#life2020

Expect the best, prepare for the worst. Expect the best, prepare for the worst. Maybe if I say it enough times what I expected will start to come into view…

JB Pritzker announced that all schools will be closed for the remainder of the year. Who would’ve thought our last times walking through Marist High School would be in March. The ironic thing is I made jokes with all of my friends on our last day in the building, saying, “Happy last day! It’s been real knowin’ ya!” What I would do to be able to actually savor that moment. To appreciate everyone around me and reflect on my high school journey. Poof. Gone. Our four years of hard work seemingly just stripped away. After expecting the best, reality decided to sucker punch me flat on my face.

“Imagine, for a moment, that you are in a hot classroom. First day. High school. You are sitting at a table. You are trying to learn Spanish and the teacher is a man calling himself Stephen (pronounced Steven). There are three other people sitting at the table with you and one of them is a really skinny kid que se llama Pete. You might be getting some flashbacks of fear now. If so, that is okay. Now, stop imagining.” This was an excerpt of the Kairos letter my friend Pete wrote to me. He was the first kid I met at Marist. One of the most stand up guys you’ll ever meet. I’m honored to call him a friend.

There are so many people, so many memories, so many experiences I wish I could share in the confines of 400 words. Dances, football games, late night drives, beach trips, bonfires, fireworks, parties… it goes on. This last month has felt like another four years all over again, except without my favorite people.

It’s the little things I’ll miss, too. I miss having nothing to do after school and saying hi to Mrs. Cozzie doing JUG. In the three years I’ve known her she’s never given me a JUG for my stubble. But I promise you she’s grilled me for it plenty of times. If she could see my beard now she’d probably smack me with a newspaper. I miss chatting with Mr. Harper about current events, talking to Deacs during lunch, listening to new tunes with Mr. Butler. The school itself may just be a building, but something special happens in the halls of Redhawk High.

During this time, stress comes. Worry comes. More people are getting sick and hearing more things like schools and areas closing just makes more worry set in.

Even though I sit in my room all day or go outside for a little, meaning I don’t have to get up for actual school, this brings stress. Sometimes lately I have been getting stressed easily by all my school work and assignments I have to get done.

I’m also getting stress because I’m sitting here every day wondering if we will go back to school and if I will be able to see some of my friends again before I move fully

I hear different things every day, too. One day I see something about not leaving quarantine until 2022, and I’m sitting here like “what?” because how will it last this long.

I can’t decide what’s completely best for us anymore, because a lot of people are losing their jobs from this stay home order, but we also need to consider each other’s safety. I really just need this to end already.

Just remember to keep thinking positively and take care of yourself because that’s what matters during this time! Have hope :)

Be Strong and Stay Positive Throughout Life

Throughout my seventeen years of living I have gone through many ups and downs. These ups and downs have only made me stronger though; they have made me into the person I am today. It all started in grammar school, fifth grade to be exact. During that time I started going through puberty and started gaining weight faster than I ever had before. I never thought of my weight in a bad or negative way but I really started paying attention to it when my friend's mom said something about it. It was the summer going into sixth grade, we were all swimming at my friend’s house. Since lunch was going to be ready soon we were all drying off. When lunch was eventually we hung out wet towels on the railing and all when inside in our bikinis. All of my friends were twigs at the time so it was obvious I was heavier than them. My friend’s mom said, “Hey Bridget, go put your shirt over your suit… I don’t want you to get embarrassed because you know,” as she made a motion patting her stomach. My eyes filled with tears I wouldn’t let come out as I ran upstairs, changed, and decided to walk home. I called my mom on my walk home and told her what happened, she was furious. My head filled with so many negative things telling myself that “I’m too fat” “I’m ugly” and that “I’m not pretty.” After replaying the whole situation in my head over and over again I decided that this will not define who I am. I kept receiving similar comments from my so called friends and kids at school. Finally a year later I decided to make a change to better myself so I started running. Soon enough that became my daily thing to run three miles a day. It was my therapy. It cleared my head for twenty five minutes everyday. The weight began to slide off which showed my new matured figure. Now I am fully matured and feel not only beautiful but confident. Without my confidence I wouldn’t be myself, I wouldn’t be Bridget. I know I am strong mentally and physically, no one can tell me different. With all these comments came a strong mentality which has helped me throughout my life. The only opinion that matters to me is mine and mine only! So just stay strong, positive, and true to yourself - with this - you can get through anything that comes your way in life. Be you!

Just as it seemed like there was a glimmer of light for the world, a small plastic star of hope atop toothpicks taped together, held up for the world to see, it all came crashing down. JB just rolled a bowling ball across the floor and smashed those toothpicks into smithereens. Figurative talk aside, today he announced a lengthy new order. First and foremost, the quarantine will not end on April 30th, but rather on May 30th. Second, they’re now REQUIRING that everyone wears a mask in public, under threat of arrest. Now, I’m not sure under which law exactly what they’ll be arresting people for, but I assume the governor has the power to just conjure up laws in times like these. It’s probably to prevent the gridlock of the Illinois House and Senate. The peak date has also been pushed back, from April 20th to sometime mid-May. What this means essentially is that all the hope we spent in quarantine over the last month was pretty much all for nothing, since we have to do it again for yet another full month. 

Not only that, the numbers of total Coronavirus cases as well as condition of the United States as a whole is getting much worse, considering they’re essentially forcing people to wear masks. They’re also banning protests in many locations in California, and it makes me wonder when that rule will be expanded to cover here as well. It also makes me wonder how many civil liberties we’ll have to give up before this crisis abates. This is nothing new - many rights were temporarily taken away during the Civil War and the two World Wars. We has assumed that things like these were just parts of the past - strange laws enacted by strange men that could barely even be imagined, apart from reading about them in History class. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case - it’s happening again. It’s important to put faith in our leaders that they will do the right thing. If they don’t, God forbid, then it’s time to put faith in God - He will make sure the right things come to pass. 

The End of A Journey

At the beginning of this whole process, I never liked the idea of blogging about my life in quarantine. Many times when I’d try and sit down and write, my mind would travel elsewhere because I’d have nothing to talk about. Everything would just repeat and repeat like clockwork. Day after day, night after night. Nothing would change. Wake up, barely eat all day, school, Xbox, movies, still don’t eat, work out, shower, hop on discord and then fall asleep at 6AM, after listening to hours of music to dull the pain.

It wasn’t until blog numbers 4-6 that my opinion really changed. I started reading more of my buddies blogs to see what they’ve been up to. Turns out it was basically the same as me. I started to realize that I’m not the only one suffering through this pandemic. This made me start reflecting on my day to day activities through a more narrow viewpoint. I started picking out the finer details. This allowed me to start writing more compelling and intriguing blogs. When I wrote about The Joker, the entire time, I was relating it all back to myself. This gave my post more of a deeper meaning which allowed the reader to connect more personal. I feel like during this quarantine, I’ve unlocked many writing abilities which I never knew I had. Writing about my own personal struggles allow others to realize that they aren’t alone in this world. Others are in pain too.

In the legendary words, “All good things must come to an end,” this is might be my end. At this very moment I’m contemplating the decisions I have in front of myself. Keep going or give up. This is blog number 12, all we need is 12. The number 12 has been circulating through my head for some time now. Now that 12 has came into the foreground, will I keep making my story known or will I end at 12. That is the decision I have for myself at this moment. I don’t care for the extra credit if I do continue. These blogs to me are more of a passion now rather than a requirement. If I do continue I know that I’ll be making an impact on anyone who reads these posts. I know it’s not a bunch of people, but those people mean the world to me. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for them they’ve helped me out through my darkest hours so to me this is me paying back the help they gave me.

Although my future seems daunting, terrifying, unknown and empty. I’ll always remember the ones who I was proud to call my brothers. If you are going through the same fears, just know that if you are reading this you’ll forever have me as one of your brothers.

We all are splitting on our own paths next year, just remember this. We maybe gone but we’ll never be forgot. Our struggles have brought us closer together. I never thought Marist could be right when they said “Students for four years. Brothers and Sisters for life.” Never forget that. We are all in this until the very end.

PaddyO signing off. Love you all for everything you’ve done for me.

Created on Easter Sunday

Today was a very interesting day, and in a dark time like this is though I thought that this was one of the best Easter’s ever. Me and my family had went up to my lake house mainly because We needed a break from the outside world, so that’s one of the most isolated spots for us.  While some may think that’s not the effect escape, I felt so alive.

I was able to do some must needed fishing and was able to catch some nice fish.

Me and my brother really enjoyed it the most I believed because we were able to explore so much and enjoy the weather.  

It’s been over a month now. Easter break is coming to its end. It’s probably a good thing for my sake since I've been sleeping till noon since break started. As I write this, our student council members are posting pictures of seniors and their commitments for next year on instagram. It’s a bittersweet feeling. All of the comments on these posts are happy, and encouraging. After all, we all know how tough high school can be, so we are proud of one another’s accomplishments. But the posts, comments, and all the virtual interactions seem to ignore the obvious. We aren't in school. We aren't seeing each other in class, in the halls, on the fields like we were used to the last three years. I've always been told that you shouldn’t take anything for granite. Those are words of advice that I live by. But now after being away from Marist for some time now, I realize that the only way to realize how precious something is, it must be taken from you.

I had no direction in mind when I decided to write this blog. I had been silent since the beginning of Easter break about a week ago. Some things haven't changed since then. The uncertainty, boredom, self reflection, doubt, sorrow, worrying, gratefulness, all remain. Everyday I struggle a little bit more. My senior season of baseball, a game I’ve played since I was four years old, has been stripped from me. Many of my teammates have chosen to go on and play collegiately. For them, I am very proud of their hard work to accomplish that great achievement. For me, I made a choice to walk away from the game so I could attend a university for my academics. However, when I made that decision I didn't know that my senior season would be postponed, and likely canceled. I had worked very hard during my three years in the Marist baseball program, and this year was my opportunity to perform on varsity at the highest level. Since I have no intentions of playing in college, this was going to be it. I was going to give it all I had for my final year.

There is a baseball saying that many baseball players hear from time to time. You might hear it from your little league coach, or you may recall it being referenced by some greats like Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez. “Play every game like it's your last”. It’s an easy line to remember, but difficult at times when you’re playing your third game of the day in the middle of July on an unfinished infield. The truth is, I’d do anything to play a game on an unfinished infiel in the dead heat of July right now.