Mar 20, 2021
pt2
please dni unless youre nixx, this is a pretty sensitive rant for me. tw: loneliness and betrayal and self doubt and insecurities and friends leaving you and me bullying someone and me fat shaming someone and lots and lots of bragging so get out before i hurt you too.
#im considered pretty acc to the standards here. i think im pretty too. im smart. i have an iq of 129 at the age of 16. which is remarkable.#ive never told anyone from school tho. theyd laugh at me because of the grades i get.#im charming. im disciplined. i listen to my mom without a word. im funny (pretty sure ive lost it tho. havent talked to people my age in so#we have strong political connections. were relatives of the ruling party here in my state. we know the cm.#im of noble birth. pureblood. my grandfather was the founder and co-head of his village. my other grandfather owns like 100's of acres of#land.#idk basically you get the point. ever since i was a kid#most people either stayed away from me or would follow me around. no in between. in 5th when i moved to a school#that didnt care about all this shiet. i met nice people. i had fun. temporary friends tho.#6th grade i had 2 best friends whod treat me like i was beneath them.#there was this one girl in our class who was...big. we'd call her fat many times behind her back. all 3 of us. yet when she found out...they#threw me under the bus. said i was the only one and they were forced to go along with it. and i agreed. i didnt bring up their names. becaus#theyre my bestfriends right? the least i could do was take the blame for them so theyd be happy. the girl left school hating me.#i really really wanted to switch sections. i never told anyone but i requested my teacher to add me to the list o trouble students being#shuffled that year. i wanted to leave that class. i couldnt bear 15 girls looking at me like i was the reason why the girl left the school.#like i was the one at fault. i wanted to escape. thankfully i was put in your section. nixx. i was so happy. i cried on the ptm day.#yes i knew not more than 4 people from your class but new people means new beginnings right. i was happy you let me into your little squad.#you guys looked so happy and so close to each other. i wanted that so bad. the way you had inside jokes and the same sense of humour.#i never found any of yours. aan's. josh's. or shem's jokes to be funny. they were so so lame. but id force myself to laugh with you guys#because why would you want to be friends with someone who wont laugh to the same jokes. that was also the same year i started liking#V (im so sorry taetae pls let me borrow your stage name to refer to him. i dont have any other name that sounds right).#so eventually i told you guys. you thought he was horrible. he was a bully. idk why i liked him. maybe because i was told early on that im#only allowed to marry a pureblood. arranged yes but i ignored that part. ok so he was a pureblood. and he looked kind of okay. better than#most of the other guys i knew. so i had a crush on him. someone told me to confess. confess? it was new but exciting. so i told him one day.#and he walked off. i didnt understand. waited for the end of the day to confront him again. he said we could date. next day said he cant.#eavesdropped on his friends talking to each other. apparently he said no because i was ugly (i was at that time. i didnt have braces and my#teeth were like rabbit teeth. they were big and my messed up the shape of my mouth. also had these white spots on my cheeks cuz of puberty)#he even told me to get braces once. on my face. said 'hey you know you need braces right' and i said yea haha ik ill get them.#then proceeded to go home and beg my parents for braces. yes nixx. this is how i got my braces. my dad was against it. he said i was pretty#just as i am and said no. but i got braces. i pursued him for 4 years. boy rejecting me didnt get into my head. followed him like a dog for
