"that's a sparkle too gay," says the very very very 'heterosexual heteronormative' man
"edward," answers the same man when asked the age old 'edward or jacob' question after mentioning that he's seen all the twilight movies
~~~~~~~~
him: "if I went to a strip club and saw you dancing, I'd go out to my car and get the change from my center console to throw to you"
me, in tears wheezing laughing because what the fuck do you mean you're gonna make it hail: "but you WOULD be paying me, no? you're getting the private dance"
him, red in the face, giggling: "I'm getting the private dance"
~~~~~~~~
him, talking to a girl we work with (that hates him for context): still talking to that guy?
her: nope
him: have a man at all?
her: nope
him: yeah I don't have a man either
her and I, staring into each other's souls so hard we achieve telepathy instantly:
~~~~~~~
LIKE COME ON MAN IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS
