#lee!kirk

“Captain, whiskey can be ordered or acquired from any of the neighbouring planets,” Spock says, slowing down. Of course Jim slows to accompany him, of course he does. 

“You don’t get it, Spock. That stuff is aged on Earth with Earth wood. Bones hates the taste of whiskey aged with the artificial stuff,” Jim explains, noticing Bones to be getting closer and closer as they run through the hallways of The Enterprise, “we won’t be back on Earth for another year, Spock.”

“I believe that humans would say you are ‘screwed,’ Captain,” Spock comes to a complete stop, and of course, Jim stops too. He’d say it’s to protect Spock from Bones’ wrath, but of course, it’s not that simple.

There’s only a mere five seconds between them stopping and Jim being potato-sacked over Bones’ shoulder, unsure if his punishment will happen in his quarters or Bones’, but then again, they’re kind of the same at this point in their friendship. 

As he’s carried away, batting at Bones’ back for hopes of mercy, he sees the cute, lopsided smile on Spock’s face, looks into his knowing eyes. “Spock, you traitor!”

Jim spends the entire two minute journey trying to make Bones as uncomfortable as possible, squirming, pleading, and throwing his fists against his best friend’s back. Nearly the moment the door to Bones’ quarters opens, he’s being thrown onto the couch, landing with a punched-out ‘oof’. 

“Bohones nohoho, c’mon!” Jim pleads, putting his hands up in between the two of them as Bones straddles his hips. 

“I’m not even touchin’ ya, kid,” Bones says fondly, reaching a hand up to ruffle Jim’s hair. 

“Stop! Juhust let me go! Ihihi’m sorry!” Jim reasons, shaking his head to dismount Bones’ hand. 

“No way, kid,” Bones feigns a frown, “that Earth whiskey ain’t goin’ to make up for itself, I’ll have to drink that intergalactic slime shit for the next year because of you.”

“Ihihi’m sorry! I’ll request we go back to Earth early!”

“I’d never let you jeopardise a mission, Jim, especially the first five-year expedition in Fleet history,” Bones sighs, “but I would let you suffer for it.”

“Bohones NOHOHOHO!” Bones’ hands finally go to work, latching onto Jim’s hips, going in for the kill as soon as he starts.

“No- I- Ple-“ Jim tries to get something, anything out, but he’s overtaken by his own hearty laughter, his entire body shaking as he starts to burn pink to his ears. 

Bones can’t help but laugh along, shaking his head at Jim’s adorable reactions, “you did something pretty bad, kid. I ought to just stay here the entire time.”

Jim’s eyes shoot open, shaking his head urgently, “IHIHIHI’D DIHIHIE!” 

“Well, then tell me where to go, Jim.” Bones smirks as Jim goes impossibly more red, a sheepish expression on his face. 

“AHAHAHANAYWHERE EHEHEHELSE!” 

“Not an answer,” Bones says, drilling in. 

Jim shrieks, arching his back but only making the tickling worse as a result. “AHAHA- I- TUHUHUMMY!”

“Better,“ Bones chuckles, hands going up to Jim’s tummy. His tickling becomes incredibly soft, spidering over Jim’s stomach in the way he usually likes when he’s trying to sleep. Now, however, the soft tickling is a thousand times more flustering than it is peaceful. He giggles like a child, his head back and his nose scrunched.

“Nohoho!” He hiccups, trying to bat away Bones’ hands. 

“Ready for another spot, kid?” Bones asks, pushing Jim’s hand away. 

“Plehehease stohohop!” Jim cries.

“Alright, neck it is then.” 

Jim positively screams when Bones scratches at his collarbones, trying to put his head down but only succeeding in trapping Bones’ fingers. He hiccups, snorts, and begs, but none of it is enough to stop Bones. 

“I CAHAHAN’T I CAHAHAHAN’T!” Jim screams, kicking out and hands going everywhere. 

“Alright, alright, kid. You’re too damn cute and too damn ticklish for your own good.” Bones’ hands slow down, going back up to Jim’s hair to scratch his head, dismounting Jim to put his head in Bones’ lap.

“Ihihi-“ Jim starts, opening his eyes, “I ahaham sorry, Bohohones, reheheally. I thohohought it was the stuhuhuff from the last planet, I shohohould’ve read the label.” 

“No worries, Jim. It’s just liquor,” Bone says, his hand wandering slightly and nicking Jim’s ear, causing an adorable snort from the blonde, “I’ll drink the gross stuff with you, but you’re buying me a bottle when we get back next year.”

“Would that make me an enabler?” Jim says, stray giggles still flowing as his eyes slowly shut. 

“Oh hush, go to sleep, you damn infant.”