#liferoundhere

I hate sounding like one of those generic kids from those 90s family movies that never get wat they want. That unhappy unappreciative self centered asshole type that u could never stand that's completely repulsive all the way up to the sequel. I think they still make those stupid kid tropes. Either way I jus hate bein in a non supportive family. I can't ever get the true support I need to go forward. Wen it comes down to job decisions that I feel would benefit me at the moment ppl sway my decision here. My mom repeatedly will tell me she needs money, I start feeling hopeless n sorry n try to find something n wen I do it's "I don't think you should do it". As if I ever have a choice at the moment. Like stop stepping on my fking toes and work with me here. I can't ever get initial support in any single decision or move that I'm trying to make. I'm goin back to school this September and will be a full time student. All 5 days each morning to afternoon will be preoccupying my time at that school. I jus recently had a great opportunity lined up at the mall to help keep me afloat all the way till then but soon as my ever late aunt tells me that she can finally get me into the job that I've been asking for since the beginning of this year I have to drop that opportunity... no I'm forced to because my mom believes that its a grown man's job n it's 5 days a week n it can help her. But she's not considering how it will affect my school attendance and schedule in September. N claims that the mall is a child's job. If that's the case my dad wouldn't have to have worked at Lord n Taylor in 07 wen his "grown man job" had folded on him. I'm not trying to overextend myself but no one can seem to understand that without belittling me. I perhaps I should've jus kept my mouth shut. I'm jus tired of being controlled. I get tired of hearing wat ppl think. It's not that my ears are too shut to listen but that ppl are too quick to talk than think with me for a second. Like how is a 5 day school schedule and a 5 day work schedule gonna work at the SAME FUCKING TIME!? At least hear me out. At least acknowledge my voice.

Right now the plan is to ride this out for 3 months until September so I can catch up on bills n then TRY to go back to the mall job in the process or find something else that's flexible so that I actually have a chance to survive in school. My mom disagrees. Well thing is I'm not sitting on my ass making phone calls, I'm lifting stacking n pulling shit each day. It's not fair to me that I have to jus put up with physical straining and abuse jus to please ppl.

This is another thing Ive always hated about being in this house. No one supports any of me n my siblings. We are constantly giving everyone grown the support to go forward but we get none. I can't get my mom n them to come to a single show of mine. Hell I could barely get them to come to the movies with me back then so I was jus goin by myself. Even skating. But the minute I find someone that wants to do most of these things and more they're upset, I don't ever spend time, I don't love them no more. But if I were to tell them how I felt wen they didn't do half of these things with me then they'd be driven to tears. I get tired of ppl here trying to control where I go, wat I should do, how I should feel n numerous things. It's not about jus bein cut from a different cloth or riding my own wave. It's about being accepted, at least accept me for who I am if u can't accept me for wat I do. But I don't get any of that. Everyone here is a fkn control freak. Me n my siblings often discuss it amongst ourselves that this is the common flaw with this whole house. All about control but not support. Everyone knows more about everything than our own selves.