Hmm, nyes, hello. I understand you have a little dating agency. I run a similar establishment; maybe you’ve heard of it? The only downside is, what with giving out all the best candidates to others, I rarely have the chance to meet anyone myself. So let’s see what you have for me.
1. The three traits I look for in a partner are kindness, stability and they must be DEVILISHLY handsome
2. Two places I like to go on dates? Well, one simply can’t go past a nine-course degustation bracketed with paired aperitifs. That, or an evening digging in the muck at the old junkyard, the dulcet tones of rats scrabbling all around under a gorgeous miasma of rot
3. My favourite emojis? 🦐🥸🥚
4. There are only two things I’m afraid of. First, the gnawing sense of inevitable meaninglessness brought about in moments of ennui when remembering with a crawling sort of understanding that we are all ultimately ephemeral sacks of electrical meat existing by pure chance alone and nothing we as a race of bipedal monkeys produce or destroy will matter in the eventual age of black holes in 40 < n < 100 wherein the dying universe eats itself and any remaining particles of matter are annihilated one by one until all that’s left is a void of nothingness. Second, Kevin Bacon.
(lakskakans don’t fkn ask why this semi-turned into a maul rp LOL pls make it a good one for me bb x)
After running your application through our Award Winning™️ patent pending process, we've matched you with:
K̴̯̱̉ą̵̀̂r̷͚̓̃̄d̶̡͙̫̈u̸͙͂̈̕e̵͓̙̜͑̍̅'̴̟̗̾̒s̴͓̙͊͂ạ̴͕͍͂͘̚i̵̲̍̓'̸̹̝̤̿M̵̨̭͕̾̓ȁ̸͇̈́́l̴̼̼̩̅̕͠ļ̵̃o̴̝̮͉͒c̵̞͆
Kardue'sai'Malloc is one handsome Devaronian. As a former army captain on the run due to his deadly crimes, the two of you can anguish over your existential fears in shared romantic bliss as you help Kardue'sai'Malloc (or Labria, the name he might prefer we give to you) evade capture. He's one of the galaxy's highest bounties after all! Very sexy. Your first date will be a romantic shared charcuterie board served on the lid of a trashcan that Labria painstakingly dug through to procure your meal. The glow of the back alley lights will set the mood perfectly as he regales you with tales of his past war crimes.
