you sit with someone. you let their words fall. you do not rush to answer. you listen like it is music.

you watch their hands. their eyes. the way their shoulders rise and fall. you notice what they do not say.

you do not build stories in your head. you do not turn them into a villain. you ask. you soften. you wait. you choose curiosity over judgment.

I want mountains and rivers and birds singing and sunshine on my face.

Sometimes I experience those things and I sigh. Yes, this is good. I feel peace. My soul is singing with you, birds! But I live in the suburbs of Houston and I just talked with a friend whose heart is broken because she hasn’t been able to have a baby. Another whose baby is in Heaven. Another who is constantly stressed because she is trying desperately to provide for three kids by herself. Yesterday a friend had an accident at work and knocked out several teeth. The home of a couple in their eighties burned to the ground two days ago. They don’t have teeth at present because they didn’t even have time to grab their dentures on the way out the window when they were escaping the fire. A newly married couple is in shock because marriage is not what Instagram told them it would be. I am tired and my left eye is blurry this morning for some reason. Things are not as they should be.

Can you feel it?

God, do you feel it? We’re such a disaster!

He does, I’m sure. He knows we are in the in between. We are not home yet. Sometimes we get birds and mountains and sometimes we weep and wail for injustice and loss and we’re frustrated that everything is so HARD. It’s hard being human, my friend once said.

Jesus wouldn’t have praised those who ENDURE if it was easy. You don’t endure easy. It’s just He knows that what is coming is so good. Unimaginably good. No eye has seen, no ear has heard. The thing that enables us to stand up under difficult things is hope. An anchor for the soul. So, when our souls feel like they are coming undone and we are drifting wildly, we hope. This is not wishful thinking; this is telling our souls what we know to be true. We remind ourselves that this is not the end of the story. Somehow the good that is to come will be better for the sadness we have endured. Sort of how we have these insanely hot days in Houston that feel endless but they do eventually give way to cool, crisp, DRY January days. And we can hardly believe it! Everybody gets euphoric on those days. Or when you’ve been sick for a while and you get well and the wellness is just indescribably amazing. You forgot what it was like to feel GOOD. I think we need opposites to understand things. Would a cool breeze feel as wonderful if you weren’t hot and sweaty in the first place? Because I have been a selfish jerk and hurt people with my choices and generally blown it in my life, grace is so sweet. It makes me weep that Jesus loves me so much that He endured hell for the sake of my soul because I KNOW I do not deserve it. Because my marriage has been in barren and burned places, the sweet times we have now, when our souls come alive together, are truly breathtaking. It feels like a miracle. This is the start of things made new. And if what Jesus said is true, then these experiences are just a taste of what is coming. It doesn’t mean we fake it, though. It doesn’t mean the hard places are not hard. We still experience unbelievable pain. And we cry and lament and feel the weight of the not yet. We keep running to the Refuge. And hope is there beside us like a faithful companion, whispering truth--this is not meaningless. Nothing is wasted. The Creator is creating again, as He always does, something beautiful, even though the threads feel frayed and tangled and pointless. They ARE NOT.

Let the anchor secure your soul.

You don’t have to deny the hurt you feel, the sorrow of loss, illness, broken teeth or broken relationships, but you don’t have to let it define you, either. What Jesus has done and what Jesus will do is still the biggest reality. Trust Him. Even when your soul feels like it is flayed out on the table of sacrifice. He knows how that feels, too, and He knows the infinite good that can come from a life surrendered to the Redeemer of All Things. So, don’t give up. Keep tugging on His sleeve and asking for illumination. And wait, with hope. He is not finished. Neither are you.

For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, 14 saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.” 15 And thus Abraham,[b] having patiently waited, obtained the promise. 16 For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. 17 So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. 19 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, 20 where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek. –Hebrews 6.13-20 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.- Hebrews 10.23

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, 

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him”—1 Corinthians 2.9