Honesty (Pt. 1)
A/N 1: This is a prequel to “Closet”, my original JiU story.
It had been a rough day.
Your lungs burned with exertion, your eyes seared with anger, your head throbbed in pain. There was nothing that could quell that fire that burned in your gut, roared wildly, uncontrolled, eating up the timbers of your soul eagerly as you slowly backed away from the crowd before rushing out the door.
Bora, feebly, tried to stop you, grabbing your arm and holding fast for a moment, staring up into your crazed eyes with concern
“Wait, you’re ble-”
You shrugged her off, hardly even sparing her a glance.
It had been a rough day.
Your footsteps were steady, well-paced, filled with the same desperate rhythm that pumped within your heart, your hands slick with blood and sweat. Was it yours? His?
It didn’t matter.
Your shoes crunched over the soft, damp grass, white petals falling from the tree in the center of the garden when you paused, hesitating.
There, underneath the gentle breeze, in a pile of ruffled yellow fabric, was―
.....................................
―Kim Minji.
The first time you met her, beneath the lukewarm lights of the bar, she was dazzling. A casual white button-up, slim jeans, large glasses that seemed to balance perfectly on her face, all of it was exquisite.
It was Bora’s fault, really.
Life had been calm. Boring, even. You lived alone, quietly, without fanfare. The occasional girlfriend floated through your life, drifted by, but it never felt like anything.
Nothing felt like anything.
But if there was anyone who could cure you of your misery in monotony, it was Bora. Relentless was probably an understatement for how hard she tried to set you up with someone, especially given her busy schedule with her own job and long-term boyfriend.
At this point, she might’ve run through the whole female population of a small country.
You were more than ready to give up.
Bora was not.
“I promise, you’ll like this one,” she’d said, smiling coyly. “If you don’t, you’re heartless.”
So here you were, waiting patiently, sipping out of a delicious rosemary blueberry smash as you scanned the room, keeping to yourself while trying not to pay attention to Bora quietly make out with her boyfriend in the corner.
The third wheel.
Again.
Maybe it was time to go.
Then the moment came, striking you as suddenly and strongly as lightning, yet with only the force of a tap on the shoulder.
“Hey, stranger.”
Her voice was soft-spoken, gentle, alluring, as sweet as fresh honey, every word dripping from her lips. Even the way she slid into the seat next to yours, smooth and easy, glowed with an aura of chicness entirely contrasted with the cute half-smile on her face.
Bora was right. She was beautiful.
“I’m Minji.”
It was in that moment you could already feel yourself falling, falling, falling…
There was no turning back.
.....................................
It only took 12 minutes for her to lose her patience.
Her hands were searching, yearning, borderline desperate as she shoved you through the door unceremoniously, kicking it shut behind you and locking it before reconnecting her body with yours, your lips meeting with a savage hunger that you had no idea you even had within you.
Her weight bore both of you backwards, stumbling clumsily until your back slammed into the wall with a soft thud, a giggle escaping her lips while you practically melted under her touch, her soft, soft lips sucking delicately on the sensitive skin of your neck.
“W-Wait,” you stammered out, struggling to think straight under her assault. “S-Shouldn’t we get to know each other...ah...a little better before...?”
Your words trailed off, your eyes widening as her hand slipped under your pants, instantly capturing your hard length beneath with her gentle touch, the soft skin of her forearm rubbing against it ever so barely.
“Hmm, well…”
She pretended to muse, to mull over your question while her hand began to pump your shaft, slowly.
“...I’m very impatient,” she whispered, boring her eyes into yours while you exhaled shakily, barely holding back groans. Your whole body shuddered under her touch, her angelic, devilish touch. “What about you?”
You managed a smile even while pinned up against the wall, squirming weakly against her. “I...I’m sensitive.”
She giggled at that, her free hand coming up to her face, suddenly shifting back to innocence even while she teased your cock with long, slender fingers.
“I can see that,” she replied, smiling sweetly at you. “I can feel it too. You’re so hard right now.”
Her fingers searched further, prodding and fondling your balls, feeling the weight of each of them. “I’m gonna enjoy choking on this cock.”
She licked her lips then, eyeing you carefully.
“No feelings?”
The only condition.
A steep price, but you were desperate.
A pause.
Then you nodded, sealing your fate.
“No feelings.”
.....................................
It was hopeless.
You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of thought, of memory, sweet, sweet memory, but it didn’t work.
No, Minji just wouldn’t get out of your head.
Not her face, filled with all her annoyingly innocent mannerisms and charms. Not her scent, sweet as lilacs and hyacinths, practically melded into the shirt you’d worn that day. Not her voice, exceedingly direct and grating, yet still melodic and smooth. Not her touch, firm yet gentle, the memory of her slender fingers wrapped tightly around your pulsating length, stroking up and down so slowly you thought you might have died in that moment when she—
“Fuck!” you cursed, raising a palm and slamming it down on the surface of the desk next to you, glaring into your laptop screen at your article.
The words seemed to pop out, the dark letters flashing across the screen, taunting you with the work you knew you needed to put into them, editing, revising, rereading it over and over again.
Focus.
Then your phone dinged, a notification popping up cheerfully.
A text.
Free tonight?
For a moment you hesitated, looking back at your work.
Then you shook your head.
“Fuck it,” you muttered as you typed back a response.
You could almost hear Bora’s voice in your head as you pocketed your phone, getting up to go change into more presentable attire.
Whipped.
.....................................
Her home was quaint, orderly, clean. Part of that surprised you, but you weren’t quite sure why. Minji just had never struck you as the absentminded cleaning type.
Well, with the way she had you tied up on her bed, panting desperately while her tongue did wonders on your cock, you certainly assumed she was an active partner, not some cut-and-dry domestic housewife.
Your hands struggled against their restraints, the jet black ribbons holding fast against your efforts to your frustration.
Her lips curved into a smile, a look of bemusement as you whined, melting into nothing at her touch.
“So needy,” she whispered, taking yet another slow lick, swirling the tip of your cock in her mouth. “Does this feel good?”
Weakly, you gulped, nodding.
“Good,” she said, her lips wrapping tightly around the head of your cock, sucking gently while her tongue continued to flick up and down. “Mommy’s having fun watching you squirm.”
She leaned forwards, climbing over the sheets until her face was a mere inches from yours, her hand coming to a rest on your cheek, caressing your face like you were a baby, gently pulling out the gag from your mouth so she could plunder it herself.
Her lips were relentless, yet undeniably soft, perfect. It made your head spin with how dizzyingly delicious she was.
She moaned into your mouth softly, her tongue gently sliding over yours as she pressed you down into the pillows, her weight bearing down on you as she continued to kiss you without restraint, pulling back with a starved reluctance before she was back at it again, her lips sucking and nipping at your skin, tracing down to your neck like hot coals.
It was then, in that instance, when she quickly shifted her weight back, a hand quickly aiming your cock at her dripping pussy before she sank down onto you, wrapping you in her numbingly tight warmth, a surprised groan slipping out of your lips.
“Oh my—fuck,” you panted out as she smirked down at you, triumphantly pleased at your speechlessness, just as she began to ride you, grinding her hips down steadily on your cock, impaling herself to the hilt.
“Does Mommy feel good?” she asked, her voice just a hair above a whisper, her hands clawing firmly into your chest as she watched your breath disappear, your eyes fluttering open and shut, open and shut, the pleasure hitting you without remorse or hesitance.
“O-Oh, fuck, yes, Mommy’s so fucking tight,” you moaned out, and she only responded to that by riding you harder, every clap of the hips ringing out deliciously as her toned ass slammed down into you.
“Such a good little toy,” she smirked, even though she herself was panting and gasping, her own breaths markedly more labored by the feeling of your cock inside of her, stretching her out, striking her nerves in a way that made her fingers curl and dig into your skin.
The pain was a welcome sensation, a definitively pleasurable feeling in the moment as she rode you, creamy, thick thighs rippling, her modest tits hypnotizing you, every inch of her body positively glowing on top of you.
“Do you want Mommy to cum...all over you...all over this nice...big cock?
Her voice was back against your ear, hushed, interrupted with every hitched breath she took, interrupted with every half-thrust of your hips against her momentum, combining your forces to deliver her to her climax as quickly as possible.
“Shouldn’t I...fuck...be the one asking you that?” you groaned, panting, moaning, doing anything you could to try and express yourself. “Oh...oh my god, Mommy, I…”
Your response seemed to please her, though you weren’t particularly surprised, given how much she loved to hear you beneath her, writhing like a man possessed, crying out like your soul was being sucked out of your body from her tightness, from her wet, warm cunt, squeezing and milking your shaft desperately.
You watched as her hips rose, up and down, up and down, up and down, watching as her warmth travelled along your length, feeling every inch of your throbbing cock slip in and out of her, until your eyes travelled upwards to her toned abdomen, sweat misted upon it, flexing and glowing almost mythically as she continued to ride you.
You would have continued your visual journey upwards, desperately trying to memorize every curve and contour of her body, every detail in how she reacted, how her muscles shifted beneath the surface of her toned body, how her breathing would hesitate and restart with every moan that exited her lips, had she not kissed you then, her lips, soft and plump, pressing themselves against yours, the friction of their pillow-like softness melting your mind further.
Even in the throes of an impending orgasm, while moaning into each others’ mouths, you could still feel some of it bleed away into the background as you savored the delicious tension in your kisses, the ferocious intensity of the situation increasing until her nails finally dug in as far as they would go, drawing blood as her eyes rolled up into her head, her hips rutting furiously on you as she made a mess over your cock, drenching your shaft with her cum while she let out a shrill moan into your mouth and down your throat, her tongue freezing in its place, the rest of her body quickly following suit. Her muscles froze, her soft thighs squeezed tightly about your legs, her arms trembled around you before collapsing entirely, dropping her entire front down onto your chest with a short cry as she quivered, letting out tiny, soft whimpers, her fingers still sporadically curling around nothing, grasping for something, anything to anchor herself.
She panted against you for a few moments, a few, long, tired moments, her body rising and falling gently, her heart beating so close to yours, that you thought she was asleep.
But you were proven wrong, for she quickly stirred, rising up off of you with a giggle, your cock slipping out of her body as she rose, sliding back down to face your pulsing member with an exhilarated grin, yet no less devilish than it had been when she was riding you.
“Do you want to cum, baby?” she asked, softly caressing your cock, her fingers skimming over your balls and shaft. “I bet you’ve got a nice, thick load saved up for me.”
You nodded vigorously, your sensitivity shooting through the roof again as she stroked you at a snail’s pace.
“Hm...do you want Mommy to make you explode all over her fingers?”
“Please—“
“Or do you want Mommy to kiss it better?”
She paused to think, pretending to mull it over in her head.
“I guess I’d do a little more than just kiss, but you get the point.”
She waited for a response, anything coherent past the whiny moans coming from your mouth, without success, your breaths coming in short bursts, gasps for release, however it might come.
Luckily, Minji seemed to understand that you’d never even be able to manage a word with how strung up you were, smirking with pride before she stopped entirely, letting your body relax from its pleasure-laden cage, your breathing evening out slightly while she stood up, walking over around the bed to her nightstand where she pulled open a drawer.
“Wha...what are you doing?” you panted, your head spinning, vision almost achingly blurry.
“Making your decision for you,” she replied as she resurfaced with a jar of something in her hand, closing the drawer before climbing back up next to your spread eagle body, her slender fingers unscrewing the top. The simple motion was accompanied with another sensation, a scent, faint, but grower stronger by every second the jar was left open.
Was that...coconut?
Suddenly, you felt her hands wrap back around your cock, covered in a thick yet still slippery film, a lube of sorts that embellished her feathery soft touch about your shaft.
With trembling strength, a last gasp of effort, you managed to open your eyes and look down towards Minji, where she winked at you, hands wringing up and down, smiling innocently as though she might’ve been doing something as natural as laundry.
“It’s coconut oil,” she said calmly, soothingly, as though to assuage fears that didn’t exist. “Do you like it?”
Your momentary coherence faded away to the pleasure, your vision growing slightly blurry, your eyes watering, and your head fell back again, your back arching up slightly when her grip tightened ever so barely. It was an all-encompassing sort of feeling, a steadily building wall of pressure in your muscles, in your whole body, threatening to give way at any moment to a storm of release.
Vaguely, you heard Minji giggle in the background, presumably at your helplessness, at her complete and utter control over you, at the loud, unhindered moan that escaped your throat.
“You’re loud,” she smirked, nothing but an afterthought to your senses while she continued to stroke your throbbing length, her hands spiraling around your cock gracefully and with poise, accompanied with such a jolt of pleasure that you were sure it must have somehow been calculated. “Mommy loves that.”
She leaned far forwards, her eyes roaming over your body hungrily while her hands slowed ever so barely, her lips hovering right over your ear.
“Maybe Mommy won’t even gag you next time. Would you like that?”
Your only warning to her onslaught was the gentle tightening of her soft fingers. There was not a word or a sound before her hands suddenly sped up, pumping up and down with the coconut oil viciously, one hand temporarily leaving to scoop some more to lather liberally along your cock.
Your eyes squeezed shut tighter, if it were possible, your teeth biting down gently on your lip as she worked you to completion, your cock reaching unbearable limits of pleasure while she maintained her posture over you, gently blowing hot air into your ear, softly chuckling to herself as your cries grew more strained, your voice less pronounced and more cracked. You didn’t even know what you were saying anymore; you couldn’t even recognize your own voice anymore; the soft, tight vacuum about your cock was the only thing you could pay attention to.
You were holding on despite impossible odds, your head spinning, your body trembling when she finally pushed you over the edge.
“Mommy wants you to cum.”
Her voice was as soft as whisper in your ear, so soft that you practically couldn’t even hear it over the deafening beat of your heart. Yet, hear it you did, and with a silent groan you came, your cock pulsing as you covered her hands in your cum, spurting out all over her perfect fingers as she began to slow, carefully wringing out every last drop from your cock while you panted like a marathon runner, chest rising and falling heavily from your climax.
The pleasure racked your body, your fingers trembling as you unclenched fists, and Minji merely laughed softly as she leaned away from you, regarding the copious amounts of cum staining the sheets and coating her hands.
She observed the mess about the bed for a moment, sighing in contentment at an hour well spent, before she leaned back up to you, giving you a soft peck on the lips.
You breathed out a sigh of exhaustion as she curled up next to you, ignoring the mess over your cock and stomach, the fluids dripping onto the sheets around your abs.
“Can you...can you untie me?”
.....................................
Rhythm would’ve been the best way to describe it.
It started innocently enough, with either of you texting the other when you wanted to fuck, however innocent that could be.
Sometimes it was your place, sometimes it was hers.
It was always rough. Angry, even, her nails biting into your shoulder blades as if she hated you but needed you at the same time, her warm, velvety walls sucking you in like the world was collapsing around you. You didn’t ask questions. After all, it was just sex.
It was just the best, most incredible, tiring sex you would probably ever have; a true catharsis of stress relief.
But there was always the one rule.
No feelings.
You’d been following it closely, holding yourself true to your word each time.
But if you had to name a day when it all came crashing down, a day when your wall of self-deception finally came tumbling down, it would have been today, all with a simple, typical message.
Come over.
And, like any typical message, you had quickly driven over, entering her apartment building, walking up 16 flights of stairs to her humble abode before opening the door, fully expecting her to grab you by the collar and throw you back against the door, choking you gently while she crushed her lips against yours.
But she didn’t.
No, instead, you found yourself sitting down next to her on the couch, a bright smile on her face as both of you faced a television screen hooked up to her laptop, watching some mid-tier horror flick.
Not at all how a hookup usually went.
In the moment, you found yourself stealing glances out of the corner of your eye, watching her expression shift from concentrated attention, to surprise, shock, then swiftly into one of momentary fright as a weak jumpscare leaped onto the screen.
Your laughter came out softly, your face lowering into your hands as you giggled, lost your senses entirely at the circumstances of your situation.
“Hey! Don’t laugh at me,” she protested, tugging at your arm while you struggled to breath through hysterics.
When you looked up, she was pouting, a look of weak annoyance on her face.
“I’m never watching a horror movie with you again.”
“Oh, really?”
You shrugged, smirking before leaning in, kissing her hard while the credits rolled, hard enough to make both of you forget the movie, your jobs, everything else entirely.
A shame you forgot about the rule too.
.....................................
You were digging your own grave.
You knew it, yet every time when the going got rough, you found yourself in the same place, your phone in hand, your finger over the “send” button. A personal metaphoric shovel.
Any resistance you could come up with easily crumbled, and Minji showed up quickly, briskly, opening your door with a deceptive politeness that gave way to hurried hunger. Her rush was one borne of habit, borne of an assumption that you wanted to defend, to pretend to resist before giving in and letting her do whatever the hell she wanted to do to you in the moment.
But today, there just wasn’t that spark.
Her lips slowed on yours, even though you tried to reciprocate the best you could, and slowly, she pulled away, her eyes roaming over your face, your eyes averting quickly, looking up, down, left, right, anywhere but into her piercing gaze.
“Hey,” she breathed out, a hand shifting to gently caress your cheek, making you flinch involuntarily. Typically, such a gesture was accompanied with a hard slap, a simple rhythm that she enjoyed in the midst of your wildest excursions.
“Hi,” you mumbled back, awkwardly shifting beneath her as her weight slowly let up from jamming you against the wall.
“Are you...okay?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, her thumb brushing over your skin softly, tickling you as you lowered your head, half-ashamed of yourself.
“Y-Yeah,” you stammered, your ears flushing warmly. “I-I’m sorry, I—”
“You’re good,” she chuckled, backing off even more, her arms falling from around your shoulders, her body retreating to give you more space. “You don’t need to apologize.”
She hesitated then, contemplating your slightly hunched over figure, her eyes tracing over your vulnerable state before she gestured to your couch.
“Do you maybe...want to watch a movie or something?”
.....................................
The question occurred to you on one of your days off, while you laid next to her in a pile of fabric, sheets, the spaces between sweaty and humid.
“Hey, Minji?”
She stirred gently, an arm draped over your side as she cracked an eye open to look at you. A soft smile. “Hm?”
She was tired, to be sure, her voice quiet and her body entirely molded against yours, but nevertheless, she propped her head up against an arm, doing her best to listen to you.
“Not that I don’t like this...this...arrangement, but…”
“But?”
“...don’t you want someone?”
She laughed. “Why would I? I’ve got you.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Minji—”
“I do know you’ve got a nice cock,” she murmured, her hand running beneath the blanket to find your stiffening shaft, stroking it to hardness again. “And I know I want your cum in my mouth. Right now.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle as she slunk beneath the sheets again, tongue gently flicking around your shaft teasingly. “Again?”
She didn’t even bother to answer.
.....................................
The second time you asked, she was in a slightly better state of mind.
“Hey, Minji?
She turned to look at you, the sun slowly beginning to rise through the window as she got dressed, putting on a fresh, cream-colored bra, slipping on a loose button-up shirt as she prepared to go to work.
“Hm?”
“You never really answered my question earlier.”
She cocked her head, looking cutely confused. “Remind me again?”
“About our rule. Why?”
When she gave you a curious, coy look, you suddenly felt flush, face reddening, waving a hand in the air to dismiss her implication. “No, no, I was just curious! If you don’t want to answer, it’s—”
“Feelings are messy,” she chuckled softly, shaking her long, thick locks of hair, letting it fall behind her as she tied it up into a tight bun. “Feelings are fickle. They change at a moment’s notice, alter, materialize, vanish entirely without warning.”
She sighed, wistfully contemplating something before she continued.
“I like consistency,” she laughed as she sat down on the edge of the bed, eyes flicking over your face. “The pressure of romance, relationships, love. It’s just all so unnecessary.”
You nodded, a gesture of understanding.
“Well, I’ve got to get to work,” she said, quickly standing up, walking towards the door. “I’ll see you later.”
A grin.
“Is that a promise?”
She winked, a tongue-twisting, disarming move.
“You’re going to regret you ever met me.”
....................................
Sure enough, she was right.
It might have been a month or so later when you were gasping for breath, the cold air of the night swirling around in your lungs as Minji smirked up at you.
“Minji—“
“Ah, ah, ah, shhhhh,” she mumbled out to you, messily putting a finger to your lips before her arms wrapped back around you, her feet stumbling forwards clumsily.
And yes, Minji was most certainly drunk.
“Fuck me,” you muttered under your breath, struggling to carry her weight up the sloped sidewalk.
She giggled, giving you a quick peck on the cheek.
“Hmm, maybe later,” she slurred out to you, one hand reaching down to your crotch, giving it a squeeze while you gritted your teeth in annoyance. “I didn’t know you were an exhibitionist.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“You look really good right now.”
Yet another one straight out of left field.
You blanched, sighing with a shake of the head.
“No, I’m serious,” she insisted, as emphatically as she could while her speech was impaired. “You’re fucking hot.”
The tips of your ears were slowly heating up at her words, but more so at the fact she was speaking very loudly.
“I really like your hands,” she continued, eyes half-closed with a drunken smile. “Your tongue is a little lackluster, but your fingers are—“
She mimicked a chef’s kiss, and you had to laugh.
“Come on,” you coaxed, and reluctantly, she took your hand, giggling drunkenly all the while as you led her home.
She was silent for a long while after, quietly shuffling beside you beneath the soft, dim streetlights, their radiance guiding you down familiar streets to her apartment.
“What do you like most about me?” she suddenly piped up, asking you as you struggled to get her to clamber up the long, grueling stairs.
“Minji, you’re drunk, I’m tired, let’s just—“
“I don’t care!” she interrupted petulantly, shaking her head. “What do you like most about me?”
You sighed, stopping temporarily in your attempts to carry her.
“I think you’re funny, and you’re easy to talk to. Happy?”
“No. What else?”
“Minji—“
But she wouldn’t budge, holding fast against you.
“Seriously?”
“Spit it out.”
You rolled your eyes, thinking quietly while she stood on the steps, watching your thoughts flit across your face.
“I...think you’re kind and considerate of others before yourself. You’re selfless, and brave, and you forget that you don’t need to keep up a smile all the time.”
Minji suddenly seemed significantly more sober then, her eyes bright and conscious of your words.
“You’re a good person, with a big heart, and I’m glad that I got to know you.”
She seemed touched, as if she genuinely registered your words, before she lurched forwards as if to vomit.
“Oh my—alright, alright, come on.”
Steadily, you began shepherding her back into her apartment, quickly tugging her up the stairs and rushing her to the bathroom where she immediately began throwing up into the toilet, your hands quickly pulling back her long hair from getting in the way.
Gently, you patted her back, soothing her the best you could while she hurled the contents of her stomach up, the stench of bile and alcohol rising in the air.
Once she had stopped vomiting, downgrading to weak coughs, you handed her a glass of water, helped her brush her teeth (god knows the level of bad breath she would’ve had if you didn’t), and tucked her into her bed, Egyptian thread count sheets and all.
Her eyes were closed, her breathing steady when you pulled the sheets up to her chin, making sure she was well wrapped before standing up and turning off the lamp.
“H-Hey...”
Minji’s voice suddenly croaked out softly in the darkness, the room illuminated solely by the moonlight streaming in from the window.
She was quiet again for a moment, so you prodded her.
“Yes?”
Still nothing.
You shook your head, reminding yourself that she was drunk, and began to walk away from the bedside when she spoke up again.
“...are you leaving?”
You smiled softly, trying to mentally save the adorable voice of a drunk Minji.
“Yeah, I’ve got work tomorrow.”
You waited for a response, unable to see anything but her back, observing her lithe frame covered in blankets.
You hesitated there for a moment, simply taking in the view, Minji’s head turned on its side against the pillow, arm beneath it for support, her raven-black hair splayed out all around her.
With effort, you tore yourself away from the room, closing the door softly.
Closing it just in time to miss her last words before sleep claimed her.
“Can you stay?”
.....................................
The day after was filled with apologies, fervent forgiveness, and passionate kisses, you would find, as Minji struggled to make up for her wasted self the night before.
“Minji—mmph—really, it’s fine!”
But her lips kept coming, kept sucking, biting, her teeth gently marking your neck and collarbone like an endlessly pleasurable apology, every touch completely making up for any of the hardships you had faced last night.
She had expected it to be angry and frustrated, for you to be angry and frustrated that she had wasted your evening.
And to be fair, a part of you had been. At first, you’d been pissed off.
But how could you stay upset, how could you even pretend to hate her when she bit her lip the way she did? When she kissed you so warmly, so welcomingly, with such fervor? When her voice cried out with an almost musical lilt even as her senses were set ablaze?
No, you could never, you decided.
“I want to see your face.”
She had been hesitant, almost afraid to watch you as you railed into her, fucking her with slow, deep, measured strokes, afraid of the ramifications, the consequences of such an action.
Don’t think, just do.
Her eyes sparkled brilliantly then, your gazes locked on each other as you sought to bring her to another climax, and it was only until the very end, when both of you were spent and exhausted, giggling foolishly, that felt the pangs of fear.
.....................................
“Did you mean what you said to me last night?”
The words came unexpectedly, as you were cooking, tofu and beef sizzling loudly as she leaned against the counter next to you, watching you intently.
“What?”
“You know,” she hinted, leaning in closer, her loose button-up shirt dangling dangerously close to the edge of the pan, oil spattering out. “About me being kind and considerate and everything.”
You turned to look at her, taking in her adorable features, the way her head was turned away from you, her eyes glued to the wall, her whole body tensed up as though an electric current was paralyzing her.
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
And though you couldn’t quite see it as she walked away to the table, moving quickly to set the utensils out, you knew she was smiling.
....................................
But as all good things were, you knew it was too good to be true. The best of both worlds, you’d thought, was perfect. No risk, high reward.
But it was only inevitable that the gravity of those worlds would come crashing into each other, shattering all pretense and illusion of permanence.
“Hey, remember the guy I was telling you about?”
Your ears perked up from where you were on the couch.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
She smiled sheepishly, just as she always did, but this time you could tell that she was happy.
“He...asked me out the other day.”
It was...odd, decidedly so. Your whole body seemed to freeze, every muscle, tendon, ligament pausing as if time itself had stopped. Your breath caught in your throat sharply, and even your heart seemed to skip a beat, lurching out of time and losing its beat.
Then it was over, and your lips, painfully, with what seemed like forever, pulled upwards, a bright smile breaking out while she watched for your reaction.
“That’s great!” you exclaimed, sitting up straight, eyes locked onto hers. “I’m happy for you.”
She sat down next to you, rubbing her arm almost nervously, smiling as if unsure of herself.
“Really?”
“Of course!” you scoffed, patting her on the back as though you were confident. “We’re friends, Minji. That’s what friends are for.”
She hesitated for a moment, before putting her hand over yours, suddenly looking much more comfortable. “Thanks.”
You ignored the twisting of your gut, your whole body trembling as you gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Anytime.”
.....................................
It was with moderate shock to you when you opened your apartment door a few weeks later, immediately running into the soft, warm figure of Minji, sending groceries tumbling to the ground, while Minji let out a quiet cry of surprise at the unexpected assault.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” she quickly apologized, helping you up before gathering some of the things that had spilled out of your hands. “Are you okay?”
Her eyes flicked across your kitchen as she helped you bring the aforementioned groceries to the counter, tomatoes, onions, bags of peppers landing softly on the marble surface before you managed to give her a response.
“I’m fine,” was your terse reply, calm and collected, yet devoid of the familiar warmth that usually filled your heart when you talked to her. “What are you doing here?”
Your voice sounded the same as it had before, yet, even to you, you could feel the jagged edges of each word, regret lacing through your dialogue like sugar and milk in coffee.
“It’s just been a while and I...I wanted to visit you,” she stammered, somewhat surprised and aware of the subconscious hostility in your tone. “How have you been?”
You smiled, running a hand through your hair, stifling a yawn.
“I’ve been okay,” you replied. “Tired is all.”
Minji nodded. “Oh, Bora mentioned how you’ve been working a lot more these days.”
“Well...the articles aren’t going to write themselves.”
She smiled, a warm, kind, friendly smile. Just the sight of it made your body melt, made your palms sweat, your heart race. Honestly, it made your head throb, a borderline unbearable amount of sweetness shining at you. Why did she insist on being so perfect?
“Just make sure to take care of yourself, okay?”
Fuck, I can feel a migraine coming.
Was it really your fault? How could you have seen this coming? How could you have predicted or prepared for the surprising normalcy that was Minji? It was odd how you’d been swept through so many storms, you’d forgotten how good a gentle spring breeze could’ve been.
You both hated and loved Minji for that, for daring to show you something better, brighter on the other side of long, grueling days of work and study.
“Do you maybe...want to watch a movie or something?”
Every fiber of your body, every inch, every atom and subatomic particle screamed for you to agree, for you to sit down on the couch, heat up a jumbo bag of popcorn, and relax. How hard could it be? It was Minji. She was always great company, no matter what you were doing. More so, she was your…
...friend. Right.
“Actually...I’m kind of busy tonight…”
..................................
It pained you to no end.
The feeling of loss, that same feeling of emptiness that plagued you before you had met Minji.
It was all you knew again.
Time seemed to lose meaning, the hours home alone blending together into one mess, a blob of memories, a disgusting chimera of emotions that ran through you at all times.
Even you could hardly stand yourself.
Quietly, you did your best not to pay attention to Minji off in the corner of the bar you had met, whispering sweet nothings to her boyfriend, holding his hand, giving him quick, light pecks as the night passed on.
Quietly, you slipped into a vacant stall, calmly sipping on your rosemary blueberry smash, focusing on the way the flavors washed over your tongue, soaking into the buds, lighting up your brain like a comforting, cool massage. It was refreshing. Delicious, even.
But you couldn’t help the bitter aftertaste, like mint, piercing through your smile, just like a bullet through glass.
“Hey.”
You looked up, painfully sober, at a concerned Handong, her hands on her hips, an eyebrow raised, makeup flawless.
“What’s up?” you asked as she slid in across from you, fiddling with her own mocktail, sipping at it while she contemplated the room, the people, the festivities going on around you.
“No alcohol?”
“You know I don’t drink.”
“You look like you could use it.”
You had no response to that, however accurate her statement might have been. Getting drunk had certainly never been a sensation you enjoyed.
Handong sat across you for a while, watching you silently before she prodded more.
“Is it Minji again?”
You laughed, a hollow, resigned sound. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only to me,” she remarked, giving you a look of pity. “Are you okay?”
“Sure,” you chuckled, just as coldly as before. “I’m good.”
Both of you were silent then, listening to the dull beat of the music bounce in your eardrums, feeling the energy of the crowd crash into your body to no effect. You certainly didn’t feel like dancing. “I just...I feel like I should be happy, you know?”
You took another sip before continuing while Handong watched you, listened to you.
“Siwon’s perfect. He’s smart, he’s handsome. Rich too,” you said, your head spinning as though you were drunk, despite the fact you hadn’t even consumed any alcohol. “Minji’s happy where she is.”
“Do you know that?”
“Yes, Dongie, I have eyes,” you bit back. “I just...I guess...”
You stopped for a moment, struggling to find the right words, struggling to find the meaning you were trying to convey.
A truth that hurt so, so, so much.
“...feelings are just fickle, you know? They change at a moment’s notice, alter, materialize…”
You smiled at the words coming out of your mouth then.
“...vanish entirely without warning. I guess I’ll just have to wait for that to happen for me.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
Handong’s eyes locked with yours, questioning, calm, amused, dancing like embers as though she knew where the end of the road was, where you would end up, where the destination would be. It was almost infuriating but comforting at the same time, in its own odd way.
You looked down, down at the floor, down into the empty space between your legs, between the empty space between you and Minji.
So much space.
You looked up, your smile, your mask back on, all of your misery disguised once again.
“I’m sorry, I’m really just ruining things, aren’t I?”
She didn’t say anything to that, her expression sympathetic, pitiful as she watched you stand up, slowly, contemplatively.
You waited for a few moments, swishing your drink in your glass about before you downed the rest of it, smiling at the deliciously fruity taste.
It really was quite excellent.
Then you gave her a nod.
“Thank you.”
Then you left.
.....................................
Another month passed by.
Nothing had changed
Then another.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
.....................................
“Are you avoiding me?”
The question came suddenly one day as you sat across from her in a cafe, sipping on a deliciously sugary drink, smiling idly in your time with her.
At first, it didn’t even register in your mind, the words slowly worming their way through your mental capacities until you suddenly realized what she was asking.
“What?”
She didn’t miss a beat.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
The question crushed you, the weight of it, the pressure hidden behind her expression slapping you across the face, hard.
The truth of it was that you had been, in fact, dodging her, that you had been burying yourself in work, entrenching yourself deep in your own life in the hopes it might distract you from hers.
Or even worse, his.
“I’m not avoiding you, Minji, I’m just busy,” you laughed mirthlessly, stirring your straw around in your drink, avoiding her gaze. “Work’s just been a lot recently, and I’ve been trying to help out Bora with some stuff.”
“It’s just that—can you look at me for a second?”
Reluctantly, you obeyed, meeting her warm, gentle eyes, staring at you imploringly, pitifully. It shook you to see how exposed she was then.
Then she dropped a bomb on you.
“Do you...have feelings for me?”
Your throat closed up, your gag reflex immediately kicking in as you choked on the liquid in your mouth, almost tumbling out of your seat.
“I—what? Of course not, why would you even—”
“You said.”
“I said I had feelings for you?”
“You said you wouldn’t lie to me.”
You blanched, your eyes widening ever so barely.
“I…”
...................................
A/N 2: Hello! So this is the prequel of my original JiU piece that I’ve been working on for some time now, which is going to be a two-part work that I’ll finish up sometime in the near future. If I’m being entirely honest, the whole cliffhanger/part two idea was given to me by @nsfwflint, being the genius that he is, so hats off to him for all the help that he provided for this. This whole thing was probably more plot-centered than smut-centered, something that is relatively rare in my works, and also features something that I have always considered writing but never got around to: coconut oil! But yeah, with that aside, thanks for reading again, and I hope you enjoyed!
