#larlow

she needs to know somehow they'll make it - whether leigh decides she's straight or gay or anything inbetween

they hold hands as they walk to their kindergarten class.

and that's -

that's nothing. they're five. it's cute.

it's really, really fucking adorable.

but when it's ten years later and she's aching to reach over and lock fingers - that's... that's not cute.

that's not normal.

but god forbid if they were ever really normal.

_____________

harlow's dorm door has a dry erase board on it, probably the work of her roommate as she sure as hell didn't put it there.

she barely checks it, because most of the messages aren't for her or are the twins or riley being an asshole

the occasoinal doodle from leigh will be left, too.

not this week though.

no doodles, no forcing her to watch that dumb adult swim show with her, no soft eyes and coaxing voice 'can-you-please-help-with-my-math-homework'.

she's dating some asshole, an asshole to the highest degree that harlow doesn't even call him by his name

it's just asshole.

she walks back from lunch to grab her books, when she notices "i'm sorry" is all that's written on the board.

the letters are slanted, the tail on the y longer than how most people write it. 

the familiar handwriting on that board would usually leave her smiling, but she finds herself digging her nails in her palm to stop herself from getting mad - or worse, crying.

she wipes it off quickly.

clean slate.

no more leigh.

__________

before all that, there's a day where leigh comes to her dorm after soccer practice.

it's been raining all day and there she is - soaked and standing in her door.

"you're soaked."

"thank you for that insight, harlow, now lemme in, i'm fucking freezing."

and somehow - don't ask her how because she won't be able to explain - both her and leigh are under the covers and leighs still shivering and okay, just this once i'll cheat on my 'don't touch leigh because touching leads to you being weird and.. liking her or something' rule. 

she falls asleep with one arm wrapped around leigh and her head buried in the crook of her neck.

when she wakes up, leigh's gone and only a few droplets of water on the pillow are there to remember the night.

__________

on a weekend where they all go home, harlow's still dating cara.

she wakes up a bit later than everyone else and finds a post-it on her forehead from her sister saying they're all over at aunt kylie's.

she finds leigh in the living room, a bowl of fruit loops in her lap as she watches whatever cartoon she could find.

they make eye contact before harlow finally sits down, their knees just barely touching.

and they don't say anything - while they can hear riley and miles arguing over who ate the last waffle and callum tell them both to shut up and loud conversations everywhere.

they're silent.

leigh's pjs have polar bears on them, and her face is blank, and she's not even laughing at this dumb show about the bluejay and the racoon she watches so often, and her lips are curled down in a frown and she wants to open her mouth, to say something, because even though she's pissed as hell when she's aroundthis leigh it's hard to feel anything but the raw sadness that feels like it could rip you in two.

her mom comes in and asks harlow what she wants to eat, and during the conversation leigh slips out of the room.

________________

they end up in the laundry room at the same time.

"hey."

"hi."

the sound of the machines whirring fills up the silence.

_________________

"what's going on with you and leigh?"

the question has been asked way too much.

she just shrugs, ignoring both her mom and riley giving her looks.

_______________

she needs to know somehow they'll make it - whether leigh decides she's straight or gay or anything inbetween.

"we're best friends forever, right?" she asks when they're the last ones left in class after the bell has rung.

she looks up, looks surprised at the question before she nods.