Apr 30, 2017
Living contrary to His word comanding love - utter denial. D W Eldred
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Living contrary to His word comanding love - utter denial. D W Eldred
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Disregarding....
Why does it feel like shit when you go out on a few dates with a guy... and then, because there isn't anything there, he says he just wants to be friends. Like I knew it wasn't there... but it still made me feel a little sad.
Ghosts at the table
Birthday sunshine on my back Necessities none do I lack Food and shelter and a bed to sleep And a working brain, memories to keep
Memories of a long lived life Lots of trauma, pain and strife Necessities not lacking, only love Compassion, nurture, it has been tough
Seen as intelligent ‘Surely you will manage’ That has done a raft of damage ‘Look to yourself to fulfil all your needs Don’t ask for help from those that you see’
Who live with you and near you and eat at the table The intentions are there but neither of your families are stable It’s a facade, an apparition, the table’s not real They are ghosts at the table and they don’t know how to feel
146-152pm June 2015 My birthday
‘I don’t know…Maybe I’m just selfish , I don’t want to share attention. I want to be number 1’. She stared at her sister’s face as she drove them home. A face much like her own, but not as revealing to it’s thoughts. 'I know you love me but you aren’t the affectionate type. And Lord knows our home isn’t loving either… See that’s benefit of a boyfriend , it’s stable (kinda)… And they gotta put aside time for you in a way that only you get. Does sound that crazy?’ She asked her. ’ Kinda’ She said nothing in response. Her biggest fear was to be unreasonable ; to be abnormal , and lacking in something that everyone else understood. 'But is it really selfish?’,She pondered, 'is it selfish to want to be number 1 to someone, when I always put people first. It’s a crappy feeling and I’m trying my best to get rid of it… guess I’m gonna give myself attention. I don’t know how …I’m new to self love but it’s all that I can control. I can’t make them choose me. But I can make sure I do’. And with that she gave her older sister small smile, and went back to staring out the window as the sun set.
Number 1 /excerpt from a story I’ll never write *10 ( @metaphoricalwords ) May 2016 ©
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Opposite Sides of An Extreme Spectrum
We are on opposite sides of an extreme spectrum Your loved ones lack love in all the right places My loved ones love too much in all the wrong ways You feel the loneliness of a bird in the wild I feel the suffocation of a bird in a cage You wish your flock would just come and find you I wish I could fly without feeling these chains I wonder what it feels like to be so alone that your only means of support are the bones inside of you You wonder what if feels like to be so crowded that your thoughts become intertwined with the lovers around you. Teach me how you love with no love in return I will teach you how to grow with too many roots in the soils of your earth Maybe the grass isn't always greener where you water it Maybe it's just greener where the ground opens up to let rain in Maybe it's just greener where the sun shines a little more Maybe it's just greener where the weeds don't grow Maybe we just need to learn how to plant our seeds in fertile soil So that when Spring arrives, the flowers that bloom feel loved and alive. Not alone or suffocated.Â
I just want to sit like an old married couple with you and watch TV shows and talk and laugh and have fun and you to like me back and just UGH
Im just feeling too much.
Dead.