#ld 50

The Avengers jump into action under Captain America's command. She-Hulk, Captain America, and Thor will hold the line on the ground. Iron Man and Sersi will give air cover. Agent Zhukova, Doctor Estivez, and Lt Ramskov, try to stay in the back! Rage asks what he should do and Cap asks him to be a mobile reserve and pitch in on whatever front needs additional help.

Cap also reminds everyone that they're visitors here so maybe try not to kill monster people that might just be defending their home.

Which isn't the case. All the monster people are prisoners who were dumped in this dimension because the differing physical laws would neutralize them. But, hey, it's still a good policy, Cap!

Ngh the Unspeakable, leader of the monster exiles, hears Cap's statement and goes ah ha, ethics! That means they're weak and dumb. He decides to capitalize on it by hypnotizing the little fairy lady Xa to 'betray' the monster people and help the Avengers so they'll take her back with them.

Because of how weak and dumb they are for having ethics.

Meanwhile, over at the fight, She-Hulk and Rage make a good team.

They sure do.

Some of the monsters corner Lt Ramskov, Dr Estivez, and Agent Zhukova.

Ramskov: "Get behind me, ladies! I'll protect -- " Dr Estivez: "We intend to do our share of the fighting, Lt. Ramskov!"

That's a good can-do attitude. But I fear that you probably can't do.

Captain America jumps in and kicks some ass and face until he gets put in a bear hug by Gritty looking guy.

But Xa flies in and punches a monster in the eye. Then Iron Man manages to blast Gritty to save Cap.

Xa continues on to help Sersi fight another one of the monster men.

The monster menaces pull back, alarmed that Xa has turned on them.

Captain America: "We are the Avengers, and we thank you for your help!" Sersi: "Just why did you decide to aid us?" Xa: "It was strange... it suddenly felt like the right thing to do! Like a veil -- had been lifted from my eyes!"

And then to definitely sell the ruse that Xa has gone turncoat, Unspeakable Ngh drops a giant rock on her.

It honestly happens so fast that I couldn't help but laugh.

She-Hulk lifts the rock off Xa. The tiny fairy is alive but she needs micro-surgery to survive.

Captain America (with his sleeves missing thanks to a coloring error) says that since the operation on Lt. Ramskov is done, they should return to Earth ASAP to help Xa.

Iron Man points out that Lt. Ramskov will regain his strange energy powers when they return to Earth but since he won't be drugged to the point where he's reenacting his memories, he should be able to learn to control his powers. And use them for good, maybe?

Lt. Ramskov promises he'll use them for good. He also promises that he's a loyal soldier and won't reveal any state secrets so Agent Zhukova doesn't have to shoot him or anything.

Rage decides to make this about him and declares "Ramskov, maybe you and I should team up... we could be the heroes who everybody else doesn't trust!"

You were getting along so well with She-Hulk!

Anyway, Thor and Sersi do the hammerport that they do do and transport the Avengers and guests and Xa back to the good ol' 616.

All according to Ngh's plan. Because he's taken steps to ensure that Xa stays loyal even in another dimension. Dun dun dun.

The Avengers show back up in the tunnels underneath the hospital, right in the middle of news coverage about the Avengers disappearing.

News reporter Fanny Fong: "Late breaking development...! ... We have just witnessed a brilliant flash of light and felt an energy pulse of astounding magnitude! Could it be? Have the Avengers crossed some cosmic barrier back into our presence right here on national television?" Thor: "Verily!" Captain America: "You tell 'em, Thor!"

Fanny Fong asks about the government revoking the Avengers' charter.

That's public knowledge already??

And other reporter asks about Lt. Ramskov.

Captain America tells the news that the Avengers will have a meeting to discuss the charter thing and they're not going to just say things recklessly before that. Duh.

And Cap isn't going to talk for Lt. Ramskov. He's a big boy, he can talk for himself.

Without waiting for Ramskov to say anything, a man lunges out of the crowd with a gun and shouts that Ramskov is a turncoat.

Agent Zhukova jumps in front of him to take the bullet. It was her job to shoot Ramskov if she thought he would leak classified information but he was too much of a good egg for her to go through with it.

And now she's dead.

Thor and Iron Man grab the gunman and take off his face concealing hat, revealing him to have a fucked up face. Ramskov recognizes him as one of the men at Chernobyl who were doing things to the reactor.

He looks fucked up because he went into a reactor that was undergoing meltdown. Even a lead suit can only do so much.

Since Ramskov looks pretty good for a man who absorbed even more radiation than that, the gunman accuses Ramskov of selling out to the West (America) in exchange for the really good medical care.

Listen, guy, sometimes massive radiation exposure gives you superpowers instead of killing you. In Ramskov's case, it tried to do both but then he got a marrow transplant from a hulk.

Diamondback shows up to talk to Cap because she heard he had disappeared and she was worried for him. If you don't read a lot of Captain America comics, Diamonback is kind of Cap's Catwoman. She's technically a villain but she's also the love interest.

She-Hulk and Dr Estivez take off to get Xa medical treatment. While Sersi glares daggers at Diamondback.

Cap doesn't want to do relationship stuff in front of the press and also he sees Rage trying to sneak off and decides to chase after him.

Leaving Diamonback behind to be passive aggressived at by Sersi.

Sersi: "I guess diamonds aren't forever, hmmm?" Diamondback: "Drop dead, you old witch. I'm old enough to know that nothing is forever!" Sersi: "Except, perhaps, for me... and possibly for a certain ever-youthful super-soldier? I can wait forty or fifty years... can you?"

You'd think Sersi wouldn't begrudge Diamonback a relationship with Cap in that case. But women in Avengers. Always love triangling over a dude.

Well, hm. It's not actually that common. It happens a lot to Scarlet Witch and Vision. In both directions, to be fair.

Ramskov is still confronting the gunman. See, he can't spill anything to the West because he doesn't even know anything. So he asks the guy what was so important about what he saw that a man with all the cancer was sent to assassinate him?

Obviously, the guy isn't going to discuss that. Especially not in front of Iron Man, capitalist supreme. So he chomps on a cyanide pill, high roads Ramskov, and then painfully dies.

Cap catches up to Rage at the subway.

Captain America: "I just wanted to tell you that I thought you did real well in that alien dimension! I didn't want you to get the wrong impression..." Rage: "Impression. Yeah... Take a ride out to Brooklyn with me, Mr. Captain America, and I'll tell you all about impressions."

Captain America: "I get it... It must be like getting slapped in the face..." Rage: "No -- it's like getting hit in the face with a brick!"

A lady that is shocked to see a big, black guy in a mask getting on the train is reassured when she sees a big, white guy in a mask getting on the train.

And, yeah, maybe this specific example isn't the best. Captain America is very widely known and Rage started last week. But it's more about a pattern of behavior.

Rage then goes into his origin story.

Normal teenager Elvin was minding his own business, carrying comic books home as normal teenagers do, when someone hit him in the face with a brick.

A group of racist bullies who don't like Elvin being in teir neighborhood and also, plus, he probably stole those comics! He runs away from the brick and bat toting jerks, obviously.

In order to escape, Elvin goes into the very polluted Newtown Creek. Which is bad enough but then some jerks from Fisk Biochem dump toxic chemical X off a bridge, right where Elvin just pulled himself out of the creek.

Elvin stumbles home to his Granny Staples' house where he proceeded to spend days very sick and very bedridden on account of toxic waste.

But then he recovered and got JACKED.

Man, if toxic waste doesn't kill you or give you all the cancers, it sure does do a body good.

Rage: "I realized that nobody could push me around any more! Now I could go back and teach those bullies a lesson they'd never forget! But Granny Staples wasn't hearing any of that!" Flashback Granny Staples: "Listen up, child! You step out of my house with hatred in your heart and your mind set on vengeance, then you had better not come home. You hear me!"

Only god gets to do a vengeance. The Bible says so.

She tells him that god had some special purpose for him and that's why he survived the toxic waste and got swole. And then baked him some cookies.

That is an important part of the origin of Rage, according to Rage. And he would know.

All the superhero pictures in Granny Staples' house are a nice touch. Superheroes, Jesus, and Elvin. Those are her favorite things.

You can see how the thought process went from 'I was saved to do something special' to 'I'll become a superhero!'

Cap has just one question about the story. If Elvin got his powers as a kid, what was he doing for all the years in between then and now.

Rage is a little put out by this question because he thought he explained this. And now he doesn't quite know how to explain it more clearly.

And he doesn't have to!

A man jumps out and tries to murder him with a rocket launcher!

That's a great way to get out of awkward conversations.

Also, Cap deflects the rocket with his shield.

Cap apparently hasn't been spending a lot of time in Brooklyn because he's a little confused that things have escalated to rocket murder.

Captain America: "What was that about? Is this 'business as usual' around here?" Rage: "It's 'business' all right. It's drug business... And that was a business letter from a local mucusball by the name of L.D. 50!"

Said drug dealer runs away, wondering if Kingpin could supply him with anti-tank mines to deal with his Rage issue.

Over in the subplot, Dr Estivez successfully treated Xa. And it seems that she has a healing factor, which kicked in once she was out of the exile dimension. Either way, she'll be right as rain after some rest.

She-Hulk says it's good to see that evil creatures from alternate dimensions can change their ways but Dr Estivez points out that they don't know what she was exiled for. Yeah, Jen, you don't know that she wasn't a political prisoner!

Anyway, as soon as Dr Estivez and She-Hulk leave the room, Xa jumps out of bed and uses her powers to open a portal to the dimension of exile so all of her coworkers and her scary boss can come charging through to Earth.

Ngh the Unspeakable: "Free at last! Free to conquer... Free to revel in evilness for its own sake!!"

Hm. I think, perhaps, Ngh was not a political prisoner. He might just be a dick.

So, next Avengers time: that mess.

Next time on Essential Avengers: Ultron problems. Grim Reaper problems. Tension among the Avengers West Coast team. When it rains, it pours.