#lessonfromyou

It’s all over now. I will come back because I enjoy writing and it helps me, but let all words I’ve written before these be a time capsule of the most emotionally intense period of my life. And the greatest person that I’ve ever had the pleasure of having be a part of my life. She was incredible, and she was everything I’ve ever needed. And she’s become just another victim of a terrible, cruel, unforgiving world. And as a result, so have I. If you’re reading this, I love you. I wish you’d’ve been able to see more value in us, enough to hold on and work things through. But I get that you couldn’t emotionally survive in this world if you let yourself care about others like that. And I know that there are many things far more important than some guy. I wish I could’ve been better during our time together; like I’d always promised you I’d become. You helped me through that time because we both knew I’d drop the depression and bad habits once I found my way, and the childish snags I hit would be a thing of the past, making way for someone worth loving and fighting for. And I’m doing just that. I’ll love myself as much as you loved me, for as long as I breathe. I’ll do everything I promised I would, and then some. And as much as I hate to admit it, while I’ll move on, I’ll always have the smallest wish deep down that we’ll meet again. It’s not something I will try to keep, but I can tell that that’s the reality of my feelings. And even though I have to move on and move forward, I will never forget or lose the effects that you’ve had on my life. From things as little as how to care for my skin and writing letters, to things as big as standing up for myself and how to find beauty and good during terrible times. You’ve shown and given me more than you’ll ever know. I’ll never forget that, and I will never forget you, for as long as I live. Who you were - and who you are - is far too important for me to be able to forget. I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I’m sorry for all that I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry for the things I put you through as a result of my depression. And we're both to blame for needless pain - By the end, I was expected to read your mind and to not be affected. I wasn’t given the respect of honesty and clarity, and it led me into a spiraling limbo that killed whatever chance we might have had for lightning to strike twice. But at the end of the day, we’re both unfathomably human. And I’m glad we shared what we did, when we did. I’ll never regret that, and I’ll never resent you, no matter how much of a dick you pretend to be. The sun is setting on a once endless day As the tremors begin to rise and smiles start to fade I clung on, and on, and on, far after you’d hopelessly gone I couldn’t bear to lose my strength, my goodness, my one. I know you’re a broken, shattered person, dear so I’ll carry the best parts of you in myself, and keep you near Your greatness won’t fade out with the love that we knew It will spark and show itself in every little thing I do.