#lildreams

“My eyes roll into the back of my head as I begin to analyze everything, as one does in my situation. As I made my way to your house, I repeatedly berate myself, ensuring my goal is clear: I am just not in a position to entertain the idea of another romance inevitably ill-fated. One must be sure of their intentions before journeying off on lustful endeavors, as lines are easily blurred in the place known as perfunctory bliss, inhabited by serendipitous mates with a life expectancy of mere hours at most. Alas, even the best of intentions can be in vain when all rationale exits your body in a swift manner, leaving you defenseless against the evildoer within your chest. How remarkable is it simple chemicals cause us to imprint upon another being within moments of encountering their physical form, as if that may be any indication as to whether or not they are of substance or we could ever genuinely recognize the inner workings of their soul. And though all logical parts of myself see this for its daunting reality, free of silly daydreams of some instantaneous devotion to one another that surely must only exist in the depths of imagination, I begin to feel my pulse racing. A lifetime of scribbling out my most intimate moments has caused me to search for the most picturesque ways to describe being left speechless and without thoughts and or feelings to share. In this instance, I am as inarticulate as ever. I fear I may already love you too much.” — April 15, 2021

literally all i wanna do is live in a house with a garden of flowers, watering and caring for them, waking up at 6, wearing cotton and straw hats and breathing fresh air for a while; holistic and calm and away from the nastiness and cruelty of the world

“My insides were all twisted up at the notion of your loved ones detesting my very existence. I could not think of what else to do besides flee and make it known there would be no hard feelings, as I could not fathom you truly wanting me without their approval. Cherries and berries danced across our faces and the entirety of the otherwise dark city block as you stopped me in the street to ask if I loved you. Unbeknownst to you, the thought of how much I have adored every ounce of your being since your lips first met mine had been circling around my silly brain incessantly for weeks, and I was resisting the urge to profess my undying affection in fear of destroying this bewitching connection so newly discovered. And in that moment, the only logical phrase I could utter was a simple yes. How fortunate for me, you have understood my every thought and action from the start, and even more opportune you requited, reassured my affection by telling me you, too, love me. In that instant, my sickness subsided and we melted into one another for what I wish was an eternity. To be frank, I truly believe it could be, as you are the only one who has not sent my trembling heart flying into my throat with complete and utter doubt regarding whether or not my feelings were time or simply fabricated in some desperate attempt to feel longed for and desired. You are the one I have sought after my entire life and I will be damned if I ever let you go as effortlessly as you entered.” — August 12, 2022