we can live in a grand hotel like this, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about being comfortable."

Joke’s on you, we won’t live in the hotel, but in the manky cottages we passed by.

I just realised I still need to go through another hour of this analysis until this prologue is over. Once I'm done I'll rewrite the prologue. Watch me.

Larry: "Comfort isn’t an option here… We don’t even know why we’re being forced to live on this island…"

Wrong, wrong.

You saw the cottages, you’re seeing the hotel, you know why you’re here. Are you pretending it’s all a hoax like an anti-vaxxer explaining that it’s going to make you remote-controllable?

Larry: "How can you just accept this!? You’re way too excited about living here!"

What are YOU going to do about it, Larry? You saw we have no way out. Better focus on the good things than be bitter.

Nagito: "Well, it seems obvious that this area would make a good base, so why don’t we look around for a bit?"

Hey, NIS America, why’d you write Nagito to sound like a seasoned U.S. military officer? You need your war dialogue or it’s not an English translation?

Larry: "…"

Good, now stay quiet for longer.

Larry: (Why is this guy…so calm?)

Because the people writing this decided he’s got to be.

Larry: (It’s like he doesn’t think this situation is a big deal at all…)

We wouldn’t have his grand trial 1 reveal if he did!

Larry: (…Has he been through a lot of trauma or something?)

…Wow, another go at ‘tell, don’t show’. I’m too tired to care.

Meta voice: "A map will be displayed if you press the square button. "

Meta voice: "I said the square button. Don’t make me repeat myself."

You already repeated yourself when I didn’t prompt you to. Now shut up.

*selects Fuyuhiko*

Fuyuhiko: "…Who the hell are you? Don’t talk all friendly and shit to me, dumbass."

1) he never said anything (again), 2) this supports my take that everyone has amnesia about Larry. They could’ve said something like ‘…are you the guy who came in last and stood around dumb?’. But noooooo.

Larry: (This guy is already in a crappy mood.)

Yes, Mr. Obvious.

Fuyuhiko: "What’re you lookin’ at!? You got something you wanna say, bastard!?"

Wow, provoked by coming too close. Bro couldn’t get his hypertension meds either.

If I were tired of my life, I’d say you’re short and wear mascara.

Nagito: …R-Relax, Fuyuhiko. We’re only here to introduce ourselves."

Why are you the class mediator when Nekomaru is here? And ‘ourselves’ means you still need to introduce yourself, Nagito. Needed emotional support to survive?

Fuyuhiko: "…What? Introduce yourselves?"

Oh no he’s got the Larry repeater disease now.

Nagito: "See, you haven’t been properly introduced to each other, right?"

Cut the ‘properly’, and that just undercut my analysis of the sentence before. Inconsistent translation, probably.

Fuyuhiko, generic tsundere.png: "Hmph…"

You even sulk like a kid!

Fuyuhiko: "Name’s Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu… Just so we’re clear, I don’t plan to act friendly and shit with you guys."

His whole deal is independence, but where was it implied that he’s getting anywhere with being a presumptuous asshole? If he were like this in the Kuzuryu-gumi, his dad would disown him. Did someone forget most Yakuza are businessmen first? It’s never mentioned who taught him that strong words = being tough, something his dad would never do. His sister? Good luck finding that in subtext.

SPINNY LOGOOOOO. TRIVIA TIEM!

The American version is better than whatever danganronpa.wikia produced by translating it to an 'SHSL Gangster'. The original Japanese version is ‘SHSL Gokudou’ which is another word for Yakuza as outlined by the Jisho dictionary. A 'boryokudan' would match more with the Gangster framing, since they are more violent.

Larry: (Even though he’s got a babyface, he’s also incredibly rude…)

NEXT.

Nagito: "Fuyuhiko is a high school student and heir to the Kuzuryu clan."

I love that it implies not even Nagito believed Fuyuhiko’s in High school. The heir to the Kuzuryu clan… well his subordinates probably think he’s a baby with a temper. And blush marks!

Larry: "Eh? The Kuzuryu Clan… Don’t tell me he’s—!?"

NEXT.

Nagito: "I’m sure you’ve at least heard of them before, right?"

I don’t know. Practical logic applies for none of you.

Nagito: "The Kuzuryu Clan is the largest criminal syndicate in the nation, with a membership surpassing 30,000."

If they managed to get this big, they’ve got hooks in the government. Japan has passed so many laws against them they’re dying out from a battle against bureaucracy. I swear Japan is Eastern Germany. Either way, playing Wikipedia again because the characters are too one-note to say it themselves?

Nagito: "Which means… he’s the (Ultimate) SHSL Yakuza."

NEXT.

Nagito: "By the way, mentioning his babyface around him is expressly forbidden, so you better be careful."

…If you wanted to give him a temper, why not make him part of the boryokudan then? Note that I’m not perfectly accustomed to these terms, I’m not a native, so correct me if I mess up. Either way, it’s terrible to know what the natives themselves fucked up.

On the Hotel Mirai... why did Nagito think one could live in it? It’s tiny. I’d guess this is all lobby, kitchen and dining area. Why even call it a Hotel to begin with?

Biggest question of all - why was a Yakuza accepted into Hope’s Peak? Is his clan stupid? Does Hope’s Peak expect advantages from accepting Fuyuhiko? What’s going on??

Nagito: "You’ll run out of fingers before he’s done with you."

…Yep, right into my explanation. Seriously though, do you think this stick could break your fingers? I know you’re a noodle Larry, but Fuyuhiko is dried blade of grass. You could breathe on him and he’d break in half.

Larry: (Th-That was close… I nearly lost all my fingers…)

Would we have gotten a protagonist replacement then? I wish.

Larry: "Nagito… You’re, like, my savior or something."

Ok, now kiss and throw Fuyuhiko in the pool.

Nagito: "Haha, you’re just exaggerating… uh, guess not."

There’s gay tension in how he deflects the praise. "Haha, nah bro, I'm not all that great." If Nagito had a tail, it’d wag at the speed of light.

Fuyuhiko: "Hey, bastards… If we’re all done here, how ‘bout you dumbasses make like a tree and fuck off?"

What is that figure of speech? If I’d make it like a tree I’d stand there and stare at you judgementally.

*Obtained Hope Fragment*

Usami, you hate strong words but this guy’s fine? Hypocrisy.

*selects Mahiru*

Mahiru: "Hey, aren’t you the guy who was squatting on the beach earlier and burying your face in your arms?"

That is a a slap to reality in one sentence and I’d love it if the cast had consistent memory and you acknowledged it was implied Larry fainted and fell over.

Larry: "Uh, y-yeah…"

No you didn’t. Shut up.

Mahiru: "Hey… you gotta keep it together, you know? At times like this, it’s the boys’ job to keep the girls safe."

This is sexism framed in a positive way. My respect for you tanked in a single line. RECORD TIME!

Larry: "Y-You’re right…"

Bro just folds to someone if they have any (if misplaced) confidence. You’re going back to SHSL Doormat x2.

Mahiru: "Did you want me to introduce myself? I haven’t done it yet, right?"

No shit. You sound like an exasperated Elementary school teacher that had to explain to her student that crayons aren’t edible and they need to go to the hospital because they ate the box of six.

We’re teens though. If you keep being condescending, it’s looking rough for you.

Mahiru: "Let’s see… I’m Mahriu Koizumi. I’ll be counting on you from now on."

Woman, I decide when I approve of that. Fuck off. What’s with the girls and dependence on others in this game? Mikan, Mahiru, who's next?

They see me spinnin’, they hatin…

Yeah, the translation is fine. Hardly anything you can get wrong about something so universal as a photographer. Ultimate/SHSL Photographer.

Nagito: "Mahiru is known as the (Ultimate) SHSL Photographer. She has a promising future as a photojournalist."

No shit. NEXT.

Nagito: "I’m not an expert on photography but I hear she’s a young photographer who has won numerous awards."

Usually, you’d lead something like ‘I’m not an expect, but…’ into judgement or an explanation of her photographing style, but detail is too much for Sir. Takoyaki this early on. And what awards? There’s a million that can range from ‘this kid drew a decent scribble of their parents’ to ‘best artist in the world’.

Nagito: "On that note… she’s known for her skill at taking pictures of people."

It’s always narrated from objective facts than letting them filter it through their personality. That’s what amateurs do.

Larry: (The (Ultimate) SHSL Photographer, huh…)

NEXT.

Larry: "Well, there is a camera hanging from her neck, I kind of assumed that already."

So did we. NEXT.

Mahiru:"Honestly, I’m a little relieved. You guys seem decent enough."

Implying you have standards on whom you Stockholm Syndrome into your life. Who offended you?

Larry: "…Hm? Decent?"

NEXT.

Mahiru: "Well, there’s a lot of weirdos here. I can’t tell if they’re really (Ultimates) SHSLs or, like, just insane…"

So are you, at least they weren’t aggressively judgemental and posing it as fact.

Mahiru: "I’m eager to get along with everyone so we can get off this island, but I was worried things wouldn’t go well."

So you’re suddenly relieved because two men to your taste (extra white horse optional) arrived and rescued you from your misery? I’m the wrong person for this.

Larry: "Get off this island…? What do you mean?"

Usami said it. NEXT.

Mahiru: "Huh, you don’t know? That’s what that stuffed animal Usami was saying."

So was I, and you don’t know everyone has selective retrograde amnesia. NEXT.

I’m guessing Mahiru is considered ‘grounded’ because she finds everyone else weird and everyone else is written without a sense of practical reality in them.

Mahiru: "After you finish collecting all the Hope Fragments that you earn by getting along with everyone…"

NEXT.

Mahiru: "This joke of a school trip will be over, and we can all leave this island together."

Why is it a joke? You’re at a tropical resort? Is it because of the people or that you got randomly dumped here?

Larry: "Th-That’s all we have to do and we can go home!? Is that true? Did she really mean that!?"

…Larry, if your dumbness inflicted pain on me I’d have sued you for attempted murder.

Mahiru: "Hey, you should be paying closer attention! This is, like, really important!"

Not even the writers did. Why should I bother? You don’t tell me what to do.

Character consistent, concept/execution is ass, as expected.

Nagito: "Well Hajime, now that you know this, you must feel a little relieved, right?"

…Why didn’t YOU tell him?

Nagito: "As long as we live here peacefully, we’ll be able to leave this island soon enough."

NEXT.

Nagito: "So there’s no reason for you to act so panicky."

You’ve said it multiple times before. So did I. Whatever, I guess.

Larry: "E-Even so…"

No, I’m bored of plot paranoia. Shut up.

Larry: "What’s the reason…? Why do we have to do something like this?"

This is the first time Larry asked a coherent question that adds something! Problem is that you have to ask Usami.

Larry: "I mean, to go through all the effort of bringing us here so we can all live together and get along..."

Hope’s Peak would do it for flex.

Larry: "It doesn’t make any sense."

It has to make sense somehow! Rack your brain harder!

Nagito: "I may not know why we’re here, but if that’s all we have to do to go home, then that’s all there is to it."

You DON’T KNOW? USAMI TOLD YOU.

How many times have I been complaining about it now? Feels like the 30th time. Or more.

Oh there’s another option. Figure out how to blackmail Usami into getting you home immediately. Use Mikan for it!

Nagito: "Overall, I’m glad. I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal."

What’re you glad about? The tropical atmosphere? The sea? Having a cottage on your own? Getting stabbed by urchins because you’re a Lucky student and a masochist?

Larry: "Not a big deal…? Really?"

NEXT.

Larry: (We’re told we’re on a school trip without any warning, then we’re taken to a place like this…)

You’re still upset you’re far from the object of your desire, that old-ass brick facade of Hope’s Peak. Imagine being so eager to get up at 6 a.m. to look cool.

Anyway. NEXT.

Larry: (And then we’re told… to forget about Hope’s Peak Academy…)

You walked right into what I said again. The hermit crab sulks because no Hope’s Peak.

Larry: (Is he *sure* this isn’t a big deal?)

Not as much as for you.

Mahiru: "Hey!"

Excuse me for ignoring you, princess.

Larry: "Eh!?"

Mahiru: "Don’t ‘eh!?’ me, what about your introduction? I’ve been waiting, like, forever, you know?"

This is the first time the narrative acknowledges Larry forgetting to introduce himself.

Larry: "Ah, sorry…"

Larry: "I’m Hajime Hinata. Um… it’s nice to meet you, too."

It’s Larry. You’re introducing yourself to her like a meek Shoujo heroine to her punk crush.

Mahiru: "I see… Hajime Hinata, huh?"

Mahiru: "Sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve already made a mental note to remember you as ‘Unreliable Hajime’."

Again, everyone forgets his name is Larry. Hajime was a skinwalker.

Rude, but true. I find it weird how you categorise people by whether you can ask them for help.

Mahiru: "It’s gonna be tough for you to change my mind. You bette man up and try even harder to do your best!"

Why would I? You’re nagging, sexist and condescending.

Nagito:"…I see you’re whipped already, Hajime."

This’d be fun and consensual if this were BDSM with a leather whip. Instead Mahiru goes on the bottom of my personal favorite list, with a bold note of ‘toxic and boring at the same time, somehow’.

Mahiru: "I’m talking to both of you!"

Well, excuse me that your fantasy only lasted for a minute! That’s not my problem. Maybe we should paste your face on the 2026 music video version of ‘World is mine’?

Mahiru: "I’m talking to both of you! You better man up and do better! Got it!?”

What are you going to work on then? Loving yourself because you’re ‘normal’?

*Obtained Hope Fragment*

How old are you, Usami? Wait, I forgot we’re in Japan, where they’re still faxing things around, only abandoned floppy disks in 2024, are using cash most of the time and discriminating women to stay home after getting married. But it’s okay when it’s the other way around!

*selects Nekomaru*

Nekomaru: "Hm…?"

Nekomaru: "That’s right… You haven’t told me your name…"

Is that gonna be recycled for every introduction now?

Nekomaru: "My name…"

Nekomaru: "I am the Ultimate Team Manager, NEKOMARU NIDAI!!!"

He speaks at normal volume in Japanese. Fitting voice.

Spinnn, spiinnn spinnn.

The wiki fucked up again. They translated ‘manager’ with ‘coach’ when Jisho clearly favours ‘manager’ in the direct translation of the Japanese text. The ‘Team’ part was probably tacked on because Americans have mostly team sports. Either way, NIS version is Ultimate Team Manager, OG is SHSL Manager. If they wanted to make it look less business, they should just have said ‘Sports Manager’.

Larry: "U-Um…hello. I’m Hajime Hinata…"

Mahiru drained all the self-esteem from you. It’s Larry. It doesn’t matter what you’re called because you can be replaced with each of a million Reserve course students.

Nekomaru: "Hold it right there! Your voice is too soft! Let your voice rise from the bottom of your stomach!"

Was Larry that meek so we could have this lead-up? Ugh.

Day 7, END, stopped at 45:43. I think I’ll ignore dialogue more often now because there’s only so many times you can joke about padding and terminal stupidity. Mahiru is an asshole and she grinds my gears, Mikan is therapist nightmare fuel (and that of my mental health), Fuyuhiko is a tsundere gangsta trope and Ibuki is just quirky. All while it ignores specificity because it’s scared that with it it will be half its length. Anyway. Till next time!

Day 6, so far the only one who had personality was Gundham. Nagito was takoyaki'd and it seems like he will stay that way for most of the prologue. I treated myself to pumpkin quiche and a face mask today. Larry should put on some moisturiser too because he’ll look like a dried-out kombu by 30. Remember people, a cleanser, moisturiser, facial peeling and sunscreen are the essentials! The rest is corp trying to fill your house and your trash bin while they fill their pockets! Now if you show me the black magic spell Nagito uses to stay fresh in the scorching heat, I owe you something. While I wait I sit bent over like a shrimp and expect my stomach muscles to capitulate… I think they already did anyway tbh.

Let’s goooooo! We’re in Scene 6, (35:00)!

Nagito: "Um, yeah… I know he seems a little odd, but apparently he did splendidly as a member of the Breeding Club."

At this point, you’ll stay in the pan until the first murder. If he were shit at his job, he wouldn’t be named ‘SHSL Breeder’ and his hamsters would run away from him. You should know that from your dead dog. I’m adding a counter for another pan. You’re at -15.

Nagito: "I’ve heard he can tame any animal and even managed to succeed at proliferating an endangered species."

You can tame most animals if you give them food consistently. And what species did he proliferate? You should know that after what I assume was a 12-hour-long compulsory research spree on Hope-chan.com. Do your brain cells have an immune reaction to specificity or what’s up?

Nagito: "Rumor has it he can speak to animals… Well, that’s probably just a joke."

…You’re doubting that someone can talk to animals when you’re stricken by a whim of chance that cares fuck-all about logic. -10 Nagito.

Larry: (Speak with animals…? Well, he’s certainly eccentric enough in that regard…")

Repetition and a teensy bit of logic in the short-circuiting lamp his brain is. Yes, he is eccentric enough and his hamsters seem to understand what he’s saying.

Why don’t you have voiced dialogue lines, Larry? Did they save up on everything with you? Voice, brain cells, logic, attractiveness, design? Did that go to Kamukura? Shame because he’s only there to convince you to grow at the last hours of the game and you’re coddled until then.

Larry: (I mean, there’s no way a normal person would attempt to raise hamsters inside their own scarf…)

*gasp!* Larry had a logical thought?! Quick, get me a camera before it’s gone! And my antihistamines so I don’t sneeze and the video gets blurry!

Wait, how do you know he raised them in there? They seem like adult hamsters to me.

{Scene 7 - Prologue, Rocketpunch Market. Of boyfails, girlfails and social fails, Complete Edition. (35:45)}

*leaves airport*

*enters Rocketpunch Market*

Larry: "So this is the supermarket… It’s pretty big."

I can see that. Unlike your brain.

The MonoMall vending machine is standing there as a serial offender of plot integrity, right in line of sight. Seriously? You couldn’t make it pink and do an asset swap before Monokuma comes around?

Larry: (If we’re on a tropical island… Does that mean we’re in international waters?)

I have no idea what he’s saying. Hawaii is part of the USA. Okinawa part of Japan, Polynesia is Polynesia… Let me guess, it’s tying into something lame again.

Nagito: "Thanks to this place, we won’t need to worry about food and other necessities for a while."

You went back to your survival guide persona again. If you have a split personality, they should’ve made that a point in Another Episode where you meet a peer of yours.

Larry: "For a while?"

…I’m going to drink one of these 5 liter cola bottles in the shelf and flatline.

Nagito: "I-It’s just a figure of speech."

No it’s not Nagito. You could’ve said ‘two months, way more than enough until the school trip ends’ and it’d have left the thinking with you instead of our under-a-bridge-echo Larry.

Larry: "But there’s no guarantee anything here is edible. What if all this stuff is poisoned?"

From what kind of spider-infested, dilapidated folder deep between the two hollow shelves of your brain halves did you pull that from? Why would they do that?? HOW’S THAT IMPLIED?? EXPLAIN LARRY

If they wanted you dead they’d have killed you already. No reason to waste Uji matcha soft serve on someone who’ll bite into it and say it was ‘fine’.

Nagito: "Hm… You certainly are the skeptical type."

There’s a difference between skeptical and delusional. Skepticism is rooted in reality. -5 for reframing plot paranoia as character trait.

Larry: "Of course I am. Even this supermarket is strange."

…What kind of contamination can you see in the air particles as a player character?

Larry: "Look around! We’re in this gigantic supermarket and there’s nobody here except us!"

I was hoping he’d point out the MonoMall machine but I forgot the cast has selective blindness.  We just saw Ibuki when we came in. You’d have been reasonable for this observation if this weren’t about plot paranoia again. Is that the only way they can build up tension? Because the only tension building up is in my right hand that wants to punch Larry in the face.

Nagito: "Well, that can’t be helped. Didn’t Usami say this island is uninhabited?"

‘Was’ Nagito. You are here now. You’re pulling him out of his spiralling again because of course he needs the emotional regulation.

Larry: "Th-That’s exactly my point…"

What’s the point? That you can’t take your anxiety meds for once? I wish the drug store was on the first island.

Larry: "…Ugh!"

Now you’re throwing another tantrum that Nagito doesn’t understand your whining. I hope you get turned into a horse chestnut and chomped on by a toddler in your next life.

Nagito: "What happened?"

What happened is that you’re fluctuating between being calming, foreshadowing and a tour guide.

Larry: "It’s nothing…"

LIARRRRR

I swear Larry always lies when he gets frustrated. Sad lil’ retreating crustacean. Now kick him with your stupid double-zipper shoes Nagito.

Mikan: "…"

Mikan, you’re being weird. Say something.

Larry: (She’s staring at me funny…!)

Are you just gonna tolerate that? Tell her off or you’re becoming SHSL Doormat x2.

Mikan: "Ah, uhhhh, um…"

I can’t say I like how pitched her voice is. I got nightmare flashbacks from the weird shit in No Game No Life. Don’t watch it. Watch the movie. That one’s decent.

Mikan: "Um…you know…"

Yes, we know Larry’s a textbook case of social anxiety and probably daddy issues, but you help with wounds only. If we were to entrust you with our secrets, the island would know it after five minutes of you tripping over yourself.

Mikan: "…"

SAY. SOMETHING.

Mikan: "…I-I’m sorry."

Nah Nagito, I’m out. I’m not playing emotional validation for this bundle of bandages and trauma.

Larry: (Wh-Why is she crying!?)

Because she’s as socially inept as you are and you couldn’t figure out the instructions in her stare-off. Magnificent miscommunication.

Nagito: "Bullying a girl… Not cool, Hajime."

It’s Larry. For once I don’t fault him because this was like trying to keep a wine glass from breaking in the dishwasher. Also, why are you faulting him for bullying her!? He didn’t say anything!?

Don’t make fun of bullying, I swear. -15 Nagito.

At least it shows how bad at conversation Larry is.

Larry: "…I didn’t do anything."

The narrative is diving so hard Larry gains confidence toward Nagito being a moron. I’m taking one measure off your doormat score. You’re the SHSL Doormat again.

Mikan: "Ah, so your name is Hajime… If it’s okay with you, may I please remember your name?"

It’s Larry the Hermit Crab. What are you going to do if I say no? Trying hard to forget will make your thoughts spiral and burn it into your mind.

Larry: "O-Of course… I don’t mind you remembering it, but…"

We have three people I’d throw my Hope Fragments at now! Mikan’s so pathetically uncomfortable you’d be questioning your life choices and mental health after her first Free Time Event.

Mikan: "M-My name is Mikan Tsumiki. Um… From the bottom of my heart, I hope we can get along."

"Get along" means, "soothing you constantly". No thank you.

Spinnn, spinnnn, spinnnn. Spinny logo… because.

She’s labelled as (Ultimate) SHSL Nurse when she’s really the SHSL Health Club Committee member which is more casual…. and that I have no idea of what it implies. High School students usually do club activities in the afternoon.

Mikan: "Um… you know…"

Mikan: "Um… um um um um…"

I’m wondering how you passed school for different reasons. How’d you manage surprise questions from the teacher if you can barely keep yourself together during a conversation with peers?

Mikan: "Uhhhh… my mind is drawing a blank… from nervousness…"

I need to add, HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH WRITTEN EXAMS?

Mikan: "And… I went through all the trouble of preparing 5,000 different topics to discuss after introductions."

This is said to make it look excessive, but no person in the world could or would keep 5,000 topics in their head for a conversation. More like 50. Would’ve been excessive too but still realistic.

Larry: (That seems excessive…)

The plot crab agrees!

Nagito: "It’s okay if you take your time and remember slowly. We’ll wait as long as it takes."

Which will help about as much as procrastinating on finishing the Powerpoint presentation on pufferfish due tomorrow. Nagito, all of you are shit at socialising.

Nagito: "We’ll wait for you forever if that’s what it takes."

You have no boundaries and neither does she. Why is this in-character?

Mikan: "Huh… Aaaaaah!"

…Can you do anything but stammering? Did they pick that as your filler shtick?

Larry: (Isn’t he… just putting more pressure on her?)

It doesn’t matter. You’re going to threaten her by existing near her.

Larry: *to Komaeda* "Well, I guess I’ll just ask you since I won’t get anywhere asking her, so…"

The writers couldn’t be assed to make Mikan say a thing so Larry has to go back to Nagito again? Ughhhh. This is the only time I’m accepting this because Mikan is a walking human malfunction.

Larry: "…What’s her deal?"

I don’t think there’s more than what you just saw. In this plotline, anyway.

Nagito: "Ah, Mikan is the (Ultimate) SHSL Nurse."

No she isn’t. The Americans were scared of foreign countries again.

Nagito: "If you ever get injured, you’ll need her help, so it’s best if you get along with her now."

…Is there a guide on First Aid around here? I’m not relying on this girl to disinfect my wounds. She’d accidentally pour the ethanol into my mouth and kill me instantly. Or shove a scalpel deeper into a cut because her hand trembled and sever my aorta. Or give me a frost burn because the ice packet she used is filled with dry ice.

Nagito: "If you ever get wounded and don’t treat it, there’s a good possibility you’ll get an infection and die."

…I’ll die from bruises? Come on Nagito, stop scaring me into interacting with this parade of sadness. As I said, I’ll more likely die when she treats me.

Day 5!! Let’s see whether we have to fire up the takoyaki grill again! I’m so disappointed in Nagito that I forgot cross-checking my ‘Komaeda OS’ reference document. It’s hard when you analyzed dialogue in a narrative vacuum… then again, this game is so hesitant to commit to a throughline that it doesn’t matter.  Let’s see whether anything comes of the others or we’re stuck with Nagito at his peak character ending in the prologue. I’ve got fairy tea and a headache ready because I got enough sleep and my brain realised it should be upset that I was sleep-deprived for so long! LET’S GO! 

We’re at 30:00, Scene 5!

Blah blah blah explanation about mechanics. They RECOMMEND you to run around (a.k.a waste your time) to get the Tamagotchi to grow up instead of teleporting! What an idiot way to include padding! If I wanted a Tamagotchi, Bandai's Paradise and Uni are more stylish and less insulting to my intelligence.

Why did you give us the option to teleport, huh?? What’s the level counter for outside of this mechanic? Does Larry gain a brain cell every time we level up? …Can’t tell whether any gears turned in there so far.

"When you finish raising your pet… there may be a small reward…"

‘May be’. Why should I trust you? You seem hellbent on wasting my time and goodwill.

{Scene 6 - Prologue, Airport. Larry VS. The Obvious, Part 3! (30:30)}

*enters airport*

Larry: (This is an airport, right? So… those things over there must be…)

The reticle and the screen transition told you this is the airport. He’s repeating the obvious again. 

Larry: "…Airplanes?"

You sound like you’ve found water after a decade of thirst. This is airplanes, something you should know unless you’re Patrick Star. Again, I thought this was supposed to be a vacation, not a survival trip? Aren’t the other people wondering how stupid he is for blurting that out like this is the first time he sees them, too?

Larry: "Couldn’t we use those planes to escape this island?"

In that case, you would’ve been called over already, so no. You could've said 'we have planes, so why haven't we left yet??' and I'd have felt a microscopic spark of hope.

And if you had a personality, you’d remark on the decoration. Looks like someone forgot the party theme was ‘Tropics’ and scrambled together the minimum necessary decoration for it a day before. The banner reads ‘Welcome to Paradise’. Then where are the flowers?! When I think of paradise, I think of a carpet of them! Did they forget this used to be a luxury destination that'd have the most decadent decoration since the Palast of Versailles?

Kazuichi: "Nah, that’s impossible."

…More padding. "Nah, the engines have been removed." would’ve saved this.

Kazuichi: "If they were damaged, I could fix ‘em, but it looks like these planes are just for show…"

More dancing around the obvious. You ran into my complaint again.

Larry: "Just for show…?"

…They were being vague so Larry could be the signal repeater again.

Kazuichi: "The engines have been completely removed. Nothing I can do about that."

Which you could have said three sentences ago but we need the runtime. Cut the ‘completely’ and it’s a better line.

Can we acknowledge how a party person like him’s first instinct is to escape? He’d be the first to fall asleep in a inflatable swimming ring and drift off to Hawai’i. Everyone bends to the plot and the hermit crab!

Larry: "…Completely removed?"

I’d call you a roomba but that one at least keeps the things it eats up and has a funny name.

Larry: (Whoever brought us to this island must have also done that… right?)

Whoever? Did you forget Usami explained to you that she brought you here?  You should ask: Did Usami do that? Why did she? Doesn’t that mean the engines are still around? But that’d require the script to take itself seriously for a second. If they were super-duper smart, they'd mention the 'this island was prepared for us' line and go 'but by whom and why?'.

Larry: (The same person who’s controlling that stuffed animal, Usami.)

You bring up the person behind the scheme when it’s convenient, I get it now. You’re the plot dispenser and repeater when they decide you do. It’s also more padding. "Did the person that’s controlling Usami do it?" 

But why would that person do it when it clearly seems like Usami’s the one interacting with you? Another THH callback?

Larry: (But… who’s doing this?)

…Maybe someone of the students? You’re going by the same arbitrary outsider pattern as Togami did. The perfect person is in front of you, you know, someone who fixes cars, bikes and maybe your coffee maker should be able to create Usami! Larry's built up some braincells for plot this time, can’t wait until they poof like the hot air they are.

Larry: (And why did they bring us to this island in the first place?)

USAMI BROUGHT YOU HERE YOU CHESTNUT

Larry: (And… how did they do it?)

You saw it with your own two eyes. SHSL Amnesiac talent showing.

Larry: (The more I think about it… The less sense it makes.)

He forgot they had a textbook case of abduction or chooses to ignore it. Larry, it makes no sense because what you’re yapping about was already said loud and clear.

Kazuichi: "Oh yeah, that reminds me… You and me haven’t been introduced yet, right?"

So 1) you’re an airhead. In-character and 2) more stating the obvious. Yes, we’ve only gotten accustomed to Mr. Almost-Takoyaki yet.

Kazuichi: "Name’s Kazuichi Soda. I’m the (Ultimate) SHSL Mechanic. Nice to meet ya."

Kazuichi'd think Larry’s lame and choose not to say it.

Another spinny logo. This could’ve been omitted no problem. Another Episode did it better by giving you some extra CGIs and an idea of whom each of the Warriors of Hope are!

Nagito: "As expected from the (Ultimate) SHSL Mechanic, Kazuichi is a savant when it comes to fixing machines."

If it’s expected, you could’ve told me something less expected like, idk, that he likes sniffing car fumes. -5 Nagito.

Nagito: "If he says it’s impossible to fix this plane, it’s truly beyond repair."

What mechanic would is able to repair something without replacement parts? -5 again. I’m putting in mochi bits for extra chew…

Kazuichi: "Even so… to actually remove the engine, whoever’s keeping us here must’ve planned this to a T."

The writers or translators in this game have no sense for word choice. "Show planes" means they’ve been put there for decoration! That’s a different framing than ‘the engines were taken out’! The latter is a red herring. What about this scene would change if no airplanes were there? Exactly, nothing.

Why would you speculate about who’s keeping you? Do you have collective amnesia about Usami?

Larry: "You think so too, huh… Doesn’t that seem pretty strange to you?"

Kazuichi just said it’s strange in different words and we know you worry more about pointless things than Amazon employees about their job.

Kazuichi: "Yeah, it’s pretty strange, but I think it’s an acceptable level of strange, y’know?"

…An airport with show planes? What’d have been unacceptable levels of strange? No planes anywhere? Which’d have made a million times more sense than taking out the engines so we could have this conversation.

Larry: "…Huh?"

CLEAN YOUR EARS LARRY

Kazuichi: "Well, think about it… It’s not like we’re being forced to do something dangerous or anything…"

So you’d count sexual harassment, abduction, gaslighting and violence as not strange. Good to know what the moral scaffolding of this cast is.

Kazuichi: "That was mentioned in the safety precautions for this school trip."

Ah, now I can roast the rules. But with a ‘teacher’ like Usami disappearing constantly, how’d she ensure you follow them? Does Usami just watch the camera tapes all day and night like a disgruntled security guard in a Lupin the 3rd movie?

Kazuichi: "Remember? The school trip guidelines written in the e-Handbook?"

…I know where the guidelines are. Where else would they be? Did they print them on the inside of your jumpsuit? If so, strip.

Who thought that people like being treated like they have the intelligence of a river stone?

*Rulebook opens*

‘Rule 1: Extreme violence is prohibited on this island. Please live peaceful and relaxing lives with your fellow students.’

Notice ‘extreme violence’ not ‘harassment’, ‘bullying’, ‘beating people up’ or average violence. You’re being vague and another lead-in for Monokuma, because I translate extreme violence to murder.

‘Rule 2: Be considerate of each other and work together to obtain Hope Fragments.’

Usami lives in a fantasy world where everyone gets along with everyone. I’d throw my Hope Fragments at Larry and the local predator so they leave me alone.

‘Rule 3: Littering is not allowed. Let us coexist with this island’s bountiful nature in "mutual prosperity".’

This is the most decent rule so far and it sounds like a corp slip about greenwashing. How about you quit the fancy PR speak, Usami?

‘Rule 4: The lead teacher cannot directly interfere with the students. An exception to this rule is made if any student violates a rule.’

Then you are a hall monitor, not a teacher. You can’t even take preventative measures. They never even imply what punishment for breaking the rules means. Usami looks like she’d let you write ‘I shouldn’t break the rules again.’ a hundred times.

Kazuichi: "It looks like we’re being kept safe, so why wouldn’t this be like any other school trip?"

Just now, you were worried why you couldn’t escape and who’s responsible as the grand mastermind. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY.

Nagito: "There’s nothing dangerous on this island… Spend these peaceful and relaxing days nourishing hope…"

You’re quoting Usami without questioning it. There’s dangerous things on this island - the short predator and three people that’d rip or slice you in half if you upset them. Hope is an abstract concept when here it means ‘build tight bonds with your classmates!’. -5 Nagito. I need to track back to check whether you’re ready for the chopping block yet. 

…You’re at 35. Good luck.

Nagito: "Just as Usami said earlier."

No shit, I recognise the dialogue because Usami has the word choices of a faceless corporation, I saw it and analysed it to death just recently. Other players remember it because it was shown off like twenty minutes ago. -5 Nagito.

Nagito: "It seems these rules are in place to help us do that…"

The rulebook just SAID THAT. Nagito, I wished you used your IQ for being a full character instead of fueling it into whatever Shoujo manga you’ve been playing through in your head. -5. You are one dumb sentence away from the pan.

Larry: "Are you saying you believe what that thing told us? She forced us to come here, you know!?"

…If you’d not believed her, you should’ve mentioned it two years ago. Instead, everyone’s pretending that Usami was a hallucination and ignores her as a character. Also why’re you suddenly asking whether Kazuichi believes her? She’d dig a grave for an ant she stepped on, just for the performance, but that’s enough to fool him.

The phrasing is also stupid. "She forced us to come here" is coercion, what happened here is abduction. They just ignore the implications because it’d make everyone look like a wisp in the wind of plot.

Nagito: "Don’t be such a pessimist… You should look at this situation with a bit more hope, you know?"

IT’S TAKOYAKI TIME!

…He got into the pan via a line where he lightens up Larry while parroting hope for plot purposes. PERFECT. -5, -50 total, score of 10 DUMBASSERIES IN A ROW. Nagito, which one of your tentacles do I take first?

Mr. Octopus takoyaki, covered in bonito flakes, Kewpie mayo, repeated plot lobotomy and needless repetition.

I’ll revive you once you say 3 smart things in a row, but I’m not holding my breath. In the meantime, I’m chewing on your narrative corpse.

Nagito: "Optimism is essential for people to live satisfied lives."

No Nagito, optimism makes people think others will get better when they don’t. I call that naivete. You have a reason for saying it because that’s the only thing you have left in your life but you really shouldn’t use it for soothing Larry and rescuing the plot. I'm starting to realise that my written belief system of you might be more coherent than you are in the game.

Kazuichi: "Well, I guess it’s okay if we just enjoy our vacation and see how this whole thing plays out, right?"

…If you think it’d been okay from the beginning, why are you still here? Get some sunscreen, swimming trunks and off to the beach you go, you plot puppet.

Kazuichi: "Heh-heh! If you stare closely at that strange-lookin’ bunny girl, she might start lookin’ pretty cute!"

This is supposed to make him look dumb. It makes him a weird furry for me, and I’ve got a Lucario character who works at a bakery, I consider attractive and has a human wife and a Riolu kid, so I'm qualified to say what's weird. If you were trying to get make me scared of 169 cm of blue fur, knotting potential, superhuman empathy and ability to consent, nice try Spikey.

Larry: (I’m actually jealous of how carefree he’s being right now.)

When aren’t you jealous of people better than you or leeching off them? You’re all fumes, negativity and botting. And if you were a true normie as per the internet you’d have called him a furry as an insult.

*obtained Hope Fragment*

Wow, we’re developing relationships by talking loops around the obvious and keeping the ‘mystery' intact for no reason.

*selects Chuuni man*

Gundam: "Stop right there. If you value your life, do not come any closer."

I’ve been so deprived of personality this is like a custard bun for a starving man.

(Edit: I LOVE his voice. That ‘kisama’, A.K.A bastard is an asshole move that I wouldn’t have expected from this game. They use an ominous soundtrack which bears the brain-rottingly lame name of ‘RE: 100 Mile Junk Food Dash’. Who named this soundtrack?)

Larry: "…Huh?"

I swear his mic is so full of dust he can’t even hear himself.

Gundam: "Hmph, I said stay back! Oh, very well… I shall accept that courage of yours."

…And you fucked it up again. You’re rewarding Larry for standing around stupid and lacking listening comprehension… At least it’s in character?

Larry: (Wh-What’s this guy talking about…?)

He’s telling you to stay away for your own safety. I didn’t know confusion is a permanent status condition.

Gundam: "Kekeke… Would you like to know my name?"

In-character. I can let it slide. He’s the type to stretch out things for credo.

Gundam: "Others may see your courage as recklessness… However… I welcome it."

Gundam, you’re projecting because you’re touch-starved and lonely. He’s there because he lacks comprehension across the board.

Gundam: "In honor of your courage, I shall reveal to you my name. May you never forget it as long as you live!"

He’s giving him protagonist treatment too. Was it mentioned that the others got accustomed with each other too or are they personality islands, Larry’s the boat and Nagito steers around them to prevent sinking from embarrassment?

Gundam: "You may call me… Gundham Tanaka! Remember it well, for it is the name that will one day rule this world!"

What were other people allowed to call him? Overlord of Ice and Fire? Tanaka the Tamer of Worldly Aeons?

Either way, I like you more than Nagito right now. You’re obtuse but at least you retained your personality… which should say everything about this game.

SPINNY LOGO, NO ONE CARES

Why’s he called a Breeder anyway? Are we on Discovery Channel? Because ‘Animal Caretaker’ would’ve been clearer about what he’s doing.

The Japanese version is about as good. ‘SHSL Animal Breeding Committee Member’.

Larry: (R-Rule this world…?)

Of course you’ve never seen a Chuuni before. Are you even a person? That’s like, basic middle school roleplay that an adult remembers well into their thirties. Wait, we answered that question before.

Larry: "He’s kidding, right? If he’s actually serious, that’s pretty out there!"

Of course he’s kidding. Only fictional villains announce they’ll rule the world and follow up on it. In reality, they’ll convince you that their gain is good for you and let you fight each other over petty shit like whether you should be allowed to have a SIM tray. That’d require you to be able to read between the lines, which is a skill that the plot hasn’t unlocked in you right now.

Gundam: "Now then, it is my turn to ask questions. Whose master are you?"

This is the first time someone asked Larry a question outside of talent and Hope’s Peak. Sadly, I know the answer and it’s as boring as everything else about him.

Larry: "Eh…?"

This is the… like, second time you’re confused for a reason.

Gundam: "Which tribe did you make your pact with? Answer me!"

Good, pressure him a little for being slow. I’d shave his head clean if I were present.

Larry: "…Huh? What do you mean, ‘pact’?"

Gundam: "Answer me now! Though I shall cast you into a watery grave once you do!"

He’s edgy about Larry not telling him what pet he has and getting irritated he doesn’t understand. This kind of self-absorbed irrationality I’ll let him get away with… so long it serves him and not Larry.

Larry: "Then it’s best if I don’t answer!"

…You guys call this dude grounded? He gets intimidated by a Chuuni man with hamsters who’s clearly playing his role.

Nagito: "I think he’s asking… if you used to have a pet…"

Even Nagito’s not sure. And he’s playing translator for Larry instead of letting him think.

…I can’t wait for the body pillow.

Larry: "…Pet?"

Should I make a list of every word you repeat like you’ve heard it for the first time?

Larry: "No... The only animal I’ve taken care of was a hermit crab we passed around in elementary school."

I’m pretty sure most kids do something along those lines. Did you assimilate with the crab when taking care of it because you are one now? Either way, its painfully bland because he leaves out anything personal. What did they do with it? How’d he feel about it? Nothing.

Gundham: "So, a mere insect!"

…A crab is an insect? Or is this a metaphor? Either way, yes, it’s disappointing. Roast him more.

Gundham: "Hah! Your Magic Essence caps at a lowly five! Trash!"

YES. EXACTLY.  Larry has about as much magic or potential anywhere as a puddle.

Larry: "T-Trash, really…"

Go cry about it to takoyaki man. He’ll soothe you.

Gundham: "Hmph! Is it wrong to call trash "trash"? Trash like you should not dare to speak to one as grand as me!"

You’re 100% right, you’re better than Larry in every way. If Nagito had come along for an introduction Gundham would’ve gotten backstory about his dog.

Gundham: "Who do you think I am? I am the great and powerful Gundham Tanaka, Supreme Overlord of Ice!"

I know he’s acting as a defense mechanism but he’s got more self-respect than Kazuichi and Nagito combined.

Larry: "H-Hold on a minute! Something strange just came out of your scarf!"

…Of course you’ve never seen hamsters either. What HAVE you seen, Larry?

Gundham: "Taming evil by using myself as a bed… Truly, this is the secret art of the Tanaka Empire!"

Even the hamsters are laughing diabolically in his sprite. I like this.

Nagito: "It’s like something you’d see on a nature show. I guess he totally fits the bill of (Ultimate) SHSL Breeder."

You’re telling me this brooding edgelord would be shown off in a nature show? They’d ban the episode because religious zealots'd be scared that they’d get possessed by the devil or helicopter parents think it’d push their kids off the rails… Seriously Nagito, I’d give you -10 for this dumbass line if you weren’t already in the pan.

Gundham: "One of my Four Dark Devas of Destruction, Mirage Golden Hawk Jum-P, has this to say:"

Even his hamsters have more personality than Larry.

"'We’re not used to going easy on our enemies… so don’t make us angry. You wouldn’t like us when we’re angry.'"

You could guess he’s gone off the deep end or he’s so good at his job he understands them. I don’t care which one it is. A little delusion doesn’t hurt characters, a little Larry does.

Gundham: "Fuhaha…!"

Gundham: "Fuhahahahahahaha!"

THE HAMSTERS ARE LAUGHING WITH HIM.

*obtained Hope Fragment*

I just realised that Gundham should be at Usami Corral, which’d have shown off his personality more and given him some agency. I guess you can only have padding and agency or personality, not both.

Day 5 END. Stopped at 35:00. I never thought Gundham would lift my spirits from the slog this analysis can be at times. Let's see for how long he stays that way... For a recount, this is 35 minutes of misery because most characters cannot decide whether this is a chill day at a resort or the buildup to a Killing game and ruins both… And I forgot to remark on their Japanese dialogue patterns. Gonna watch it with audio next time!

…This is still day 5 but I realised Larry never introduced himself by name. Repeating common words ten times is fine but the side characters are supposed to absorb the protagonist’s name via osmosis? Let's see if they ever mention it. Till' next time!