#lgbt problem

One day, some people are going to call my workplace, looking for a Nathaniell that works in computer mediation, and my chief will answer "er... Sorry, but it's [deadname] who works here ? we don't know any Nathaniell ". And When that day will come, I will be fucked !

It's not my fault that I'm falling for her. Okay, I started it first, I was the one who randomly texted her first when all the while we had only been communicating about "work-related" stuff. And suddenly the texting became frequent. Almost everyday. But then something happened to her and I could sense that she was pulling away from me. The number of texts reduced significantly and I could tell that she wasn't really interested anymore from the way she replied to my texts.I decided to put an end to it and so I stopped texting her. The first few days were painful because everyday I woke up checking my phone hoping to see a text from her, but there was none. But I survived, and I was slowly getting used to it until one month later she texted me out of the blue. To cut a long story short, she's been texting me every single day now. Mostly random stuff. Sometimes she would vent to me, complain to me about how stressful her work is and etc. I don't wanna make it look obvious that I'm trying to avoid her so I've been texting her back too. I know this isn't healthy and I know that I'm gonna end up getting hurt one day. I know she will never feel the same way about me because she's straight. She definitely is although we've never discussed it but I'm 100% sure she is. She laments about being single, about finding the right guy to marry. If that doesn't scream straight, I don't know what does. Being in a closet means I don't know any lesbians in real life and so far I've only been reading online posts to seek comfort and advice. It is frustrating to have to keep it all to myself. I need advice. I need to hear other people's opinions. I need to know what I should do because I'm falling deeper for her every day. Telling her about how I feel is not an option. I'm never coming out. I'll never be ready. Has anyone here experienced something similar to this? I need to know how you managed to overcome it. I just need to know that I'm not alone....