#lightceefics

Sakura: Sasuke-kun, would you rather I get stuck in the woods with a bear or a man?

Sasuke: Huh?

Sakura: Would you rather I get stuck in the woods with a bear or a man

Sasuke: *thinks*

Sasuke: Man

Sakura: Man??? Why man??

Sasuke: You defend yourself when you feel threatened. You would naturally feel threatened by a bear, but they're also just trying to defend themselves. They don't deserve to get killed. If you feel threatened because of a man, though, they probably deserve the beating.

Sakura: *shocked*

Sakura: *sighs* Okay, let me change the question. Would you rather Sarada be stuck in the woods with a bear or a man?

Sasuke: Bear. Sarada hates men, and she wouldn't kill a bear by accident. Won't be good if she also gets a criminal record like me.

Sakura: That's not what I— *getting annoyed*

Sakura: Let me change it again, would you rather my 12 year old self be stuck in a wood with a man or a bear? And I'll add that the man is Jiraiya.

Sasuke: Jiraiya. Whatever is coming to him, he probably deserves it.

Sakura: I'm 12 in this scenario, Sasuke-kun

Sasuke: Yeah, your punches were already strong by then, even without chakra. The amount of injury Naruto had to deal with... The bear doesn't deserve that.

Sakura: *glares*

Sasuke: *still only thinking of the welfare of the bear*

Sasuke: You are smart, Sakura, but we can think for ourselves, too.

Naruto: We're smart, dattebayo! We're the Hokage and Shadow Hokage, after all!

Sakura: Right. Which is the diploid cell, the gamete or the zygote?

Naruto: Don't fall for it, Sasuke, she's just making up words. *laughs*

Sasuke: I know. I realized immediately.

/In an art museum outside Land of Fire/

Sakura: This is amazing! Such masterpieces. I didn't know there's a place like this where they gather art pieces like this. I wish there was something like this in Konoha. Sai would probably be thrilled.

Sakura: Aren't these paintings beautiful, Sasuke-kun?

Sasuke: Hn.

Sakura: You don't think so?

Sasuke: I don't really get it. If there's something beautiful here, it's you.

Sakura: *turns red* S-sasuke-kun!

Sakura: *quietly reading a scroll*

*loud crash + other suspicious noises*

Sakura: What the—

Sasuke: *suddenly appears* Your child is having a tantrum

Sakura: Huh? Sarada's on a playdate with Inojin...

Sasuke: Your other kid 🙄

Sakura: ?? Who exactl—

(Naruto and Sasuke quietly hanging out in the Uchiha living room because Shikamaru forced Naruto to have a day off)

Sakura: *suddenly appearing, singing at the top of her voice* —WORLD SOMEDAY—

Naruto: What the f—

Sasuke: *sighs* She's on her period.

Sakura: BUT AT LEAST FOR NOW, I GOTTA GO MY OWN WAY

Sakura: *looks at Sasuke*

Sasuke: *stands up, also sings, though without any emotion* What about us? What about everything we've been through?

Naruto: What is happening??

Sasuke: You just gotta go with it

Sakura: WHAT ABOUT TRUST?

Sasuke: You know I never wanted to hurt you

Sakura: WHAT ABOUT ME????

Sasuke: What am I supposed to do?

Sakura: I gotta leave but I'll me youuuu

Naruto:

Sakura: I feel like doing something stupid right now.

Sai: What's your favorite color?

Sasuke: Sakura

Sai: ...

Sasuke: Wait, what was the question?

(while they were traveling, when Sakura disappeared for 5 minutes)

Sasuke: My wife is missing! Have you seen her???

Random Person: What does she look like?