#lesssonslearned

The sting of his clothes missing from my closet is gone. 

My empty driveway doesn’t hurt anymore. 

My tiny bed seems much larger but warmer. 

Weekends are filled with laughs and leisure instead of disappointment and hurt.

With him I felt so alone and I didn’t even know it. I’m alone now but I’ve never felt more alive or at peace.

Mornings don’t hurt anymore. I open my eyes and I can breathe. I make my coffee and slide back into bed with it. I take the time to thank God of where I am in my life, to appreciate what is immediately in front of me and what is to come. 

I’m not angry with him. I’m not sad about him. I’m not lost without him. I’m not alone without him. 

I’m at peace. I’m happy. I’ve found myself again and you can’t be alone with yourself at peace. 

I’ve let go of his hurt and allowed the damage to heal on it’s own. I’m thankful for the time we shared and the lessons I’ve learned. 

Throughout all the hurt, the mean words, the selfish ploys and the lies I learned the biggest lesson of all... to trust myself, my intuition and my heart. 

So many things about him I knew wasn’t the works of a kind hearted and genuine man but I was blinded by my own desires to love and be loved. 

His touch was harsh, his mouth was harmful and his heart was cold. I felt it and even spoke of it once or twice but buried it. 

Hope is what gets me in trouble. Hope is what leads to disappointment. I was hopeful for him, for the potential of an us... but deep down inside I knew better. I forced something that wasn’t there for him but so did he. 

I’m always the “this could be a good change” idea. 

I’m the “I thought I was ready for commitment. I thought I was ready to settle down.” 

I’m never the “I can’t and don’t want to live without you.” My yearning for that kind of love still exists but has subsided immensely.

To experience that heartbreak again... I’d rather not. I have myself, my family and my friends. That is all I need and that’s what I intend to keep.