Fuck abled people for never giving me access to my own community. sometimes when I'm taking ASL classes I just break down and cry because I shouldn't be there. I'm there, Deaf in a class of hearing people, learning the language that should have been taught to me the moment I failed an audiogram but they never did they never taught me because I still had "enough hearing to go without language supports" and now I'm trying to catch up. I don't know my language, my community, my culture. I'm learning it all secondhand when I should have been part of it from the beginning and it makes me cry because I've been so robbed. I live next to the state Deaf school and my favorite restaurant sits across from it and I always sit at the table with the window looking out at it and I cry because I have no memory of Deaf school I had no Deaf friends in childhood no connection to any Deaf people I was mainstreamed when Deaf school was just out of my reach if my parents had just chosen to enroll me there, if they had just put in the little bit of effort to give me access to my own community. in the Deaf community I feel more like a hearing person trying not to step on the toes of Deaf people than an actual Deaf person. I should feel like I'm coming home and sometimes I do but most of the time I just feel like foreigner.
I’m sending you a virtual hug. And I want you to know that you are not alone. Your story is actually the norm for Deaf kids of hearing parents, which is a sad reality, and my own life story. I too had to learn ASL in college with hearing people (75% just thought it was a fun secret language to fill their gen ed requirements).
You can get there. It will suck, but keep pushing. 🤟🏽
