#ladytree

Lady: What do you think, Birdie?

Lord: I submit that since my daughters have seldom seen fit to obey me, it is scarcely conceivable that they would give any such undertaking to these, ah… …ah, young men.

Vicar: Quite. Quite. (exiting) Then it is agreed that we omit the word?

Lord: (upon exiting) Quite. Quite.

Lady: Oh my dear Reggie, I’m distracted. This wedding rehearsal has turned the whole house upside down. I went into poor Birdie’s dressing room just now, and they’ve taken off everything except his drawers.

Reggie: I beg your pardon?

Lady: I mean taken away the furniture to put in a bed.

Reggie: Oh, huh.

Lady: I mean to put a bed in.

Reggie: Oh, yes.

Lady: …and my bedroom’s full of men in green beige aprons, and long hairs on their arms. Long blooms in their hair. Oh, I do hope they’ll be happy.

Reggie: Who? The men with the green beige hair?

Lady: No, the twins.

Reggie: Oh, yes.

Lady: Well, it’s such a lottery. It’s as though everybody could be sure of marrying an Irish sweep.

Reggie: No, well you must try to be an optimist.

Lady: I went to one last week. He said my eyes are perfectly alright.

Reggie: Yes, not an occulist, dear, an optimist.

Lady: hmmm, ‘course, yes… …Reggie, (demurely) what is that exactly?

Reggie: An optimist is a fellow who doesn’t care what happens, as long as it doesn’t.

Lady: I see… …Well, that is a help… …so, if it did, it wouldn’t?…

Reggie: No…

Lady: …would it?

Reggie: …No, not if it could. I should think.

Lady: …no… (chuckles)…

The Wedding Rehearsal (Alexander Korda, British, 1932)

Roland Young, Reggie Buckley Candysshe - Marquis of Buckminster

George Grossmith, Jr., Birdy Roxbury - Earl of Stokeshire

Lady Tree (born Helen Maud Holt, known professionally as Mrs. Beerbohm Tree, later as Lady Tree), Mrs. Susan Wroxbury - Countess of Stokeshire

Found nothing on the Vicar.

Written by: Lajos Biró, George Grossmith, Jr., Helen Gardom, Arthur Wimperis (dialogue) (Sir) Robert Vansittart.