#ler!billy loomis

It was the start of spring break on a damn good Friday night.

Anyone with brains was out doing something with a friend. Whether that be bringing in the break, getting shit-faced at said friend's party, or, something much more up your alley. Inviting your friends over as soon as your parents dip out on a date night for pizza and a scary movie.

Unfortunately for you though, your friend, Randy, was at work, Sidney wasn't feeling up for it, and Tatum was busy at another party.

The only people left to ask were Billy and Stu.

And quickly, they reminded you of why they're the "no one else could come" invites.

"Oh my shit, WHEN is the pizza gonna be here?! I'm STARVING!" Stu complained, not even fifteen minutes into the hangout, slung over your couch like he was on death's door.

"Hopefully soon. I mean, Stu, they're probably busy. We can't be the only people in the neighborhood ordering pizza on a Friday night." You shrugged in reply, mostly ignoring him in favor of looking for a good DVD to put on.

"Oh, well, it's just... maybe we hoped you would have been more prepared for your guests." A deep, hair-raising voice said from behind.

You jumped a good fifty feet in the air. The DVD you were looking at clattered to the floor as you whipped your head around-

Just to see Billy standing behind you, chuckling.

"You make it so easy, y'know that? I've used that voice on you a billion times before and it still makes you piss yourself."

"Well dammit Billy!" You huffed, picking up your DVD and running your fingers over it, checking for scratches. "How do you expect me to react? Anyone ever tell you that it's a dick move to sneak up on people?"

"Eh." Billy shrugged, retreating from behind you to sit on the couch with Stu, who quickly straightened himself up when he saw Billy approaching, and kicked his feet up on his lap.

"Someone may have mentioned it in passing." Billy finished. He must be in a good mood. He was kinda smiling and hadn't told Stu fuck off yet.

"They should have mentioned it louder." You grumbled, though Billy could totally hear, popping in the movie disc for Friday the 13th.

You stood and moved to your couch, interrupting Stu using Billy as a footstool to sit between them. By far the biggest mistake of that night.

"Then what about the whole thing of you not feeding us? Huh?" Billy gave you a quick poke to the side, making you jump out of your skin for the second time that evening. Which was kinda embarrassing considering it was prompted by BILLY LOOMIS and not the literal horror movie.

"Yeah! Now that's what I call a dick move." Stu chortled, giving you a playful shove with his shoulder.

"I already said the food was coming, it's just gonna take a bit!" You groaned, rolling your eyes so hard they threatened to escape their sockets.

"If it were my hangout I would have ordered way ahead of time." Billy hummed, causing Stuart, the ultimate cosigner, to nod along vigorously with him.

"Yuh-huh. Ahead of time." Stu tapped the side of his head, making you think long and hard about the happenings on the inside of it.

"If you guys are THAT hungry we have some potato chips in the cabinet. I don't even care, knock yourselves out."

You slumped back in your seat, just trying to enjoy your movie. Even Randy's overarching commentary on horror tropes would have been better, and honestly, way more interesting, then whatever the hell these two had going on.

Regrettably, due to your slumped stance, you didn't notice Billy and Stu giving each other a classic "you thinking what I'm thinking?" Look.

"Nahhh..." They said in unison.

"We'll pass. We got something better right here." Billy drawled.

"Do we ever!" Giggled Stu.

"Mmh-hmm." You grumbled, not even half listening, eyes on the screen.

Then, out of the corner of your eye, you noticed them both coming closer.

But before you could make a move, it was already too late.

"OHOHO SHIT! YOHOU GUHUYS!"

Stu (carefully) grabbed you up from behind, under your arms. His fingers (DEFINITELY on purpose) were already digging into your hollows. You were halfway in his lap with Billy on the other side, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"This should tide us over till that pizza comes. Ain't that right, Stu?" Billy cocked an eyebrow at his friend.

"Ohoho, absolutely!!" Stu cheesed, wiggling his fingers into your sides, relishing in the squeaks that he got out of it.

"Yohohohou AHAHASSHOLESS! Ihihi'm lihihiterally sohoho nihihice tohoho yohohou guhuhuys ahahand THIHIS ihihis whahahat ihihi gehhehet?!?!?"

"Heyyy..." Billy pouted, having the NERVE to act offended. "What's the name calling for...? Acting like we're so mean. Dude... we only just want a bite to EAT-"

That's when Billy struck. Going right for some tummy tickles, at the same time, nuzzling into your neck with THE MOST unnecessary growling noises to ever exist.

"Eat 'em up, Billy! Eat 'em up!" Stu cheered on his friend from the sidelines.

"Ihihi'm trying!" Billy laughed, right into that pesky, tickly crook between your neck and shoulder.

You squealed and kicked, wanting to damn them both to hell and call out how incredibly counter-productive this was. You LITERALLY offered them food! AND everyone is missing out on the movie because of this! But it was all drowned out by your giggles and the two assholes commentary.

"Nohohow, Mister Loomis, how would you describe your dining experience thus far?" Stu asked, tickling your shoulders until you did that silly scrunch thing all the way up to your ears that Stu always got a good kick out of.

"Wehehell, Mister Matcher, the service is honestly ASS. But maybe that can be made up for if there's any specials on the menu..." Billy trailed off, giving you a break, along with Stu who ruffled up your hair, and playfully pushed you off his lap.

"Yehehah. How bout that PIHIHIZZA ihihi ordehehered?!" You interjected before they could come up with any more "great ideas."

Uhm, too late for that.

"No, actually... Uh, Billy you know what I want?" Stu bat his eye lashes at him. Giggling simply because he couldn't wait to say it THAT much. You groaned, sinking down into your seat. Though, you could have just ran. Not like you wanted to.

"No? What?" Billy asked, crossing his arms and looking at Stu expectantly.

"Rihihibsss!" Stu sang in response, immediately causing Billy to break out into a wicked grin.

It was at this moment that you knew, you were screwed.

"Then, what are you waiting for?! Let's have some ribs!"

It was Billy who scooped you up this time, scarily strong for such a skinny guy, and immediately followed through with his earlier words.

"Ahahahaa! Ihihi'm gonna gettem! Ihihi'm gonna gettem sohohooo gohohod!" The annoying, stupid growling noises made a comeback. Billy getting the left side of your ribs and Stu getting the right.

"Nohohot ihihif ihihi dohoho fihihirst! Heheheee! Tihihickle tihihickle tihihickleeeeee!" Stu sang in return, blowing a quick raspberry on your side for kicks.

They were honestly laughing more than you were, scrambling around and wrestling to the point where everyone ended up in one big tickle pile, smiling and snorting and wheezing.

There was even an amazing moment where somehow, Billy ended up shifting his attention away from you and onto Stu. And it turns out, the whole "Tickle Monster" thing is SO MUCH more fun when it isn't you on the receiving end.

Eventually, though, things did have to slow down. People had to breathe after all. You three laid against each other, trying to regain your breath and not even caring about someone's elbow slung in your face or knees prodding into your side.

"Bohoth ohohof yohohohou ahahare suhuhuch ahahassholess!" You finally piped up once you had the energy to.

"Yeah, right. And you STILL invite us over?! Don't even lie, you love us."

It was Billy's turn to roll his eyes and kick his feet into Stuart's lap. But Stu quickly jumped away when he heard the doorbell ring.

"That must be the pizza!" Stu said, running off to answer the door. You just had to sigh and call after him: "I TOLD YOU the pizza was coming!"

Stu didn't seem to care as he grabbed your wallet that was sitting on the small table near the front door. As soon as he flung the door open, he was stuffing the dilvery boy's hands full with cash. Just so he could get his hands on some food.

You and Billy exchanged a look, breaking into a whole new set of giggles. But before you could get the wrong idea and think Billy actually liked you, he punched you (gently enough) on the shoulder and went to stand with Stu. He was already rummaging through the box, looking for the perfect slice.

"Oh yeah, this one's perfect! Come have some of this, man!" Stu called, stuffing his face with, like, half a slice, nearly losing a pepperoni in the process.

"Remind me to never again listen to you, Stu. And I mean NEVER again. Like, NEVER-"

"Oh my SHIT! If you don't SHUT UP!!!"

So how did we get here?

Randy made the bullshit choice of voluntarily hanging out with Billy and Stu. I know, he had a better chance of having a good night if he hung out in a den with a bunch of angry lions.

But don't give him too much crap! It was after his shift at the video store and he was starving. Stu's place was always stacked with good food, what other choice did he have?

And might I daresay that the night was going pretty swell! That was, until Stu talked Randy into messing with Billy one too many times. And that's like poking those angry lions with a stick.

And poke the lion they certainly did.

"C'mon dude, in here! We just gotta wait for this whole thing to blow over!"

Slowly, Stu creaked open the door to his large bedroom, tip-toeing inside.

"Are you joking?!" Randy hissed, rooted at his spot in the doorframe. "This is literally the first place he's gonna look! If this were a horror movie, you'd be dead first!"

"Yeah, well, my dead ass is staying in here!" Stu hissed right back, already climbing under his bed, laying on his tummy.

"So if you're just gonna stand out there and let him find you, make sure you close my door, and don't let it hit your ass on the way out!"

"No way!" Randy practically squeaked, sliding into the room, and clicking the door shut as quietly as he could behind him.

"I was just saying-" Randy wiggled under the bed next to Stu.

"Shh! Quit saying shit at all so he doesn't find us, horror freak!" Stu slapped Randy on the arm and both boys fell into a tense quiet.

Their senses started to go through the roof. Every individual sound was louder than it should be. It vibrated through Stu and Randy's bones and made the hairs on the back of their necks stand up on end.

This feeling was made a billion times worse when they heard the deep drawl of:

"Come out, come out, wherever you are, you assholes..."

Stu rubbed his temples hard enough to blot them red, holding back the heaviest of sighs. Randy puffed out his cheeks and covered his mouth, not wanting to make a single sound.

Not to mention, with the amount of dust piling up in Stu's room, you need to cover your mouth if you don't want to inhale twelve pounds of it.

"I'm not up for playing hide-and-seek with you idiots. Come. Out."

The sound of Billy's voice echoed from right outside the door. Stu gave Randy a wide-eyed look. "We're dead." He mouthed.

Randy shook his head and quickly uncovered his face to mouth back: "Listen."

It took a few agonizingly long seconds, but Billy's footsteps slowly began to ebb away from their hiding space. Of course, this hardly meant they were out of the storm. But at least it would give them some time to come up with a plan.

Stu made a small fist-pumping motion, actually looking impressed by Randy for the first time in his life.

Randy smiled in return, taking in a large calming breath.

He breathed in deep. Too deep.

His nose twitched.

Stu made a cut-throat gesture with such velocity, Randy was sure he would actually get his throat cut if he did what both of them thought he was gonna do.

But it was much too late.

Randy sneezed. Loudly.

Doesn't matter how quickly Randy slapped his hands back over his mouth, the sneeze sounded through the room like a thunder clap.

Billy's footsteps immediately boomed closer to them. Stu groaned. Just as loudly. No point in being quiet. They were dead anyways.

The door slammed open a few seconds later, and the two hiding friends-but-definetly-enemies-after-this still swear to this day they heard the wood snap from the force.

"I thought I told you guys I wasn't playing hide-and-seek with you."

Both Randy and Stu watched as Billy's tennis shoes casted shadows across Stu's bedroom floor. Though Randy, ever the horror fan, knew they weren't caught yet. This is the part where the villain would painstakingly check everywhere but the most obvious place to build up false hope.

And guess what Billy did?

He peeked behind the curtains, in the closet, even in the bedside cabinets no one could possibly fit into.

Billy hummed. Never a good sign.

"Where could those two be...? Well, I guess the only place I haven't checked yet is..."

In no time at all, there was Billy, his bangs partially hiding his face, staring at the two dead-on.

"Under the bed. The most obvious place on earth."

Randy and Stu gave each other hopeless looks as they were dragged out from under the bed together. They were fried.

"Look, dude. You gotta cut me and him sohohome slack!" Randy started, holding his hands out in front of him. If he's the reason he and Stu got caught, he was at least gonna be the reason he and Stu got un-caught. "Sehehee whahahat hahahppened was-"

"It was allll Randy's idea!" Stu blurted out from beside him, deciding he was gonna talk too now.

And that's the last time Randy does anything nice for him ever again.

"Oh... oh no... Oh Randy, is that true?" Billy gave him a wide-eyed look.

"No! Nonononono! No! Nohohot at all! Just lehehemme explain! Ihihihit wahahas bohohoth ohohof uhuhus! Ihihi dihihidn't eheheven knOHOHOW YOHOHOU WEHEHERE TAHAHAT TIHIHICKLISHHH!"

Pardon Randy's obnoxious laughing, Billy had just started dancing his fingers over all his ribcage.

"Oh, yes you did, jackass! Don't play stupid with me. You know you look like a genius with Stu right next to you!"

"Hey! Not true you DIHIHICK- AHAHAAA!"

Billy tore one of his hands away from Randy to dance his fingers across Stu's belly instead. Stu couldn't decide if he wanted to snort or hiccup, so he did both at the exact same time, trying to curl up in a ball fruitlessly.

"You're not even smart in your dreams, Matcher! I bet you're even the one that chose this dumb hiding spot."

Stu somehow got even redder, and chose to laugh even more opposed to responding to that.

"Not like Randy is any smarter for actually agreeing to it, huh?" Billy hummed, his voice two octaves higher than normal, and swimming with aggressively fake pity.

He dragged one lone finger up Randy's ribs and dug it into the hollows of his armpit. He chuckled much like a horror movie villain after committing the first of many "deadly" acts.

"Ohohoho CRAHAHAP! Lohohoomis yohohou ahahare suhuhuch ahahan AHAHASSHOLE tohoho uhuhus yohohou knhohow thahahahat?! Wehehe whehehere juhuhust mehehehessin' aharohound!"

"Oho yeah?" Billy tilted his head to the side in a way that rivaled the slyness of a fox.

"Yeheheheah duhuhude ihihit wahahahas juhuhust ahaha johohohoke!" Stu hiccuped, NOW deciding to come to Randy's defense (it probably had something to with Billy tracing his ears, the ultimate killer spot)

"Awh, well I didn't think it was that funny!"

Billy gave both guys some scribbles over their sides for that, Randy twisting around as he tried to find some kind of goldilocks zone where things simply didn't tickle as much, and failing to do so.

But Stu? Oh, Stuart Matcher? He was feeling bold now apparently, as he went grabbing for Billy's hand.

"Yohohou suhuhure thohought ihihit wahahas whehehen mehe ahahand Rahahandy whehehere gehehettin' ya! Tehehe stuhupid grihihin ohon yohohour fahahahce wahahas prihihiceless!"

Billy stopped short, hands sliding away from his two friends. He was silent. Dead silent. The only indication he was still alive was that his cheeks were a little pink.

He broke into a deadly smirk. "That so?"

Stu looked at Randy. Randy looked at Stu.

"I'm gonna..."

"Yeah."

Stu scrambled up and BOOKED it out of his room.

With Billy right on his tail.

In both of their hastes, Randy was left behind in the room. He quickly got up and went to stand in the doorway, watching Stu slide down the stair banister, Billy close behind.

This would be the perfect time to slip away unnoticed and unscathed. If he was a smart person in a horror movie, that's the most obvious choice.

But this isn't a horror movie, and these idiots were supposed to be his friends.

Okay, now THIS was DEFINITELY going to be the last nice thing Randy was ever doing for Stu.

"WAIT UP, STU! I'M COMING!"

Randy rushed out, not willing to take the banister because he didn't want to break his neck, but still making good time in the hopes of saving Stu from Billy the (tickle) Monster.

He met them downstairs, Billy and Stu wrestling on the couch and Stu definitely not winning. Though, he wasn't really trying! (Because he was having too much fun)

"Thihis is whahat yohohou gehehet fohohor tihihickling mehehe! Thihihis ihihis whahahat yohohou gehehehet fohohor behehein a jeheherk ahahabout ihihit! Ahahand thihihihis ihihis whahahat yohohou gehehet juhuhust chuhuz!"

That's the song Billy was singing as he gently traced shapes into Stu's sides before Randy joined the party.

He jumped in on the wrestling match. With two against one, surely they would start winning!

Nahh...

They let Billy take that one, and win the tickle fight. Laughs and everything.