I have a lot on my mind. but its all going to fast that I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start with the fact that I'm happy, I'm content with the way things are going in my life and I have a very special someone to thank for all that. Life is about quality not quantity and that statement is becoming more and more prevalent to my day to day life. I think of things I want to write about on my tumblr, since it is after all MY blog. but I refrain 99% of the time and just reblog pretty pictures because I don't want to upset anyone. but you know what. fuck it. 

here it goes.

So. lately I've been having extreme large plug envy. I want my ears at least two inches. I want them two inches before I decide to officially sew them up. because thats my main goal. to have them big just so I can have them normal. I couldn't tell you why that is. I feel like so many douchy people have plugs and it annoys me. I feel like people who have plugs in their ears that are my size or smaller, look douchy.. but that doesn't mean I think that all people who stretch their ears are douches. ha. I feel like its a lack of commitment. I don't know. I just don't know.

I follow a lot of modded people on here, and I've noticed that when people take something out or sew it up/let it get smaller, I look upto them more than I do when they have huge plugs in their face. I can respect people who choose to do whatever they want to their body because it is after all, their body, and no one else should really have a say. but I do have an opinion, which I've decided to share here because I don't feel it necessary to go out of my way to share with those who do these/have these mods, directly. 

I've developed this whole 'less is more' mentality with life in general and I've come to realize that it heavily influences the way I look at people who have body modifications. I believe that each and every individual is extremely beautiful regardless of shape size sex gender modifications etc. etc. everyone is special. Since modifications interest me a lot, I like to hear why people get what they do. a common consensus is that it makes those who choose to change their outer appearance feel more comfortable in their own skin, and not for what the outsider looking in would assume, which is to get attention. I don't have plugs in my ears for attention. I just think it looks pretty. I think that heavier mods ='s dedication and dedication ='s passion and what is life without passion? pointless. so I kind of understand it. I mean, I get it for me at least, and my reasoning. 

what I'm mostly confused about is the similarities between them all. I feel like these heavy mods are getting redundant... and maybe thats partially why I want my ears huge, because everyone has plugs these days. and it just isn't as pretty as I felt it was before. unless they're obnoxiously big... in which case it goes back to this preconceived idea that I simply want attention. which I don't. 

but i'm digressing. My point and confusion about all of this, and I guess what peeves me the most is that I'm seeing this like, carbon copy of a modified body. the large labret, philtrum, nostrils, forehead anchor(s), and horns. its a variation of these modifications over and over again. If you're doing it for yourself why not pick something else? I don't know. I don't mean to be offensive, I'm really just curious and I don't get it. 

I guess i'm just a big hypocrite. There was a brief period of time where I considered stretching my philtrum. but I abandoned that idea and realized that bigger holes in my body shouldn't be what makes me accept myself more. blah. 

I just don't know. less is more, and everyone of you is beautiful modded or not. 

the end.

EDIT: fuck it. I honestly don't know. none of this makes a whole lot of sense. basically I'm being a lame hypocritical hater and I think its because I'm bias and was royally fucked over by someone who I at one point held dear to my heart. thank for ruining all beautifully modded people for me (secret name disclosed here). for real doe. I hate that I waste energy hating you.

I hate that I watched this fucking loser of a person do whatever he thought would make him fit in better, make his image more 'out there', to be seen and accepted by other modificated people, all while claiming its what he liked.. .... ha, oh and you're vegan now? hah. thats funny cause every animal we ever had together you had no patience with and treated like shit. you ate meat and couldn't give two shits. but all of the sudden its the fucking cool thing to do and you're on board.

I"m sorry to all of you who have someone like him out there giving the rest of you a bad image. my apologies, sincerely. I need to realize when I'm being judgmental because of my jaded view on the whole situation. it really has nothing to do with modifications at all.