#liking gap

To provide some context, the big school trip to Kyoto (a very common trope) happens in the series and a new member of Shikimori’s crew is introduced. Saruogi is a timid young man chosen by Izumi as the latter once helped him out in the past. Although he does get along with Izumi, Shikimori and friends, there’s still an amount of distance between them. In Volume 10, the readers know why.

When Izumi loses a scarf that Shikimori gave him, Saruogi offers to help find it, but Izumi insists on not finding it to ensure everyone has a good time. Saruogi struggles to agree with Izumi’s actions and the above picture provides some insight into his thinking. Saruogi wanted to make friends, but everyone else seemed to dislike him because of his lack of personality. Saruogi would always stay close up to a certain point where he wouldn’t get hurt or hurt anyone’s feelings.

Yet when he remembers Izumi reaching out to him, Saruogi decides to take a stand and ends up telling his new friends about the missing scarf. Everyone rushes to help. Saruogi cries though as he feels that Izumi would hate him because he broke his promise in having the perfect travel trip. But Shikimori being the cool character that she is says.

“But...I deserve for him to think that way about me.” While there is a happy ending to all of this, I can’t help but think about those words. Maybe I’ve said some kind of variation of those lines and I’m sure many other people have (especially those with depression and anxiety).

There’s many studies that say that people greatly underestimate how much people like them or want constructive feedback in any shape or form. The liking gap is super real. It’s very hard to overcome this. But I like what Saruogi does because he doesn’t want Izumi to be alone in solving the problem. I remember the book The Courage to be Disliked, which gave some pointers on how to overcome being disliked because a lot of us can’t accept that we’re not going to be liked by everyone.

- Deny trauma (well, not totally deny it, but let it become your entire identity) - All life’s problems are interpersonal (this means that failing isn’t the problem, it’s being seen failing is the problem. Hence interpersonal). - Live in the here and now. (Self-explanatory)

Saruogi rejects Izumi’s wishes, his interpersonal past, and decides to do what’s best in his eyes which ultimately makes everyone happy. Saying “no” to certain things that seem harmful to someone you care about shouldn’t be a sin. I sometimes find it ironic when people say they want a friend who’s honest and blunt when they might mean they want someone like that as long as they call other people out and not them. And I noticed that in this bit, Izumi and Saruogi are somewhat similar in that they were willing to let their own happiness suffer instead of others. Izumi in a way was worried about being disliked if the travel plans didn’t work out all because he lost his scarf. Thankfully, Shikimori tells him off.