#learningaboutyourself

As salam dan selamat petang. Hari nih saya ingin berkongsi tentang topik yang selalu atau kita alami iaitu ” Worry ” atau ” Kerisauan” “Worry atau kerisauan sebenarnya adalah DOA terhadap perkara yang kita tidak mahu . Apabila kita risau kita meletakkan diri kita didalam satu getaran tersebut untuk menariknya apabila setiap kali kita memikirkannya. Kerisauan menyebabkan kita ketakutan dan…

I never understood why I want everything to go my way. Had my life gone the way I wanted, I know I would be deeply unsatisfied - quite ironic. I think change and I were always good friends; we understand each other. Even though Change likes to bully me around sometimes, I think we have a connection that I would love to believe is rare in today's time.

It is always endearing to see myself or others try to make things go our way because as much as we claim to be selfless, we are selfish. Tugging and pulling between our self-interest and the natural occurrences of life constantly dissatisfies us. I feel like on a daily basis, we are dissatisfied. It is only when we give up our humility for others, ourselves, and life - whatever life is.

Had I realized this humility at the beginning of high school, I think I would be more satisfied with myself rather than feeling satisfied through superficial success. Understanding that particular attention of extrinsic factors allowed me to reach good opportunities, I still never felt enough for me. I did not have a chance to love myself or find others to share my love with.

Taking a risk in October, I reached out. I met a friend. Going into this, I was dissatisfied with myself. I had no friends. I wanted this. I knew this would change my life forever, and I embraced it. Embracing this friendship could possibly be one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. My first best decision was taking German class in 7th grade instead of Mandarin. Because of this one person, I learned to accept that I need to feel my soul much more than I need to be subjected to the semi-punishable crime of public schooling.

I started doing things that I love and fed my creativity more than ever. My friend showed me how to relax and force me to realize that things are not as deep as we wish them to be. Life is not that deep. It is enjoyable to make life bigger than us, but we are living within life; therefore, it is not as beyond as we think it is. Life just is not that deep. It is not worth fussing about.

Among this friend were two more friends that have similarly added a great deal of joy and opportunities to learn about myself. I learned about balance; I learned about addiction; I learned about trust; I learned about valuing each different person and relationship as isolated entities.

That is another thing. From November to now, I learned about valuing each person that I meet as their own person. I never, ever compare my friends in importance, time, or effort. Each friend I have has their own purpose, value, and place in my heart that no other friend that I have can provide.

At this point, I believe that I am rambling.

All I believe right now is that I am satisfied that I embraced change. Had you told me at the beginning of high school that I would be the person I am today, I would not have believed you. That may be why I am emotional right now. I surprised myself. I am finally satisfied with myself, and I am ready to move on.

I've often been called "an old soul" and to be honest I never fully understood the term until a few days ago. Something happened to me in the last week; I learned of an ability I wasn't entirely aware I possessed. When I asked why someone like me would be capable of such ability, the person explained: often souls live several lives on earth, returning to a new body each time. Though the the being changes, the soul remains intact with its experiences, expanding more and more as each new life begins. Therefore when the soul is seasoned, it's open to much more than a young one would be. The idea of "old soul"..... how beautiful...How accurate. In that moment so many things just.. clicked. Theres something about me that's different than most people I know. I feel like there's an understanding I hold- it's a knowing - not of one a specific thing, but more so the value of life. It's like I've been here before.... and I think that manifests itself most in my capacity to love and be happy. To be clear I write this not to be gluttonous or to self glorify, but as an acknowledgement that another little piece of my puzzle was put together.