#lardisa

sam doesn’t know what to do about it because they’re not talking about it. he went out to this bar with misa and his friends expecting to wing man some people, maybe misa included for the first time ever, maybe not and then they would leave and get burgers together. that’s decidedly not what happens because sam is sat at a table with nick lardis watching misa honest to god giggle at whatever some mid-twenties douchebag is saying to him. it’s confusing to say the least. there was misa and his girlfriend, then misa and no girlfriend, and now there’s a guy coming onto him and he looks like he wants that to be happening.

misa doesn’t even leave with the guy but he gets his number and now sam feels like he’s stuck on that, how misa just handed over his phone and then cutely waved the guy goodbye. that doesn’t happen, hockey players don’t do that, and yet! he’s thinking about it during the van training camp where misa once tilts his head into the spot between nick lardis’ shoulders, surely that isn’t happening. sam continues thinking about it all the way back in san jose when misa tells him he can’t come out because he’s got a date with alex. who’s alex, sam wants to ask, is this a boy alex, alex could definitely be a boys name, is it a guy? is misa going to suck his dick, is misa going to start dating him and bringing him to wag events?

the next course of action is to figure out what really is going on here, because fixing misa’s helmet for him is one thing, it’s something sam does too, something even luke does. so sam takes it upon himself to come up to lardis after weights, just before showers, and ask, can i watch you and mis fuck? in his head it sounded a bit more normal and grounded, the logical next step in figuring out their relationship dynamic, out loud he kind of sounds like a perv but that’s something sam is willing to live with. lardis gives him a confused once over and asks, does mikey want that? good guy or whatever but he should really know that misa is going to say yes, no question about it. and he’s right there so a little turn and ask, mike, can i watch you and lardo bang? and bam, permission granted.

sam sits in the desk chair in the corner of the room, good view of the bed where lardis and misa are making out against the headboard. it’s a little weird mostly because sam keeps having to wave the holy shit i’m a cuck rn thought away so he can focus on his research. there’s not a lot of talking, not a lot of noise coming out of either of them except for a half moan from misa when lardis presses his thigh to the bed. sam has to stop himself from heckling, even when they finally get on with it and sam gets a full view of misa on all fours as lardis fingers him. misa’s got his head pressed into the pillow but turned to the side so he’s facing sam, not the wall. again, not a lot of talking going on besides some basic you look really good. harder. you ready? fuck, feels good. lardis seems like he’s doing a fine job, stroke game above mediocre, and misa looks like he likes whatever half assed grip lardo’s got in his hair as he thrusts in. sam feels pretty confident that he could do a better job. it seems more like they’re having sex to just have sex, and not like they’re all that into any part of it.

step two of sam’s great plan is to test that theory. he walks up to lardis again, breakfast the next morning, and when luke goes away, he asks can i fuck mis? the same way he reacted before, lardis raises his eyebrows and says if mike wants to sure, that’s chill. he wonders if the misa family’s easygoingness has rubbed off on nick lardis in devastating ways because sam is pretty sure if he was getting misa all to himself, he would be pretty keen on keeping it that way. but, whatever, sam’s gain.

misa agrees pretty readily, and scoots up his bed just waiting. kissing him is really good, sam understands why lardis did it for so long. misa’s so responsive, hands clinging to sam’s shirt, and panting into his mouth, and whining when sam mouths down his throat. it does feel a little sweeter because he’s already being louder, pink in the face too like he’s not trying to be. all of it feels addictive, misa telling sam to hurry up, misa digging his nails into sam’s shoulders, misa spreading his legs when sam prompts. sam’s running his mouth because he can’t help it which means he gets to hear misa and his choked up whiny responses like bro, just— ah, put it in. the irony is not lost on sam that when he does put it in, it’s with misa on his back looking up at him. but misa can be be loud, very loud, and sam gets to see his eyes water, pupils blow, his lip wobble. addictive, very very addictive.

step three is walk right up to nick lardis again and ask can i have your boyfriend? simple plan, simple execution. he doesn’t even feel like he needs to cc mike on this but he’s on the couch next to lardis anyways, it makes it easier when lardis goes uhhh, is this…. mikey, you want that? and misa is wide eyed sitting there with clash still loudly playing on his phone, i mean, yeah. wait, does that mean sam takes over on the rocket league duo because i don’t want that. sam looks back thoughtfully and says there can be contract negotiations.

the whole premise doesn't make any sense. porter martone pining away in philly for misa? yeah, that tracks. misa and spence's weird childhood tension thing? sure. misa actually being in a committed long term relationship with nick lardis is absurd, but apparently that's the world sam lives in. both the misas show up to vancouver with nick lardis standing off to the side, and sam just squints at him. he's soft spoken, a little boring, has a big arm tattoo that sam has heard mike call "kinda sick" genuinely, and that's about all. mike and him bro hug once after hill sprints and sam still can't figure out how this isn't some elaborate prank on him. he sidles up to luke the next morning, the night of which sam previously watched mike and lardis go up to their room without touching once, to ask, so lardo and mike? it's hard to tell if luke is just not a morning person like his brother or if he genuinely thinks sam is an idiot. yeah, they're just not into pda, is all luke gives him.

not into pda feels like an understatement. sam cannot imagine that they even have sex, what would that look like? have they kissed? do they even hold hands? their relationship cannot solely be sustained off of rocket league and working out together. and yet they've been dating, all the way back in juniors when sam didn't think to ask, hey are you in a weird long distance relationship with the world's most boring man? is it because lardis is older, is that what gets misa going? the whole forbidden my older brother's friend thing? it was at the end of the season, only a few games left when sam asked one of this thousand ice breaker questions to fill the car ride to SAP, who was your childhood crush? sam was expecting something like kim possible, or mrs. spence, or some random middle school teacher. instead, misa didn't look up from his phone and said, nick lardis. sam laughed, and then stopped laughing because, you have to be joking. misa, was in fact, not joking. lardo apparently was the guy who taught little misa how to tie his shoes, and walked to school with him, and gave him his old gloves. sam can't get his head around any of it.

the thing is, misa thinks dating lardis is nice, low maintenance. it started when he was sixteen and everyone, mostly his friends back in oakville, kept pestering him about getting a girl which misa didn't want to do. it didn't make a lot of sense, he was in saginaw most of the time, and when he wasn't at practice or doing school work, he just wanted boot up his pc and fuck around, so not a lot of time for dates. and then nick lardis had gotten a tattoo which wasn't exactly related to misa's problem but it was cool, and seemed very important to sixteen year old misa at the time. it'd been a vaguely easy idea, him and lardo started going out and people stopped bothering the both of them. dates didn't matter because they always worked out together, and played video games, and made sure to see each other when their teams were against one another. all easy. misa doesn't really care that they've been dating for three years now, they just aren't that serious, they're easy. if lardis came up to him and said let's end things, it would be sad but more so because he might not want to do things together anymore. when misa says stuff like this out loud, zayne says he's insane and needs to date someone he's actually into, which is bullshit. misa is into lardis. he likes the tattoos, and his hockey, and his face, and that he's soft spoken and doesn't mind sitting in silence, and everything else. zayne says he can't settle into a mediocre marriage at nineteen but what does that guy know?

they may not be pda heavy but it's not like they don't touch. there's a photo of lardis kissing misa on the cheek while he holds up his diploma, and another of lardis holding his hand through a river luke wanted to look for rocks in during the summer before misa's rookie year. and the sex is fine. misa greatly appreciates that dating someone for so long means they know you well enough to hit all the right notes and be simply into the act of wanting you to have a good time. misa can roll over on the bed and go, do you wanna have sex? and lardo will say, yeah, give me a second. and similarly, lardis will pull misa's headphones off him and ask can you blow me after this round? and then that's what they do. he doesn't understand why sam seems so weirded out by their relationship. it's a lot of questions all the way up the grouse grind. have you said i love you? yes. have you had sex? obviously, dude. is it any good? it's cool. does cool mean really bad or just fine, is he not giving it to you good? shut up. do you guys go on dates? we play rocket league. does your mom like him? yeah, of course. does his mom like you? yes. who asked who out? i don't remember. what do you do for anniversaries? he bought me new shin pads last year. do you even like him? what the fuck, yes.

and i’m not quite well-versed in the micheal misa harem pre-sharks (besides whatever i learn about the ghost haunting the narrative: spence) but it would be funnier if they all wait for the post season to flock to misa and sam has a vein popping out from his forehead because what the fuck, micheal

genuinely estatic to see the dead best friend malcolm spence agenda infecting the community, it’s very near and dear to my heart. and you bring up some GREAT points here

sam really did expect post-season post-worlds that he was going to come back to toronto and have the misa filled summer of his dreams. he didn’t even really think there was another option because during the season it’s hard enough to drag misa out and about, sam assumes he’s only going to be more available when games and practice and media stuff isn’t taking up most of his time. except sam lands back in toronto and misa is apparently booked and busy for the rest of the damn summer.

at first it’s all the oakville stuff, seeing his family and training with lardis and luke. makes enough sense and sam keeps his indignation mostly to himself. then it’s zayne taking him out for drinks and bowling and concerts, and with spence back from college it’s like misa is never goddamn available. sam should not be fighting what seems like the entirety of the gta hockey guys society just to get lunch with misa. sam has his own damn friends but he doesn’t really give a shit about the fact he too could be busy when he sees misa smiling awkwardly on porter martone’s finsta.

they still see each other because sam is going to get his allotted misa time even if he has to embarrass himself in the process. misa is in toronto a fair amount anyways, wether he’s there to see sam only or a thousand other guys, is not important. but people like zayne, and spence, and lardis, and porter, don’t have the privilege to hook their chin over misa’s shoulder and say just cancel on him, you’re busy. it would be a lot more pathetic of sam if misa didn’t always agree. still, it’s hard to really capitalize on this because misa doesn’t exactly inform sam of all his plans, just texts him back srry im busy and then sam has to contemplate abusing his shared location privileges.

the van training camp is good though, almost pure sam and misa time whenever sam wants it. again, except for the fact nick lardis is there. sam didn’t even really think of nick lardis as competition because frankly, the guy is kind of boring. the fact misa was hanging out with him in oakville was just because he was in oakville and they grew up together, sam was so sure of that until he pops up in van. lardis keeps neatly to himself until the second night where sam looks up from his phone and finds him with his arm over mike’s shoulders. sam can almost ignore it except day three features lardis getting a pr on his sprints and misa noisly smacking a kiss on his cheek for it.

sam knows the stupid first kiss story and he still doesn’t find any of this funny. he understands the zayne of it all, misa’s best friend that has a large claim over his life, and spence, childhood tension, and even porter which no matter how much the guy wants it, is never going to happen. probably. sam’s a little shaky on that now because nick lardis is throwing a wrench in the plans here. he’s supposed to be the nothing important going on guy, sort of out of touch and in touch, boring guy. except he’s clearly not that because there’s about a two second delay when misa is about to get on the boat and sam is distracted by the sun in his eyes where nick lardis swoops in and holds misa’s hand as he gets on. it’s a pro move, is what sam is thinking, mostly because he didn’t even think to do that. how many brief hand hold seconds does sam need to catch up on?