#lanst

Smiling is the best way to face every problem, to crush every fear and to hide every pain.

Lance wakes up the same way he always does.  Alone.  And while he always pretended it was the alien girls he wished to wake up with, he knew it was more than that.  Or maybe it was less than that?  He just wanted to wake up to someone again.  He felt so repetitive, missing the same family, the same sunset, the same ocean and the same boring rain.  But every day that he wakes up in space, millions and billions of miles from Earth, Lance realizes his longing is the only thing that has remained constant.

The others have all improved.  The others have goals and desires.  But, Lance doesn’t have a goal in mind.  He cleans his face, knowing that it hasn’t really gotten dirty.  It’s not like there’s dust all over.  Or dirt.  But the reason he cleans his face isn’t so much because he’s worried it will be dirty as much as it is, he wants to be able to wipe something clean every day.  He wants to pretend each day isn’t such a challenge.  So, he washes his fears away.  

Letting the others see that fearful face isn’t something Lance will let happen easily.  Even when he had protected Corran from the explosion and Lance was certain he was going to die, he hadn’t let it show.  He couldn’t let it show.  In everyone else’s eyes, he was the jokester.  Lance couldn’t be afraid now.  Not now, not ever.

So, as with every other morning, he would get dressed and ready before heading out to have his breakfast.  Hunk would usually already be there, either eating or cooking.  Either way, his friend would usually greet him boisterously before returning to his food.  Sometimes he would run into his hero and they would share a couple of calm words before continuing on their way.  Corran had become a pretty good friend already, in his...very Corran way.  So they would sometimes talk and joke around while sharing a meal.  On the rarer occasion that Allura happened to be in the kitchen, Lance would sling some sort of flirtatious line, knowing full well it would annoy her.

But this particular morning wasn’t like the rest.  On this day, his rival sat at the table, quiet - as if he was anything but - but somehow still frustrating.  Keith was always one step ahead of him as far as being a pilot, a paladin, a soldier, a….well, basically anything but being silly.  The red paladin had been so upset that Lance couldn’t remember their “bonding moment” as he recalled it.  Maybe one day he would admit he could remember it.

“Morning Mullet.”  Lance grins with his devilish greeting before filling his plate with the goo he’d learned to appreciate.

“Good Morning, Lance.”  He responds in his calmly irritated voice as he seems to try to hurry and finish the rest of his meal.  Not looking in Lance’s direction, Keith waits for whatever annoying scheme Lance would come up with to bother him.  But Lance doesn’t say anything.  

Finally, Keith can’t take the unusual silence, so he looks up to see Lance standing over his plate of food, staring out one of the castle windows into the galaxy outside.  Keith quickly looks to see what he’s looking at, but doesn’t spy anything out of the ordinary.  So he squints his eyes and looks back to Lance curiously.

“What are you looking at?”  

“Nothing.”  Lance responds quietly before snapping out of his trance and turning to Keith with a smile.  “Just not all the way awake yet, you know?”  He sits down at the opposite end of the table and props his feet up as he eats.  “Not all of us can be as perfect as you.”

“I’m not perfect?”  Keith responds with his eyebrows furrowed.  “I’m pretty sure no one’s ever said that.”  He grumbles before putting down his silverware and sitting back in his chair.

“Suuure.”  Lance says obnoxiously.  “Just the best pilot, an amazing fighter, dedicated, smart...but yeah.  You’re right.  Not perfect.”  But when Lance turns back to face Keith, it’s not the normal grumpy Keith he sees.  It’s fear.  It’s worry.  It’s all the emotions he knows so well, staring back at him.  Swallowing his pride and trying to remind himself that Keith isn’t actually his rival, Lance sits down and smiles.  “What’s on your mind, buddy?”

“Really Lance?”  Keith just looks up to him angrily.  “I don’t feel like talking.”  He turns away, gripping the dagger Lance had noticed once or twice before.  In silence, Lance watches Keith and can feel the emotion radiating off of him.  The feelings Keith are struggling to come to terms with are ones Lance has struggled to grasp since their first day in space.

“Fine.  But hear me out at least.”  Lance says sternly to which Keith just groans.  He fidgets in his seat a bit, not sure why he’s going to share this with Keith of all people.  “Back at home, when I was lying or trying to hide something, someone would call me out.”  He scratches the back of his neck, not really looking up at Keith.  “Secrets are bad and just a waste of energy, is what abuelita always said.”  He finally looks back up to Keith.  “So...stop wasting energy and just...talk to me, ok?”  

For a while, neither says a word.  Keith simply looks up to Lance, sort of shocked that the loud mouth goofball has said something so...serious?  But finally, Keith sighs and looks back to Lance.  

“Finding out I was part Galra has been...not so great?”  He says finally.

Lance nods and takes a deep breath.  He sits down beside Keith and nods.  “I’m here for you, man.”  Lance says.  “And I mean, yeah, I know we’re all in this together or whatever, but I mean it.”  He smiles at Keith.

“But doesn’t it bother you?”

“What, having a Keith on our team?”  Lance smiles.  “Sure.  It’s pretty annoying to always be one upped.”

“That’s not-”

“Ooohhh having to look at your mullet everyday?  Yeah that gets pretty old too.”

“Lance I’m not joking around!”

“Neither am I.’  Lance smiles.  “You haven’t changed overnight.  You’re still the same Keith you were back on Earth.”  He sighs.  

Keith is taken aback.  He knew this, obviously, but of all of the paladins, he wouldn’t have expected Lance of all of them to be so understanding.  Arms still crossed, he squints one eye at Lance before speaking.  “Why are you being so nice?”

“I-!”  Lance starts then cuts himself off nervously.  “No reason really.”  He rubs the back of his neck before bowing his head.  “It’s just…”  Swallowing hard, Lance starts to dramatically explain his thoughts almost as much with his hands as with his words.  “I grew up in Cuba, right?  But I went to school the same place as the rest of you.  That wasn’t easy either ok?  And sure, I wasn’t a real alien, I was sure made to feel like one.  Grew up teaching myself to hide my accent so it wouldn’t be so obvious.  Heard all the whispers of people assuming I was second rate.”  He stops himself by shaking his head and making two tight fists.  “I guess what I’m saying is while I don’t actually know what you’re feeling, I kinda get it?”

“Thanks Lance.”  Keith says after a few minutes of silence.  When they make eye contact, Keith is smiling.  Sure, it was nothing to write home about, but to Lance, it was as if his whole world had stopped.  He did it.  He made Keith smile.  Not one of those annoyed smiles either.  

“No problem, buddy.”  Lance rubs the back of his head.  “I’m here for you anytime.”  He then points toward him dramatically.  “But don’t think for one second that changes anything about one upping you!”  Lance raises an eyebrow at Keith which gets a small laugh out of the previously distraught teen.

“Yeah, yeah.”  Keith holds out his hand and for a second, Lance just stares at it.  Realizing what Keith was trying to do, Lance knocks the hand away and gives him a hug instead.  “Uh, Lance?”

“Yeah?”  

“What are you doing?”  Keith ask plainly.  

“Hugging you, obviously.”  Lance pulls back then smiles.  “You’ve had a lot on your mind.  Hugs help.”  He finishes his food finally.  “But really, I’ll be here if you need to talk again, ok?  Don’t feel like you have to keep everything to yourself.”

Hypocrite

“Thanks.”  Keith nods.  “Really.”  Then he walks away toward...wherever Keith goes on freedays.

Journal Date: Not important I...hugged Keith?!  What was I thinking?!