The Art of Lying
Every year shortly after Halloween I get the following request: “We need to do my income taxes.” A rational person might reply by stating it’s impossible to do your income taxes for a calendar year that is not yet over. But, this is care giving and rational went out the window day one of taking the job, you know the “job” that you never even applied for, but somehow got?
So you are left with only one choice, a bold face lie that goes something like this : “ Yes we do need to do them and I will get online and file them tomorrow.” Take it one step further and you end up answering emails for 30 minutes , making sure the clicking sound of the keyboard is heard while pretending to be e-filing.
Again, you may ask, what does this have to do with care giving, and again I will answer, everything! Its about preservation and sometimes lying is the only way to keep the balance of both your sanity and the mental well being of the one you care for.
I admit, it sounds awful, but I have experienced this as both an onlooker and a caregiver on the front lines. If you are caring for an elder it is likely you will hear them say things that are clearly wrong - like filing taxes before all your yearly financial information has even transpired. As a rookie I tried to reason with her, as a veteran I realize it calms her to know it’s handled, and by handled I mean...well…. lying about it. In the end, she can go on with her day and I can go on with mine with one less hurdle.
It’s a concept that is hard to digest. I mean after all you were likely told as a child that lying was wrong, as a caregiver however it’s essential and I want to tell you that’s it ok to do so. A decade in there are times I scare myself at how quickly I can come up with those little white lies to appease the one I care for. I’m not harboring national security secrets here, I may just lie about whether or not I used a coupon, if the laundry is done, and when I actually file their taxes. If I told the truth in these moments believe you me, I would add four hours of “work” to an already overloaded care giving schedule.
So for entry number three in Who Takes Care of the Caregiver, I urge you, no I beg you, to not make the caregivers job harder, simply take their lead. If the caregiver is lying, be it by commission or omission, don’t question it and certainly don’t judge, it’s likely there is a very good reason why!
