#likely not

Polaris was so, so young when he was handed the Goddess's vessel. He had always been the golden child of the Temple, the one who only ever saw and experienced the best the Radiance and her followers. Serith might have been the more rule-abiding of the two (having been taught by his own past the cost of disobedience), yet Polaris was the one to truly believe in it.

And then, he was given this tiny, smiling caterpillar and told not to treat it as a child. Even worse, every time Polaris tried to speak up on how horrible it was, he was told that he was wrong, punished or threatened.

Of course, all of it had much worse consequences on baby Noon, since this was a matter of his life and he was too young to have any ways of coping with it. But Polaris was basically put in an impossible position people who had lovingly raised and guided him, and by his own Goddess. I wonder how many times he had tried to mention something to the Radiance directly, just to be brushed off? Even his very best friend (and sometimes lover) wouldn't take his side.

It should have felt so gratifying to be proven right, but in the end that only meant that baby Noon had suffered all those years for no reason. And while Polaris is right, he had and made a choice, there were no good options there either. It would have felt very wrong to pretend nothing horrible had happened and agree to serve the Radiance, almost like taking a bribe to sweep the whole mess under the carpet. But Polaris could have bitten back his outrage and pride, and stayed, hoping that as Seer he'd be able to influence the Goddess to a better path. Hoping that even as Seer he'd have time to make sure Noon would be alright. Only, there is something to be said about people who stay in bad relationships to try and fix their partner. And about parents who stay married because they don't want to put their children through the divorce. It could have worked out better. It could have worked out much worse.

It also can't be discarded that Polaris leaving did affect the Radiance and helped her chose to admit she was wrong when the sealing was broken. A small consolation for Noon, but still.

Nevertheless, there were other people involved in the matter and they all had choices to make too. Tersa, the previous Seer could have actually listened to Polaris. Serith... Well, Serith had the opportunity to pull the funniest thing even and also refuse to become Seer unless Polaris got an apology or really anything else. It would have looked so incredibly bad for the Goddess to sent away her current Seer in shame, have her successor refuse to take up the role, and have the back-up successor also refuse. Like, just imagine. Alas, poor Serith was not managing well enough at that point to recognize the moment.

Happy International Dawn Chorus Day! Niche I know, but I used to work for an arts and wildlife organisation and had to get up at 4am once to record the sunrise and the dawn chorus. After getting over the shock of being up and outside so early, it was actually a really lovely thing to celebrate. I've been sleeping terribly recently, so I was awake at 4:30 this morning anyway. Got up and sat in my parents' garden for 10 mins listening to the birds and it felt special, if a little less glorious since the clouds hid the sunrise. Here's a recording of today's dawn chorus in Norfolk, UK:

Forever WIP: Me I had a (very) minor surgery earlier this week to have a small but painful lump taken off my bicep. I've never experienced such a procedure before and it was very interesting being awake in an operating theatre (I had a local anaesthetic) getting to talk to the surgeons while they worked. (I was proud of myself for being so chill, tbh.) Since then I have been resting my achy body and my sluggish brain, forbidden from doing any heavy lifting or exercise, while trying not to stress about all the work I need to get done before running my stall at London Comic Con later this month. I showered yesterday with my arm wrapped in a plastic bag and it felt like a big achievement. (This is like a bizarre practice run for one day having top surgery!)

Some (sort of) sentences Snow On Ice Chapter 3 is taking me foreverrrr, since I'm not used to writing so many characters and it's been a lot for my adhd brain to handle. So to keep my writing from feeling stale, I've been writing some daft text chats between the characters. I'm thinking of posting them as supplements in between the main chapters, to help flesh out some of the relationships the main fic isn't focusing on as much. What do you think? Here's a chat between Simon and Agatha that will take place a little after chapter 3:

Simon: (photo of Tamagotchi the chinchilla) Simon: This is my friend Melody’s chinchilla. I think you’d like her. Simon: The chinchilla, I mean, not Melody. Simon: Though you’d probably like Mel too.  Ags: Holy shit Simon Simon: What? Ags: Who IS that? Simon: …Tamagotchi the chinchilla. I told you..? Ags: No, Simon, who is HOLDING the chinchilla!? Ags: Is that Niamh Brody??? Simon: Oh! Haha Simon: Yeah, that’s Niamh :)  Ags: How the hell do you have a photo of Niamh Brody holding your friend’s hamster!?! Simon: Chinchilla Ags: SIMON!!!

Seeing some of your posts recently, I've wanted to say more on reblogs and offer support in comments, but my brain hasn't been doing words great this week, so please take some positive vibes and fond, no pressure tags instead (: