#lifeninja

Hello fearless friends, 

If you choose, mark your calendars and gear up for a goal workshop in Vancouver. 

The event will include a yoga portion, led by social yogi Anita Cheung, followed by a group goal coaching session. 

Dig deep with me and let's talk goals,

xo Jess

What do you think of when you hear the word, complaining? For me, I hear frustrated, annoyed, counterproductive, easy and powerless. 

Complaint: a statement that a situation is unsatisfactory or unacceptable. "I intend to make an official complaint"

As human beings we hold onto a lot of complaints - the speeding ticket you received two months ago, your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, the raise you didn't get, the body you don't have and diet you never really stick to anyway. Whatever you complain about it's likely persistent and you've probably shared it with at least three different people already. 

I'd argue it's normal and socially encouraged to complain. I hear it a lot here in Vancouver.. every time it rains. It's a classic conversation starter, "man, this rain, really sucks hey? I can't take it" 

It's a little bit strange to think about how much we complain to ourselves, in our thoughts, and to each other about things, people we know and people we don't. 

What's it about? Why do we keep those persistent complaints around?

Through my own coaching and training, my stance is that we complain because there is a pay-off, meaning we get something out of it. 

Here are two examples of two juicy pay-offs we experience when we complain. 

Pay-off #1 - right versus wrong (or good versus bad) 

For example, you complain about not getting a raise and your entire family agrees with you. Heck, they are mad with you! You've pulled them into your story. And suddenly you feel a little better, even if you don't want to admit it. Why? Because you are right and your employer, boss or company is WRONG. 

Pay-off #2 - you save face (or 'look good' or someone else 'looks bad') 

For example, Sally and Joe are in the midst of a divorce. Sally complains to her girlfriends about Joe's late nights and drinking. Sally doesn't share her part in their marriage and leaves out her anger and verbal abuse toward Joe. 

What do these two pay-off's have in common? Personal responsibility. When you catch yourself in a persistent complaint, you are likely avoiding personal responsibility in the matter! When you take on full responsibility, you will see access to new and powerful actions. Whether it's asking your boss, 'hey, what can I do moving forward to ensure I do get that raise' or being real and expressed with people in your life. 

When there is a complaint present, there is an impact on yourself and others. Complaining can impact your health and well-being, relationships, self-expression, and self power. 

Get off it! The pay-off isn't worth the cost.

With love,