#lichtsplitter

„My dearest Aurora, I do not know if I still have the right to call you that. Maybe I lost that right the moment I took everything from you. Maybe I lost the right to write to you at all. But every day when I wake up, you are the first thought that comes to my mind. Not the fire. Not the trial. Not this prison. YOU. My little Aurora. I often wonder if you still remember how, when you were a child, you always wanted me to read Sleeping Beauty to you. You never understood why the princess had to sleep for so long. You always asked me why no one woke her sooner. Back then, I told you that some things needed time. Now I know I am the last person who should ever speak to you about time. Because I stole yours. There has not been a single day where I have not thought about what I did. Not a single moment where I have not wished I could go back and stop the man I became. But I cannot. And that is my punishment. Knowing that I am the reason you are alone. I know you may hate me. And if you do, I understand. You have every right to. But I need you to know one thing: You were never the reason for my pain. You were always the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. That does not make what I did smaller. It does not excuse it. There is no explanation large enough to make what I did forgivable. I tried to hold on to a life that was already falling apart. And in doing so, I destroyed the very thing I claimed I wanted to protect. YOU. I do not know if you will ever be able to forgive me. But I hope that one day you will stop carrying the blame for my choices. You should have never carried the weight I left behind. Please never forget, Aurora: You are not the fire. You are not that night. You are not my actions. You are the morning that came after. With love, Dad.“

 ⠀⠀⠀ #LICHTSPLITTER ⸻ emergency dispatcher with childhood trauma, automatically counts escape routes as soon as she enters a room, doesn't like to sit with her back to doors or windows, sleeps poorly and often leaves a small lamp on at night, always drinks her coffee black, even though she actually likes it with milk, remembers people's voices better than their faces, apologizes too often